FLASHPOINT

"One more entry in a diary self-penned..."

2007-04-07T13:21:00.000+01:00

Hello all.
Just this morning I have finally been reconnected to the internet, hurrah!

While I've been absent though I've realised that this particular blog has run it's course. It's not really appropriate anymore & it's time for a change. For instance, the name Dream Girl just doesn't suit anymore as I have been completely over her for some time now.
No, really I have.

Blimey there has been so much going on here in my world that you wouldn't believe it.
Guess you'll have to check out my new blog if you wanna find out all that's occuring.

"I am walking through Rome..."

2007-01-28T13:44:00.000Z

Greetings!

Here's the deal folks; I'm not going to be around much in Blogland for a little while. I have no internet access at home at the moment & the bastards at work have now blocked any site containing the word "Blog". It sucks.
Apologies to anyone who may have mailed me recently.

In the meantime though, don't forget I'm still soliciting for the artwork for my forthcoming album; "Backlash". Go on, you know you want to!

Right this minute I am in Italy. In Rome to be more prescise. My extremely lovely girlfriend has whisked me away for the weekend. We are having a wonderful time & it's all beautiful.
Today may well be the best birthday I've ever had.

That's it for me then, be well my lovlies & I hope my absence isn't too long.

Ciao
x

"I would love to go back to the old house but I never will..."

2007-01-04T21:00:00.000Z

Fucking Pixies!!!!!

There I was, on my way back from the pub after a few sherberts, when I was accosted by a bunch of bloody pixies...
"Oi you lot!" I said "Our business is done, be off with you & leave me alone"
They looked at me, all stonyfaced.
"What?!" I asked as I started to swerve my way up to my building. They didn't answer but kept following me, buzzing around my feet like, erm, little foot buzzing things.
As I fumbled about for my keys upon arrival at my front door one of my pixie "friends" cleared their throat in a very theatrical manner.
I looked down to see him nodding towards the back wheel of the Flashmobile.
"ooh fuck" I exclaimed as I spied the flattened remains of a pixie squishing out from under my tyre.
"Now then Mr. Flash you see how we have a problem here?"
"Hmmm"
Bearing in mind I was perhaps a tad tipsy my following course of action was, at best, ill-advised.
I started with the ringleader, kicking him square in the nuts & smirking a little as he flew threw the chilly night air clutching at his crotch. I got another 3 of them before the remaining 43 pixies wrestled me to the ground. The last thing I remember is being forcefed some kind of potion & being dragged off in the direction of the country park.

I awoke shivering & damp the next morning, at first I was extremely disoriented but in time I got my bearings & realised I was on the canal path in nearby Crapvillage.
And I was in the dock!
Of the Pixie high court!!
On the morning of Xmas eve!!!
What was I to do?
I did what any loving father would when faced with the thought of not being around his offspring over Xmas...
That's right I slaughtered them all with my superior strength & intellect.
I mean, fancy holding legal proceedings with a virtual giant next to a waterway when none of you can swim, Dur!!
The whole episode did leave me in a bit of a state though & it's took until today for my hands to stop shaking enough for me to be able to to type.
I tell you people, Pixies are not to be trifled with! Honest!!!

Well, other than that, the whole Christams & new year malarkey went swimmingly here in Flashland. I shan't expand but it was all good!

Today I saw something that made me very sad. Something that made me go home, get my camera & take some pictures (which isn't that much of a big deal when you consider that the cream coloured building on the left of the picture is my building).
What you see here is The Limes.
Or more accurately, The Limes being demolished.
18 & a half years ago, I moved into that building. It was my very first home of my own.
Initially I lived on the (already demolished) top floor in room No.21. It was a very small oblong bedsit but it was my very small oblong bedsit.
A couple of months later I moved down into No.19. That's my old window, the middle one of the 3 first floor windows.
The building has so many memories for me. Many of them very good. I spent most of being 18 to 21 in that building. At various points in that time all of the Crapsville 4 lived there too. Reckless lived at the back of the building for a while. We were linked by a rickety fire escape & used to have feasts of toast & thickly spread St Ivel Gold in his room. FunnyDance lived directly below me for a while just before he started impregnating ladies for a living & MarriedAProperBitch lived in the biggest of all the rooms (typically him) which is the third window on the first floor.
Such memories...
My only threesome took place in No.21 (2 guys & 1 girl, I'm still in the market for the other configuration. E-mail address is on my profile, girls), my first ever listen to "Violator" happened there, I actually got a girl into my bed within 20 minutes of talking to her from my window (I kid you not!), I accidentally smashed the talking alarm clock that Reckless had bought for me by knocking it off my telly & out of the window, the same window that got smashed by an over zealous co-worker trying to rouse me from my pit at 5am. I actually acquired the name Flash whilst living at the Limes. I took part in a seance, in numerous games of monopoly with various different Limes dwellers & even had at least one very memorable night of sex with Monochrome Baby in the place.
To be honest I'm just scratching the surface.
I'm sure though, that anyone reading this will understand the sadness of seeing this personally historic building being reduced to rubble.

The Limes, I salute you.

"If I only knew the answer, I wouldn't be bothering you"

2006-12-17T18:13:00.000Z

Evening all!

Are we all ready for Christmas then?
Well, I'm not. Due to my perilous financial situation I have been unable to buy any presents at all thus far. Nish. Nada. Zip.
This Friday sees my quarterly bonus turn up in my malnourished bank account, so Friday & Saturday will be a blur of last minute gift-getting. Excited? No. Scared? A tad.

So far I have received one potential CD cover for "Backlash" &, by crikey, it's very good. I hope you haven't all forgotten about that. I shall naturally be reminding you at regular intervals.
Whilst on about my new album, I find myself writing more songs than is good for me. Though I'm very taken with my latest effort. It's only partially written at this point but it contains one of my best lines ever. Of course you'll have to wait for it.

Now then, I have every intention of hosting the annual Flashy awards later in the week. And I'd like suggestions &/or ideas for how I can spice up this years ceremony. Last year I had that little kitten Charby co-hosting with me plus a red carpet for all the guests to show off their finery. Should I have a co-host this year? If so, who?
Also I would very much welcome any ideas you may have for a new award or two. Go on you know you want to.
I am having an extreme amount of trouble deciding on the winner of one particular award. It's even worse than last year's Hard-fi or Maximo Park conundrum. So I ask you, oh dear reader type person, is it acceptable to have joint winners in one of the most prestigious catogories?
Well, is it?

So I saw "Casino Royale" during the week. I thought it was very, very good. I also thought that Daniel Craig was an excellent Bond. I believe ST was talking about this the other day but I grew up on Roger Moore & Sean Connery, who I personally thought were ace. Both of 'em. I actually liked George Lazenby too, for what it's worth.
I was a huge Bond fan as a kid. My Dad would always take me to the flicks to see the films & they are very fond memories. In addition to that, the movies were always on the telly back then, before the days of videos & multi-channel TV.
From the age of about 16 onwards I pretty much gave up on 007. I have since seen a few of them since "A view to a kill" (surely the best Bond theme, no?) but I never thought much of either Timothy Dalton or Pierce Brosnan. Daniel Craig, however, struck me as a very believable James Bond. So praise to him.
I watched the film at home on a copied DVD. I really don't like to do that, the quality is usually pretty shitty & I've found it really has hampered my enjoyment of several films in the past. Needs must though & the net result is that I got to see the film I really wanted to see.
I humbly apologise to the film industry in general & I promise not to do it again (unless I have to).

Is it wrong of me to want to have some sort of ruck one evening just so I can title a post with "Last night I had a little altercation..."?

Can anybody possibly offer an explanation as to how Samuel L Jackson has just been touching my ear while I was in the bath?

FunnyDance has been in town for a few days. He's hung out here at Flash Towers for three evening's this last week, which has been quite smashing.

Anyway, I really haven't got much of note to say today but I wanted to show my face.
So let's have your thoughts on the Flashys.
What you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting, what you waiting foooooo-ooor?

"She takes her clothes off, one by one..."

2006-12-13T17:28:00.000Z

Greetings!
So I had a smashing night out with the guys on Friday. We had a couple of beers then an Indian, then some more beer & then we went to Urban Tiger; Northampton's only Lapdancing emporium.
Now lapdancing has been mentioned a couple of times in Blogland lately, so I thought I'd give you my views on the subject.
I like it.
Shocked? Of course not.
Now I do consider myself to be a fairly switched on 21st century sort of man, but I am indeed a man. And I'm a man who loves women. (Even though half of 'em are mentalists!) And I like looking at women, & when those women are scantily clad or naked, I enjoy looking at them even more. Strange? I do hope not.
Do I think the girls are being exploited? I don't think they are. I don't think it's the same ball game as street prostitution, where many girls work out of a great need or are even forced into it. I feel the lapdancers have made an informed choice. A choice that, I have to confess, would not be difficult for me to make were I a lady in possesion of the right "crudentials". I actually got chatting to one of the girls in a very normal manner. She was 23 & she drove from Lincoln (Some 60 or 70 miles) twice a week to work at Urban Tiger. She told me that she earns a reasonable amount of money which is helping to fund her gap year. She also told me that she loves being on the stage & doing her thing. She said it makes her feel good. Fair play to her.
I had a private dance whilst there, funded by TheStoryteller. I very much enjoyed the experience. I found it to be exciting & fun. Harmless fun.
Some of my mates had to go back home & lie about where they had been. They had my sympathy & understanding. I had similar issues with Temper Tantrum & it wouldn't be worth the inevitable shit-storm to mention it. So I'd lie, like they did. Of course, these days I don't have that kind of worry. My rather smashing girlfriend was pleased that I had gone out & enjoyed myself. It's so lovely not to be worrying about covering my tracks. It's the way it should be.

I did strange celebrity looky-likey thing.
Hugh Jackman-Good
Jeb Bush-Bad
Victoria Principal-What?

I have to be at work again at 1am (Don't ask) so I had a little spliff to help me have that rarest of beasts; an afternoon nap. The side effects of said smoke are that I seem to be waffling a bit.
So I'm just gonna bugger off the bed.

"We only want to get drunk"

2006-12-08T17:59:00.000Z

This year my company are not having a christmas party. That sucks, eh?
So, tonight is going to be the closest I get to one. In just over half an hour, I shall be meeting Crisp Fiend down at 'spoons & shortly after that the Silver Fox will drive us over to Northampton where we will meet the other two members of the lab team; DelusionsOfGrandeur & AnotherForestFool. And our genial host, who is our rep from the company who supply all our process chemicals. He's a good old boy who I shall name The Storyteller.
Bless him, he takes us out every year for crimbo. Last year was bowling, the year before that dog racing.
The most wonderous thing about tonight is that, theoretically, I should need to part with very little of my own money. Thank crikey for that eh?

Tonight's itinery goes something like this; Pub, meal, lapdancing, club.
Nice!
I forsee myself getting royally bladdered.
That's what christmas do's are all about, no?

Let's 'ave it!

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!"

2006-12-06T19:02:00.000Z

My blood is boiling.
What the fuck was I thinking all those years ago when I agreed to marry that vile, wretched bitch?

My son is ill at the moment, he suffers from Asthma. He hasn't been troubled by it for some time, but it's flared up pretty bad. His mother took him to the doctors this afternoon; he's been given some stronger medication & if that hasn't helped it settle down by the end of tonight then he may have to go into hospital.
I looked after him this morning at mine & though he's wheezing & coughing a lot, he remains in reasonably high spirits.

As my hideous ex-wife was telling me all that an hour or so ago, she also slotted in that because I smoke it's "willful neglect & abuse". Now, before I go any further, I must point out that I DO NOT smoke around The Boy. When he's at mine I smoke in my bedroom with the door firmly closed & the window open. My bedroom is strictly off-limits to The Boy for that very reason.
So; Willful neglect & abuse.
Naturally, I did not take that very well.
My words were along the lines of... How dare you say that to me? Shortly afterwards I hung up on her.

Unfortunately, there was some unfinished business. I rang her back, make the arrangements & then ended the conversation by warning her that I intend to seek legal advice because I do not want to deal with her anymore.

Of course, she wouldn't let it lie there. She phoned some minutes later saying that if I was to take that path it would mean my access to The Boy being greatly reduced & that I would be expected to explain to him why he wasn't seeing as much of me as he's used to. All without bad-mouthing her.

It's been left for now, but for a couple of shitty texts she has sent me.

The thing is this is not unusual behaviour for Temper Tantrum, I let so much go because I like a quiet life & have little stomach for a fight.
A couple of weeks ago she rang me out of the blue one evening & opened the exchange with "Hello Flash it's Temper Tantrum, you're going to have to start coming round here in the evening now & again so that I can go out".
What?
"You can, in theory, go out every night if you so desire while I'm stuck in & I can't afford a babysitter."
To be honest, if she had have asked me if I'd be willing to do that for her I may have begrudingly agreed. But she didn't ask, she demanded.
So I told her No. I am not her babysitter
"You're his father, you have a responsibility!"
Yes I do, and I feel I already fulfill that responsibility more than adequately.
Of course, this made me a selfish bastard.
Naturally.

Right now I am absolutely incandescent with burning rage. A rage that I have no outlet for.
My life is difficult enough at the moment, but I can deal with the bailiffs threatening me, I can cope with the excruiatingly dull dead end job that I have to do, I can handle the worry of not having bought a single Christmas present yet, I can just about manage to carrying on living on a pittance because my outgoings are greater than I earn & I can even deal with a representative of the magistrates court knocking on my door today to present me with a £430 fine from March 2004 that I (100% honestly) had no prior knowledge of.
I can deal with all those things because I do have it in my power to change all that (somehow!).

I cannot change the venomous attitude of the one person in my life that I really, really do wish I had never set eyes on.
And bearing in mind what I said in the last paragraph, I cannot afford a lawyer. So I really don't see a way out.
Should I kill her?

"Quite some time ago when I was younger..."

2006-12-06T11:35:00.000Z

Evening all.

So, today I have been inspired by the wonderlicious Cat.
She's been reflecting on what she was up to 10 years ago.

That's what I'm going to do too, I'm also gonna go back 20 years too, because I'm old enough.

So Ten things from ten years ago...

1. I was working in the same bloody place that I'm working now. I was a quality auditor back then, with a brightish future. Pah.

2. I was in my first year of marriage to Temper Tantrum, & was probably reasonably happy.

3. I enjoyed a fantastic holiday in Gran Canaria, where some truly smashing people were met.

4. I discovered what live music was really all about; jumping about & getting sweaty to some raucous guitar music. Highlights included Oasis at Knebworth & The Manics in Manchester with Super Furry Animals & an then unknown Stereophonics supporting.

5. My favourite albums of the year included Everything must go by the Manics, 1977 by Ash, A maximum high by Shed Seven & Coming up by Suede. Though I was a year late, I also discovered The Bends by Radiohead.

6. I was extremely worried about Dave Gahan & feared that Depeche Mode would never release another record ever again.

7. My favourite film of the year was Star Trek: First Contact, which is still undoubtedly the finest of all the Trek films.

8. My beloved Leeds United lost the league cup final 3-0 to Aston Villa. Shortly after the final whistle my phone rang. I answered with the words "Fuck off, you big nosed bastard!". Luckily for me it was my Villa supporting mate on the line & not my mum.

9. I met Dream Girl for the first time.

10. I looked like this (with my smashing sister)

20 years ago...

1. I left school with little in the way of qualifications (not because I wasn't intelligent enough but because I spent most of my school life larking about & acting the goat. Right DOJ?) & found myself working in a tiny, antiquated sports shop in Ossett for £27.30 a week.

2. I lost my virginity to Horny As Hell. Ah, happy days, the thrill of the new, etc...

3. I went on holiday to Skegness with Gentle Giant & his family. It was a hoot.Bizarrelyy, 3 different girls on 3 differentoccasionss told me that I looked like George Michael!

4. I went to what was only my 2nd gig ever. Erasure at Bradford Uni, where me & my chums were lucky enough to meet Vince & Andy before the show.

5. My favourite albums of the year included Depeche Mode's Black Celebration (quelle surprise!), Erasure's Wonderland, Scoundrel Days by A-ha, Please by Pet Shop Boys, Notorious by Duran Duran & The Queen is Dead by The Smiths.

6. I performed on stage for the only time with Irrelevance. A duo that involved me writing, recording & singing everything while the other bloke stood around (hmm, see a pattern there?).
I also made some of my first recordings which included a song called "Backlash".

7. Oh dear, I'm going to look pretty dull here but my favourite film was Star Trek IV: The voyage home. Sorry.

8. Leeds United could have been doing anything they bloody well liked & I wouldn't have cared. I had no interest in football at all 20 years ago.

9. I met Funny Dance for the first time.

10. And I looked like this... (with my chums, including the DOJ on the right there)

"A bunch of Belgian businessmen & a strange drinking game, oh god why?"

2006-12-04T21:43:00.000Z

About a month ago, I was taking a little break from the "Studio", when, on my way to the shops, I accidentally trod on a pixie.
Yes, a pixie.
Sadly, it's wounds were too serious & the poor little blighter died shortly afterwards. I was mortified, though not half as mortified as his pixie mates who followed me home.
Once indoors they revealed themselves. (No, not like that you bloody perv!).
They told me that I had to pay for what I had done.
I explained that it had been an accident, that there was no malice on my part & if they wanted money then they had certainly come to the wrong place.
They then explained to me that their own sacred rituals demanded that when one of their clan is felled by one of the "big people", then the rest of the clan are expected to take instant revenge on the "big" assailant.
Sadly, their rituals didn't have a contingency plan of what to do in the event of the "big person" claiming it was an accident & being a "thoroughly lovely & charming man" (Their words, not mine).
Eventually a compromise was reached.
The usual punishment for killing a pixie is the severance of all one's digits.
So it was agreed that I would suffer a temporary "severance" of my fingers.
I was told to make a fist with each hand & then the pixies bound my hands up with some sort of high tensile cloth. Finally a large helping of pixie-dust was administered to each hand, rendering them totally immovable.

The Pixies returned this morning to remove my "hand-cages". And now my fingers are free!
So, after a month without them I can now...type!
Hurrah!

As some readers may recall, this time last year I was taking my first tentative steps in the bewitching French city of Lyon. I actually arrived there on November 20th & thus began my constantly surprising 12 months of travel.
November to March in Lyon.
May saw my unforgettable trip to see Hyde in New York City.
June meant a trip to Germany for the World Cup.
July brought a very chilled out long weekend in Amsterdam, Holland.
September brought me a couple of weeks in the Czech Republic, including a weekend in Prague.
And then to round of that 12 month period I spent another week away in another country I'd never previously visited.
On November 13th I got in a company vehicle & drove all the way to Belgium's 3rd largest city, Ghent.
My mission was very simple; one of our customers has their European headquarters in Ghent & I had to check through their stock received from my company to make sure that all the parts were labeled correctly. I was accompanied on this trip by a young fella who we shall call JustinNoTeeth, a lad in his early 20's who bears quite a resemblance to a certain Mr. Timberlake until he opens his mouth. Now, JustinNoTeeth is a pleasant enough chap but we have very little in common & he's not much of a conversationalist. This made for some pretty dull evenings, I'm afraid. Also, he doesn't drive, meaning I had to do all the driving (No mean feat with Pixie-bound hands, I tell thee!).
Still, it did give me the opportunity to see some more of the world on the company dollar. Hurrah for that! And Hurrah for the company having little choice but to put us in the finest hotel I have ever set foot in. Proper luxurious, result!

Ghent is a very pretty city.

Note: Pixie-bound hands concealed from public scorn!

Sadly, most of my exploration time came in the late afternoon/early evening period of the day which is why the photos are mostly a little dark.
These pictures were taken on the Wednesday of my week out there, which was far & away the best day.
Our work for the day was completed pretty early & had taken place at a warehouse some 20 miles north of Ghent. Finding the bloody place had been a chuffing nightmare thanks mostly to the bloody SatNav in the car.
In our efforts to find the warehouse we actually crossed the border into Holland, albeit briefly.
When discussing this with a very friendly Belgian chap who was helping us. He explained that many local folk made the 20 mile trip to the City of Terneuzen where they could legally purchase weed from the coffee-shop there.
Hmmm, a plan was hatched.
We drove the short distance to Terneuzen upon completion of our work, where we would buy some gear & proceed to have a couple of smokes prior to going out that evening in Ghent.
We arrived in Terneuzen & proceeded to have a walk round the centre.
Terneuzen is in a geographically odd part of Holland, in that it is completely isolated from the rest of the country & only has a border with Belgium, fact fans.
Thus, it had a strange feel to the place & I felt very much like an outsider. Regrettably, I did not have my camera with me or I would have posted some piccys.
Eventually, said coffee-shop was located. As we opened the door & the aroma hit our nostrils, my young companion had a very swift & astonishing change of heart. He pretty much legged it. Being that he was the only one of us to be carrying cash, I begrudgingly followed. (I didn't fancy explaining that away when the company received my credit card statement!).
He never really explained his sudden turnaround, though I know it's not any kind of anti-drug stance has he's quite partial to stuff much more potent than a spliff.
As Toyah once memorably said; It's a mystery.

We then returned to our hotel in Ghent. On getting back I announced that I was going to have a wander around with my camera for an hour or two, & that he was welcome to join me. Which he did. And that's when the photos were taken.
That evening we descended upon the Irish bar that was our local for the week, to watch the friendly between Holland & England. It turned out to be a good night culminating in a small bar recommended to us by our lovely waitress girl Kate (who's real name I never found out, but called her Kate on account of the frightening similarity between her & the heroine from Lost. She was most pleased with me when I mentioned it!) where they had Karaoke on. Yes!
Fuelled by several pints of Stella I was in fine form. I was even being a bit of a performer as well as a singer. Whilst doing Jet's "Are you gonna be my girl?" I even strutted up to a non-ugly local girl to deliver the line "you don't need no money with a face like that, do ya honey?". He hee.
I also did a storming romp through Arctic Monkey's "When the sun goes down" complete with authentic Yorkshire accent! I even got a request! I say request but it was actually more of a challenge. This Irish fella I'd been nattering with said "Aye, you're ok but I bet you couldn't do justice to "Through the barricades". Of course, I bloody could! Tony Hadley's got nothing on me matey! So I did & I did it more than justice, if I do say so myself. Eat your words Paddy!
Around 1-ish I tottered back to the splendour of my sumptuous hotel room.

On the Thursday we completed all our allotted work for the week by 2pm. So after a quick shower it was decided that we'd make maximum use of our free time & take the 40 minute drive to Brussels.
The drive in was notable for burning down a very long, twisty-turny tunnel which led us to emerge on the edge of Belgium's capital city.
Much like the previous day in Ghent, the exploration of Brussels took place in rapidly fading light. It was also a very brief visit as we were only there for 2 hours or so.
That said, we managed to cram a lot into those two hours. We saw the Royal Palace, the "Old England" building, what appeared to be the equivalent of Oxford Street & several other sights.

Nothing compared to the utterly astounding Grand Place.
The architecture was absolutely magnificent. A cobbled open square surrounded on all four sides by some of the most spectacular buildings I've ever seen. The second photo here shows a building so dark & spooky looking it must have been used in at least one Tim Burton film.

This is the jaw-dropping Town Hall of Brussels, the constraints of the square made it impossible for me to fit the whole thing into shot. It's giant tower can be seen rising up to the clouds in the first Brussels picture.
The visit to Brussels was worthwhile just to see Grand Place.
Marvelous, bloody marvelous.

It was then time to return to Ghent for an early night in preparation for long drive back to Crapsville. Which incidentally, seems even crappier after every one of these beautiful places I visit.
So that was Belgium. The sixth country I visited in my twelve months of travel.

Back home & back into the studio...

The Album that won't record itself is coming along. I've made a bit of a discovery on the software I use that is proving to be a bit of a double-edged sword. Without going into detail I've found out how to do some extra stuff that can only have a positive effect on the recordings. The problem being that it's eating into my time.
I'm still hoping to make my tentative release date of January 29th but it will be touch & go.
I will be loathe to put the date back but I'd rather that than rush ahead with something that wasn't quite finished.
At present there are 4 tracks complete & a further 3 well underway. In terms of songs, I've got more than enough & I'm finding, just as I did during the recording of "Confessions of an idiot", that new songs & ideas are coming thick & fast.
Speaking of "Confessions...", I have an idea that I have been patiently sitting on ever since it's release.
I hereby cordially invite all & sundry to play a part in the new album.
It seems to me that most of us bloggy types have some creative leanings, so I'd like to offer the opportunity to do the artwork for the new album to anybody & everybody who reads this. Honestly, anyone can have a go! I am also asking some "real life" people to join in.
I really love the idea of getting other people's input on this & I also love the prospect of having several different sleeve designs to choose from.
I would be honoured & extremely gratified if you, the reader, would take part.
There are only 3 stipulations;
Please submit your artwork in the actual size of a CD insert.
Please keep it within the realms of decency & good taste.
Please ensure it features the name of the "band", which is Gnu Cnu & the name of the album, which is...(drumroll)
"Backlash".

I sincerely hope this proves to be a popular idea & I'm giddy with anticipation at the prospective creations I may see.
There is no rush, though I'd hope to make a final decision by mid-January.

Right, after all that it's about time I caught up with my fellow bloggers out there. Bloglines is telling me I only have 676 unread posts.
Doddle!

"I'll plough my own furrow, I'll go my own way"

2006-11-07T14:27:00.000Z

I'm not dead.
I have, however, locked myself "in the studio".
Apologies for my absense from your lives, but I really need to focus my energies.
Today I am working on the title track of the new album.
I will return & when I do I think it will be time to reveal that title.
Missing you all.
x

"If the music don't move yer like it should..."

2006-10-19T21:04:00.000+01:00

As I sure most readers will know, music is my first love.
I adore it & I'm always keen to bring in new blood. Recently I've been accumulating loads of new music. So much so I'm actually close to drowning under the weight of it all.
Obviously the whole point of music is to listen to it, not to merely add it to one's collection. Now, I make a lot of time to listen to my tunes; I have my pod on at work (when I beat Crisp Fiend & his amazing world of cheese to it. Honestly, he has some stuff on there that even Lordy B would balk at, such as the pull-your-ears-off-horror of "Total eclipse of the heart"- the cheesy dancy version by some dodgy bird), I usually have at least an hour or two a day at home, I have tunes on in the car & I always go to sleep to the sound of some tunes.

Things are getting silly though, The Duke Of Jokes gave me 4 new (well, new to me) albums at the weekend & I'm bloody struggling, I tell thee.
So far this year I have acquired 31 new albums & 2 very old albums that feel like new. I'll expand on those in a bit.
Now albums do seem to have a habit of arriving like the proverbial buses; you wait a while then they turn up mob handed. Historically this has proven to be of detriment to some of the albums in question. It's a survival of the fittest scenario. For instance, earlier this year I got the following within a couple of weeks of each other;
"Black holes & Revelations"-Muse
"Victory for the comic muse"-The Divine Comedy
"Razorlight"-Razorlight
"The Eraser"-Thom Yorke &
"The Great Western" - James Dean Bradfield.
Now as "Black holes & revelations" is quite simply one of the best albums ever recorded in the history of music* & "Victory for the comic muse" was very instant & quite lovable, I found it very difficult to spurn them in favour of getting my ears round the other ones. I still don't really know the Razorlight album well enough to pass judgment on. Thom Yorke's effort pretty much passes me by (other than "Harrowdown Hill" which is hypnotically excellent) & JDB's album has enough quality on it to know I'll really like it one day if I can ever give it the attention.

Then at the beginning of September I got Kasabian's "Empire" album. I didn't listen to it though as I buggered off to Czech. When I got back it was overlooked & I still haven't given it a proper listen yet.
Then it started, the onslaught that has yet to stop...

Costello music - The Fratellis - I like it, it's bouncy & raucous & a little bit Arctic Monkeys but I have this feeling that I'll tire of it quickly. I hope I'm wrong.
Sam's Town - The Killers - It's been strutting around I-tunes like the dominant alpha male of the pack. I mean it's getting regular listens. I think it's a very good album. Perhaps it hasn't quite got the highpoints of "Hot fuss" but it's a much more consistent effort. I'm digging it muchly.
Shine on - Jet - Hmmm, bought it the same day as the Killers & it subsequently hasn't had much of a look in yet.
The Bluetones - The Bluetones - Ahem, just the one listen so far. I'm sure it'll be great because the Bluetones make great records. Fact.

Then, courtesy of the DOJ...

The New Fellas - The Cribs - They're from Wakefield y'know & I know at least one reader has seen them live (Hello Spins!). Sounds ok, so far.
The best little secrets are kept - Louis XIV - He's a bit mental but he's got something. I think I like it.
Give me a wall - iForward Russia - Oh I reckon I'm gonna like this a lot
Progress-Reform - iLikeTrains - Yup, this'll float my boat too. All dark, sombre & noisy.

As if that wasn't enough, the utterly ace Mark Reed dangled this in front of me & could I resist? Why would I?

Jarvis - Jarvis Cocker - Not played more than a couple of tracks yet but it's Jarvis, It's bound to be quality.

I'm seriously hoping there are no more releases on the horizon for a month or so, just to give me a chance to digest all that lot.

Now I mentioned earlier, 2 old albums. Some things are just so obscure that they've never been re-issued on CD. So these two relics from the early 80's have been lost in vinyl hell for a good 15 years or so. Finally though, due to this magical internet malarkey, I have re-acquired them. And I've been listening to them a lot. What are they? Well, does anyone have any idea who this lot are?

They may well look like a bunch of gypos, but they are actually an early incarnation of a very successful (in their day) pop group. A group I really, really liked when I was younger.
Over their very up & down career they released 8 albums of varying quality.
At one point in the mid 80's they were so big that Madonna guested with them in their Live Aid slot. They are, of course...

Back in the day, I loved the Thompson Twins. However, before they became the poptastic trio that you may remember, they were actually the seven piece indie guitar band you see above. They released two albums in that guise; 1981's "A product of..." & 1982's "Set". I always liked these albums more than the poppy stuff. They are awash with great, great songs. The proof of the pudding was when I found myself effortlessly singing along, word for word, despite the eons that had passed since the last time I'd heard them.
I know that it probably doesn't mean anything to anyone one else but the reappearance of "A product of..." & "Set" is a source of massive joy to me.
Finally, another thankyou for the DOJ who had actually transferred these albums from vinyl for me even though the internet pipped him to the post.
Here's the thing, the final track on "A product of..." is called "Vendredi saint", it's some sort of Indian chant which has a very infectious melody. Back in the old days though it used to get on our nerves a bit. So we used to play it at 45rpm instead of 33. The DOJ only did me a digital version of it at 45rpm. He's a geezer! And it's like being 13 again.
Anyway, I've got tunes to listen to so I'm off.
Cheerio.

*Yes, it bloody is.

"Haven't seen your family tree in quite a while"

2006-10-17T19:59:00.000+01:00

I had a bloody horrible cold on Wednesday & Thursday but my weekend was fine & dandy.

The Boy & I headed on up the M1 the visit the family in my newly acquired Flashmobile mk.43. I must try & do a look back at all my crap cars sometime.
Anyway, we arrived about tea-time, which meant Fish & Chips! Yay for proper Yorkshire Fish & Chips!
Shortly after that The Boy was off with his Auntie for the night & I was off with the grand old Duke of Jokes for the evening. We met at the train station, where we marveled at how incredibly stupid/fearless we were when we were kids who liked to play alongside the thunderous trains that would hammer past us. We were headed up to Leeds, a workmate of the DOJ was playing a gig in the city with his band & it was written that we should check them out. It was in a little bar full of people in black clothing & too much heavily applied make up. With the exception of the women who were inexplicably dressed as Little Bo Peep, whose clothes were red & blue.
It had been yonks since the DOJ & I had last met up so we had lots to natter about over a pint or 3 of Starosomething. The DOJ attracted the attentions of the hot barmaid with his iForward Russia t-shirt. He nearly summoned up the courage to get her number when she jotted down a list of local bands to look out for. Nearly.
The band, Cyberslide, came on & did their thing. They were by no means bad (unlike the sound system that did them no favours) but they perhaps should have been named Sub-NitzerModeOrder.
We then agreed to head back to Wakey to see out the nights drinking. So a short train ride later we were outside Mex (I think it's called that) with a couple of jars.
Not long after that the DOJ introduced me to a blast from the past. A fella who I was friends with at school. I hadn't seen him in 20 years, so I didn't recognise him straight away. It was very strange. We were never big mates but it was kind of nice to see him. It also gave me the opportunity to apologise for still having his OMD album that I borrowed from him (The Pacific Age).* His young companion looked very uncomfortable throughout & he hardly said a word. They soon left us to it & pottered off. Twas then that the DOJ told me that our old schoolmate has a bit of a taste for young men.
We then went to a club-type affair & proceeded to quaff ale & natter about anything & nothing for the rest of the night.
Then it was time for food where the DOJ was shellshocked to hear me say that I didn't want anything. I was kinda shocked myself actually but I had eaten two fish before coming out.
Twas, as always, a fine night in fine company. Cheers DOJ, see you at Crimbletide.

Saturday started with just a mild headache, which was nice. Then it was off to go & pick up my Mum's cake. Ooh I don't think I've said yet, but the primary reason for this trip to Wakey was to celebrate my Mum's 70th birthday. Anyway, the cake was splendid, but don't take my word for it...

I ummed & aahed about whether I should take The Boy to Elland Road for the first time to watch the once-mighty Leeds United. In a rare moment of financial prudence, I decided against it. Turned out to be a great decision as Leeds were whooped 4-0 by Stoke City in what the DOJ (season ticket holder for many a year) later described as "the worst performance I have ever seen". Â£50 saved there then!

Instead we played Chess & went into Wakefield for a look round the shops.

The evening came round which meant it was time for the family outing to what was, for us a least, a fairly posh restaurant. It was a nice evening & we all had a smashing time. OurKid's fella (who is waiting patiently at the name allocation counter) ordered ostrich. I had a taste & can confirm for you that it tastes almost exactly like beef but it's very, very chewy. Therefore, my advice would be; just have beef.
Here's the Family Flash in our finery...

At the end of the night, The Boy & I went back to OurKid's place. He was soon tucked up in bed, while OurKid, fella & I sat down for a game of Buzz on the playstation. It's a music quiz with buzzers & stuff which OurKid had earlier assured me that she always, always wins & that she would whoop my ass.
I won at a canter.
Then her fella & I shared a very potent spliff.
And we played again.
This time I struggled to put my bloody name in & was soundly thrashed.
Mmmm.

After that, they cracked open a new game that they hadn't played yet; SingStar. It's pretty much Karaoke, but it was hella cool! They had the SingStar Rocks edition & I was thrilled to see some of the tunes on offer. I went with Maximo Park's "Apply some pressure", amongst others. It was great fun.
Sometime after 2 we all called it a night.

Sunday was all a bit of a rush. Went to see Mum & give her prezzies & stuff, Nipped to the car boot sale (Star Trek: First Contact DVD for a quid!), Popped down to chez DOJ to pick up an avalanche of tuneage (more about that next time out), Did Wakefield to Crapsville in just over 90 minutes in a car that cost just Â£180 & returned home to spend the evening with my lovely girlfriend who had sadly caught the bloody horrible cold.
Poor Nice.
So I looked after her.

Twas a fine weekend.

*I feel the need to strongly state that this is not normal Flash behaviour. I know how much I bloody hate it when some fucker doesn't return something I've kindly lent to them, so I don't approve at all.

"Just a man, with a man's courage..."

2006-10-11T20:37:00.000+01:00

Oi!
I saw this over at Mark's place, liked it, nicked it.
The boldness & the italics just came at me from nowhere, feeling scared & intimidated, I scarpered. (See; courage)

1) My ex is: currently hovering around at a mild 6 on the mentalistic scale.
2) I am listening to: The new Bluetones album; thrillingly titled "The Bluetones".
3) Maybe I should: get a new job.
4) I love: love.
5) My best friend: (s) are more important to me than they'll probably ever know..
6) I don’t understand: Long division
7) I lose: control far too readily.
8) People say: ..lots of nice things about me that make me feel all gooey & warm inside.
9) The meaning of my screen name is: A deconstruction of my own troubled psyche using the stark juxtaposition of the lightning fast superhero against the lazy fucker typing away with a fag dangling from his lips.
10) Love is: ace!
11) Somewhere, someone is: shaving satanic symbols in their partner's back hair. I bet there is!
12) I will always: endeavour to be happy & to have fun.
13) Forever seems: to be something you shouldn't commit to
14) I never want to: accept the truth.
15) My cell phone is: A Sagem myx6. it's cack.
16) When I wake in the morning: I rush
17) I get annoyed when: people turn music down to really low levels. Just turn it off.
18) Parties are: rarely what you want them to be..
19) My dog is: a figment of your imagination.
20) Kisses are the worst when: someone is in your place & in your field of vision.
21) Today I did: smile a little smile when lightning knocked the power out at work for a few minutes.
22) Tonight I will: watching a film.
23) Tomorrow I will be: looking in the Crapsville Express for a car (& because I like to keep my finger on the pulse).
24) I really want: you. Right here, right now. Come on...don't think I haven't noticed that little twinkle in your eye when I comment on your blog. Champagne?

"...cos I'm not planning on going solo"

2006-10-10T08:36:00.000+01:00

Work is very slow on The Album That Won’t Record Itself.
I’m currently working on a brand new tune. It’s a strange one for me as I’ve written the music first, with no melody or lyric at present. I don’t usually work that way, I usually have a melody & at least a partial lyric before I even start trying to put a track together. The new tune has a working title of “Groove” but I think it may well become “What is this real life you’re talking about?”
I did a bit on it yesterday & introduced some nice trumpet stabs to it.

Tonight, I’m moving the whole project forward in a very welcome manner. The idea of Gnu Cnu was that it was Reckless & I. The dynamic duo! Some songs were left off “Confessions of an idiot” because they needed real guitar on them. “Hate Farm” should probably have been one of those in hindsight. However, we did not have the technology to do real guitar last time out, so “Confessions…” became a solo album in reality.

Now I love Reckless dearly, he’s my bestest friend (along with Funny Dance, who I saw briefly on Thursday night, by the way) & Gnu Cnu has always been about him & I. The terrible truth is that Reckless is not that good a guitarist. He has problems keeping to a beat. In truth, he couldn’t keep time if his life depended on it. Both Dream Girl & Myself have spent a good 2 or 3 years gently trying to get him to grips with this problem. She bought him a metronome for his birthday one year, I gave him my old drum machine to play along with & have since installed software on his computer to help him along.
He hasn’t succeeded.
He hasn’t succeeded because he hasn’t tried.
That pisses me off a little. Actually it pisses me off a great deal. His lack of rhythm isn’t too much of a problem when we’re just jamming with the acoustic. I can & do compensate for any lapses. Obviously, when it comes to recording, mistakes are not acceptable.
Also, Reckless has never made any effort to devote any time to this or the previous project. That pisses me off too.

So, my hand has been forced…
Tonight, a work friend I’ve known for 12 years is coming round with his guitar. He’s a very talented guitarist & we did briefly try to start a band a few years back with another colleague. His blog name shall be QuietBoy, for that is what he is.

He has a copy of “Confessions…” & likes it, so he knows what kind of thing we’re up to.
I’m hoping he becomes deeply involved & that The Album That Won’t Record Itself will sound much more organic than “Confessions…” At the very least, I’m hoping that we can complete a lovely old song of mine called “Relentlessly” which is simply a guitar & voice number.

So, I guess I’m saying I feel terrible for abandoning Reckless but I can’t & won’t be held back.

Difficult second album? They’re not kidding!

"I can't believe the news today"

2006-10-05T20:44:00.000+01:00

Ooh, I feel like a blogger reborn, I tell thee.
I just wanna blog!

Today, in an idea blatantly stolen from this fella, I'm going to try & give you an insight into what sort of place Crapsville really is. I'm going to do this by sharing the contents of this week's Crapsville Express. The weekly local newspaper, available every Thursday for just 42 English pennies.

So the screaming front page headline?

What have you done?
District leader launces attack on town council.

As this is Crapsville & not one of your big metropolitan cities, the district leader has not gone steaming into the council offices brandishing an Ak-47 & a fistfull of grenades. No he has instead "hit out at the town council for providing nothing but tax increases since it was set up more than three years ago". Blimey!
Remember folks, this is the front page.

So onto page 3. Here's a selection of the headlines...

Fixed penalty notice issued

House opens for charity fair

Fall woman angered by state of pavements

& my favourite; Helicopter creates a stir
This goes on to tell us that "The police helicopter hovered low over Crapsville town centre for around 15 minutes on Tuesday afternoon"

By now, I expect you are all feverishly making phone calls to your estate agents. "Put my house on the market, for I wish to move to Crapsville. It's buzzing there, y'know"

On page 4 we have the Letters to the Editor section.
All 7 featured letters are blathering on about the recent closure of the outdoor swimming pool. As they have been for the last few weeks, hey!, it's a hot topic!
A very switched on Mr Brown opens his letter with "I don't want to read about the outdoor pool anymore". Right on, Brownie. He later observes "Wake up! This is Crapsville, not the Costa del Sol".

Over on page 5 the earth shattering news stories keep coming thick & fast...

Mirrors broken off cars

Attacked lambs make good progress

Ten years of stomping good fun - "A line-dancing club in Crapsville celebrated it's 10th birthday last week." The wonderfully named Stomping Boots linedance club. Personally I can't believe people still do linedancing but each to their own, eh?

The helicopter has been busy apparently, as page 7 tells us...

Copter called for stolen bike

and rather intriugingly...

Nursery raises cash for "yummy mummies". Lordy!

Pages 8 & 9 keep us gripped with some more gripping stuff such as...

Coffee mornings' special brew

By page 10 we're onto the family announcements, even though I'm not Crapsville through & through there is always someone I know in there. This week is no exception as I find that a lad I used to work with has become a father again. Most proper locals know everybody.

The next 3 pages are filled with the Village & discrict diary. This used to be called Village voice, which I think is a much better name for it. Down in Crapper-than-Crapsville there's an event not to be missed; "The annual conservative club Conker Challenge will be held on Saturday, with all conkers supplied by the club". Bloody good job! I wouldn't have bothered going if I had to bring my own!

More news on 16 & 17...

Canadians learn more at Country Park

Stolen goods sold on E-bay (Gasp! No!)

And perhaps the most worrying story yet...

Blueprint of the future is delayed.

To the centre pages now where we find a rather charming pullout featuring photos of all the new children at all the area's schools. And of course the gargantuan property pull out which, more often than not, has more pages than the actual newspaper.
My favourite part of the whole paper is on the centre pages & it's not because it's called Flashback. It's because it reminds us that Crapsville has always been a hotbed of incident & action. This week...
50 years ago... "Crapsville borough council raised no objection to the county planning officer, regarding a British Timken application to erect a large neon sign at their factory".
25 years ago..."Dry-mouthed members of the Crapsville rubber ducks CB group munched their way through more than 150 cream crackers during a sponsored event in aid of charity".
10 years ago..."Twitchers flocked to Crapsville country park after 2 rare birds, a Baird's Sandpiper & a Wilson's Phalarope, were spotted at the reservoir".
Oddly enough, I don't recall that happening.

From then it's the classifieds, the jobs & the cars until we get to the sports bit. One of the town's 2 teams, Ford Sports were whooped 7-1 at Boston & find themselves rooted to the foot of the UCL premier division with just 3 points from 9 games.

Here's where Crapsville has a bit of a scoop. The weekly "column" - "Our man in the middle" - The thoughts of Premiership football Referee, Peter Walton. This week he's boasting how he's had two good weeks, been on Sky twice & had no complaints from Mr. Ferguson about the penalty award against Man Utd for handball.

And there we have the most shocking news in the whole "news"paper. There was a penalty awarded against Manchester United! Crikey!!

Ok, joking aside, I realise that the lack of murders, violent assaults, rapes & other such heinous crimes makes Crapsville a smashing place to live in many respects. Not least as a place to raise one's child.
It just doesn't make for a very good read on a Thursday.

"Someone call an ambulance, there's gonna be an accident"

2006-10-03T21:44:00.000+01:00

It was spring, 1988.
After a couple of years of teenage heartache, Monochrome Baby had finally become my girlfriend. I had traveled to Crapsville countless times but the time had finally come for her to visit Wakefield.
She was being driven up by her friend; TruckerGirl in her little old brown Mini. I had caught the bus down to Wooley Edge services so I could meet them & guide them the last few miles rather than expect two teenage girls to successfully cope with directions (snigger).
Bar the incident I'm going to tell you about I actually remember very little else about her visit.

I think it was the second day when we went to hang out in Thornes Park. We had quite the little posse. There was Gentle Giant, who was on a ill fated mission to woo TruckerGirl, MarriedAProperBitch & Dot had now also come up from Crapsville too. I think Ridgeley may have been about too, but I can't be certain.
We were just all hanging about on the grass, larking about & doing nothing in particular. At one point MarriedAProperBitch decides to go & get ice creams, TruckerGirl goes aswell. In fact everybody except Monochrome Baby & myself goes. Now, here's the thing; the ice cream van is, at a guess, no more than 300 yards away. Yet they all decide to go in the cars. Muppets.
Honestly, MarriedAProperBitch would drive to the toilet if he could fit his car up the stairs!
So the two of us are lying on the ground at the top of a gentle hill in the park, and, as you may expect, we having a bit of a canoodle. MarriedAProperBitch returns in his van which he drives on to the grass & skids to, what he must have thought was an ace stop alongside where we we laying. Monochrome Baby & I were suitably unimpressed.
Then comes TruckerGirl's brown Mini. Fully laden with 4 passengers. She's obviously seen MarriedAProperBitch's super stunt driving & fancies a go herself. However she is not pulling up alongside us, she obviously thinks it'll be a hoot to head straight for the lovebirds & stop in front of us.
We were laying across her path, Monochrome Baby had her back to the car but I was facing it.
And it kept coming.
I remember thinking "Silly cow, I have a go at her for that stunt. Someone could get hurt."
Yet it kept coming.
I distinctly remember TruckerGirl's face changing from mirthful laughter to abject terror as she realised that the car was skidding onwards no matter how hard she applied the brakes.
I dare say she recalls a similar transformation of my features.
And it kept coming.
And then it hit us. Monochrome Baby took the full force of the impact. The next few seconds were just pure terror. We were being pushed along the grass by the car, Monochrome Baby was screaming, actually I think everyone was screaming.
After what really did seem like an eternity, we eventually came to a halt. TruckerGirl got out of the car. "Fucking reverse now!!!" I screamed at her. Which she did.
I was physically OK but I was shaking with fear & shock.
Monochrome Baby had not faired so well. She had been wedged under the bumper & had sustained some sort of back injury. In hindsight, we were lucky it was a Mini, if it had been a normal car it would've simply run over the both of us, which would surely have been a lot worse.
I recall going mental at TruckerGirl, calling her all sorts of names. I later apologised.

So then an ambulance came & whisked my girl off to nearby Pinderfields Hospital. Where she would remain all week. Her Mum & Dad came up to be with her & I hardly saw her.
I was devastated.
I was inconsolable.
Even seeing her naked bottom for the very first time as she was wheeled past me on a hospital trolley wearing one of those gowns that are open at the back couldn't lift my spirits.
I remained like this for days, I hardly spoke to anyone. I hung out with TruckerGirl & Gentle Giant. She was staying in his family's caravan at the front of their house.
They & Gentle Giant's folks were trying to cheer me but I was beyond hope. I was absolutely mortified that this had happened on my turf, that my girl was in pain in hospital &, most of all, that it had been her & not me that caught the brunt of the collision.

Then completely out of the blue, something appeared on the television that made me smirk a little. I hid it for fear of my smile being read as a betrayal of my stricken girl.
Shortly afterwards I was wearing a broad smile & seconds after that I was laughing out loud. Real proper belly laughs.
The source of my amusement that day was a character that will forever have a place in my heart.
Dear readers, I give you...
POB!

After wetting myself to Pob's antics, I brightened up & started putting the whole sorry business into perspective. I got over it.
Monochrome Baby made a full recovery in time, though she often was susceptible to lower back pain from then on. And some months later I got to see her naked bottom again.

As for Pob, well he went on to kick up quite a stink. There were calls for him to be banned from our screens as he was allegedly teaching the nations pre-schoolers to spit at their TV screens & to speak in a strange manner.

He'll always be a hero to me though.
Pob, I salute you.

As I do Charby who unwittingly brought him to the forefront of my mind. And don't forget to look down below for the lyrics quiz.

"The lyrics aren't supposed to mean that much, they're just a vehicle for a lovely voice"

2006-10-03T17:36:00.000+01:00

Righto!
I saw that this had been done whilst I was AWOL & I couldn't resist it.
I stuck my I-pod on shuffle & hit play. I omitted anything with the title in the first line, anything by an artist that had already come on & I also skipped a few of my more obscure tunes.
All you have to do is figure out what they are...

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong, maybe I've been here too long" -Swiss correctly identifies Razorlight's "In the morning"
"Showbiz glamour, it ain't Las Vegas, you better come on take a look"
"I never found out, what made you leave" - Ooh, Lord Bargain's halfway there. It is early Duran Duran, but what's the song? It's "Anyone out there" as spotted by Babs
"Please could you stop the noise I'm trying to get some rest" - Ooh it's Mr Mark Reed who steams in front of ST who both knew it was "paranoid android" by Radiohead
"Completely untouchable, I knew no surprises" Good spot from Lordy B (Who I actually knew would get that one) : "Violently" by Hue & Cry
"Wait around I've been walking quite a while, don't be late"
"Diamond mine to the factory, everybodys doing what you've gotta keep on doing for society" - DOJ is on the mark with "Warriors of the Wasteland" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood
"To lick your wounds and crack through the morphine sweet darkness" -Hello Minx! Your right to say it's the Longpigs. Title still up for grabs though.
"Need someone to nurse me, Reach out for the first person I see" - Whoo hoo, a new person! Well done Cat for getting "Comfort comes" by the Manics
"Standing on my own, it didn't mean that much to me"- It's "Love's great adventure" by Ultravox as spotted by the DOJ
"Do you remember a guy thats been, In such an early song" - It's "Ashes to ashes", it's David Bowie, It's Cody Bones!
"When I was young they said to me, don't play with electricity"
"Closing in on empty spaces, winners laugh too soon" -Nik Kershaw's "Human Racing" is spotted by Lordy B
"Everything about you is how I'd wanna be, your freedom comes naturally" Of course it's "Bliss" by Muse, Well done Chapstick
"Mom & Dad went to a show, they dropped me off at Grandpa Joe's" - Mark gets Nirvana's "Sliver"
"In that moment I was frozen out, of a story I knew all about" -"This time" by Starsailor as spotted by Lordy B
"This bed is on fire with passionate love, the neighbours complain about the noises above" - It's James with "Laid", spotted by Swiss Toni
"Y'all know me, still the same O.G., but I been low key" - Adem correctly spots "Forget about Dre" by Dr. Dre (funnily enough)
"The more you see the less you know, The less you find out as you go" -Lordy B again: "City of blinding lights" by U2
"Oh, I've been working a week, I'm tired Yeah, I've been working a week and I'm..." - another point for Bargs as he gets Hard-Fi's "living for the weekend"
"And how does it feel like to wake up in the sun, And how does it feel like to shine on everyone" - Contentious one here, Cat gets that it was Chemical Brothers but the DOJ has nipped in with the title; "Let forever be"
"I set off this morning down the road along the river, Which I take but once a year" Yes, Chapstick it is Ash
"Take time to see the wonders of the world, to see the things you've only ever heard of" - Cody Bones scores again with the Human League's "The things that dreams are made of"
"Sweet dreams all met with derision, this train it was armed for collision"
"Eye to eye stand winners & losers, hurt by envy, cut by greed" - TheDOJ spots it again; It's Propaganda's "Jewel" though I would've accepted "Duel"

Well, I think my beloved, sexy, nameless little beast has been very kind there. I'd be surprised if 20 of them aren't recognised. I actually think that only two will go un-answered.

Or do I have to much faith in you, the reader?

Another post coming later (I'm back with a vengeance!).

"I was alone, falling free, trying my best not to forget..."

2006-10-02T13:18:00.000+01:00

OK, I am a bad blogger.
Only one poxy post in the whole of September is simply not good enough, eh?
It's not like I haven't thought about posting, there's probably not a day goes by where I don't compose part of a post in my head. I'm forever doing that.
I just haven't sat at the computer & physically done it.
It would be very true to say that I don't have the passion or enthusiasm for my blog that I used to have in it's heyday. It is also a fact that I'm not ready to abandon it either. Mainly because of of you, the reader. There are far too many people out there that I care about to sever the ties.
So I'm getting back into the saddle.
Allow me to take you through some of my recent thoughts & experiences...

"There might be buildings & pretty things to see like that but architecture won't do"
I awoke in my hotel with some degree of excitement. I'd been waiting all week for this day. I got dressed & wondered down to the railway station. At the ticket office I whipped out my crib sheet of Czech phrases that my interpreter had helped me compile & correctly bought a return ticket to Prague. It cost about £1.50. Digressing for a moment, the prices of everything were wonderfully inexpensive. Less than a quid for a pint, £1.50 for a packet of fags & about 2 quid for a decent meal. Nice!
Anyway, as my train snaked it's way into the Czech capital I realised with mild horror that the camera I was going to use had been left back at the plant in Beroun. Bollocks! There was no way I could visit Prague & take no photographs so action was required. I had been wanting to buy myself a decent digital camera for some time so I figured I'd take advantage of the lovely Czech prices & finally buy myself one. Which I did in my first half an hour in the city.
Result!
Armed with my new toy I started exploring the city in earnest. I wondered around with no real purpose or destination. After a short while I found myself at the river Vltava. I decide to take a boat trip.

This proved to be a great decision as it allowed me to familiarise myself with the layout of the city & all it's attractions. Afterwards I strolled along the river to the famous Charles' Bridge.

I crossed the bridge & decided to head for the mighty St Vitus cathedral that dominates the whole city. By now I had been in Prague for a couple of hours & I was getting a little miffed with the enormous amount of tourists filling the old streets. I know; pots & kettles & all that, but it really did get on my nerves a little.
Some time later I arrived, sweaty & breathless, at the top of the hill where the cathedral stands. I then entered the great church & proceeded to climb the 287 steps of the very cramped spiral staircase to the top of the south tower. It was not pleasant toil, I tell thee. Not only was it physically gruelling, it also emitted the scent of thousands of sweaty stairclimbers past. Eeew.
It was of course a worthwhile effort when greeted by the spectacular views of this very beautiful city.

By the time I'd descended those bloody stairs I was thoroughly fed up of walking about on my own. So I went back to the old town square & sat myself down in the George & Dragon for six hours of live Premiership football & several pints of Stella. The place was absolutely chock-a-block with English stag parties. Stag do's are great when you're a part of them but as an outsider I just found all the lairiness to be rather intimidating. Then I toddled somewhat erratically back to the station & caught the train back to Beroun.
The next day I headed back into Prague again. This time I trawled around a few more of the sights before returning to the George & Dragon to watch my beloved Leeds United lose to an injury time goal against Wolves (Well done ST).
As the title alludes to, I didn't actually have a wonderful time in Prague. It is unquestionably an extremely beautiful city. The architecture is nothing short of wondrous with even the most unspectacular buildings boasting ornate carvings & statuettes.
I was lonely though, I had no one to share my experiences with & it really took the shine off my visit. Obviously, I spent a lot of alone time in Lyon but Lyon was my home & I soon felt like I was part of the city. That couldn't be achieved in just 2 days in Prague.
I'm very thankful for the opportunity to see such a famous place, I just wish I had some company while I was there.
Oh well...

"Oh you handsome devil"
It's quite well known that if you get called something often enough you'll start to believe it. Usually (in my experience anyway) this will be something quite negative. However I have been the very welcome recipient of some positive conditioning.
Seems that after all these years of worrying that my attractiveness was on a par with a bullfrog, I am actually handsome!
Who knew?!!
In recent weeks there has been many an encouraging sign affirming this. Obviously Nice is forever telling me but the other week I turned round in the nightclub & actually caught someone doing an "Oh my god he's gorgeous!" face at Nice when she pointed me out to someone. Also while I was doing Karaoke the other week a couple of ladies were overheard saying "Ooh, he's so fit!" about me. One of the Czech ladies I worked with practically swooned in my presence! And of course there have been comments here in blogland too, not least after my freshly cropped hair picture taken in Amsterdam.
So I guess it's official; Flash is indeed a handsome devil.
Hurrah!

"Travel round, I travel around"
Unless you're new here (does that actually happen anymore? Are there ever new people here?) you'll know that I have become something of travelerer over the last 12 months. In honour of those travels I have made a little piece of "art" based upon my journeys. I had been amassing a little collection of keepsakes from these jaunts such as tickets, flyers & other such stuff. I decided to put them on display in a collage type affair with some of my favourite photos. I'll just grab my camera & see if I can get a decent picture of it so I can show you... Hang on...

Apologies for the reflection of the flashbulb. Unavoidable at this time, I'm afraid.
So what can we see? Well, from Lyon there are 5 photos, a boarding pass, an Olympique Lyonnais lighter, A hotel key card from the City Suites, my metro pass, a metro ticket, a flyer for the Smoking Dog pub, my Coldplay ticket & a plastic hippopotamus that was once stuck into a rather succulent steak.
From NYC we have 4 photos, a boarding pass, a ticket for the Empire State building, a subway ticket (which I reckon has at least 5 trips still valid on it!) & a couple of quarters.
From Amsterdam there's just one photo, a boarding pass, a receipt from the hotel & a train ticket.
From Kaiserslautern there's one photo & my world cup ticket.
From Prague (& Beroun) there are 3 photos, a boarding pass & a fifty Koruna note.
There are also several Euro coins on there too.
I really enjoyed putting it together & I love seeing it whenever I walk into my home.

"Turn off the TV, look at a book"
Though I am hardly a bookworm, I have read quite a few books in the last year or so. 9, I think.
Now I know I'm not alone in this, as Dream Girl has expressed the same feelings to me, but I almost always find myself disappointed in the endings of novels. With the exception of the much-maligned Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons" & "The Da Vinci code" I usually find myself thinking "What? That's the end? Hmph!". It's not like I haven't enjoyed reading the actual book. In most cases I've really gotten into the book & maybe that's what amplifies my disappointment with the lacklustre endings.
For those booky types among you the 9 books in question were:

Angels & Demons
The Da Vinci Code
Deception point
Digital Fortress (All by Dan Brown)
A year in the Merde (Stephen Clarke)
A long way down (Nick Hornby)
Velocity (Dean Koontz)
Timeline (Michael Crichton) - Great book/Bloody dreadful movie
Cocaine nights (J.G. Ballard)

I also started reading Atlantis but it's a big pile of steaming plop so it remains unfinished.
So do you guys often find yourselves hacked off with the ends of your books?

Anyway, I'm back & I'm gonna make a big effort to keep it that way.
Time will tell, eh?

"So why don't we go, somewhere only we know"

2006-09-07T18:42:00.000+01:00

Greetings from the Czech Republic.
It's all dobrue.
(sweet Jesus I can't make the exclamation mark work, how the chuff can I write without that?)

I'm in a wonderfully charming little town called Beroun. It's just lovely.
Work is only a ten minute walk from the hotel and It's a walk I really enjoy. Also the weather has been smashing all week, nice and warm.
Let me show you some of this delightful little gem...

This is the town square...

This is just by my hotel. On the left is a little clothes shop where, yesterday, I bought a new t-shirt emblazoned with a slogan which has now become the title to a new song I started writing just after it's purchase; "What is this real life you keep talking about?". It will almost certainly be included on my next album, which now has the working title of The Album That Won't Record Itself. Snappy, eh?

This is the ace view I have every day as I walk to work.
Isn't it nice?

Work has been ok and I'm having a laugh with the Czechs who I have quickly made a positive impression upon.

I shall be off to explore Prague on Saturday.

Sorry for the brevity of the post and I'm even more sorry that I can't do the rounds and see how all you lovely people are getting on.

Na shledanoy!
(ha! I found the little swine! Hurrah!)

!!!

"Sleeping on a plane, you know you can't complain"

2006-08-31T20:09:00.000+01:00

I've been feeling a bit shitty about stuff lately. I've a few things that are affecting me at the moment & that I need to deal with. I'd really don't have the time or the inclination to elaborate on that for the moment but I would like to explore them a little more in time.
Also, I'm very happy to say, none of them involve any dissatisfaction with my love life. It's just everything else.
It think it may all be rooted in age.

Anyway...
This has all been tempered by the quite spiffing news I got today. I'll be able to pack up my troubles in my old kit bag because work want me to go to the Czech Republic for two weeks.
Ace!
Our facility is about 15 miles outside Prague, so I'll hopefully (time & internet permitting) be going back into travel writer mode as I explore the Czech capitol. I fly out Sunday or Monday.
How cool is that? Where is that passport? Why the hell did I never sign up for frequent flyer stuff?

"In a case like this I'll get away with it"

2006-08-25T13:04:00.000+01:00

Not so long ago, I took part in Swiss Toni's shuffle-a-thon. It was a hoot.
The CD I put together is reviewed here.
I promised that I'd do a little write up about the songs I chose, what they mean to me & why those songs were chosen.
So without further ado...

I have been making compilations since the early 80's. By the 90's I had it down to a fine art. I would regularly make tapes for people. I always put a lot of time & effort into the whole process. I always used to pay special attention to the artwork. Very rare was it that someone would receive a cassette in a plain case with a simple hand written list of songs. No, for me part of making a mixtape for someone was making the "sleeve". Back in the day these would invariably have some sort of photo stuck to the inlay with the title done using Letter-a-set (y'know, those letters that came on a clear sheet & you would rub them off onto the paper using a pencil). I then graduated to using photocopiers &, by the time I had phased tapes out in favour of minidiscs, computers. The inlays were often a talking point & many friends of friends would see them & gasp in admiration, often going on to nag my friend into getting me to make a tape for themselves. Sadly, when I made the shuffle-a-thon CD I didn't make a fancy inlay. I kind of regret that now.
There was always a lot of detail involved too, all tapes had a catalogue number on the side & a logo at the base of the side panel. In the old days this would be the letters BN & the corresponding year; ie.BN86. BN was the abbreviation of the fictional label used by myself & the good old Duke Of Jokes. After leaving Wakefield I carried on with BN for a while before adopting my Flash Logo (yes, I've been using it for years!).

I have always felt that a good compilation was only as good as it's running order. My formula remains the same today: Hit them with 2 or 3 big solid hit-type songs to start with, then some not so obvious choices or less instant tunes. The middle is where it all mellows out, any slow songs would always go here then I would gradually build it back up. The final few songs would always be the big stonking mega tunes, the creme de la creme. I would always save the very best song till last. Go out with a bang. Make them think that they had just listened to the best tape ever.
Reckless has, over the years, been the chief recipient of my work. He & Dream Girl still to this day talk about some of them with a real genuine affection, long after they've died & gone to tape heaven.
Nowadays though I hardly ever practice my "skills". There's little point. Everything's digital, everything gets shuffled (making running orders kind of redundant) & I no longer use any of the formats that lend themselves to such efforts.

So I did very much enjoy flexing my compilation muscles for this CD.
Part of the criteria was that the CD should be compiled before you knew who was going to receive it. With that in mind, I tried to steer fairly clear of the widely known.
I simply titled the disc; 12.

1- Jingle Jangle - Hot Hot Heat
I liked the idea of starting the whole disc with a "naked" vocal. It just seemed like a really good initial punch. Of course it's a rip-roaringly fine tune anyway. It's meaning for me is two-fold. One; the instrumentation & the melody is unstoppably chirpy, which I like & two; the lyrics are so me. Let me give you an example...
"Friday night I'll raise my glass and say"Tomorrow things will change! I can't afford to wait."
But by Monday morning my alarm clock knows
How this story goes and the ending's the same as the start
Another day, another night, another year
Another smile, another lie, another tear
This better not be all I got
I never thought I'd end up here"

2 Bliss - Muse
A song so utterly rampantly joyous that I had to share it. Honestly, I know I've said this before but it really does sound like bliss.
Secretly, I wish that someone would write a lyric about me. I wish the lyrics of "Bliss" were about me.
Egocentric? Moi??

3 A certain romance - Arctic Monkeys
I just had to include something by ver Monkeys. I thought I'd go with this one simply because it's my favourite. I also thought that the Yorkshire accent & phrasing of the lyrics would be quite interesting & quirky if the disc ended up going overseas. Which it did.

4 Lady - Adam & the Ants
I thought I ought to include something from my musical infancy so Adam was the natural choice. Which bloody song though? I didn't want anything too obvious like "Stand & Deliver" or "Antmusic" so I delved into the b-sides. This one had been re-introduced into my consciousness in Lyon when I first spied NakedLady.
I first heard this song when I was 11. The lyrics were like nothing I'd heard before. Partly because I got them wrong though.
"I had a good look through the crack, foot marks up her back, how did they get there?" became "I had a good look at her crack, Fuckmarks up her back..."
Seriously, for years I wondered what a fuckmark was & how one could get them on one's back & if they went away, etc...

5 Tonight we fly - The Divine Comedy
It's just such a perfectly adorable song. It's not very well known either so I thought it deserved sharing. This song always makes me happy when I hear it & I adore singing along to it. I love the sheer optimism of the lyric too. Also as we approach the middle of the disc it brings a little mellowness to the proceedings after the opening salvo of largeness!

6 First day of my life - Bright Eyes
And so to the quiet bit. This song is so lovely but in a broken kind of way that you just want to take it home & shower it with affection. It's also Nice & I's song.
Aaaaw.

7 Somebody - Depeche Mode
Well I had have one on it!
I went for this because it's always been a fine friend to me. I have hardly ever played it to someone & received a negative reaction. Also, over the years, it has proved one of the finest moves I have in my woman-conquering armory. It sure takes a stony heart not to be melted by a lovely voice (such as my own!) crooning this especially for them.
It's never failed me yet, anyway.

8 Tonight - Easyworld
I'm sure most of you by now know that I'm on a mission to bring Easyworld/David Ford to the masses. This song is so heartbreakingly sad. For me personally it shall always remind me of how very, very sad I once was & how good a reason I had to be sad. I cannot hear this song without being moved.

9 Billy - Nik Kershaw
Note how we pick the pace up a little as we leave behind the soft centre of the CD. Like Adam Ant & Depeche Mode, Nik Kershaw had to appear on anything that chronicled the musical me. This song is chirpy sounding & it bounces along quite nicely. It's the lyrics that are crucial though. At the time I got the parent album, 15 minutes, I really identified with poor old Billy. More than any other character I'd ever seen. When I used to sing along to it in the car, my ex-wife would say "You think of you & I when you sing this don't you?". "Don't be daft" I would reply.
She was right though.
"Billy" actually helped me along my way in the end; having shown me what I had become, it made it easier to see what I had to do to come back.
So you can all thank Mr K for the Flash you know & love being here today.

10 Once, A Glimpse - Maximo Park
We're heading into the home straight now. I love this song, the words ring very true for me. It somehow makes me simultaneously think of Lyon & Dream Girl.

11 Mountain People - Super Furry Animals
So I broke with tradition & slowed things down a little again. This a bit of a strange beast. For the first 4 minutes it's a pretty normal kind of song & pretty damn good too. Towards the end though it all goes a bit mental. With an ongoing bassy stomp it builds in tempo & intensity to a crescendo of beeps & electronic squelches. I love it.
And it also leads us neatly into...

12 White Celebration - Gnu Cnu
Save the best till last. That's the rules!

So, there you go.
I really miss the art of the compilation. It was something I always enjoyed doing so I'm grateful to the shuffle-a-thon for giving me the opportunity.

Well, that's me done for now. The Boy is with me until Thursday & I have my last days off work for this year. I've used all my holiday entitlement up & will have to wait till January for some more. Bugger.

"And I've fallen by the wayside now"

2006-08-22T21:13:00.000+01:00

Greetings.

I've just spent the whole weekend being ill. What's that about? Ill at the bloody weekend. Madness.
I'm on the mend now though so fret ye not.

Before I get onto today's subject matter, I'd just like to share some wisdom imparted to me by my 7 year old son; The Boy.
This came totally out of the blue & is not something he & I have ever spoke about before...

"Dad, Americans think they're the best in the world, don't they?"
"Well, some do. They're not though, eh? Who are the best in the world then?" (Fully expecting him to say "we are" or words to that effect).
"Nobody is. All the people in the world are the same. I do like Americans, I just wish they didn't think they were better than everyone else"
My little boy is growing up so fast!

Anyway, is it just me or does anybody find themselves liking Keane just that little bit more today following the revalation that Old Chubbycheeks (Lead singer, Tom Chaplin) has checked into The Priory with drink & drugs problems?
That's more like it!

Surely it is the duty of our so-called rock stars to embrace (You listening Danny McNamara?) the whole sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll ethos.

They do it so we don't have to.*

And, let's be honest here, how many great, great records have been made by drug-assisted/addled (delete as appropriate) stars over the years.
Jim Morrisson, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Marc Bolan, John Entwistle, Kurt Cobain, Freddie Mercury, Elvis, Sid Vicious, etc...
What?
They're all dead now? Ah...

Ok, good point.
Brian Wilson! Dave Gahan! Elton John! David Bowie! Iggy Pop! Pete Doherty!
Ha! Never did them any harm, eh?

Now has much as I'm quite partial to a spot of ColdplayKeaneEmbrace type music, all those sort of bands would surely benefit from a shot in the arm from another headspace, a different perspective. Imagine "X & Y & E" or "A rush of coke to the head" or... actually, forget all that, I've just remembered "Be here now".

Still, let's hope Old Chubbycheeks has some creative input on the next Keane album.

*As a self-confessed imaginary rock star, I try to do my bit.

"We bite and scratch and scream all night"

2006-08-11T18:21:00.000+01:00

I have a houseguest at the moment. This happens every year around the same time. My friends bugger off on holiday & I get lumbered with the cat. It's all a bit different this year though. Sadly, Purdy died a few months back of old age, so the old girl hasn't come to stay.
No, this year I have 2 bloody weeks with a mentalist...

A mentalist named Missy. The latest addition to the Reckless & Dream Girl clan. She's actually sitting on my lap as I type this. She's most intrigued by the drawstring on my shorts.
She's been a complete nutter. One night this week, she went totally off her head. Out of the blue she started literally tearing round the room like a kitty possessed. She then turned her attentions to Nice & I. In the end we had to seek refuge in my bedroom. Both of us have several little scratches on our hands as a legacy of Missy's madness (one of which stung like fuck today when I got a small tear in my glove while handling hydrochloric acid, ow!). To be honest, we suspect she may have got a little stoned as we had a few joints on the night in question.
Having said all that, she is great & it's been a lot of fun playing with her. The Boy has been loving his Missy-time too.

Not much has been going on this week other than work, which has somehow been hectic & chilled at the same time.

I'll finish up by sharing one of life's little moments of fortune with you. I was putting a load of washing on earlier. I routinely checked the pockets of my jeans &... voila! A tightly rolled up £10 note.

I don't know why it's like that though, honest.

"Is it any wonder I'm tired?"

2006-08-07T18:20:00.000+01:00

Well I'm bloody jiggered, I tell thee.

This weekend has knocked the bleeding stuffing out of me. On Saturday I woken at just before 7, gave The Boy his breakfast & dropped him off to his mum. Then, with a great sense of foreboding, tootled off to work.
At this time of year we have what is known as our "shutdown". Historically, this was a two week period where all our production would cease & the vast majority of the workforce would have a fortnight's break. In this period we lab types are hyper-busy. We have to do all manner of maintenance on all our plant & equipment. A large part of this involves emptying our 8 chemical tanks on our pre-treatment line, removing & acid cleaning all the pipework & spray jets, giving all the tanks a very thorough clean & making all the baths back up to their required concentrations, etc. Two of us would take the best part of a fortnight to do this to a pretty good standard.
You may note I said historically...

These days we are given 4 days to do the same job. Admittedly we are given more staff but that doesn't really help much. So I was busy doing that on Saturday till 3. Then I dashed home, hung out with Jeff Stelling for a bit (Leeds Utd have not lost an opening day fixture since 1989, y'know) & then joined Nice in attending the wedding reception of some work people. It was a really good night which went on to explode in a cacophony of Vodka, Coke (you decide) & exceedingly good sex. I finally got to sleep about 4ish. I was up again at 9 & straight back into work. I should've been in at 8. I grafted & sweated as hard as I'd partied the previous night. I left work at 2 & went straight to get The Boy. I then plonked him in front of the x-box & later the Doctor Who website, while I put my aching legs up & read the News of the World.
Nice joined me for the evening but I hardly moved off the sofa all night.
Today has been just as manic at work as we tried desperately to get everything back to how it should be, in time for the line starting again tomorrow. I have to start at 5 am tomorrow instead of my usual 6 o'clock start, just so we are ahead of the game.

Tonight I have the evening to myself, I'm going to cook myself something yummy, have a potter around Blogland & then treat myself to that rarest of beasts; an early night.
I reckon I've earned it.

"...it seems sometimes you're lost in TV"

2006-08-04T12:22:00.000+01:00

I don't actually watch a lot of TV. However, I am prone to getting hooked on something & watching it religiously. Sometimes this can be a bit of a bind & I end up being a slave to the schedule (Big Brother) & sometimes it brings something to look forward to on what could possibly be a dull Tuesday evening (Lost). The best way (for me) to watch something is on DVD so I can watch it on my terms.

Recently, Nice has brought something new into my life. I was reluctant at first & the first couple of episodes did little to change my mind. Soon enough though I was getting to know & love the characters & now I'm hooked. I wonder if anyone else has seen this show. To my knowledge it hasn't been broadcast on British terrestrial TV, it's a Canadian affair. It's...

Trailer Park Boys.

I bloody love it, it's so pant-wettingly funny.
The three guys in the centre of the picture (Sunglasses, big glasses & blue shirt) are the main characters; Julian, Bubbles & Ricky. The basic premise, season after season, is that these guys are hopeless cases who know no other way of getting by than breaking the law. The two guys on the right are the trailer park supervisors (Lahey & Randy) who are constantly trying to land our heroes back in jail. It's almost like roadrunner.

My favourite character is Bubbles, who is a sweet natured guy who tries to avoid all the illegal stuff (but invariably gets sucked in) while making his living repairing Shopping trolleys that he "finds". He lives in a shed & looks after all the park's stray kittys. In one episode he happens upon a wild mountain Lion that he calls Steve French. As you would.

Anyway I've been totally mad for Trailer Park Boys lately & I wanted to share & I also wanted to see if anyone else was into it.

"Don't forget the songs that made you cry and the songs that saved your life"

2006-08-02T13:47:00.000+01:00

Owdo!

I saw this over at Mark's gaff the other week & knew then that I would have to have a go...

Pick 10 bands you really like. Do it now before reading on. Mine are (picked sort of at random but all bands I do really like & it was so hard to only pick 10)...

1.Blur
2.Placebo
3.Depeche Mode
4.Muse
5.Manic Street Preachers
6.The Divine Comedy
7.Stereophonics (Shut up! I like them!)
8.Easyworld
9.Radiohead
10.Mansun

and then answer the questions.

1. What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
"Something for the weekend" when it was championed by Chris Evans, back in the day when his show was crucial.
2. What is your favourite album of 8?
Now Easyworld only made 2 albums before calling it a day & I always find it near on impossible to choose. Today I shall be choosing "Kill the last romantic"
3. What is your favourite lyric of 5?
"If I can shoot rabbits then I can shoot fascists"
4. How many times have you seen 4 live?
Much to my dismay I have only seen the mighty threesome twice. First time at Rock City, Nottingham in 2001 when I was ever so slightly disappointed & then a few months later when they headlined the smaller stage at the V festival in Staffordshire where they somehow ripped me apart & fed every single molecule in my body into some sort of ecstasy flavoured fizzy drink container which was then vigourously shaken up & opened spraying my disembodied self straight to heaven where a group of nubile heavenly chicks lovingly put me back together again just in time for the end of "Bliss". Actually that doesn't quite do it justice.
5. What is your favourite song by 7?
"Same size feet"
6. Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?
How long have we got? Shall I just single one out? "The things you said" has always tugged at my heartstrings, especially the middle eight; "I get so carried away..."
7.What is your favourite lyric of 9?
"Kicking squealing Gucci little piggy"
8. What is your favourite song by 1?
Predictably enough it has to be "Song 2" though I also adore "Out of time"
9. How did you get into 8?
I went to see Supergrass at the now closed down Roadmender in Northampton during the spring of 2002. It was a warm up date for a festival, just a one off. The support band had just started when they arrived. They were playing a song that grabbed me straight away, it was ace! I left my perch on the balcony & went down to the front of the stage. They continued to be bloody brilliant. The next day I bought their single "Bleach" which was the song I was hearing as I walked in. That's when the love affair with Easyworld began. Incidentally Supergrass were bloody terrible that night. Honest!
10. What is your favourite song by 4?
"Time is running out" or "Stockholm Syndrome" but "Knights of Cydonia" may yet take that title.
11. How many times have you seen 1 live?
Twice. The first time they were headliners at V97 in Leeds & completely put the lid on an utterly joyous weekend. I also saw them at Hull Arena In December 97. Blur are a bloody excellent live band.
12. What is a good memory concerning 2?
I swear I went by the rules & picked my bands before I looked at the questions, it's just all working out so sweetly. It was April 1997, Reckless & I were fast becoming super moshing surfing gig monsters. For Placebo's gig at Leicester de montfort hall we had brought Funny Dance with us & there were no women with us. So we decided to have it large! We all had an E before the gig & a couple of smokes. Now Funny Dance had only ever been to see the likes of Del Amitri or Erasure before & had never experienced a "Proper" gig before. As we waited in the throng Reckless & I could see that Funny Dance was getting a little nervous. The band came on & opened with "Bionic" which starts with just the bassline before exploding into full swing. When it kicked off Reckless & I threw ourselves into the throbbing mosh pit with giddy abandon. Funny Dance looked petrified & tried to make a run for it. So we grabbed him & pulled him back in. We then, without any warning at all, picked him up & threw him up onto the crowd. He then crowdsurfed all the way to the front. When he found his way back to us he flung his arms around the both of us & exhaulted that his experience was mindblowing. For the rest of that gig & indeed the rest of "The gigging years" Funny Dance could mosh & surf with the best of them. I only have to hear the intro to "Bionic" & I break out into a broad grin at the memory of a fantastic night spent with my very best friends. (sighs) ah, happy days.
13. Is there a song by 2 that makes you sad? "My sweet prince" it may well be about heroin but to me it shall always be about She Who Changed Everything
14. What is your favourite song of 6?
"Tonight we fly"
15. How did you become a fan of 10?
My first "proper" gig was again at the Roadmender in Northampton. It was Shed Seven, who were ace by the way. The support were Mansun & they were fucking shocking. I later heard "Stripper Vicar" which is such a bloody great song that I couldn't believe it was the same band. Then came "Wide open space" which I also really liked so when I found out they were supporting Suede at Watford town hall in February of 1997 I figured I'd give them another chance. They were absolutely superb as was their debut album a month or so later. I went on to see Mansun live on over 10 further occasions & they were never less than excellent except for one occasion that was just plain odd. On my 30th Birthday at the Roadmender. I guess that Northampton just freaked them out, eh?

Blimey, I right enjoyed doing that.

"I had the best intentions, yeah honestly"

2006-08-01T11:23:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry. I really did mean to update a lot more frequently. I actually started a big old detailed post about Nice & I's trip to Amsterdam. I ended up shying away from the post because it was going to take so damn long to do.
(sigh) achievable goals Flash, achievable goals.

Anyway, let me distill our trip into a bitesize selection of photos & words...

The little short building with the 2 windows & a sign above was our favourite coffeeshop viewed from the rear. It was taken just as we started one of the canal cruises.

This was the main entrance to the same place. It was just up our street (literally & metaphorically) & we ended up going back there several times during our weekend.
As you no doubt know, I'm quite partial to a doobie now & again. In this place, I first experienced the liberation of being able to sit in a public place with like-minded folk whilst enjoying a spliff or two.

This huge painting (sadly obscured by the light fittings) was in the back of the place where we often sat & I became quite attached to it. I thought it would make a really interesting conversation opener on my living room wall.
Alas, it was far too large to steal.
And it's not just because of the titties, right?

Of course, it wasn't all about getting stoned.
We spent a large amount of time simply wandering about; exploring the place.
I have to say that I found Amsterdam to be a odd city. It had a few beautiful sights but it was all a bit ropey in places too. Some areas simply looked dirty & some places (most obviously the red light district) had a very unsettling undercurrent of bad vibes.
Speaking of the red light district, I found it to be quite different from the scene I'd always imagined. For a start I'd never put a canal in there! I also always figured that it would be much more like a row of shops on a high street with each individual place having it's own unique way of displaying it's wares, rather than the totally uniform windows that the girls stand in. On our first visit late on Friday night, the girls were all fairly attractive & some of them were stunners. If I were the sort of fella who would ever consider paying for sex (which I am so not, by the way) I wouldn't feel too bad paying 50 euros for some of them. The next time we went round there (Saturday afternoon) we saw a marked difference in the type of ladies in the boxes. I'd feel robbed paying 50p for some of them!
On Saturday night we had decided to go & see a live comedy show. It's certainly something I'd always fancied doing. So we went to a place called Boom Chicago. Oh it was so desperately not funny. It's not like they didn't try but it was one of these affairs where the "comedy actors" did lots of improvised "comedy" taking their leads from audience suggestions. In the whole 2 hours I didn't laugh out loud once. Nor did Nice.
It was a major disappointment. We did, however, redeem the evening by having the most delicious ice creams afterwards.
(The photo has no relevance to that last bit, it's just nice.)
Our hotel was utterly shocking, by the way. Our room was more like a cell. There wasn't even a window. Oh, hang on, what's behind those curtains? Of course there's a window! It's just a frosted glass window that backs onto another frosted glass window from the adjacent room!
I'm sure it was put there simply so the hotel management could say "There's your window!"

Of course, we saw Mr. Rembrandt here but other than that we didn't really choose to be cultural.

We chose to be stoned.

I thoroughly enjoyed Amsterdam but I didn't totally love it has I had New York & Lyon.

"I'm going out for a while so I can get high... "

2006-07-23T13:36:00.000+01:00

Greetings for Amsterdam!

It's just a brief hello from one of the many wonderful coffeeshops.
It's all been great so far & we are having a very "relaxed" but lovely time.
It's very hot here & our hotel is the pinnacle of crap.
But I'm stoned, I don't care.

Toodle pip!

"One day I am gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction"

2006-07-21T03:12:00.000+01:00

Whoa, it's god damn hot.
I've had to get out of bed for a bit. The heat combined with the particularly-noisy-tonight nightclub over the road has beaten me for a while.

Hey! Guess what? My archives have come back! I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. The thought of their loss was unbearable. As much as this blog is a platform for me to interact with lots of wonderful people & be a sweet superhero & all that, it's first & foremost my diary. Something I can look back on. I am absolutely dizzy with joy that my "memoirs" & other spoutings are all safety intact. Dizzy I tell you!
So to business...

I'm sure many of you fine people have partaken in the Swiss Toni CD shuffleathon. A genius idea involving 30 different people all constructing a 12 track CD & them posting it to a randomly drawn recipient. Excellent.
I received mine last week & marveled at the Singapore postmark. My Cd was put together by Mike from AllRightHere? Now is the time for me to review said disc...

Turning Japanese - The Vapours
He's of to a flyer with a great track. Turning Japanese is something I've long had in my collection. It's one of those songs that you never tire of hearing, it's upbeat without being cheesy & despite being older than my girlfriend it hasn't dated at all. Excellent opener. HIT

Gold Soundz - Pavement
I don't know a lot about pavement other than that Blur's self-titled album was supposedly heavily influenced by them. This track really captures my attention when it starts but I do tend to lose interest. It kinda passes me by. It's certainly not bad though, by any means. MAYBE

Little Scare - Benjamin Diamond
This one has me all flummoxed. I kinda like it but I kinda don't. It's very dance orientated but in a europop stylee. Reminiscent of that "ooh baby, it feels like the music sounds better with you" thing from a couple of years ago. It's got a really catchy melody though. I've put it on again as I'm typing & it kinda freaks me out a bit. I think I'd like it if I heard it out partying. MAYBE

Gold - Spandau Ballet
You just can't knock it eh? Takes me back to my childhood & School discos & Smash Hits.
I always liked Spandau but may I just set the record straight here & now. They couldn't hold a candle to Duran Duran. HIT

Suckas get braised - Ian Beef
Hmmm. A sort of rap affair in a Goldie Looking Chain sort of way. It's all a bit comedy & I've never been a big fan of funny music. It's not my bag baby & I can't see myself delving into Mr. Beef's back catalogue. That said It's earwormed me something chronic & I've been heard on more than one occasion this week singing the chorus to myself..."Y'know? Braised...like a side of beef!" MISS

Vapour trail - Ride
I really missed the whole shoegazing thing & as such never have really listened to Ride. I quite like this but it doesn't knock my socks off. It's all a bit monotone-ish. MAYBE

California Waiting - King's of Leon
Nice's favourite band, I like the Kings but I also like winding Nice up about Caleb Fallowthingy's rather odd vocal style. You can't understand half of what he's going on about. They certainly know there way round a tune though & this is a bit of a corker. HIT

1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
I wonder If I'm the only one who does this? I have a few bands who I like what I've heard of them but never gotten round to getting their stuff & actually having a proper listen. Smashing Pumpkins are one of those bands. I remember seeing them live on an MTV2 thing & they were blistering, a lot more forceful & chunky than I thought they could be. I really like this song & shall definitely be introducing it to my still nameless new i-pod. HIT

2,3,Go - The Wedding Present
Much like Ride I've never got The Wedding Present. This song is ok but again like Ride it doesn't set my pulse racing. I do very much like the lyric; "Let's go swim the Zambezi, Let's do it 'cos it's easy". There is hope for this one actually, as I listen to it again. HIT

I don't want control of you - Teenage Fanclub
I think I've heard this before. The Fannies (as I believe some folks call them) are another band that I've thrown the odd glance at but never moved in on. This particular song is great, I really like it. It's got a really good singalong melody, a nice summery sort of vibe & the vocals work for me. This song is my favourite of the 8 tracks I didn't already have so it's a great big... HIT

Let Down - Radiohead
Radiohead are simply in a league of their own. And if I made a list of my top 10 Radiohead songs, this would be in it. Classic. HIT

Belfast - Orbital
Again this isn't really my cup of tea, not what I'd usually choose to listen to. Because I love to sing so much I tend to steer clear of instrumentals. This isn't without it's merits though, it's intelligent music & it certainly carries a bit of a feel to it. For me it evokes images of walking the streets of a city at night after a big night out, when you've had a really good time & are perhaps just a little high or drunk but not in a falling over being noisy kind of way. Bless it, it does go on a bit though. MISS

So I make that 7 hits, 3 maybes & only a couple of misses. If my CD is that well received my it's owner I shall be more than happy. Reading what some other people have been putting on their CD's I think I've been very lucky that mine came from someone with similar tastes to mine.

Good work Mike, good work indeed.

************************************

So, I'm gonna go back to bed now, I've got a big day tomorrow with lot's of stuff to do culminating in getting on a plane bound for Amsterdam.
Goodnight.

"How do you keep up with all that goes on?"

2006-07-17T13:18:00.000+01:00

Right, let's pick things up from Monday 26th of June.
The day started at 04.00 when Funny Dance & I were both rudely awakened from our respective slumbers. Minutes later we were on the road; A45, M1, M25, M11 all the way to Stansted Airport. We were very much looking forward to sitting down & having some yummy breakfast before flying. However, by the time we had checked in we had to go straight to the plane. We only just had time to change our currency. It seemed that everybody on the aircraft was going to Germany for the world cup. There was certainly a large amount of Australians on the plane.
An hour of snoozing later & we were in Germany, more specifically at Frankfurt Hahn airport.
Which has absolutely no right to use the name Frankfurt at all, it would be like building an airport here in Crapsville & calling it Lincoln Crapsville airport. The bloody place was closer to pissing Luxembourg!
Also it had diabolical public transport connections, lucky for us that we'd already sorted out a hire car. We weren't the only ones either. We got nattering to another Englander as we waited in the queue. Just this & that & joking about how we would follow them because we didn't know how to get to Kaiserslautern. Eventually we got to the front & started getting our wheels sorted.
And then...
In a nutshell, there was a problem with Funny Dance's credit card & the hire car people were unable to take the deposit for the car. And that was that. Nothing we could do.
So we consulted the info point who told us that if we hurried we could get a bus to Homburg where we could change to a train for Kaiserslautern. So we ran & we made it. Oh well at least this way we could see something of Germany. Now admittedly I slept most of the hour & a half of the journey but all I saw of Germany was trees. Lots & lots of trees.
After what seemed like an eternity we got to Homburg where before getting on the train we devoured a hot dog each. It was now about noon & we'd been up since 4 without any food.
So to the train. Now we had to board the train in quite a hurry so I never had a chance to see how long it would take or how many stops there was before we arrived.
Oh the train was hell. It was packed to the rafters when we got on & I ended up stood in the middle of the area between the doors with nothing to hold on to. It was much worse than that though, somebody very close to me smelled really badly &, worse still, immediately in front of me was a girl with a ponytail. Not a nice, neat, hanging down as gravity would intend kind of ponytail. Oh no. It was more of a ooh I think I'll do my hair so it's like I've affixed a particularly overgrown privet hedge to the back of my head kind of affair. Which, naturally, she enjoyed smacking me in the face with on numerous occasions. So cramped up between stinky & whiplash hairdo was no fun at all. At every station the train called at (about 5 or 6) more people would squeeze in & the distance between myself & the terrible twosome would shrink even further.
It was a living hell.
Eventually we pulled into Kaiserslautern & I disembarked with the kind of glee not usually associated with simply getting off a train. It had been a very difficult, draining & downright shite journey but finally we had arrived. And we still didn't know how the chuff we were going to get back to the airport after the game, the train-bus combo was looking dodgy time wise & if the game went to extra time we had no hope. We decided that we would banish all our worries about getting home until after the game, we were resolute that nothing was going to spoil our enjoyment of this special day.
Initially we saw very little World Cup fever going on but after about a minute of walking we were in amongst it & the trek became history.
And in an explosion of colour we were suddenly part of it all. (I haven't a clue why this has come up as a link. Sorry!)

Kaiserslautern was the smallest of all the towns & cities in Germany to host World Cup matches. That took nothing away from the experience though, we immersed ourselves in the vibe of the place. The main street was simply chock a block with people, not just any people though; happy people. There were obviously lots of Italians & Australians around & a large number of Germans but there were also a smattering of English folk, some Croats & some Japanese. Now Funny Dance & I had long established that we were going to be cheering for the Aussies. A hot girl nearby was selling Australia hats. Funny Dance suggested that we get one each. I pointed out that we couldn't wear Aussie hats in combination with our proudly worn England shirts. As soon as I had finished that sentence a fella walk passed in an England shirt with an Aussie hat atop his bonce. "C'mon then!" said I & we bought the hats.
We then set off on a browse down the main street of the town which had wall to wall stalls selling beer & sausages. Say what you like about the Germans but they know how to keep you fed & watered. One of my favourite sights of the day was down that street. There was a group of about a dozen elderly folk who had seemingly got out early & parked themselves on the street in their portable chairs just to watch the whole shebang. Marvellous.

So we chatted to some Aussies, ate more sausages & I drank some more beer. Then the time came to make our way to the Fritz Walter stadium, home of Kaiserslautern FC, which sits on top of a hill overlooking the town. And to get there one has to take a rather gruelling trip up over 300 steps. Phew.
Upon entering the stadium Funny Dance decided he wanted to eat yet again. Turned out to be an inspired decision leading to the following moment of serendipity.
"You made it then" a voice called out. We looked & it was the fella we had been talking to in the car hire queue.
"Yes" I exclaimed "but we've had a right palaver" & I proceeded to tell him the tale.
"Well, they gave us an estate car so if one of you doesn't mind going in the boot we'll take you to the airport". So it was arranged that we would meet them after the game. Praise be to Ted & the boys from Shropshire. Good work fellas!

As the ground started filling up the buzz started to increase...

As you can see behind the 2 grinning goons there was a pocket of Aussies at one end of the ground & there was also a similar section full of the Azzurri at the other end but other than those modest groups it was pretty well mixed throughout the stadium. This made for an awesome vibe in the place.
And so to the game... The first half was fairly nondescript & I spent a good proportion of that time simply looking around the stadium in awe. The second half was a different kettle of fish altogether (not that I ever put fish in my kettle, you understand). Italy were quite rightly reduced to 10 men. From then on the Aussies were rampant & absolutely battered Italy without finding the breakthrough. In the 93rd minute, just as we were happily looking forward to extra time, an Italian took it upon himself to fall over the prostrate Lucas Neill (who had been exceptional, nay heroic, throughout) & the referee awarded a penalty! I was in the opposite corner of the ground & I could see that it was never a penalty in a million years. It was of course duly converted & that was it: Australia 0 - 1 Italy. They never even kicked off again. We were gutted & we were not much more than neutrals. Pity the poor sods who had flown halfway round the world only to see their nation's finest footballing moment literally stolen from them by cheats. Of course, only two weeks later those same cheats would be World Champions. Funny old game, eh?

From then on it was just traveling for hours. Firstly in the boot of Ted's hired estate, through the gazillions of trees back to Frankembourg airport (they should SO call it that!), through the sky back to Stansted & back up the various motorways to Crapsville where we arrived exactly 23 and a half hours after we'd left.
In summary, it was an utterly spellbinding experience from the minute we arrived in Kaiserslautern until the minute we left. It was just a shame that the journey had to be so bloody arduous.
On top of all that though, it had just been simply wonderful to spend some genuine quality time with my old friend Funny Dance. I can't thank him enough for choosing me to share his good fortune with him. God love him!

And then it was back to normal life...
Well, I say normal but frankly having quality football to watch on the TV every single day is not normal at all, it's blinking ace!
Saturday was the day of England's quarter final against Portugal. I had my final opportunity to go out to the pub to watch the game as the very next day Temper Tantrum was going away for a week & I would be full time single dad for the week. I got in the pub about 2 where I was most disturbed to find the doorman telling me I had to remove my hat, I figured he was joking & put it straight back on as I ascended the stairs. I made a beeline for the bar & was stopped by a member of staff who told me that the wearing of hats was not allowed. WTF? This would later prove to have grave consequences.
I got a pint of Stella & managed to grab a table in front of the big screen. I was shortly joined by Crisp Fiend & shortly after that by Nice, Cleavage Queen (Nice's very attractive best friend) & Freshface (a new bloke from work who despite being 30 looks about 19). And we drank lots of beer and then the game started. I love watching big matches in the boozer, there's a great atmosphere. Everyone united in a common goal, singing, dancing & being merry. I was certainly getting merry.
We all know the story of the game; the disbelief at Rooney's dismissal, the outrageous diving & cheating of the Portuguese & the harrowing passing of extra time bringing us ever closer to our old friend; the penalty shoot out.
Crisp Fiend & I put our arms around each other & watched, dancing when we scored or they missed & burying our heads in each other's shoulders when we failed. Of course we lost the penalty shoot out, we always do. I could do a whole post about the agony of being an England supporter. Penalty shoot out defeats are all I've ever known.
Things were going to be so different this year though & probably would have been if I'd have been allowed to keep my lucky hat on my head. So if you want someone to blame for England's failure; don't blame Rooney, don't even blame Sven (the tosser!), blame the fuckers at Jesson's Well in Crapsville that wouldn't let me wear my lucky hat. Gits! One final thing I'd like to say in relation to England's World Cup: Owen Hargreaves; I'm sorry mate, I dissed you something rotten yet you fought bravely & probably ended up being our best player of the tournament, sorry mate, if you're ever round this way I'll buy you a pint, ok?
Drowning our sorrows, our posse went out into the beer "garden" to bask in the glorious sunshine (so far it has been a proper summer here in the UK, hooray!) . From there on the details get a bit sketchy, Crisp Fiend went home but the rest of us carried on for a few hours. Nice & I later had a disagreement, the closest we've ever been to having a row, over my flirting. I stomped of home but got halfway there & realised that my keys were in Nice's handbag. So I went back & we had a laugh about it. That, my friends, is the worst it's been in almost a year. Can't knock that, eh?
Apparently I was very, very drunk. I don't remember to be honest but I've since had loads of people tell me I was shitfaced when I ran into them that night.

And then...
Temper Tantrum dropped The Boy off on Sunday afternoon. She then flew off to the west coast of the States for a week. I meanwhile slipped effortlessly into full time Dad mode. I re-jigged my working hours for the week so that I could be on 9-3. That way I could take The Boy to school at 08.45 & pick him up at 15.05 & not have to use a large chunk of my holiday entitlement. It all went swimmingly. However this was when my X-box problem manifested itself. Not having Nice's company in the evenings coupled with not having to get up at 05.00 meant I had a lot of time on my hands once The Boy had gone to bed. I had bought Fifa 06 a couple of weeks earlier & started having a crack at the manager mode of the game. I honed my skills with Lincoln City taking them from League 2 to the brink of the Premiership in 4 seasons, I also won the league cup. They sacked me as I went top of the championship after a 3-0 drubbing of West Ham on Xmas eve! I had allowed my wage bill to become too great & was losing money so they bloody sacked me! Another week & it would've been the transfer period. I'd have sold a couple of fringe players & it would've been fine. Gits.
At the start of the next season I took over at Leeds.
There I slowly assembled a fantastic squad led by star man; N.Flash (you can create players!), over the next 5 seasons the good times came back to Elland road. Promotion to the prem in my 2nd season & another league cup win. Mid table in my first season up. 5th in the next two seasons. A UEFA cup final triumph over Real Madrid. And then the very day that I hit the top spot of the prem they sacked me! Fucking spiraling wage bill!! I haven't played it since.

And then...
On the Thursday of that week it became clear that what I had thought were perhaps little heat blisters on The Boy's skin were in fact Chicken Pox. Bugger! So I had to go off work in the end as he couldn't go to school. He was fine though, even the itching wasn't too bad. I felt quite proud of myself for being a really good dad. Usually he would really want his mum when he's ill or really upset but this time it was all fine. Dad dealt with it, job done.

And then...
On the Friday, The Boy & I went over to Reckless & Dream Girl's for the weekend (all the kids over there have already had chicken pox). At the time I was going to an almighty post about nothing else other than the enchantress that we all know as Dream Girl. She had one of those nights where she was dazzling & it reminded me of just how screwed up I will always be about that woman. Pssst *whispers* I still love her y'know.

And then...
The moment that The Boy & I had waiting all week came along. A little background is required here I feel. Over the last 2 or 3 months both The Boy & I have been united in our love for Doctor Who. I missed all of the last series with Christopher Ecclestone as The Doctor, but I've since downloaded all the episodes & The Boy & I have watched them all on the computer. We've also downloaded all of the current series with the fantastic David Tennant in the Tardis. We have been religiously been watching it on a Saturday evening. An so the time came for the season finale. It was bloody ace! Cybermen & Daleks all kicking off &, of course, the end of the line for the divine Rose Tyler (sumptuously portrayed by the wondrous Billie Piper, who I've long had a bit of a thing for, in no small part because she looks like a younger version of She Who Changed Everything). Oh, it was so, so sad. I cried like a girl. It really choked me up. I cried again when I watched it again with Nice a couple of days later. The bit right at the end when The Doctor disappears just breaks my heart. Good work everyone involved with Doctor Who, it was excellent television.

And then...
I received my CD from the shuffle-a-thon going down over at Swiss Toni's gaff. I had already sent out my lovingly compiled effort to Leah. It's been the only bit of Blogland that I've clung onto in recent weeks. A review for said disc will be forthcoming very soon.

And then...
I started to think about blogging. For a while I considered jacking it all in. I've been struggling lately to be a decent blogger & I'm not sure I want to do something if I can't do it properly. Then I got to thinking about all my friends out there & what a huge gaping abyss there would be in my life so I decided to knuckle down & get on with it. Then I went to Bloglines (which is absolutely ace, by the way. Why did no one ever tell me about that?) & saw exactly how much catching up I've got ahead of me. Then I freaked out & decided to jack it all in again. Then I came to my senses again. I'm also not very happy with the way my new home looks. I need to get it looking shiny.

And then...
(This is purely for Phil's benefit) I finally got round to watching Serenity. I have to say I thought it was great, a really good rip-roaring sci-fi tale. It looked really good & I liked all the characters too. What more does one want from a movie?
I have to say though that some time ago, our Phil claimed that Serenity was a cooler spaceship than the Millennium Falcon.
Having now seen the ship in question, I fear for poor Phil's eyesight &, indeed, his sanity!

And then...
This weekend just gone was all about The Boy & his 7th birthday. 7! How the chuff did that happen? On Friday Nice & I took him to the cinema where we watched Superman returns. I could give you a full review of it but I'm not going to. I'll just say that he probably shouldn't have bothered returning.
Saturday was all about a special birthday surprise for The Boy. So at 9 on Saturday morning Nice, myself & the little fella got in the car & went off on a jaunt. I told him that it was going to be a long journey but that there would be a special treat for him when we got there. He had the DVD player in the back & we never heard a peep out of him. When we got to the Severn bridge I told him to have a look around. He was mega impressed, I don't think he'd ever seen anything like that before. Not long after that we arrived in Cardiff. We had a chat about how the Doctor Who episode "Boom town" was set in Cardiff & I also explained that most of the series was filmed in and around the city.
To be specific Cardiff Bay was our destination. We parked up & had a wander round. It was a gorgeous day & Cardiff bay is actually very, very nice. We went & had some lunch & then it was time for his treat.

This picture was taken just before we went into the building behind The Boy. It's the red dragon centre & inside he found to his absolute face-lighting up glee, the Doctor Who up close exhibition.

Oh, he absolutely loved it! I enjoyed it too but it really did make his day. He was awestuck as he got within touching distance of a Cyberman & a Dalek. It made the 4 hour round trip in the blistering sunshine worth every second. He also reveled in being able to choose a birthday present from the Doctor Who shop. He plumped for 2 radio controlled Daleks that scrap with each other. We had great fun playing with them on Sunday, I tell thee! Y'know what? Sometimes I'm a bloody ace dad.

After the exhibition we strolled round the bay again & had ice creams. The Boy was most enthralled by the giant waterfall structure & got pretty wet going up & putting his hands on it along with every other child in the vicinity.

We got home about 6 & I took him back to his mum, where he delightedly told her all about his special day out.

And then...
It was Sunday & his actual Birthday. He had a party in the local family pub which was great. He also got a big wedge of cash (£35!) from various sources so he & I went over to Toys R Us after his party to spend it all. He was most chuffed to get a duel disc for his Yu-Gi-Oh cards (?). His whole weekend had been totally ace. Job done.

And then...
I started sorting out the forthcoming trip for Nice's birthday. Flights are booked, yay! Hotel is booked, yay!
So this Friday we'll nip up the road to Coventry airport & head off for a long weekend in a city that should be absolutely perfect for Nice & I. Where are we going? Amsterdam!!!!
Bring it on.
We get back Monday night & then on Tuesday, which is her Birthday, we're going to Blackpool for the day. She doesn't know this yet though. So it's all kicking here in Flashyland!

And then...
I finally completed this post. Phew!

And then...
I have only just realised that my entire archives have gone. I may cry. I may top myself. I haven't decided yet.

"Watch how your fingers burn over the keys"

2006-07-12T19:33:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry.
I have been consumed by my X-box.

"Today the way I play the game is not the same, no way, think I'm gonna make myself happy"

2006-07-01T08:44:00.000+01:00

Germany was a right proper hoot!
I'll fill you in soon on all that malarkey as I'd like to share some pictures & that is beyond me today.

Also I have something to talk about today which is date specific to this date.
1st of July.

On this day way back in 1988 I left my native Wakefield & moved to the little crappy town we all know as Crapsville. I still remember gazing out from the passenger seat of MarriedAProperBitch's mini. On the stretch of the M1 between junctions 40 & 39 you can see the city's cathedral standing proud above all else & with Depeche Mode's "Agent Orange" playing in the car I shed a few tears as I watched my home slowly disappearing. I seldom hear "Agent orange" these days but those rare occasions always provoke a lump in my throat & a vision of Wakefield viewed from the motorway.

18 years on & somehow, against all logic & rational thought, I'm still in Crapsville.
It all feels such a long time ago now. I don't regret leaving home at all, it was simply the path that my life had to take at the time. I was desperately in love with Monochrome Baby, as I had been since I was 15, & my chance had finally come to be with her all the time. To say I was underprepared for the move would be like saying the universe is fairly big or that Muse are ok; a gross understatement.
However, as I always seem to do when it's sink or swim time, I muddled through & got myself sorted out. I have always been quite an independent spirit & being self-sufficient didn't prove to be too difficult.
At the time though, as I was being swept away with all the excitement & emotion of this big change in my life, I never really considered what I'd left behind.
My family must have been really sad to see me go. I remember my Mum crying as she waved me off & I remember my Dad telling me to behave myself. I don't know how my sister reacted, in fact I'm not even sure if she was there.
Then there was my friends who never, ever came to visit me. Obviously we lost touch. Wonderfully The Duke Of Jokes & I have rekindled our bond but the others are just people from old memories now. I always got the impression that Ridgely really resented the fact I moved away.
So it's a big day today but not just because of that...

Exactly 4 years ago today I finally found the strength to break away from the oppressive jail that I had let my life become. 4 years ago today I left Temper Tantrum.
I could go on for ages about the effects that decision has had on my life but time is against me.
Sometimes one doesn't have to bang on for ages to make a point.
I really feel that I have lived so much life in the last 4 years. More than I did in the 10 years before that.
I've done things & gone places that I never thought I would be able to do.
I've felt things that I thought were beyond me.
I've achieved things that would not have been possible whilst wearing the shackles of my marriage.
I've done all of this without having any detrimental effect on the relationship between my son & I.

So I always celebrate the first of July, it's the day that I discovered that happiness & freedom come hand in hand.

And one other thing...

COME ON ENGLAND!!!

"...and it don't take no Sherlock Holmes to see it's a little different around here"

2006-06-25T12:34:00.000+01:00

Greetings!

So what's going on? I hear you ask.

In a nutshell they have been a couple of minor incidents over the last week or two which have prompted me to make the decision to take this blog away from the prying eyes of real life people.
Nice read some of it, despite me asking her never to read it, & found herself upset at how little enthusiasm I have described her with on the blog. Tssk.
Dream Girl also became quite concerned when she found out that Nice had been nosing around.
I also think that Nice has some Buddy With Boobs issues which may have further fuelled by stuff on these pages. So I've blinking well moved & all those real life people can bugger off!
Not in real life, obviously!

To avoid speculation I should point out that things with Nice & I are great & we are both very happy.

Why have I been absent? Well, basically it's because I've had my internet cut off. However this time it was not a simple case of me not paying my bill. In short, the payment has been coming out of Nice's bank & there was a cock up her end. It should all be resolved by the end of this week. I haven't been able to check my e-mail for a couple of weeks (it's a blocked site at work) so apologies if anyone has been awaiting a reply to anything. Blogger is still available at work though, so here I am working on a Sunday morning & sorting things out. I can't usually get on during normal days though as I would get into heap big trouble.

Another thing that wouldn't normally be done but I can just about get away with today is having The Boy here. He's just arrived & he's under lab arrest for the next 3 hours or so. His Mum, the ever lovely Temper Tantrum, is going to see Take That at Milton Keynes today which apparently needs her to leave at half bloody ten! Grrr!
Still, armed with the portable DVD player, some Star Wars & some Doctor Who he should get through it ok.

Whilst I have been offline I have done little else other than watching the telly. I am a right proper couch potato what with all the glorious football & Big Brother on top of that. It's been great, I tell thee.

The World Cup really is one of the best things ever. I bloody love it. Tomorrow is the day when FunnyDance & I go to Germany to watch a game in the flesh, as it were.
I am so blinking giddy about it. I've obviously been to football matches before but I suspect that it's going to be a significantly different experience to Leeds vs Nottingham Forest at Elland road. After much speculation & guess work it's now clear that we shall be watching Italy vs Australia. I'll be cheering the Aussies, I've still got a lot of time for Mark Viduka & I always cheer the underdog in these sort of affairs. The shine could be taken of the whole bloody malarkey if England were to mess things up this afternoon. I really can't see that happening though.
Of course it's not just the game I'm excited about. I've never been to Germany before so I'm looking forward to seeing somewhere new. We land in Frankfurt tomorrow morning then we have a hire car that one of us (probably me, with my previous driving abroad experience) will be driving down to Kaiserslautern where the game takes place. We will have several hours spare to saunter round the town, soak up the vibe & check out the totty.
Not be confused with checking out the Totti, of course.

The new look blog is only part way there at this point. I need to see if the very lovely guys at Angry Seahorse will do me a new header. Those guys are really ace, aren't they?
And I shall be tinkering and fiddling all in good time. So for now please excuse the rather featureless appearance of the place.

Fancy a competition do you? Good!
Here's the deal; I want you to come up with a new tag line to go under the Flashpoint bit (look, up there where it says "your words here"). The most witty, pertinent & just bloody great tag line wins! The prize? The winner will find themselves following in the auspicious footsteps of Swiss Toni & have the opportunity to christen my new little bundle of joy...

Humbert's glorious reign has come to an end. He's been a fantastic servant & companion over the last 2 years but he was getting old. He was full to the brim & his battery life was in decline, it was only a question of time before he started shitting on the carpet. So he has been replaced by a younger, fitter, slimmer model. A little black 30gb with a lovely colour screen that shows the album cover for each track. Oh it's a sexy little swine, please bear that in mind if you win the honour of naming her. Yes, this one is a she.

I've also composed a new song over the last week. It's called "Ostrich" & it's an upbeat, self deprecating little number. I have high hopes.
Also on a tunes tip, I have been listening to 2 new albums over the last week or two.
Keane's "Under the iron sea" seems to be a pleasant enough listen but I'm slightly disappointed that the direction nodded to on "Is it any wonder?" & "Atlantic" seems to be a bit of a red herring. It's certainly not a bad album & I'm sure that it will grow on me more in the next week, it's just not setting me alight.
However, "Victory for the comic muse" by The Divine Comedy would appear to be a return to form after the poor "Absent friends" from last time out. It has captured my attention with much more force than the Keane album has. The opening salvo is just simply gleeful.
They are both up against it though for next Monday sees the release of the album I've been licking my lips in anticipation of...Muse are back with "Black holes & revelations". Yay!

So I will hopefully be back with you sooner rather than later with tales of Germany.
Right, I suppose I better go round telling everyone where I've gone, eh?

"And I miss you like the deserts miss the rain"

2006-06-19T09:21:00.000+01:00

Hello & sorry.
I have computer issues, I have getting on-line issues & I have blog issues.

When things are fixed this blog will be moving address & be going through something of a rebirth.

I'll be back.

"It's a beautiful day in my neighbourhood"

2006-06-03T17:47:00.000+01:00

I just went for a wander over to Tesco's and back. It was lovely. It's all good, eh? The sun is shining, the flags are flying & multiplying at an exponential rate, England have cruised to a 6-0 win, that twat Sezer has been booted out of the BB house, the ladies are getting more scantily clad by the day, I have got my lucky hat on & everything is peachy.

The only thing that's troubled me today is thus: Our national anthem sucks donkey balls.
Really, it does. If my information is correct, it's the only national anthem in the world to reference the head of state at the expense of the land itself.
It's a bit of a sickener really as I am very patriotic but can take no joy from singing a plodding dirge with irrelevant lyrics.

How do overseas folk see their anthems, I wonder? And what of my fellow countryfolk? Do we not think it's time for a change?

I can deal with a bit of pomp & circumstance, but surely we should have something a bit more uplifting, something we can all buy into to. I'm sure with the state of TV shows today they could have a New National Anthem show. Y'know like the X-factor or Idol & they could have Noel Gallagher, Keira Knightley, Ricky Gervais & The Queen as judges. I'd watch it!

In fact, I'd probably enter it!
(With no ulterior motive of charming my way into Miss Knightley's affections, Honest.)

"She said boy, you lazy"

2006-06-01T20:06:00.000+01:00

Well I really don't have anything of note to say.
Really, I don't.
I didn't want anybody worrying though, so Hello.

Talk amonsgt yourselves...

"All you can do is step back in time"

2006-05-25T18:35:00.000+01:00

(Now with new improved Hyde!)

Wonderful things about blogging part 243.
If someone were to ask you what you were up to this time last year would you be able to answer them off the top of your head? Unlikely eh?

Well let us find out. Allow World of Flash to zip back over the last 12 months & remind you what we was going on, on & around May 25th 2005.

Hold on...(whoosh)

Right. Well I was in the process of creating what is possibly my finest piece of music to date & certainly my most popular; "White celebration". I put it out to the world a year ago this week. Blimey!
Other than that I was enthusing about the fantastic Liverpool vs Milan champions league final & making the following proclamation:
"To whomever it may concern, I, Flash of Crapsville, hereby give 48 hours notice of my intention to desist from having non-platonic relationships with women. I feel that over the past 19 years I have given loyal & diligent service to womenkind, however I have become tired of the pretence, the futility &, most of all, the rejection. I feel my life will be much more fulfilling if I concentrate my energies on more rewarding activities such as making music & becoming a better blogger. I take with me many fond memories of my time involved with affairs of the heart & I hope some of the ladies whose lives I have touched will be able to look back & feel a similar fondness. All that remains is to thank those few whose faith has remained & wish the rest of the men better luck than I've had.
Yours defeatedly,
Flash"
Ahem.

Adem was playing cricket & starting to drink at midday to "add some fluidity to his game".

Hammer was preparing for a trip to Washington whilst being driven to despair by her screeching neighbours.
Also in NYC Hyde was no doubt partying hard & cursing Narc for being a twat but her archives have all gone so I can't be sure.
Ah-ha but now I have found them! let's have a look...
Yup, pretty much. It's why I love you baby!

She of the many names just down the road from that part of the world has also deleted her history, bugger.

Sirens were blazing as two fire trucks came to the La Casa de Babs Familius on the fair island of Staten (I've been there!), the cause of all this was an already extinguished Trashburger. Twas all quite the drama.

No drama down in Chicester where Phil had been neglecting his blog. He had been pretty pleased with Star Wars III though & was also speaking of a film called Serenity. Phil? Talking about Serenity? Surely not!

Lordy B meanwhile had been to roam around Rome, had politely turned down a meeting with a girl & her husband(!) in the Reflex bar. He was also loving "Speed of sound" (weren't we all?) & telling us all how he is practically related to Kevin Bacon.

Another one marveling at the Champions league heroics of Liverpool was Stef, he also had posted a pic of somebody dressed as the Death Star (!?) & came out with the following wise words; "As we all know, sausages are the Food of the Gods".

Of course nobody was more thrilled by Liverpool's unlikely comeback than our Weenie who "cried like the girl she is" when Stevie G lifted the trophy. She also was very pleased with her new motor.

Camels & rats had caused Swiss Toni a problem down at the pub quiz, he had also been treating C to a feed at the finest restaurant in Nottingham for her birthday at the expense of the Liverpool game causing him to ponder if there was an anti-sport gene in C's bloodline. Her Brother planned a wedding at the same time as the cricket too. As many of us were at the time, he was also giving us his Star Wars thoughts. Episode III? Pretty good, no more than that.

Over in Toronto Ka was amazed, touched & heartened by the discovery of the Hospitality Club prior to her adventure in Brazil. Back then it used to be a manifesto, y'know? Now it's a full blooded revolution!

Gladys was glad that Bo didn't win American Idol & she missed her train stop because of Sudoku. I wonder if she's yet solved "the little fucker", as she hadn't back then.

"Why am I getting post from Chelmsford? Should I open it?" was the burning question on the lips of Dzesika. Turns out it wasn't a weapon of mass destruction but a randomly sent gift of a Spirograph! What a treat! Used it much Jess? She was also terrorising the local skater punk kids with top volume Barry Manilow! Now that's what I call a weapon!

Scully had been suffering a terrible vacation but had the joy of waving at the Queen. She also asked "Is it wrong to love an air conditioner more than your child?". I wouldn't know but ask me about my I-pod & I'd be struggling!

Telling a story about snogging a pop star, telling us how he'd been in 3 pop videos & running in circles panting with excitement at uber-geek clothing. That's what the ever impressive Mark was up to this time last year.

Aleyca G wasn't with us back then but 2 of my other favourite chicks (I say that but you girls just know that I love you all*wink*) were.

In the wake of my first ever blogger meeting with young Charbs, some upstart on her blog accused me of being "a bit girly". Cheeky bugger! I would've typed a scathing reply but I'd broken a nail! She was also whoo hooing at the prospect of going to Cardiff for the play off final. Hmmph, don't talk to me about play-off finals!

The lovely Spins was going all Hawaiian at work against her will & "being forced to wear a lei and serve treats". It made her Cranky. She was also preparing to jet up to Alaska for a wedding & loving the joys of spring when "a very cute woman noticed me checking her out and checked me out back".

And there you have it, if only Mr. Mystic hadn't left us, he'd be able to tell us all what we'll be doing this time next year.

"So don't be a fool again 'cos they're just hooligans"

2006-05-24T19:34:00.000+01:00

I'm not a happy bunny.
I've been feeling a bit off about something for a few days & something has just brought these feelings to the fore.
The something in question was a comment seen on another blog. Firstly, I'd like to say that I don't hold the poster of said comment to be responsible for my ire. It's just a manifestation of feelings that I have seen round Blogland & of course in the real world too. Also I believe that the blogger in question is quite young & god knows I often spoke without thinking my words through when I was a younger man.

The comment in question stated that in our country when there are major international football events going on that "hooligans" affix the flag of St.George to their cars. What sort of people do that?
"The sort of people that like to cover their cars in England flags are also the sort of people that like getting drunk, getting into fights, doing other stupid stuff like drink-driving, etc."

I will no doubt be putting an England flag on my car in the near future. I will be doing that as my small way of showing that I, as an Englishman & a football fan, am supporting my team & also because I consider it to be a little piece of fun. The whole country becomes a much more colourful place at these times, I like that. And I know I'm not alone in that.
So tell me why is this practice looked down upon? Do YOU believe that I'm a drink-driving, street fighting hooligan?

This is only a part of the picture though, I've recently been feeling marginalised for my liking of some of modern culture's more populist things. I love watching Big Brother; contrary to some opinions this does not put me on an intellectual level with plankton. In fact it says absolutely nothing about me other than I find that particular show entertaining.

I read The Sun. That is my choice. I choose it because it entertains me (a little) & it's easy enough to read in the very limited amount of time I usually have for such things. I've certainly got enough about me to know that their opinions are just that; opinions. And though I may find them distasteful sometimes I don't have to share them do I? Besides all papers have their own opinions & I've not found one that matches mine, though I have read ones whose rhetoric literally makes me sick. Daily Mail, anyone?
I know for a fact that there are people who look down their noses at me because I choose to read The Sun.

Maybe the books I choose to read also provoke incorrect assumptions about me? I don't know.

As always when I'm riled by something, I find myself suffering from an inability to express myself with enough articulation to really hammer my point home. Damn.

I think a lot of this may be my own insecurities. I'm a working class boy from a working class family from a working class city with a working class job & a working class circle of friends. Since I commenced this internet adventure I now find I have many friends who do not share my background. This is a wonderful thing. Strength through diversity.
Perhaps though I feel a bit of an odd one out as I think it's fair to assume that a lot of my on-line friends would or could be considered middle class. Inferiority complex? Maybe.

So what exactly is my point? The point is I hate to be classified & pigeon holed by the sort of widescreen judgmental generalisation seen in the quotations in the 2nd paragraph.

"By rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed"

2006-05-23T19:26:00.000+01:00

I am not a violent man.

The last time I hit somebody was in 1986. And that was in self defence. A couple of thugs randomly attacked Ridgeley, The Gentle Giant & myself whilst we were waiting for a bus in Methley (supposedly England's largest village, fact fans!). I didn't do too badly in the brief skirmish that ensued, especially considering that when a passing motorist broke up the scuffle there was only me. My two friends had run as fast as their long legs would carry them.
Gits.

Since then there has been absolutely no contact between my fists & somebody else's face. There was a time when I had to be held back cos some little scrote had spit in a friend's face. That was close.
And there was once some aggressive nightclub posturing with a guy who was being really shitty to a young lady who was a friend of Temper Tantrum's, but that's the extent of it. I'm sure you get the picture.

Fortunately I have seldom been on the receiving end either. I did once get punched by both Reckless & Dream Girl on the same day but that's a story for another day. Ooh, did I say another day, I meant never.

I am fiercely proud of this, I abhor violence & consider it to be the action of stupid people. (I know there are exceptions).

However, I would dearly love, & I really, truly mean this in all seriousness, to punch this man very hard in the chops.

For those not in the know, he is one of the contestants in this year's Big Brother

"Travel round, I travel round, decadence & pleasure towns, tragedies, luxuries, statues, parks & galleries"

2006-05-22T14:18:00.000+01:00

Oh well...
It wasn't all doom & gloom yesterday though.
Funny Dance phoned me in the morning to tell me of some good fortune that had come his way.
He's only gone & won two tickets for a world cup match from McDonald's!
Guess who he's taking with him?
That's right, moi!

It's the game between the winners of group E & the runners up of group F. It's on Monday June 25th in Kaiserslautern & though these things are pretty unpredictable, it's likely that it's going to involve Italy. If we're really lucky & Brazil have a wobbly group stage, the place could be teeming with Brazilian totty! Fingers crossed, eh?
We've already booked the flights & because of the time of the game (17.00) it's relatively easy for us to get there & back in a day. We arrive in Frankfurt at 09.30 & fly back out at 23.15. Brilliant!
I've never been to Germany before, so I'm thrilled to see somewhere new & I'm chuffed beyond words at having an opportunity to soak up the atmosphere of the world cup.
Hopefully we should have a few spare hours to rose around Kaiserslautern, which'll be nice.

Again, I find myself marveling at how good everything has been going for me lately. And how much traveling I've been doing, Crisp Fiend joked that I should be called Jet Set Flash!

It's all good!

"You can't always get what you want"

2006-05-21T17:38:00.000+01:00

Bollocks.

"I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike"

2006-05-17T19:26:00.000+01:00

Today at work, Delusions Of Grandeur, Crisp Fiend & myself got to talking about accidents we had as kids & the crazy things we'd do back then. We spoke of many different things but one subject was bikes.

So I'm gonna witter on about bikes.

Before I do though, using the term "witter" as just reminded me of something. Reckless & Dream Girl bumped into Rick Witter (Former lead singer with Shed Seven) in Northampton last Wednesday. Reckless phoned me to gleefully tell me about this & to suggest that Nice & I join them in going to see Rick Witter & The Dukes at the Soundhaus that night. I'd only just got back from New York & was jiggered. That coupled with Middlesborough's UEFA cup final being on the telly (Nice & I had watched almost every game of their campaign & didn't want to miss the final), I declined. As we watched Boro get a 4-0 drubbing Reckless & Dream Girl had a great time & Reckless got to sing with Rick. Some other guy got up onstage & sang the choruses to "Chasing rainbows". I've always wanted that to happen to me! Bastard

Anyway, my first proper bike was a Chopper.

It was exactly like that one except mine was silver with purple writing. It was ace!
I loved that bike, I also hated it.
Why? Well let me tell you...

Not too long after I got it (I reckon I was 9 or 10 at the time) I got a puncture on the back tyre. Not knowing anything about those sort of things, I enlisted the help of MarriedAProperBitch to fix said problem. During the operation he accidentally snapped the toggle chain (the bit of equipment that changed the gears). Now although a new toggle chain only cost about 5op, I inexplicably never replaced it. My Dad wouldn't pay for it because he thought MarriedAProperBitch should pay for it. I know!
Anyway the upshot of all this was that my Chopper was permanently stuck in third gear.
Which would have been fine if I never ever had to ride up a hill again. I was raised in Yorkshire though, not Norfolk.
I distinctly remember my cub pack (Yes, I was in the cubs!*) having a bike ride to Rothwell Park, which was about 5 miles away and the journey involved at least 2 great big chuffing hills. I was completley cream-crackered when I got there 10 minutes after everyone else.
I did alright on the way home though.
Despite this impediment, my Chopper served me for a good few years until one xmas (1983, I think) it was superceded by Ronnie. Ronnie the racer, to give him his full title. Sleek, stylishly coulered white fading into red & in possesion of twelve fully working gears, Ronnie was a grown up bike.

*My time in the cubs was responsible for the most embarrasing photo of me ever taken. Bribes may be considered in exchange for posting it.

There are many stories involving Ronnie. Three of these took place within one week-long stay with MarriedAProperBitch in the summer of 1985. I had brought Ronnie to Crapsville with me on the train. One day MarriedAProperBitch suggested that he introduce me to his friend; Funny Dance. This involved a fairly short ride through Crapsville's southbrook estate. I was following MarriedAProperBitch through what seemed to be an ever-increasing maze of twists & turns of pathways & alleys. Imagine the scene from the second Matrix movie with the motorbike, it was like that but without the agents! All of a sudden MarriedAProperBitch slammed his brakes on. Far too suddenly for me to react accordingly & I slammed into the back of him. Poor old Ronnie's front wheel was, & I shit you not, bent through 90 degrees! Funny Dance poked his head out of his window to see MarriedAProperBitch laughing uncontrolably & me shouting all kinds of abuse at him.

With Ronnie's front wheel replaced by one that was actually circular, I left Crapsville on Sunday to make the long journey home to Wakefield. This involved cycling 12 miles to Rugby, getting a train to Birmingham New St where I would change to a train all the way home. Now before I go on let me just remind you that I was only 15 years old. The first part of my trek went fine. I stood on the platform at Birmingham & awaited my train to Wakefield. When it pulled in I headed for the guard's van to stow Ronnie for the journey. That's when I met an utter bastard...
"You can't put that on the train, there's no room"
" "(nervous laugh assuming he was pulling my leg)
"I don't have to take bikes y'know & there's no room"
"It'll fit in there easily" I said motioning to the practically empty space behind him
"No, you're not getting on with that"
Now incredulous & not a little worried "but it's the last train to Wakefield!"
"Not my problem"
"HOW AM I GOING TO GET HOME??"
With that he went about making sure the doors were shut before waving his flag, the platform guy blew his whistle & the last train to Wakefield departed from Birmingham New St without neither Ronnie or I on it.
Disconsolately, I carried Ronnie up the stairs to the concourse where I explained my plight to a fairly unsympathetic member of staff. He told me the only way I could get home now was to go to Crewe & then wait 3 hours for the mail train that went to Leeds.
So that's what I had to do. I arrived in Leeds at 4 in the morning. I still had an 8 mile bike ride to do, out of one of Britain's biggest cities.
What a bastard, eh?

Sandwiched between these events was the day when this happened;
It was morning & MarriedAProperBitch & I where making the short trip to his girlfriend's house. She lived on the main street that runs through the aforementioned Southbrook estate (incidentally just next door but one to Nice's house that she shared with her ex). Now the houses on this road are considerably lower than the road itself & have quite steep front gardens. As we approached the house MarriedAProperBitch cycled down the path of stairs that led to the door. "Bastard" I thought "I was gonna do that". The only option I had now was to ride down the lawn. Halfway down I applied the brakes. The dew on the grass ensured that, although my wheels had stopped turning, my bike kept on hurtling forward. In what seemed like mega slow motion Ronnie's front wheel slammed straight into the wall. The wall that was directly underneath the bloody great front window. Now I'm sure we all understand inertia, don't we? Yes, Ronnie stopped dead but Flash didn't. I went crashing through the window head first, eventually coming to rest with my waist in line with the where the window was. MarriedAProperBitch's girlfriend & her younger brother who were watching the telly were now sat in open mouthed shock. I shook my head, looked up & meekly said "Morning!".
I've always been very pleased that I had the composure to say that, it wouldn't be half the memory it is without it.
Somehow I had avoided any sort of serious injury, though I did have to go to the health centre to have a few minor cuts treated & to have lot's of shards of glass removed from my mop of curly hair. MarriedAProperBitch's girlfriend's father was absolutely apoplectic, when he arrived & from that day forth I was definitley persona non grata in that household.
Smashing tale though, eh?

Ronnie's life came to an abrubt ending one Wednesday morning. I know it was Wednesday because it was my day off from my first ever job. My Mum came into my bedroom & interupted my lie in with the news that some blokes were riding my bike up & down the street. I dismissed it as typical Mum nonsense, which you'd fully understand if you knew my Mum.
Turns out, my Dad had asked the council to come round & clear a load of junk out of the garage. They actually cleared everything out though including all Dad's tools, his lawnmower & Ronnie. In the end most of the non-junk items were returned but not Ronnie. (sob)

Ronnie
1983 - 1986
I salute you.

"...picture of Manhatten skyline"

2006-05-14T16:22:00.000+01:00

I right feel like a good ramble (no, I'm not donning my wellies to go for a long walk)...
but first, as promised, some pictures;

That's the rather staggering view from Hyde's apartment. Imagine that! It was like the first thing I saw every morning! Albeit in a more blurry & wobbly fashion.

That's the Empire State building from which I took literally grillions of pictures, I'll share 2 or 3...

I took several from the Staten Island ferry, at the time they looked fine on the camera's display screen. Sadly, most have turned out to be blurred. Shame because it was sunset as we passed the Statue of Liberty, D'oh!
Still I did manage to get one decent shot of the old bird...

So, that last one is cack because dumbass here couldn't figure out the flash on the camera but if you look hard enough you'll recognise the apartment building where all the Friends lived (at some time or another).

On our final drunken night together I managed to get Hyde & Hammer to pose together for me...

I had the best time with those girls!

Nice is currently in the good old US of A. She flew out on Friday morning with some friends for a two week holiday in Orlando, Florida. It's a little strange because we've been apart loads already, but usually it's because I've been away. This time I've got 2 very normal weeks in Crapsville ahead of me & I'm gonna miss her a lot. While we're on the subject of Nice, I should tell you a couple of things. Firstly, we are still very happy together & are still having as much fun (& sex) as we always have. It's all good. Secondly, Nice is aware of this very blog, I sometimes let her read the odd post under my supervision. Here's the thing; she really doesn't like her Blog name. She says it's too boring. I have told her that names are not changeable (which I know is kind of ironic in her case) but she's very keen for a new one & she suggested that I put it to my lovely readers. Shall I grant her wish & if so, any ideas?
I have some ideas but most of them are filthy!

Nice's absence should give me lot's of free time to devote to Album2 which has slowed right down since my little burst a couple of weeks ago.

Speaking of tunes, I'm very happy to tell you that I've gotten hold of Muse's new single "Supermassive Black Hole". It's hella cool but it does bear more than a passing resemblance to Adam Ant's "Room at the top". Well, I think so anyway. Most of my recent listening time has been spent on Snow Patrol's "Eyes open" album. I really like it. Other than that I've really been enjoying Placebo's recent album; "Meds". It's nothing of a departure for them, in fact it's textbook Placebo but it's very good textbook Placebo. And that'll do for me.
Other than that I've been feeling my way into the recent albums by The Vines, Morrissey, The Kooks, Embrace, Morning Runner & The Delays. It takes time to soak them all up, I tell thee.

On Friday night I went over to Reckless & Dream Girl's. Crikey, the place as changed a bit! New 7 seater sat on the drive, laminate flooring, new leather sofas that do that reclining thing, plasma screen TV, new coffee table & a new computer. Bless them.
I'm immeasurably pleased for them as it's often a struggle with a family of 6. It was a night of much fun & happiness.
As per usual we got pretty drunk, as is a little less usual we did a few lines of Charlie & as is thankfully much less normal these days I fell off my Dream Girl wagon in spectacular fashion. Not that she seemed to mind though, it must be nice having two people who love you implicitly.
I should point out that I never "did" anything. No, my line-crossing is almost always verbal & no more. It's nothing she doesn't know anyway. As she said, referring to a very fine song on the subject, "We both know".

That reminds me, I have gotten myself a page at MySpace to further spread the Gnu Cnu cause. If anyone would care to have a nose or a listen it's here.

It's time to have a bit of a clean up over on my blogroll. Some of the blogs on there are rarely updated, dead or simply (without any offence at all) not floating my boat anymore. I have set myself a strict limit of 30 as well. So I'm gonna have room for a few new ones, I feel like I could do with some new blood.

Wasn't the cup final the best in absolutely yonks? I did feel a little sorry for the Hammers but let's all hope Steven Gerrard can keep that sort of form going through the world cup, eh?

Ooh, here's one thing I never told you about my trip to NYC. I was watching the Leeds game in Cheers during the afternoon. When I went to the (possibly the smallest in the world) toilet, someone had kindly dumped a whole load of icecubes into the urinal. Guys, it's the most fun you can have peeing, I swear! (Unless you're one of those frighteningly strange golden shower types, I suppose. Brrr, perish the thought!)
And because I was virtually the only person in there, they were still there on subsequent trips. Happy days!

I've been with The Boy a lot since I got back which has been great. Today we went swimming which was a load of fun. Last night we sat down on the sofa together to watch Doctor Who. He's really got into it & it's really nice just to sit there with him. He hasn't hidden behind the sofa yet as I used to when I was his age, but I reckon he's been close. It's very good telly though, isn't it? And Billie Piper is very easy on the eye too. I missed most of the last series so I couldn't really form an opinion on Christopher Eccelston as The Doctor. I do however think that David Tennant is very good indeed. My favourite was always Tom Baker but I liked Jon Pertwee too, even though he will always live in the memory as Wurzel Gummidge. Now that was good telly for kids.

I'm sure there was something else I was going to bring up but I'm jiggered if I can remember what it was.
So I'll be off then, Cheerio!

"I ran, I ran so far away..."

2006-05-13T23:31:00.000+01:00

Tonight I spent a rare Saturday night in by myself.
I decided to watch a movie as there was chuff all on telly.
God damn Forrest Gump makes me cry every single time.
And that's all I have to say about that.

"She says she likes the accent..."

2006-05-11T15:41:00.000+01:00

Right, where were we?

Sunday afternoon; Hyde & I spent ages just talking about love, life & the world we live in. It was one of those great chats where time just melts away unnoticed. Then we went for dinner at the Manchester, which was nice. We then returned back to Hyde's place where we had a lovely spliff or two while watching Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons & South Park. Cartoon comedy heaven. It was a great way to spend a Sunday night.

Hyde had to teach on Monday morning so I got up & went for a walk to the Rockerfella centre which wasn't much to write home about. I carried on up to Times Square & had some yummy breakfast on Broadway. I then headed off to meet Hyde at our pre-determined meeting spot; David Blaine.

After curiously watching the mentalist for a little while, we set off for the Planetarium. We passed the Dakota building en route, which I'd already unknowingly done the previous day. The planetarium was a mixed bag. The show we saw, Cosmic collisions, was ace! The whole place jumped when the collision that led to the creation of the moon was shown. It rocked. The downside was there were loads of kids about being noisy & daft, as kids do.
A cab ride through the park later & it was back to Hyde's. Where I left her to her own devices while I went off to Cheers to watch the Leeds match. Two goals, one floodlight failure, two dodgy sendings off & four pints of Stella later I went back up to Hyde's place & introduced her to a new song...altogether now;
Marching on together...
I was a little giddy by now. And Leeds United are only one game away from that coveted return to the Premiership.

Monday night had been deemed 24 night for Hyde & Hammer. Hyde fancied a drink or two first & I thought it was a good idea too. A return to Cheers ensued.

This turned out to be a master stroke. Monday night was as good a time as I had during my trip. At first it was just Hyde & I chatting with each other & Barman (who I really liked, he was a geezer), then Hammer joined us. I'm not sure I've made enough fuss about Hammer yet, she's a great girl & I had a lot of fun with her, oh & she's in possession of a top quality ass! So is Thursday Girl who arrived shortly after. She had just graduated that day, so we were all instructed to shout "Master" when she walked in. Which worked a treat. I also enjoyed it when she was showing off her new tattoo but that's just cos I'm an old perv! By now the level of drinking had been turned up a notch, doubles & shots were coming thick & fast. There was another couple in there who were friends of Thursday Girl's. The female one announced that I was hot! (Something to do with the accent). By now I had met almost all of Hyde's blog characters, the only one I never met was B. That's because Anxious was soon to join us! I was told that, on pain of death, I had to flirt with her when she arrived. Apparently I'm prone to flirting after a drink or two (right Hammer?) so I had no problem with my mission. When she did arrive Hyde introduced me, I took her hand & planted a little kiss on it. I reckon she may have quivered a little & she said that she might want more of that! Her boyfriend arrived soon afterwards which released me from my duties. She seemed perfectly nice from my brief meeting with her though she was ALL tits & teeth. The assembled masses continued to drink till closing time, it really was great fun & I genuinely felt like I'd made a favourable impression on all these people judging by the warmth of their goodbyes. Hammer, Hyde & I retired back up to Hyde's place where we initially had a big loud sing-song until NDN's forceful wallbashing curtailed us a bit, well it was about 2 am! I took some pictures of the girls & I & eventually bode a sad farewell to the lovely Hammer.
Hyde & I then had a nice spliff each & proceeded to get stoned as well as drunk. Then Hyde's phone rang... I'll give you 3 guesses.
Got it in one, it was Narc.
And so she gleefully tottered off into the night & I blissfully bedded down on her sofa for the last time.
It had been a wonderful last night for me, absolutely wonderful.

Tuesday morning flew by, I went out for some breakfast & then went shopping for some gifts. Macy's? What's that about? Maybe it's just for girls, eh?
Soon enough I was back at Hyde's. I gave her a thankyou gift that I'd bought for her; Elvis Monopoly! A big hug later & I was on my way back home.

I have all my photograph's sorted out now but I think I'll do a photo post next time.
I'll share just one with you though.
The first day I was alone in Hyde's place I was thirsty so I went for a look in the fridge for a drink. I mistakenly opened the freezer first to be confronted by what is possibly the wierdest, most bizarre thing I ever did see...

"I'm on 45 between 6th & Broadway"

2006-05-10T18:46:00.000+01:00

Well I was yesterday morning but I'm home.
I had the best time.
I have got serious jet lag so updates wont be forthcoming today.
Apologies.

"Take a lift to the top of the Empire State"

2006-05-07T17:16:00.000+01:00

Guess who got to meet Blogland's most notorious character?
That's right, me!
More of that in a while...
So after some well earned (especially on Hyde's part) chill time our Friday evening started with some medicine followed by a brief trip to the roof of Hyde's building where there was a party going on. There was also a party on the roof of another nearby building. How very cool; you don't get that in Crapsville! After a brief chat with NDN it was time to move.
We then took a cab to the East village where we had a little wonder around including a brief visit to the pub that Evil recommended (cheers for that, dude!). We then settled in a little Hawaiian bar. The drinks & the conversation flowed freely, only broken by my need to occasionally go outside for a smoke & Hyde's phone.
At one point she got a message that literally made her dance about in glee. It was, of course, Narc.
Shortly afterwards it became clear that Narc was coming to this bar. I have to confess to being quite challenged by this turn of events. Obviously all of Hyde's readers know of Narc & his, ahem, "unique" way of treating her. So I knew it was going to be difficult to keep my own negativity towards him in check, that said Hyde was clearly happy & as she is my friend & my extremely kind host it was clear that the only real course of action was the bite my tongue & try to be cool about it all.
Soon enough he & a group of his friends arrived & we joined them at a table together. I was separated from Narc by Hyde. I actually didn't talk to him much at all. Though one conversation I did have had me snarling behind my polite exterior. He said that vinyl sounds better than CD which I heartily disagreed with. He then pointed out that on his $35,000 stereo system the record deck had blah, blah, blah, etc. While Hyde was kicking me under the table I calmly replied that those of us who live in the real world wouldn't have any knowledge of such things, so to me my initial statement remained correct. Ironically enough, he later bummed a cigarette of me. Still I can't say that I saw anything to bad from him so I'm sorry to disappoint but no acts of Flashy violence were forthcoming. At around 3.30am Hyde & Narc went off to do their thing & I returned to Hyde's lovely sofa to drift off into a lovely slumber.

On Saturday morning I went out sight seeing. I got myself some yummy breakfast in a little diner & then went to the Empire State Building.
Wow!
It's a pretty obvious statement but the views are absolutely spectacular. Beyond any words I have in my vocabulary. Needless to say I took grillions of pictures, which I'll be showing off upon my return to Blighty.
Another really good thing about it was the cost; under a tenner in Sterling!
If it was in London they'd be charging at least double that.

From there I took a walk back to Hyde's place & hung out for a bit with her. Then we rode the subway down to Brooklyn Bridge. We then walked through the financial district, close by to Ground Zero, past Wall St and finally arriving at the Staten Island ferry terminal. Here we met Hammer. The three of us then rode the ferry. It was really cool & our timing had been immaculate. The sun set just as we sailed past the Statue of Liberty. Marvelous!
By the time we'd reached Staten island it was dark & the view of NYC's skyline all lit up was breathtaking. When we got back to Manhattan we (eventually) got a cab to Hammer's place in the West village. We hung out just for a little while before going out again. We were initially on a very important mission for me. As we walked to our destination, I was shown the bar where Hyde very first met Narc.
Then we were there.
I cross the street & stood in exactly the right spot to view this most amazing of sights. The apartment building used in Friends! Yes, Monica & Rachel's & Chandler & Joey's! I was so very chuffed, though I was a bit miffed that I couldn't get a decent picture of it. For some reason I couldn't get the flash to work on the camera.
We then went for a bite to eat before retreating back to Hammer's place where we had a joint & watched Saturday Night Live. Given the previous 2 nights frolics, it should come as no surprise that we just crashed & burned then. Hyde & I got a cab back up to her place & an early night was had, if you call 1am an early night.

This morning, for the first time here, I awoke feeling bright eyed & bushy tailed. Hyde was having lunch with her sister today, so I headed out on my own to see some more sights. I pretty much retraced last night's steps so that I could take a trip out to liberty island & see the old girl up close. I deviated my route slightly & walked past Ground Zero. I kinda regretted it. I quickened my pace as I walked past. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable, my camera stayed in it's case as I tried to distance myself from the hordes of tourists having their picture taken at the site of such incomprehensible tragedy.

I arrived in Battery park to get my tickets to Liberty Island only to find that I should have listened to advice & booked in advance. There were no more tickets available for today.
Oh well.
So I walked round to Wall Street, saw the Stock exchange & got the subway upto Times Square. There's nothing quite like seeing a forty foot Jennifer Aniston, I tell thee! After several more photo's I wondered up to Central Park which was just peachy. The weather here as been wonderful since I arrived, bright, sunny & warm but not scorching. So it just made my walk in the park so very lovely.
I then followed that with a visit to the Lincoln Centre to see a buffoon in a big goldfish bowl. Yup, David Blaine is doing one of his "stunts". There were lot's of people there. I couldn't get too close but I did manage to get a couple of snaps of the crazy fool.
From there I hailed a cab & came back to Hyde's place for some chill time. And that's us up to date.

Today's lyric is taken from the Human League's "The Things that dreams are made of", I'm not sure if anything as ever been more appropriate. It all really is once in a lifetime stuff. One of the best things & slightly unexpected things is how much time Hyde & I have spent together. It has been truly wonderful, she is an exceptionally kind host & has also been a delightful guide for me. I know for a fact I've seen & done stuff that I wouldn't have if I'd just come out & stayed in a hotel. I genuinely mean it when I say, I cannot thank her enough.

"I wanna be a part of it..."

2006-05-05T22:21:00.000+01:00

How you doin'?

So I am in New York & it's hot!

I arrived at noon local time yesterday. After the obligatory hour going through immigration & baggage claim I got myself on a train into town. I met a very nice couple from Rugby whilst waiting for the train.
Then before you could say "woah, there really is steam coming up from the street" I was at Penn station. I called Hyde (which now sounds really odd as I've been calling her by her real name) to forewarn her of my impending arrival. Then I walked through the city to her place. It took me about half an hour & it was blazing hot. It was a cool introduction to the city though & gave me a chance to get my bearings. I walked past Madison Square garden & the empire state building. It was all kinda surreal.

I arrived at Hyde's and quickly dealt with the oddness of seeing somebody you know pretty well but have never seen before.
I am still amazed by her apartment. It's way up in the sky & the views are spectacular. I'm sure I'm doing Hyde's head in with the number of times I've mentioned it. We hung out for a little while & went for a little walk round the neighbourhood. Hyde took me to Grand Central Station which was ace. Obviously I've seen it in the movies but the concourse there really is quite grand (pardon the pun). It's not Euston, I tell thee!

After some TV & sitting about, it was time to go out for the evening. We met the delicious Hammer & the three of us went for dinner. It was really cool & we spoke of many things, including some of the characters in our blog world.
We then went to the infamous Cheers where it was Karaoke night. I had a fantastic night, I met all the various Cheers folk that reader's of Hyde's blog will know & love such as Irish Bird, Pumped up & Thursday Girl. We were also joined by a couple of Hyde's other friends. Hyde sang Alanis Morrisette's "You oughta know" & Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a place on earth". She was great though I know that I have yet to hear her at her best as that sort of music isn't her speciality. I sang U2's "One" & Radiohead's "Creep". I sang pretty well & I got a wonderful reaction from the people in there. I was getting high five's from complete strangers, it was ace! Actually I have to say that everybody I've met has been very welcoming & super friendly.
Hammer left us but we weren't done yet, no sirree!
They were shots, there was the guy who peed on Hyde's hand once, there was a duet from Hyde & myself which was fun even if it was an embarrassingly cheesy song & there were several more drinks.
I was pretty wrecked by the time we headed back to Hyde's place. I had been up for 26 hours at that point though so I did reasonably well.

This morning Hyde very kindly left me to sleep on her sofa when she went to work. I woke about 10 & felt like utter shite. I had a smoke & decided to go back to sleep, which I did for another couple of hours. I went out at noon & still felt crap. I took a walk to Times Square where I bought The Boy some goodies in the biggest Toys R us I've ever seen.
I then wondered down Broadway a little & then hung out in Bryant Park with some ice cream in the glorious sunshine. It's been 80 degrees here today. I mosied around some more seeing the Trump Tower amongst other things. Then it was time to visit Cheers again so that I could watch the Leeds vs Preston game. Hyde came in towards the end of the game after finishing work. Then we came back here to chill for a while.
Tonight we are going out to get "fucked up". Wish me luck!

So, what of Hyde herself? She's bloody lovely. She's certainly a character & has an obvious lust for life. She is also clearly well loved by all the people in her life & it's really not hard to see why.
Right now I need to chill a bit before the night out. Tomorrow I am gonna start doing some tourist stuff & take some pictures.
I don't want to come home & say "What's New York like? Dunno, I was drunk!", do I?

"Catch a plane to New York & a cab going down, cross bridges & tunnels straight into town"

2006-05-02T18:17:00.000+01:00

I am now officially giddy!

In just 36 hours from now I'll be getting the train up to Birmingham international airport.
36 hours!!!

Today I have had my hair cut. This was very important as I really didn't want to meet another blog friend with the words "...and I must apologise on behalf of my hair".
My travel insurance is all sorted.
Delusions of Grandeur is lending me his digital camera (bless him).
And best of all...I changed all my money over to US currency so I now have a fistful of dollars!
Hurrah!

I am so, so excited.
I have always wanted to go to the big apple. I forsook the opportunity 6 years ago when I was last in the States as a gesture of love to my lovely ex-wife. It was her dream destination, so I elected to go to Niagara falls instead & we said we'd go together one day. Hmmm.
She went two years ago but now it's my turn.
I want to do all the usual touristy things like the empire state, the statue of liberty, times square, central park, etc.
I also really want to go to the Rose centre for Earth & Space which looks hella cool.
Of course I'm really buzzing about seeing one of New York's lesser known legends; our very own Hyde. I still have some hope that I might finally meet my far flung friend too, but I'm in the dark about that. (perhaps an e-mail is forthcoming?).

I realise it may not be possible but I'm hoping that I can find a British pub that will screen English football. My beloved Leeds United are playing on Friday & Monday whilst I'm there in the two legged play off semi final against Preston North End. I have very little faith that we'll overcome Preston but I'd really like to watch the events unfold if possible.

There's one other thing I'm also quite excited about & the wait for that is only 3 and a half hours away.
Lost is back!

Yay!
With a double episode too!

Sometimes, life is just peachy!

"Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed?"

2006-04-26T10:03:00.000+01:00

Strangeworld was the name of the band that I used to front. I never liked the name but it wasn’t up to me. They were already called that when I joined, in fact they used to be called Strange World Society which I reckon was even worse.
It was January 1994 when I was scouring the jobs pages of the Wakefield Express. Then I saw it; Singer wanted for band.
I went over to the phone box & arranged an audition.
The next evening myself & Temper Tantrum were ushered into the living room of a tiny little house near Thornes Park.
I’d brought a folder full of lyrics with me, which was lucky as GirlyName, the lead guitarist & driving force of the band, suggested he would play something & I could just sing whatever I liked. So with the rest of the band & GirlyName’s wife sitting watching, I took a deep breath & let the guitar part go round a couple of times. Then I started singing.
I sang some lyrics that I’d recently written. It was as if the melody had come to me from some higher power. It just flowed out of me. 3 minutes later “Relentlessly” had been composed.
And it was beautiful.
And I was in.

That was on a Friday & we had our first proper rehearsal a couple of days later. That went well & by the end of it we had 3 songs written.

When we convened for the next rehearsal on Thursday, Giggler (Keyboards & backing vocals) had some news. “Remember that Battle of the bands competition we entered a while back?”
The others all nodded.
“Well they’ve had a band drop out & want to know if we want to fill in”
“When is it?”
“See that’s the thing…”
“When is it, Giggler?”
“Tuesday”
“TUESDAY??!!”

So we talked about it, decided that we needed at least 6 songs in our set & practiced like a band possessed. I remember writing “Monochrome baby” in that practice session.
I remember them all really being impressed with the melody that I came up with, especially Giggler.
The next night, we all went out in Wakefield. It was my birthday but it had also been deemed a band bonding night out. It worked a treat. I had a great time & really did feel much closer to these people who had been complete strangers just 2 weeks previously.

By the Tuesday we had managed to amass a set of 6 songs that we were reasonably confident with. Temper Tantrum & I travelled to York with GirlyName & GothBride (his wife) in her beloved Ford Capri (!). We arrived at the venue at about 6. The venue was Fibbers, which was the focal point of York’s music scene & often featured name bands. (Some weeks later we played Fibbers again & shared the bill with Shed Seven!)

As it was a Battle of the Bands thing, there were 3 bands on that night. The first were Eat The Peach who were a bit Inspiral Carpets. They didn’t really have us worried.
Then it was our turn…

I hadn’t performed on a stage in front of people for years & even then it was only at the school youth club. This was a jammed packed pub. So, yes I was nervous.
Still, I strode purposely onto the stage & took up my position front & centre.
I still remember what I wore that night; my purple DM shoes, new jeans, white T-shirt & my new leather jacket. I thought I looked every inch the fledgling rock star.
We opened with “Never more than now” which was a very instant song & we received a hearty round of applause. I’m not exactly sure what other songs we played. I think we did “Monochrome baby”, “The sleeping song” & “Tease”.
Anyway we did well & I adored it. My first proper gig, no backing tapes, no Depeche Mode covers. I very much felt like I belonged there in front of these four musicians, I was doing what I really wanted to do with my life & it was wondrous.

The next band on were Cherry Bomb. They were bloody awful, just a load of noise.
They won by a country mile.
Bloody York band, you see. They quite rightly had loads of there friends & supporters there, so when it came to the voting they pissed it.
We came joint 2nd. I wasn’t troubled by this though; I’d thought we’d done really well considering how quickly we had to put it all together.

A couple of days later Giggler had gotten hold of the Yorkshire Evening Press with a review of the night in it. (I was going to scan in the press cutting I have & show you all but my scanner is playing up). The review was very favourable. Giggler & I were particularly pleased as we’d been singled out; “good keyboard playing & a new singer with an excellent voice”. Yay!
It also said “comparisons to Simon Le Bon & Tears For Fears were noted”. Simon Le Bon!!!
I was extremely chuffed.

During my blog break I have been working on Album 2, I have been resurrecting an old StrangeWorld song; “The Clown Prince of Misery”. It’s about 75% finished &, so far, I’m pretty pleased with the results. It’s not the only StrangeWorld song that’s going to be given a new lease of life. The aforementioned “Relentlessly” is next up. It’s a very simple little song, just acoustic guitar & vocals. I think I’m going to change the guitar to a piano & see how that goes. In my head it sounds beautiful.

StrangeWorld died a few months later, which I was really sad about. I always thought we had a chance because we were good. The songs were really good.
More often than not though, it’s not about the music. StrangeWorld’s demise was purely about clashing personalities. The hardest part to swallow though was that neither of the clashing personalities were actually in the band. The main culprit? Step forward Temper Tantrum. (sigh)
***************************************

So, answers to questions then?
The best Easter egg I ever got?
The Yorkie one I got this year. Why? Well, it quite clearly stated on the packaging that it was not for girls, which allowed me to say, with no guilt at all, “Sorry Nice but no, you can’t have any. Look it says right there. Hey, I don’t make the rules”

What’s Knights of the Old Republic 2 like?
Well, I was very much enjoying it, as much as I did the first one. It’s quite consuming. However I have reached some sort of glitch. There’s this little battle thing goes on in a filmic stylee & then when it returns to the game play the screen is black. This is not good. I have tried several different things to try & result in something different happening but the outcome is always the same. I’m pretty pissed off about it actually.

Have I got the new Snow Patrol album yet?
Yes, I have. I’ve listened to it a few times now & I’m starting to really get into it. I’m particularly liking “Set the fire to the third bar” on which Martha Wainwright duets to mesmerising effect.

Best & worst childhood memories?
I truly don’t know if I can classify this as my BEST childhood memory but it is the first thing that sprang to mind. I was only 8 years of age when I first took up position centre stage.
I vividly remember my junior school’s production of Joseph & the technicolour dreamcoat. It was actually just a performance of the songs as a play type thing was beyond our means. I had landed the role of Joseph because, as I was only just discovering, I had a great singing voice.
I remember my first solo with “Close every door” went well but the moment that really sticks in my mind was the final song; “Any dream will do”. To represent the dreamcoat I had dozens of coloured crepe paper ribbons tied to a band around my neck. At the appropriate moment in the song all the chorus members lifted one of these ribbons aloft. Try and picture it, there’s little Flash singing joyously as thirty or so kids to my sides & behind me lift up this multicoloured plethora of paper ribbons, all stemming from my neck.
At the end of the song there was a standing ovation, I saw my Mum & Dad looking so proud of me & the headmaster had been moved to tears. I love that memory & that whole experience had a massive effect on the path my life would (try to) take.
As for the worst, well that’s tricky. I had a whole issue throughout my whole childhood that caused me many, many problems. However, I’m not ready to talk about that. I’m not sure I’ll ever want to. It may be something that’s best left in history’s dustbin. Other than that I’m struggling to remember anything particularly bad. Which has to be a good thing, right?

What do I currently imagine The Boy being when he grows up?
At the moment The Boy is steadfast that he wants to join the army when he grows up. I really, really wouldn’t like that at all. I’m afraid I have quite a dim view of the armed forces. I’m sure he will change his mind before then. He has always been a very good talker, long before he was expected to be he was chopsing away & his vocabulary has often surprised both me & his mum, so maybe he could be a writer or some sort of public speaker. I have always said though, that whatever path The Boy chooses to take he will get my whole-hearted support. I would try to dissuade him if I saw him heading for any of the pitfalls that I’ve experienced but essentially I just want him to be happy, whether that’s as a doctor, a lawyer, a dustbin man or a bus driver.

And what do I want to do when I grow up?
Right, potentially awkward blog moment approaching. One of the problems with the written word is that it can sometimes be very difficult to ascertain what sort of tone the writer is taking. I had noticed that the person who asked me this question had not commented here for some time. The last comment from them was also a question, quizzing me as to why I would do coke? A query that I answered with great honesty & detail. Now I’m asked what I want to do when I grow up. Do I detect a sense of disapproval here about how I conduct my life?
I really don’t know but I can’t dismiss the possibility.
To answer the question I can only say that I don’t actually plan on “growing up”. I tried it once & it wasn’t for me. I am the Peter Pan of blog.

New York in 8 days! Whooo!

"I played you all my favourite records"

2006-04-24T19:26:00.000+01:00

So how the chuff was I supposed to resist this?

Create your own Music List @ HotFreeLayouts!

I hope you've noticed that I've taken the time to put them in chronological (ish) order.

How many have you got?
What do you love?
What do you despair of?

"This will not suffice, it's not enough"

2006-04-19T07:16:00.000+01:00

I'm having a bit of a blog break.
I'm currently finding the whole thing rather damp & uninspiring.

I have nothing to say.

I'll be back in a week or so, when I can start getting excited about New York. I'll answer your questions then too.
Be well.

"What you doing friends of mine, holding back now friends of mine, I always heard you calling"

2006-04-14T13:00:00.000+01:00

It would seem I have a bit of a problem, albeit a bloody nice one.

I'm almost loathe to mention it because I really don't want to come across the wrong way but I appear to have amassed more friends than I can keep happy!
I have been failing to keep open the lines of communication well enough, in some cases. This is not good because the last thing I want is to upset any of my friends.

As I was telling my good buddy CunningLinguist the other day; I have no excuses except for juggling work, parenthood, evil ex wives, girlfriends, other girls (!), other people's girlfriends, trying to remain an interesting & readable blogger, trying to get that 2nd album started, trying to save the galaxy on the highly addictive Star Wars; Knights of the old republic 2 game, downloading all the latest tunes so my appetite for new music is saciated, trying to keep on top of my laundry, etc...
It doesn't help that I'm a bit stoned some of the time & sometimes I just want to veg in front of the telly like everyone does sometimes.

Anyway, If I have neglected any of you guys I am truly sorry & I'll make a bigger effort.
In a couple of hours The Boy & I are heading over to Reckless & Dream Girl's for the rest of the day & from there we shall spend Saturday morning hurtling up the M1 to spend a few days in the bosom of our family. Chocolate ahoy!

I was lying in bed last night fretting about my blog, as is a terrible habit of mine, and I figured that it may be time for another round of Ask Flash.
You know the deal; ask me anything you like & I'll endeavour to answer it with the kind of wit, charm & honesty that you've come to expect. I probably won't be back in front of the computer till Tuesday so gives plenty of time for a healthy crop of queries to build up.

Happy Easter everybody!

"Oh whatever makes her happy on a Saturday night"

2006-04-11T19:27:00.000+01:00

Howdo!

Well, I had a simply spiffing time down in London with Spins & Charby.
The Natural history museum was a bit of a pain just because of the large amount of folks there, so we bailed out & into the pub.

It was soon time to meet up with the lovely Charbs for an evening of much alcohol. Which, to be honest, if you're out with Charby you don't get a lot of choice as Spins would surely testify. My long dormant responsible gene must have kicked in because on leaving the pub I felt alarmingly sober as I set about the task of getting my companions safely home. Which I fell I did with some finesse.
Actually, finesse is hardly an appropriate word for that hour or two, eh girls?

As I already knew, Charby is a hoot to be with &, at the risk of embarrassing her, she is growing up into a very attractive young woman (which again Spins will testify).

Readers of Mr. Mystic's blog will know that I have recently been compared to a hobbit. Charby didn't know this. So when asked if any of the hobbits were fanciable she said that 3 of them were. Do I have to say which one isn't?

As for Spins, well the word lovely is oft used & to be fair it doesn't really do her justice. She is warm, kind , funny & as I discovered more than once; very perceptive. I enjoyed all our time spent together & will happily treasure the memory of it.
I won't go on because I don't want to spoil a future post that I owe her & Scully.

Since the weekend I've been just hanging out with Nice getting stoned, playing x-box & watching movies. High Fidelity & Donnie Brasco seeing as you asked. I enjoyed both but I thought High Fidelity was excellent, it left me feeling very happy & with some food for thought about how I conduct myself in terms of romance.

Right, work as started on Album 2 again. As with "Confessions of an idiot" I have set myself a release date. I have found that I work with much better focus when I have a target. So make a note in your diary: October 2nd = Album 2 by Gnu Cnu.
I came up with a lovely little part of a song today at work, it's likely to become a pivotal part of a song I'm hoping to call "Winter with the Lyonnais".

Anyway time is short & the list of things I have to get on with is long, so I'll be off...

"Straight out of west London"

2006-04-08T11:52:00.000+01:00

Hello peeps!

Well, it's a beautiful sunny day in London town. As I'm sure you know I met up with the very lovely Spins yesterday, we had a smashing time.
We went & had a look at St.Paul's cathedral, we went to Tate modern where I mocked much of the so called art & we drank beer in pubs. Nice!
We got on like the proverbial house on fire & we both had a mighty fine time.

I've just met up with her again & she is actually sat beside me right now in this internet cafe situated in Earl's court.
Say hello Spins....

Hello, everyone!

That was her right there!
On today's agenda we are going to the Natural History Museum, we shall probably have a flutter on the grand national & this evening we will be joined by Charby for lots of beer. Yay!

Incidentally, whilst I've been typing away I have been receiving more abuse from my lovely ex. Spins was most tickled to hear Darth Vader's theme as my ringtone for her.

Anyway that's all from me for today.
Have a happy Saturday, y'all!

"Why am I seething with this animosity?"

2006-04-05T19:07:00.000+01:00

In all honestly, life has gone very swimmingly for me over the past few months. I have very little to grumble about.
However, there is always one constant thorn in my side, one that I will have to put up with more many, many years to come; Temper Tantrum.

Obviously situations like the one I'm about to tell you about are often presented in something of a one-sided manner, no matter how even handed one tries to be.
To each & every person who may read this, I make a solemn vow: I have made no embellishments & there are no omissions, it is exactly how it happened.

Today the heinous & vile woman that I was somehow stupid enough to marry has really outdone herself.
See, Cutieboy was supposed to come for a sleepover with The Boy today. Sadly the poor mite has been ill today, so he couldn't come over. Once Dream Girl had furnished me with the news I immediately phoned Temper Tantrum.
"Oh dear" she said & then put The Boy on the phone. I told him what was going on & he was understandably upset. Bless him, being an only child makes school holidays a bit of a pain for him & he was really looking forward to having his friend over.
As he was getting upset & I was comforting him, I heard his mum telling him "not to worry, it's nobody's fault"
Then she comes back on the phone...
"It's not fair, it's always me who has to deal with him being upset at times like this", to which I replied by reminding her that she had just stated that it wasn't anybody's fault & asked her to "please, don't take it out on me". This was met by a short rant about how I don't understand because I'm not with him all the time. This rant was polished off by the following direct quote:
"I am his 100% sole parent".
I immediately hung up. I was livid & incredulous.
I texted her thus; You are NOT The Boy's 100% sole parent & it makes me sick to hear such utter toss.
When I told some of my friends at work what she had said, they simply couldn't believe what they were hearing. Buddy With Boobs was particularly incensed as she knows how much of myself I willingly give to my son & how hard it really is when the other parent contributes very little.

When she brought The Boy round earlier I asked her what time she wanted him back & closed the door as soon as she answered.

An hour or two later, she phoned. She asked how The Boy was & I told her "fine".
She then said "If you hadn't hung up earlier I was going to rephrase my remark" I interjected straight away to tell her that unless what she had to say was directly about The Boy then I didn't want to speak to her.
This showed me up to be "pathetic", apparently.
I hung up.
She phoned 2 or 3 more times but I didn't answer.
She then sent a text pointing out that I was childish as well as pathetic.
I replied with 2 words, the 2nd being "off".

I really do hate the woman & with every one of these incidents she further erodes all my memories of us once being happy together. Worse than that, I have found myself having much less patience with the son that I adore today.

If she thinks I'm going to let this go without a massive apology then she is as deluded as she is despicable.

"All I ever wanted, all I ever needed..."

2006-04-04T18:25:00.000+01:00

As part of my day to day life, people often approach me & ask; "Flash, How would I be able to tell where I was if I were to somehow stumble unwittingly into a large Depeche Mode concert?"
It's troubling isn't it? I dare say a few of you lovely reader types have had the same worries flying about your own brains, eh?
Well, fear no more, for I have prepared this simple questionnaire which should easily establish if you are with Mode.

Are there an inordinate amount of people wearing black clothing?
Is there a higher concentration of German's than anywhere else in the world, bar the Fatherland?
Are the under-30's a very small minority?
Is the merchandise priced so highly that only The Royal Family, Richard Branson & Roman Abramovich can afford it?
Are there far too many balding old men trying to look cool but only achieving a third rate Gary Numan "look"?
Do you find yourself thinking "Eyeliner on men? Maybe in the 80's!"
Have you overheard a conversation between too posh middle-aged women including how one of them "hardly ever orgasms" & how the other "quite likes a bit of anal now & again" (!) ?

If you answered mostly yes to the above then, yes, it looks very much like you ready to spend an evening with Ver Mode. I recommend you stick around, it'll be fun.
(Don't ask me what's going on with the italics, blogger is messing me about!)

I really am not keen on going to gigs on my own. Other than the actual performance, it pretty much sucks donkey balls. One has to drive all the way there (& back) alone, wander around aimlessly while awaiting the band &, worse of all, there is nobody to share it all with at the end.
Anyway, after earwigging on the sexual activities of some 40-somethings The Bravery came on.
They were alright in a I-know-this-music kind of way. I felt the singer was a bit crap; his voice sounded poor & he kept fading off mic all the time. It would also appear that his stage presence heavily relies upon the old stumbling shambolically around the stage as if bladdered routine.
All in all, they were ok, just.

Finally, after over 2 bloody hours standing about on my own in the newly revamped (ie. no smoking anymore, wankers!) Wembley Arena, the house lights went down...

Depeche Mode simply walked onto the stage, in the past there has often been a much more theatrical opening, & tore straight into "A pain that I'm used to" followed swiftly by "John the Revalator" just as it is on the album. Both were excellent. Next came a two pronged attack of old favourites to warm the place up further in the shape of a rousing "A question of time" & "Policy of truth".
Being in a very favourable position down the front, I was at very close quarters with Martin who was wearing a...oh I'll show a picture; it'll be easier.

I also had a very good view of Dave who was prowling the stage like the consummate performer that he truly is. Fletch (bless him)was on the other side of the stage but all Fletch does is wave occasionally whilst looking both happy & uncomfortable at the same time, so I didn't feel like I was missing out.
Next up was a delicious "Precious", then one of my personal faves; "Walking in my shoes".
After that it was current single "Suffer well", which sounded bloody ace. Dave had a great big grin across his face during most of the song which was really wonderful & kind of emotional to see. He must still be thrilled to bits to be singing out one of his own songs to his adoring minions, after all, it has been over 25 years of singing Martin's (& Vince Clarke's) tunes. I was genuinely pleased for him & proud of him.
And Mart played a real bass guitar!!!

It was then time for Martin to take centre stage for his bit. He sang "Macro" & his voice sounded great. That said, "Macro" isn't one of their better songs. I read on the website that this is one of only 2 songs that is subject to change on the setlist. I also read that sometimes they play "Leave in silence" at this point. I would have really enjoyed that. Still, it's a very minor gripe. I didn't recognise the next song straight away, the intro not sounding familiar at all. It turned out to be "Home", which I love to bits, nice!
Then Dave returned & play 2 more songs from "Playing the angel"; the slightly dull "I want it all" & the impressively rocking "The sinner in me".
Then it was time to crank it up a gear with the monster known as "I feel you". For most of the show Martin was playing the guitar, this facilitated something I'd never seen before in all my years of Mode watching; Dave & Martin physically interacting on the stage. It was funny & not for the first or last time it made me brandish a warm smile.
We were then treated to a rare outing of "Behind the wheel" before they ploughed into the final 3 songs. The Violator trinity of "World in my eyes", "Personal Jesus" & "Enjoy the silence".
They were all truly exceptional &, as always, "Personal Jesus" with it's audience participation was a joy to witness. Thousands of hands all pushed out to the stage to accompany the "Reach out & touch faith" bits.

Martin & his piano tinkling chum came out on their own for the encore which started with a smashing rendition of "Shake the disease". Dave & Fletch rejoined then for a romp through "Just can't get enough", a song older than some of the people reading this! Another old favourite came to wish us farewell; "Everything counts" is always great live, primarily because of it's singalongability.
And that was that.

Except it wasn't. Once more they came out to entertain us. This time with "Never let me down again", which again is something of a DM live staple. DOJ, Mark, anyone? How the hell do I get across the splendour of the arm-waving thing is when they play this?
They finished with a whisper.
"Goodnight lovers" saw Martin & Dave stood together, side by side at the end of a short catwalk into the crowd. Towards the end of the song they actually put friendly arms around each other as they sang. It was a lovely thing to see & made up for the anti climax of not going out on a big tune & the fact that Dave's voice was bollocksed.

If I never see them live again, then this performance was more than good enough to live in the memory as "what Depeche Mode used to be like".

So I rushed out into the fresh air, hurriedly sparked up a fag &, with soul full of wonder, drove back up the M1.

"Lucky, lucky, you're so lucky!"

2006-04-01T20:35:00.000+01:00

How you doin'?

I've had a couple of computer-free days which has been quite nice.

So on Wednesday, Dream Girl's brother won the national lottery. I shit you not.
He was one of 4 to get the jackpot & is now over £680,000 better off, jammy bastard!!
Needless to say all in the Dream Girl family circle are quite, quite giddy.

So it's all kicking off at the moment in World of Flash; I am just about over my bout of illness & I'm raring for Monday evening when I zip down the motorway to Wembley arena to spend the evening in the company of Depeche Mode. Yay! I'm to understand that The Bravery are supporting too, which is nice.

Then at the weekend I shall be spending some time, again down in London, with the lovely Spins! She is due to hit these shores any day now & I'm very much looking forward to meeting her in person. If my understanding is correct, there is also something of a blog get together going on next Saturday where several of us shall be chewing the fat, quaffing some ale & having a good time all round.

Well, after years of threatening it, I've finally done it. On May 4th I shall be reacquaintingg myself with Birmingham international airport. Not Lyon this time though. This time the great winged beast will be transporting me all the way to New York city! Yay, yay, thrice yay!!!
Where I will be meeting at least one more blogger in the shape of Hyde. I'm really hoping it ends up more than one though.
I amextremelyy excited about it, I tell thee.

And after feeding you all that lovely news, I'll be off.
Cheerio.

"He made a record, it made him famous yes it made him a star"

2006-03-28T11:31:00.000+01:00

I was watching The Office last night, the one with the quiz. It doesn't get any less hilarious after repeated viewing, does it?
During that particular episode there is a reference to one of my all time heroes. A fella who I hold in extremely high regard.
I once did a post detailing my ongoing devotion to Depeche Mode & since then I knew I would eventually do a similar post for this special man...

Yes, It's Nik Kershaw.

although he may look more familiar like this...

Twas around the time of my 14th birthday, Nik had appeared on Top of the Pops with his single "Wouldn't it be good". At that time my family had somehow become one of the first to have a video recorder in our home. I had taped TOTP the previous night & distinctly remember watching Nik's performance again on that Friday morning. I was extremely taken with the song (more on that later), but I also, inexplicably, really liked the clothes he was wearing & how "cool" he looked playing the solo on the lone keyboard in front of him. This would end up having a great influence on my summer of '84 look. Most non-school days I could be found sporting day-glo socks & fingerless gloves combined with baggy trousers with umpteen pockets (combats, basically, except white) & regulation Frankie Say T-shirt. Pretty picture, eh?

The very next day, Saturday, I went into town & bought "Wouldn't it be good". I played it & it's B-side "Monkey business" to death. I still love both of those songs to this day. "Wouldn't it be good" as proved to be very enduring, of course it sounds very 80's but it still gets regular airplay on the radio. No doubt because it is simply a great song that most people can easily relate to.
Very soon afterwards there was the album:
"Human Racing" still remains to this day a real big favourite album of mine.
At the time though, I all but wore it out!
"Gone to pieces", "Faces" & "Shame on you" were all strong enough to be singles but never were. The follow up single to "Wouldn't it be good" was "Dancing Girls", which was OK.
Then Nik's debut single was re-released. "I won't let the sun go down on me" became Nik's biggest hit when it got to No.2 in the summer of 84 (twas only held off the top spot by FGTH's mammoth 9 week stint at the top with "Two tribes", fact fans). For me though (& for the man himself, actually), it's one of my least favourites & I find it a bit annoying when people base their opinions of Nik on this song.
The title track came later as the 4th single & then something completely unheard of in this day & age happened. In November of 1984 Nik released his second album "The Riddle", just 9 months after "Human Racing".
Ace!
The album was preceded by the title track as a single. I remember the first time I heard it was through the static on Radio Luxembourg & prior to the vocal kicking in, I thought it was Abba!
"The Riddle" sparked all sorts of conjecture as to what the meaning of the lyrics were. What was the answer to the Riddle? Nik himself received thousands of essays & analyses trying to get to the bottom of the mystery. Many, many years later, Nik confessed that the lyrics were "wholly meaningless". Excellent! (I personally never tried figuring it out, I couldn't be arsed!)
The single got to No.3 & ensured that Nik Kershaw was officially the most successful solo artist of 1984.
The album was a more finely tuned update of "Human racing", my favourite song off it, both then & now, is "You might".
I used to hear it as a warning to myself not to fail in my quest to be a "pop star", now I feel it word for word. Let me give you an extract;

"off to face the world again, past the bedroom mirror
ignorance is bliss, they say couldn't be much clearer
imaging what might have been, thinking it could still be
all the lost years in between, still a sucker for a dream...

play the fool and act the clown, impress your friends and neighbours
not so good when you come down with nothing for your labours
you could've been a movie star, you could've been a hero
you could have won a bridge too far, the best you get is no cigar"

Hmmm.

Anyway, during 1985 Nik signed up for his moment of history by performing at Live Aid, where he played "Wide boy", "Don Quixote", "The riddle" & "Wouldn't it be good".
At the end of 1985 he released "When a heart beats" as a single, it only just scraped into the top 30. Sadly Nik would never trouble the top 40 again as a performer.

1986 saw the release of the album "Radio Musicola" which hardly anybody bought. (I did, obviously). In March (I think) of 1987 I went to Bradford St.Georges hall (on my own) to finally see Nik performing live. I had a thoroughly great time & was delighted when he played "So quiet" a B-side that I have always adored. It's actually one of 2 songs I want played at my funeral.
One of the other qualities I've always admired about Mr. K is his affable nature & keen sense of humour. That night he made many a joke about how sparse the crowd were & how he was hurtling "down the dumper".

In 1989 even less people bought "The Works".
Both albums were fine collections of songs that deserved better.
And with that Nik decided to hang up his mic & concentrate on writing for other people, which had always been his intention in the first place.

In 1991, he achieved a No.1 single as a writer & producer, when Chesney Hawkes took "The one & only" to the top spot. Say what you like about Chesney, but it's a damn fine song, it really is.

And that was that. Nik Kershaw; Gone but not forgotten.

Until 1999 when out of nowhere he released the album "15 minutes".
I was delighted! I was also really pleased that it was really good. One track, "Billy", was actually instrumental in me finally leaving my ex-wife! Cheers Nik!

In 2001 he released "To be Frank" which was an even better album than "15 minutes".
Both albums were obviously quite sylistically different from his earlier output but one thing has always remained constant for me; the songs.

All through his career it's been the songs that have always been of a high quality. People have many reasons for not liking Nik Kershaw: the teeny image, the nasal vocals, the introduction of the Snood into the world's consciousness. The songs though stand on their own.

Last year a "new" compilation; "Then & now" came out, which may be a good starting point for anyone wanting to explore Nik's work. I was a little disappointed with the 4 new songs though.
If anyone did want to explore a bit, I would be very happy to fashion a great Best of compilation.

Anyway, hat's off to Nik Kershaw!
My hero!

"Nurse me into sickness, nurse me back to health"

2006-03-26T14:26:00.000+01:00

I am still ill (to paraphrase the great Moz).

I reckon I have a chest infection. I am coughing lots, sometimes when I cough particularly hard it gives me an intense headache. This makes me double up.
I feel weak & I have little appetite (which could be quite a good thing). I have not had a cigarette yet today. Fags only exacerbate the problem.
Thing is though, I am an addict. My body physically craves & demands nicotine even though it's going to affect my healing process. I have not been so strong over previous days & I fear my resistance will fade in the end & I shall be forced to suckle upon the teat of the stinking black temptress as she beckons me towards her comfortable bosom.

As I am ill I have done a lot of lying on the sofa with a duvet & a movie. I have just finished watching 28 Days Later. Now some of those people are ill. I actually thought it was quite a good film. It was cleverly made & it held my attention. It was also quite thought provoking.
For those who don't know, the basic premise of the story is thus: Guy wakes up in hospital after 28 days to find the whole country all but deserted. Those left are infected with a deadly plague which renders them zombie like. Guy tries to survive, meets other survivors, etc.
I'll leave it there. It did make a favourable impression on me though, another tick for the British Film Industry.

So to Blogland. I ask this; Are we infected? Is our little corner of the blogosphere suffering with some indeterminable ailment? I've been musing to myself on this since my return from France when I was able to totally re-immerse myself back into Blogland.
I feel that something isn't right. I haven't got a clue what it is but everything seems slower, there's less vitality. Everywhere I go comment sections are more sparsely populated than they used to be, updates seem less frequent &, oh I don't know, something just doesn't feel right.
I am not alone with these feelings, before posting this I have checked privately with a couple of fellow bloggers who also feel the same.

Don't get me wrong I'm not sounding the death knoll on anything, perhaps it's just the complete randomness of life manifesting itself in this odd manner.
Or perhaps I'm just being a spaz.
Or am I simply one of the infected?

"If they made a film of the book of the memories with Bobby De Niro & Demi De Moore"

2006-03-23T13:24:00.000Z

I am ill.
It sucks.

"Oh it's not as good as the book".
These are words I have never spoken.
I dare say quite a few of you have & I have heard people speak variants of that phrase as I have exited the cinema.
I have never said it though, because as we have previously explored, I don't really do books.
However, stick a man on aeroplanes, put him in departure lounges & cage him in a hotel room & soon enough you'll find him with a book in his hand.
I actually read 5 books during my time in Lyon, but it's the first of these I'm going to talk about.
The book in question, I enjoyed immensely. I found myself making time to read it. Something I'd never done before. I actually recall saying at one point "I'm gonna give the pub a miss & have an early night with my book", which of course ended up being nothing like an early night because I just couldn't bloody stop reading. I was well & truly gripped.
When I finished the book I was gutted, simply because it had ended & I didn't want it to.

I'm guessing that the book world has many similarities with my natural habitat, the music world. That occasionally the No.1 bestseller is a genuinely good work by an author who has honed their skills over several works (like say U2 or Coldplay) but it's also not uncommon for the No.1 to be put in it's position by people who don't usually read books, just as in the music world many an album gets to number 1 without having the talent or spark of genius that you'd expect it to. Perhaps this quote (taken from Mark's blog) by James Blunt's producer may explain better; "I suppose it's just that I'm also aware of a wildly popular form of commercial music that appeals to the broad swathe of people who don't actually like music that much, or for whom at least music isn't particularly important, beyond its function as something to fill in life's sonic background."

I suspect that the book I'm talking about probably falls into this catergory in the eyes of regular bookreaders. I have seen it treated with disdain on a couple of occasions.
Of course, I'm talking about "The Da Vinci code" by Dan Brown.

I really, really enjoyed reading this book, much more than I thought possible.
Irrespective of whether the whole Mary Magdalene thing is utter hokum or not, I found that I was drawn in to every twist & turn of the story. I liked the central characters, I liked the pace of the read, god damn it I loved that book.

I've since read all Mr. Brown's books. I liked "Angels & demons" even more than the Da Vinci code (The whole science vs religion thing really floats my boat). The other 2 were ok but, again using music as my frame of reference, it was like listening to "Violator" & "Songs of faith & devotion" first & then checking out "Some great reward" & "Black celebration". Much the same flavour just not as tasty.

It's not long now till "The Da Vinci code" hits the silver screen. I will go to see it. I need to see it. I really was not pleased when I heard that Tom Hanks had been cast as Robert Langdon. I have nothing against the Hanksmeister at all (Forrest Gump being one of my favourite films, in which our Tom plays a blinder) it's just I didn't picture Robert like that when I read it. I expect this must be a popular gripe for those of you who read books a lot & then see them turned into films. It's just not right, is it? I really don't know who I would've chosen to play the part because to me Robert Langdon is Robert Langdon. And that's that.
Nor would I have chosen Sir Ian McKellen, I saw someone much shorter & rounder for the part of Leigh Teabling.

Still, all that said I will no doubt shuffle myself over to the multiplex come May to watch the movie.
I will also no doubt exit the cinema saying "Oh it's not as good as the book".

"All 7 & we'll watch them fall"

2006-03-20T19:41:00.000Z

Tunes!!!

So I got tagged to give you the 7 tunes I'm currently digging, like I need a reason.

Aparently there are some rules;
List 7 songs you're into right now. No matter the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening too.

I'm not going to tag anyone in particular, just go ahead if you want to...

1>A certain romance - Arctic Monkeys
2>Kiss you better - Maximo Park
3>Come on / Let's go - Paul Weller
4>The happy lobotomy - The Bluetones
5>Drag - Placebo
6>I will see you in far off places - Morrissey
7>Suffer well - Depeche Mode

And there you go.

On another tunes tip, owner of I-pods/I-tunes step forward. Now we've all played the shuffle challenge before, but this time have a go at sorting your library by the number of plays & share your top ten.
Mine has only been logging since last June when I had a new hard drive installed but it shows what's been really floating my boat in that time frame...

1>Once a glimpse - Maximo Park (88 plays)
2>Apply some pressure - Maximo Park (80)
3>Dakota - Stereophonics (79)*
4>White celebration - Gnu Cnu (78)**
5>Tied up too tight - Hard-fi (75)
6>Talk - Coldplay (71)
=7>A certain romance - Arctic Monkeys (70)
=7>Fix you - Coldplay (70)
=7>Painting of a postcard - Maximo Park (70)
10>Speed of sound - Coldplay (69)

*Some of these plays are down to Nice who loves this song to bits.
**I feel a mixture of shame & pride about this. Shame at being such a self-obsessed pillock & pride that I've produced a piece of music that I love so much I can't help but listen to it lots (it sounds especially good through headphones, fact fans)

Anyway I'm off for part one of this week's football fest, ta ra!

"Although your trying not to listen..."

2006-03-19T14:14:00.000Z

So for weeks I've been longing to regain full blog capabilities, yet now I have it I find I have nothing of consequence to say. Work has sucked major donkey balls & I still yearn for Lyon.
Today I am half-heartedly given my flat a spring clean, which is about as dull as dull can be.

Yesterday The Boy & I went to the brand spanking new Ricoh arena to watch Coventry city vs Leeds United. I was 20 when I went to my first Leeds match (incidentally also at Coventry City & also a 1-1 draw), The Boy is 6, jammy little bugger!
He really enjoyed it. I enjoyed his enjoyment of it but because we were in with the home fans I couldn't really get into it. Still at least I've finally been to a game this season.

Fellas, who else has fallen into the razor trap? In my bathroom I have no less than 7 different razors of which only one is in use. The reason for this is simple, yet flawed. Razor blades are so extortionatley overpriced that I get suckered in to buying a new razor for the same price or less than a pack of blades. Of course, the new razor only comes with 2 blades so it's not long until I'm facing the same dilemma again. And what do I do? Yup, I buy another razor.
France has allowed me to temporarily break the cycle as I managed to buy a couple of packs of blades as part of my living expenses. Result!
I'm currently shaving with one of these newfangled Mach 3 nitros. Blimey, it is good! The best a man can get?
Peut etre!
(Any employees of Gillette that may be reading, I would consider a sponsorship deal.)

Radio.
I very rarely listen to the radio these days but I've had to endure it at work over the last week. The station we have to listen to is Northants 96 - The hot FM. Oh Jesus!
It's so bad, the DJ's are mostly retarded buffoons (with the exception of the breakfast boys, Jagger & Woody, who are mildly entertaining buffoons), the music is utterly predictable & mostly lame. I reckon it's about one decent tune in five & one can never expect to hear anything "cutting edge". On Friday morning as part of the "workday windback" (snappy, eh?) they played what I consider to be the most vomit-inducing, toe curlingly cheesy song that has ever been inflicted upon humankind. Never mind your Chicos, birdie songs, Agadoos & Mr.Blobbys. Yes, they're god damn awful, but they're not to be taken seriously like the pull your ears off horror that is; "All I wanna do is make love to you" by Heart.
Oh.
My.
God.
Can anyone top that or, god forbid, defend it?

Over the last couple of weeks I have watched some movies. All previously unseen by me & all comedies.
Allegedly.
When I watch a comedy I want to laugh out loud, long & often. I can't remember doing that for a long old time. I watched Stuck on you, Mr. Deeds & The Longest Yard. None of them were bad as such & they killed a couple of hours, but I want to watch something that makes me pee my pants. Any recommendations would be gratefully received.

Well, I seem to have waffled on about nothing for long enough.

"We'll ask if we can have 6 in"

2006-03-14T19:27:00.000Z

I went up to Yorkshire at the weekend, apologies to the DOJ for not getting together but it was a very whistle stop affair.
The Boy & I arrived in Wakefield about teatime on Saturday. The reason for the visit was for the celebration of my sister's & my Dad's birthdays. They share the 4th as a birthday, but bless them they put their festivities back a week so The Boy & I could join them. Our KId had done herself proud in organising it all. Though it was her birthday too she had pulled out all the stops for Dad as it was his 70th. We went to an Italian restaeraunt, but we went in style. Our Kid had booked a limo for the trip. Our Kid & I knew about this, but we hadn't told Mum or Dad. I had also kept The Boy in the dark about it. Our Kid's new fella (who is currently stood in line at the World of Flash name allocation counter) came along too & he seemed to be good, likeable bloke. The ride in the limo was ace! We all had champagne, Our Kid managed to find "Speed of sound" on one of the CD's & my Mum laughed a lot*.

* This is not unusual behaviour as my Mum laughs at literally anything.
At one point over the weekend The Boy, with no small measure of annoyance, asked me; "Dad, why does Nana always laugh all the time?"

The Boy was absolutely thrilled by the whole limo experience. His face was full of glee as he buzzed up & down & found the controls for the in car lighting system. It was a really nice family moment, which I happily took a moment to soak up, it's not very often we're all together & having such a nice time. The meal was very nice too, despite The Boy having a hissy fit about his Spag Bol having "green stuff" on it. Honestly, I don't know where he gets it from!

On Sunday Dad was feeling generous & bought me a new TV stand/ unit type thing as a belated birthday present.
I set about assembling it when we got home on Sunday afternoon. It took me nearly 3 bloody hours & I have 2 blisters now! One of which is particularly ghastly!
Porquoi?
Because as a fully paid up member of the stupid people's society, the only tools that I possess are a hammer & 2 very small screwdrivers. You know the ones that come in packs of 3 (including the bafflelingly odd miniature knitting needle) that come out of Christmas crackers? Them. The bloody thing had loads of screws, some of them requiring me to force the screw into the wood in a self-tapper stylee. Ow, ow, thrice ow!
Still it looks great now, so all is well (except for the blisters).

So I'm back at work now (drops shoulders & sighs heavily), it's been really nice to see everybody but it's just all so dull, all so normal, all so CRAPSVILLE!
Oh well, I've got to ride it out & it's not like I wasn't expecting it.

Disappointingly, I have had no acceptance messages from the winners of this year's Flashy's. Not even David Ford. Though I did receive a reply from Stereophonics' people saying "Sorry, that would not be possible".
Which leads me neatly into the prize for the most glamourous attendee of the Flashy awards. I don't think I'll meet much opposition when I announce that the winner is...

ADEM!!!!

A fine effort from the young fella! Well done mate, how does a "Best of the Flashys"awards CD sound as a prize?

"...if you sing to me in French"

2006-03-10T13:18:00.000Z

At the time when I started composing this post I have been home from France for almost exactly one week (to the minute).

Now I am happy to be home & to regain a sense of normalcy to my life, but I am really missing a lot about Lyon.
For instance:

CunningLinguist & ShutYourMouse
Speaking French (even if it was a tiny amount)
Wandering the streets in awe at how beautiful the place is (nothing, not even a lorryload of mind altering substances, could make that possible in Crapsville)
Pretty girls in every direction
Flying
Feeling important (ish)
Not having to worry about money at all
The feeling of utter contentment I used to get just wandering around the city with my i-pod, smiling to myself.
The Smoking Dog, The St. James' & the Indian restaurant
My "Le"
Etc.

I also find myself getting very defensive of the French. As always, there have been the little stereotypical jibes at the French in the paper this week. And they make me cross.

Lyon, can you hear me?
I miss you!

"It's been a long time coming, a long time coming"

2006-03-09T10:56:00.000Z

(voice of stereotypical voice over bloke)
Ladies & Gentlemen, the wait is over.

The time has finally come for the award ceremony like no other, yes, this year sponsored by Angryseahorse.com who have designed the simply fab new header at the top of the page, it's THE FLASHYS!!!!
(cue rapturous applause)

Let's go out to the red carpet & see who's wearing what & looking hot!
First here is the tres stylish Mr. Mark Reed!!!

Look out, here comes one of the band members! Oops, my mistake it's Chapstick making a rare public appearance!!

Listen up folks, the crowd are going into a frenzy! Look it's our glamourous co-host the delectable Charby & she's brought some mates with her. Is that Orlando Bloom & Sarah Michelle Gellar? Who cares it's the Charbmeister that were here to see. See how she's berating that geezer from the Daily Sport for suggesting that she "gets 'em out"! Good work missy, now go & kick him square in the nuts!!

Again the crowd are giving it up big style, this time for the "unique" look being paraded by Swiss Toni!!!

Woah, check out this beauty! The photographers flashbulbs are going into meltdown & it's no surprise when faced with the kind of glamour & beauty that these award shows are all about.
The glamour & beauty that is ADEM!!!!!

Not to be outdone on the glamour front, it's the lovely, the sweet, the divine...Spins!!!

Hey up! The fella from the Daily Sport is salivating again &, let's be honest, he's not the only one! Just check out the little minx we all know as Alecya Giovanni. Oo-er missus!!

Now, our beloved Hyde couldn't make it tonight cos she lives the high life in the big apple, but she sent along her stunt double, Ladies & Gentlemen, may I present NDN dressed up as Hyde!

And here's our host, who was telling me earlier today that he can no longer fit into his glamourous outfit due to the amount of weight he's put on in France, all together now...Who ate all the croissants?, who ate all the croissants?, etc...

Well all the guests have arrived, as they take their seats & set about the complimentary champers lets hand you over to our hosts for the night....the two & only... CHARBY & FLASH!!!!

Good evening everybody, it's a genuine pleasure to see you all here tonight almost as much as it is to be stood next to this beautiful young lady. Are you up for it Charbs?
I'm ready Flash! I can tell already its going to be a great evening! Lets hope everyone enjoys it as much as I will - even the losers!
Who couldn't enjoy an evening in our company, eh?

Ok, let's get on with the show.
I just feel the need to point something out. Although this is the Flashy awards for 2005, releases from the tail end of 2004 will also be considered as they may not have had the opportunity to impress in time for last year's awards. If you don't like it, tough. It's my show. And mine too Flash - don't forget!
Indeed, So what's up first Charby?

The first award of the night is for Best TV show- Nominees are:
Big brother
Doctor Who
The always consistant Match of the day
my surprise hit of the year Lost
and lastly Joey

Excellent, and the winner is...Lost

A richly deserved award if ever there was one. I haven't seen such an enthralling, captivating TV show in many a year. Congratulations to everyone involved with Lost, particularly Evangeline Lilly for whom I have a special prize if she'd like to collect it in person.

Our next award of the evening goes to Best Solo Artist - Despite his best efforts we managed to keep Flash from entering himself into the award!
Thanks Charbs. Last year this coveted prize went to the legend that is Morrissey but who's in the frame this year. The nominees are:
James Blunt (yeah, right)
Paul Weller
Bright Eyes *hums the Art Garfunkel tune, getting a strange look from Flash and appreciative and spontanious applause from the audience*
David Ford
Nik Kershaw (Yes, really)

Big respect going out to David Ford, who claims his second Flashy award. His album is also in the running for the best album award, so maybe he can make it 3 before the night is over.

Hey Flash?
Yes Charbs?
Can I tell you a joke?
Of course, go ahead
What have a laptop & the Premiership got in common?
Dunno
No Leeds!!!
Oh, Ha bloody ha
*Gestures to the audience who give small polite titters, where as the Americans amongst us just look bemused and whisper to each other.*

Moving on swiftly as the DOJ is giving me some VERY evil looks down there, it's now time for the Best Live act award!
As is always on this award, an award can only be given to someone I've actually seen in that time period. So the nominees are:
Coldplay
David Ford
The Kaiser chiefs
The Bluetones
Goldfrapp
Maximo park

And the winner is Coldplay!!
It was a very close call over the Kaisers but maybe seeing Coldplay twice last year swung it. Anyone who hasn't seen Coldplay live should be told that they have a much more robust sound. The begining of "Politik" is immense!
*Mimics snoring noises* Anyway lets move on swiftly or Flash will have us up all night!
Its now time for the best movie category!

Ooh this one will be tough to predict, who are the nominees then Charby?
Hehe, you can tell someone only gets to go to the cinema with young kids - We'll gloss over the fact that I've seen most of them and didnt even have the excuse of being made to watch them with The Boy!
Nominees are:
Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-rabbit
Fantastic Four.

And the winner is, au naturellement, Star Wars- Revenge of the Sith. Bloody great piece of cinema, I don't care what anyone else says.
I care! Harry Potter was robbed! Star Wars is geeky! Boo! Bad judging!
Steady on there missy!
Ok so the result of this one was leaked a while ago but we dont care do we Charbs?
*mutters about this all being a fix*
That's right! So the nominees are:
I predict a riot- Kaiser Chiefs
Speed of Sound - Coldplay
Tied up too tight - Hard-Fi
Going missing - Maximo park
Dakota - Stereophonics

And the winner is the barnstorming Dakota! A class song in every way!

Now to the award that has caused me the most pain (& thank crikey that the Artic Monkeys album didn't come out a bit earlier), the final decision has taking me literally months to come to. Two of these bands were so, so close that I very seriously thought about having joint winners. However, that's not the way of things...(looks to Charby sadly)

Awww Poor Flashy!
but they're all winners for getting this far!
Nominees include:
Kaiser Chiefs
Maximo Park
Gnu Cnu - Hmm Who put this one here? *suspicious look in Flash's direction, crowd chant Flash's name*
Hard-Fi
Editors

And the winners are....just.... Maximo Park!!! Big comiserations going out to Hard-Fi! It really was the closest of desicions that in the end came down to the number of skippers per album, despite Hard-Fi's slightly more expansive sound.

Now we come to the 2 most highly coveted awards of the evening, which one is first Charbs?
First of all we have best album, for which there are 10 nominees! and they are as follows.....
A certain trigger - Maximo Park
Playing the angel - Depeche Mode
I'm wide awake it's morning - Bright eyes
Confessions of an idiot - Gnu Cnu *glances at Flash*
X & Y - Coldplay
American Idiot - Green Day
Stars of CCTV - Hard-Fi
Get behind me Satan - The White Stripes
I sincerley apologise for all the trouble I've caused - David Ford
Elevator - Hot Hot Heat

And the winner is American Idiot by Green Day!

Yup, a most deserving award for a most deserving album, & an honourable mention to Coldplay who would've had it if the Flashys were strict on the year thing.
And the final award tonight is the Best band of 2005 award, the one they all want. Who's in the frame Charbs?

well Flash..... We have such names as
Depeche Mode
Coldplay
Hard- Fi
Hot Hot Heat
Maximo Park

the tension is nearly unbearable so please put us and them out of our misery!

The winner of the Flashy award for best band of 2005 is.....

Coldplay!!!

ooh Flash I think the DOJ has just stood up & walked out, is he just disappointed he didnt get a mention?!
Daft apeth! I would imagine it's his anti-Coldplay stance.
Still, look at Swiss & Lordy B go!

Well, that's it for this year, may I thank the lovely tidy arsed Sarf London legend who I have somehow stood next to all night without having a sly grope...the truly wonderful CHARBY!!!!!!!
(cups hand to ear in a Dave Gahan stylee to hear the crowds adulation for the Charbmeister)

And I'd just like to say thanks to Flash for letting me co-host such a presitigious award, next year though I'll be the main host and you can be relegated to award giver-outer *mwahahahaha!*
Mmmph
Right on your way out folks don't forget to place your vote for the most glamourous guest award. Of course Flash has the casting vote, but we'd like to see what you all think
Well, all that remains is to ask....
Who's ready for the aftershow PARRR_TAAAAYYY???
Yeee-haaa! Who's gonna get to that free bar first? Me or Hyde?!
And more importantly who's gonna be first for a private meeting in my dressing room???

"I want you now!"

2006-03-08T12:05:00.000Z

Just a quickie that will later be deleted...
This is your final chance to send a picture of yourself looking glam for the flashy awards, come on guys there are lots of you still to attend, don't make me name names!!
I reckon you have no more than a few hours because the Flashys are finally coming.....very soon

"Anticipation has a habit you set you up for disappointment in evening entertainment but tonight there'll be some love"

2006-03-06T09:20:00.000Z

Hey honeys, I'm home!

A recap is in order, I feel.
On Wednesday last week I was honoured to be invited round to CunningLinguist's place for a meal & a smoke. I had a wonderful time. I was also delighted to meet his very lovely wife, LongLostSister?, who is the first person I've ever met who shares my pride in having the ability to spot songs by hearing just the first note. We actually put our powers to the test against each other. I triumphed on 80's pop but had to bow down to her awesome knowledge of classic rock. Even without that, it was a great evening. I also very much enjoyed the rather scrummy chocolate cake that LongLostSister? prepared for us. It may have looked like asphalt but it tasted like heaven! We slowly got stoned while we chatted the night away. I was very sad that the evening went far too quickly.I hope it speaks volumes about the sort of person I am, that of all my English & American colleagues nobody else has built the sort of bond with any of the French guys that I am so very happy to have done.
I left about half past midnight & undertook the short walk back to my hotel.
As it was March 1st, I selected "The scientist" as the first song to soundtrack my saunter through the night. I had a lovely time, happily stoned & simultaneously reveling in the sweet memories that Coldplay's loveliest song bring to the fore & soaking up my surroundings in the beautiful city that I would be leaving some 36 hours later.
As I walked through the lobby of the hotel one of the staff, a very nice French lady, called out to me with a smile; "Hey! Get to bed & go to sleep!". I returned the smile with a salute & a "Yes ma'am". That little exchange just served to underline what a wonderful evening I'd had.

Due to logistic issues, Thursday became my last day at work. It was nice to say goodbye to all the guys on the plant, even if it was in utterly crap French; "Err...Demain, Je suis... err.. retour a Anglerterre (complete with the international hand signal for flying!)... errr... et non.... (another flying sign) ..err..non plus Francais...err...bon chance & au revoir". Judging by the warm handshakes & pleasant wishes I received it would seem that I managed to get the point across.

Then, of course, it was time for the big night out. I was delighted with the turn out. Including myself there were 11 of us. We started off by having a meal in my favourite restaurant, the Indian where I've become a friend of the proprietor & his sons. They said it was a very sad day because I was leaving. When I left they insisted on saying goodbye in proper French style, it was the first time that I'd taken part in the whole kissing both cheeks thing & I felt very pleased that I'd made such a favourable impression on these guys. I also felt like I'd really intergrated in with the Lyonnais, which was bon!
Here's the gang from the Indian:
Left side, foreground to background: FunnyYankeeRobotGuy, AnotherForestFool, Merciless, NewFemme.
Right side; BatleyBruiser, Some dodgy bloke who looks awful in all these pictures because he's put soooo much weight on due to eating out & drinking beer almost every night for 3 and a half months, UpTheFoxes, ShutYourMouse & Boss.

My Indian cuisine buddys.

After many a beer & a scrummy feed we mosied down Le Rue de Saint Jean a few yards till we descended en masse upon the St. James' pub. Here we were joined by CunningLinguist & NorfolkChad.
As you would expect the beer (& then the vodka & cranberries) flowed freely & a great laugh was had by all.

It was 10 by the time we hit the pub, so it came as no surprise when some people started drifting off. Merciless & Boss were the first to slip away, the rest stayed past midnight. By half 12 though we were down to 5. Myself & AnotherForestFool (who has gone out to Lyon to replace me) & the 3 French folk. The 5 of us stayed until chucking out time at 2 am.
Then we couldn't get a taxi to take 5 of us so we walked. NewFemme lives very close to the old internet place I used to use when I first arrived. Then with much joking & general tomfoolery the remaining 4 guys wandered back to the hotel, where ShutYourMouse was put in a taxi for his journey out to the suburbs, after some hugs & a fond farewell. CunningLinguist & AnotherForestFool came up to my room where we had a quick spliff. Then I said my goodbyes to CunningLinguist who went back to his nearby flat. And that was that.
By crikey, I felt like shite on Friday morning, I tell thee.

After a delayed flight, I finally arrived home at 3pm.
Since then I've just been getting my head round the fact that I'm not going back to France after the weekend. Nor am I going to work. I've booked a week off so I can get my head round the horrible prospect of going back to the mindnumbing dullness of my day to day routine back in the lab. I am absolutely dreading it.
I've also sorted my broadband out, so I'm gonna be properly back in Blogland now (not to mention getting hold of lots & lots of new tunes).

A little while ago I told you that I had done something that I had always wanted to do but had never gotten round to doing. I also offered readers the opportunity to guess what this thing was. Only the lovely devoted Spins offered a guess (which was wrong, though she did later get it right in an e-mail), so time to reveal all: With this picture of the top of my left arm.

What do you think?
I'm well happy with it.

Right, I'm off do get a cushion for this chair so I can comfortably sit here for hours while I catch up on the blogs that I have had to neglect.
See you at yours in a bit, ok?

"All I need is a certain trigger"

2006-03-01T22:12:00.000Z

Greetings all!
This is Charby (shameless plug!) doing a little favour for everyone's number one superhero Flash!
Earlier today he asked me if I could post on his blog the following message!

It's March the first today. Long term readers (if there are any left) will know that it's a very significant day for me.
This year it somehow feels different. Instead of lamenting all the could haves and should haves, I find myself quietly and fondly remembering the best day of my life.
C'est bon, tres bon

"Over there, there's friends of mine"

2006-02-22T07:14:00.000Z

One thing that is long overdue is a post about some of the people I’ve gotten to know during my time here, other than NakedLady.

Obviously there have been many, many people I’ve met. There’s GrizzlyBear, who is a very grumpy Frenchman that I have to have a meeting with every morning; he can never “accept ze situation” & has a habit of dropping his pen onto his desk when he’s annoyed. There’s Senor who insists on talking to me in Spanish, as if trying to learn some French wasn’t enough!

*Blimey, NakedLady has got a hot friend with her, I so hope that they get naked together!*

There’s the Yorkshire boys who are sub-contractors working for us. Their company is based in Dewsbury & their influence on me (combined with the most excellent Arctic Monkeys) has prompted the return of my Yorkshire accent a bit. Which is reet champion, I tell thee.

There have been several of our American colleagues coming & going too. One of these, SaltyBoy, deserves more than a passing mention. I never really befriended him or spent much time with him but he unwittingly bought much mirth to our lives. Mostly because he’s as thick as two short planks. I discovered this the first time I clapped eyes on him, allow me to elaborate…
When the Americans come they fly into Paris and then take the train down to Lyon. It has somehow become my job to venture into town, meet them at the station & bring them back to the plant. When SaltyBoy came he arrived at Part Dieu (the station) before anyone had told me he was coming. So I went down to the Metro & made my way to Part Dieu, I had no info about what the guy looked like just his name so I had told his boss to tell him what I looked like & what I was wearing. I also told him to make sure he came to the front of the station.
I arrived at Part Dieu some 30 minutes later & had a scout round the concourse figuring that an American with lots of luggage wouldn’t be too tricky to find amongst the French. No joy, so I made a sign with his name on it & stood like a pillock holding it up at the front of the station…for a bloody hour! I was now getting seriously pissed off, though I was temporarily cheered by the pretty young French girl who walked up & proclaimed “C’est Moi” prompting me to curse my limited French so I could have said “I wish”. Eventually I rang back to base in a huff & demanded some more info. 10 minutes later I received a call telling me he had a Marlboro bag. Great.
So now I had taken to walking around the whole of the station building brandishing my sign & scouring everyone’s luggage for some red & white. Eventually, after being there for an hour & a half, I spotted him. He was sitting down right at the very back of the concourse. I resisted the urge to smack him in the chops knowing that he had been here twice as long as I had. His explanation; “Gee, I thought this was the front, so I stayed here”
That evening 5 of us went to the restaurant next to the hotel, I had gotten in first & got us a table for 5 & 5 pints of lager. One by one my cohorts filtered in & took there seats till there was just one remaining. Being that it was a table to seat 6 the waiter had left one space unset, no placemat, and no cutlery. SaltyBoy walks in & sits himself down in that very space. From my position on the opposite corner of the table I spy him examining the salt & pepper pots. He looks up at me with salt in hand; “Flash, is this the salt?”
I nod.
He then proceeds to start tipping the salt into his beer!
“What on earth are you doing, SaltyBoy?” I ask incredulously.
“It makes it go down smoother”
At this point I just had to tell Merciless* about this; And between him & I we ripped him big time. As part of his futile defense he claimed, in his southern drawl, “I’m just a country boy” he was also heard to say later on; “If I can kill it I can grill it”

*Merciless is a fellow Brit that I have known and worked with for over 10 years. He has been referred to before in this blog by a much less complimentary name following his abhorrent behaviour toward me during a meeting once; I recall Shorty at the time suggesting I buy him a Christmas present specifically designed for the purpose of “fucking himself”, tee hee. Anyhow, Merciless has been in Lyon the whole time I’ve been here & we’ve gotten along fine. He even, without any mention from me, apologised for that incident in the meeting. That was back in December. His name is right on the button has he is a serious pisstaker, usually picking on the weakest member of the herd to make himself appear strong. Not necessarily a pleasant trait but it can be quite entertaining sometimes.

SaltyBoy’s finest moment came after he had left us. He phoned up his boss here from Paris, pleading desperately for some help. He was on a metro train & there was nobody else on it, it was all locked up & was in a shed somewhere! Marvelous, we’re still all amused by that now, a week later.

I wouldn’t actually consider any of these people to be friends as such. I haven’t finished yet though.

I would say I have made 3 proper friends, people whom I’d be happy to hang with outside the confines of work & who I hope to stay in touch with after I go back to England.
First there is NotZoBad, he is the plant manager & a really nice fella. His driving scares the crap out of me, some of the food he eats in the canteen has the same effect & he often makes me laugh out loud. I probably haven’t gotten to know him as well as I’d like to because of his position & how very busy he always is. He has made me feel very welcome here in his plant from day one.

Then there is ShutYourMouse. He has become my right hand man here in Lyon & he is constantly making me laugh &/or making me want to pull my hair out. He could compete for France in the Olympic moaning event was there such a thing. He speaks pretty decent English but with enough little mistakes to keep me smirking all day long. Hence his name; he’s forever shouting “Shut your fucking mouse!” It also tickles me when he says “up your hass”. When I first started getting to know him we had Flash’s English swear word of the day for him. Now he is extremely fluent in cursing, often to be heard bellowing “Arrgh cocksuckingcuntybollockstwatbastardwanker”. He’s a lovely guy & has a very sweet nature. I will miss him a lot when I go. He is also aware of this very blog & I hope he continues to read it when I’ve gone. Salut Superman!

Last but not least there is CunningLinguist. He is our translator here on site & he’s an all round great bloke (for a Frenchman!). He’s very clever, he often makes me laugh, he’s fond of a special smoke though we’ve yet to share a spliff, he takes the piss out of me as much as I do him & he can often be found committing fake acts of violence upon me complete with Kung Fu sound effects. He also despairs of the verbal jousting that ShutYourMouse & I often partake in. We have a lot in common & it’s a bit of a shame that we’ve not had an opportunity to hang out outside of work. He also inspired me to construct a short story that I’ve not yet written about The famous chicken of Bourg en Bresse. We were both in tears at that one! Much like ShutYourMouse, he knows of World of Flash & I hope he becomes a regular reader.
I should also add that professionally he has been an immense help to me, as he was last week when he gave me a lift into town for my illicit rendezvous.

I really am going to miss these guys when I return home, which is now only 10 days away. I plan to have a gargantuan piss up next Thursday night & if any of them don’t attend I will take a large blunt instrument to them & shove it dans le cul!

By the way NakedLady & her friend let me down. Merde!

"Talking to the SongBird yesterday"

2006-02-14T20:41:00.000Z

I am so ready to go home. Back to the grey skies & drizzle. Back to the dullest town in the world. Back to the day to day drudge of my normal life;
I’m fed up with all this now, but I am most definitely not fed up with Lyon.

The fact of the matter is I don’t see Lyon anymore. I have now had my final weekend in this beautiful city & I really enjoyed the rare opportunity to actually go into the city.
J’adore Lyon.
The weekend was, as always, frightfully cold but the sun has been shining & I thoroughly enjoyed walking around the streets. The wonder of the place has not diminished one iota, it’s just I rarely see it anymore. Saturday was spent wandering round all the usual haunts; Bellacour, Vieux Lyon, The wobbley bridge over the Saône, the Smoking dog, etc. And it was fabulous. I really am going to miss this city. Isn’t it strange that one can form an attachment to a place, to a collection of concrete, stone & glass.
These days though I rarely feel like I’m living in this glorious place. I wake, we drive to work where we remain for at least 12 hours, we drive back to the hotel. Occasionally we’ll go to the old town in the evening for a meal but even then the only sights to see are the inside of a tunnel & 100 yards of familiar cobbled streets. I think this is why I find myself so homesick. That & the need to be around the people whom I care about.

Sunday started out much the same. A beautiful full English breakfast in The St James pub followed by a pint or 3 whilst watching Sunderland scramble a draw against Spurs. I then had a gentle stroll up to the Smoking Dog where I planned to drink a bit more beer, read the paper & then watch the Manchester City vs Charlton game. It wasn’t long after kick off when my plans started to change. For the first time in a long while I am loathe to go into any detail for fear of reprisal. Maybe a commenter could come up with a theory as to what happened next?

During my movements on Saturday, I set the wheels in motion for a plan. A plan to do something that I’ve always fancied doing but have never got around to doing. This plan came to fruition on Monday & deed has been done. All will be revealed in good time. Perhaps a commenter would care to hazard a guess as to the nature of said plan?

Flashy’s coming soon, though I’d still like more folk to come in their finery.
Also I’d like to apologise for not having been round other blogs recently, it’s a damn tricky business, I tell thee. I miss your lives & I hope you are all well.

"There'll be times when my crimes will seem almost unforgivable, I give in to sin because you have to make this life liveable"

2006-02-13T09:31:00.000Z

Anonymous was right, I am a tart!

"I saw a lady & she was naked, I saw a lady she had no clothes on"

2006-02-10T06:48:00.000Z

Yes, to my delight, I stumbled into the waking world this morning to find NakedLady parading herself again. I involuntarily blurted out; "Yay! NakedLady!" This time she was totally starkers in front of her window for about 15 minutes. She was wonderful. She even covered herself in lotion for me, gently applying it across every inch of her bare flesh. Oo-er. I kept watching until she was fully clothed then I skipped off to breakfast.

NakedLady's reappearance was quite fitting really because this week my head has been full of sex. Which has been frustrating in a most pleasant kind of way. No details but the events of the weekend combined with the increasingly hot flirting that's been going on with somebody really sexy & sensual has got me all in a bit of a state. And there is no sweet release on the horizon. Still, I should imagine Nice will be truly thankful next friday.

Unless any of you chicks fancy a weekend in Lyon?

"Just banging tunes..."

2006-02-08T13:54:00.000Z

Before I get to the gist of today's offering may I just say thanks for the smashing piccys that are coming in for the "red carpet" &, to gee up those of you who have not sent one in it, Don't be shy; Get them in!

Whilst I have been in exile over here in France I have been pretty much immune to the tsunami of hype that I'm told has accompanied the arrival of the debut album from Britain's new favourite band; Arctic Monkeys.
I did however hint to Temper Tantrum that the CD could be a nice birthday gift from The Boy. She seemingly agreed & The Boy proudly gave me said CD as a prezzie.
So, 10 days in, what do I think?

I think that it's abso-chuffing-lutely bloody brilliant. I have been able to listen to nothing else. I read the band described as "a missing link between The Smiths & The Streets". I couldn't agree more. I adore the album. Anyone who hasn't succumbed yet should give it a go, I'd be very surprised if it disappointed.

It's actually one of 3 new CDs I have obtained recently. Not having the ability to download has meant going back to ye good olde record shop from day's of yore. The other 2 are The Strokes' "First impressions of earth" which I've found mostly uninspiring so it won't stand a chance against the lads from Sheffield when it comes to my listening time & "Amber" by Clearlake which I got on Saturday & has sounded pretty good on first listen. Clearlake will get a good chance eventually because they are a band I really like, but for now...

"Put on your dancing shoes you sexy little swine..."

"You watch your former lovers growing old"

2006-02-06T15:06:00.000Z

Another weekend at home; another heroic intake of alcohol.

Friday was just a mellow chilled out evening, just Nice & I hanging out.
Saturday was a day for The Boy we went over to Northampton to have a snoop round the shops. We ended up getting 4 new games for the X-box. All were pre-owned & as cheap as chips so it was a bit of a result. Nice joined me for a couple of hours in the evening.

Sunday, however, was where all the action was. The Boy & I endured an hour & a quarter in church which was pretty grim but after that it was time for the party. As we waited outside the church for Reckless et al to come out I spied Monochrome Baby. For the first time in nearly 14 years. I caught her eye & said a cheery hello. She said nothing, she dismissed me with a forced half smile then quickly turned her now sneering face away. Fine, be like that!

Her reaction towards me had made it so much easier for me to mock her. The years have not been kind to Monochrome Baby. She looks at least 45 to 50 instead of the 36 that she is. She really does look old, encouragingly so. Myself, Reckless & Funny Dance all felt pretty good about how we look for our age after seeing her.
She did, all those years ago, used to be such a pretty thing too. Now she looks gaunt & haggard. The only thing that reminded me of the girl I once loved was the 1988 hairstyle that she still sports. According to my sources she has never had any other style during all those years.
I've noticed over the years that some people grow into their looks, I count myself among these actually. Not that I reckon myself to be a hottie or anything, just that I feel comfortable with the way I look & realize that I'm not actually hideous as I'd always led myself to believe.
Poor old Monochrome Baby has gone the other way, laughing? Moi?
Au naturellement!
One last thing about her before I move on, she may well have the most appropriate blog name I ever did come up with! (Even if I did steal it from the title of a song I wrote about her many moons ago)

Being that I had no major plans for the rest of the day I decided I'd have a few beers & get a bit merry. When we could take the party no more, Reckless, Dream Girl & I retreated back to mine with all our respective kids. There Dream Girl & I set about the bottle of apple schnapps that the rather smashing waiter in Lyon's finest Indian restaurant had given to me on Thursday. Poor old Reckless was driving so no booze for him.
As the day drew on Dream Girl & I were getting pretty smashed. Lucky for me that Temper Tantrum had relieved me of The Boy by then. Soon Nice joined us, her & I were going to the pub to watch the footy & the guys were going back to Northampton.
Dream Girl had other ideas though, she thought we should all get smashed & they should stay the night. Reckless took some persuading but eventually came round to the idea. He & Nice went out to score some gear & buy more booze, while Dream Girl & I drank even more.
By the time Reckless & Nice had returned Dream Girl was at passing out point. This gave me lots of opportunities to smack her about with a pillow & to pour water all over her! Hurrah, the fun never stops round Flash's place. To her credit, Dream Girl did pull herself back round & we continued to drink, smoke, chatter & laugh for the rest of the night.

I think we all had some degree of regret at 5 this morning when we all had to get up. Nice had to be at work for 6, I had a plane to catch & the guys had to get back to Northampton for all their morning stuff.

Something else happened over the weekend, but sadly it has been classified in true X files style as "Tell no one".

"He buzzes like a fridge"

2006-02-03T07:36:00.000Z

So in response to a comment from the lovely Ka, I feel the need to clarify my position on drugs.

I like drugs.

There, I've said it. Actually, I make no bones about it & I never have. I have limits & I've always been very rigid in staying within those limits.

As I'm sure you all know, I'm rather partial to a spliff now & again. I don't consider myself to be a stoner, though I feel I maybe did cross the line a couple of years back which prompted one of my own personal 10 commandments to live by.
I like the way it makes me feel. What sucked me in, in the first place, was how it made me laugh uncontrollably. I love laughing, it's great, on a par with sex & wonderful live music as one of life's simple but fantastic pleasures. I also like how relaxed it makes me feel. I very much enjoy doing it in company. I've had many a smashing time with friends & loved ones where we've all been a bit (or a lot) stoned.

Then there's Wiz or Speed or whatever you people call it. Obviously I like the effects of wiz too but more often than not it's used as an aid for staying awake rather than for it's effects alone. I do like the effects though, the sensation of buzzing, the feeling of hyperactivity, etc.

Then there is my own personal favourite; E. I bloody love Ecstasy, it makes me feel wonderful. There's the buzz of wiz but with a wonderful feeling of well being & a massive amplification of feelings of love to all around. I'm sure I've made my feelings about E pretty clear in the past. Obviously there are some negatives you have to weigh in to the equation. I have been known, once or twice, to have complete memory blackouts whilst under the influence of E. One time, several years ago, myself & my posse went to a gig at the Planet in Coventry to see the the Wannadies. Now I remember the journey to Cov, I remember dancing about before the band, I remember Vodka slush puppies ( Yum!), I even remember accidently seeing my ex-wife's very attractive friend naked through a crack in her bathroom door when we'd gotten back to her place but I have absolutely no recollection of The Wannadies whatsoever. I'm told that they came on & played a good little set but I never bloody saw them. Their appearance that night was not recorded in my brain. It was most odd.
This has reminded of another E-related memory loss story. Twas the first night of my first ever London Baby! weekend. It's A London Thing & I had several beers inside us & I'd been introduced for the first time to KindaPoshLoadsaDosh. He had word that I had some pills, so we decided to have them that night & he'd get some more the next day, which he never did. Anyhow, much later we retired to his gaff. This was a top floor apartment in the centre of London which he shared with his very hot cousin. We landed there in the early hours & I was shown my bed for the night. The next thing I know, I'm in the hallway outside the apartment wearing just my boxers. I was quite alarmed by this & I also desperately needed a pee, which I assume was the reason I had ended up where I was. One E addled drunk in an unfamiliar flat in the dark trying to find the loo! I had obviously got through the wrong door. I suppressed my need for a pee after discovering that there was nowhere to go. I had gone up & down the lift several times but the whole place was too plush, the lift was carpeted so I knew it was not the done thing to pee there. The other problem I had was how to get back in. My inate politeness was forbidding me from banging on the door of the apartment in the early hours because these people were essentially strangers. So I sat outside the door in my underwear clad state & waited. I drifted in & out of sleep until finally several hours later I heard noises from within. I timidly knocked on the door & was greeted my the vision of the hot cousin wrapped in just a towel. I explained what I thought had happened & she welcomed me in amid scenes of much mirth. While they laughed, I peed.
Obviously with E there is a potential danger of popping one's clogs. However, I liken it to playing Russian roulette with one bullet & a couple of million chambers. They are odds that I'm happy to gamble with.

I have occasionally had acid / LSD. I do like it but it's unpredictable & I'm not mad keen on the amount of time the effects stay with you.

So to Cocaine. It may surprise you that I have only done coke about 6 or 7 times. I like it, it makes me buzz & it gives me a feeling of extreme confidence. This, in an ego-maniac like me, is not always a good thing! To be honest though, I've often felt a little disappointed by Coke. For the amount of money it costs I always expect it to be much better than it is. This last occasion I think the vast amounts of Tequila I consumed nullified the effects of the coke anyway. That's not to say I've never had a good time with it, the reason why I got some in for my birthday was because of the blissfully wonderful New Year's eve I had on it ( & because I couldn't get any E).
Ther is one other appeal to Coke that shows me up to be a very shallow individual. It holds a kind of bizarre romanticism. The rolled up 20 pound note & the pureness of the white powder against the mirror. This is what rock stars do.
I know that is stupid & wrong on many levels but if I can't be honest here there's little point in having this blog.
The major risks with Coke are only really associated with regular use & like I say; I use it very, very sparingly.
So, in answer to Ka's question; because I like it, simple as that.

I also feel the need to point out that I have never touched Crack or Heroin. The former holds zero interest to me & the latter simply scares the bejesus out of me. I have often said though that were I ever to be given 6 months to live on medical grounds that I would have a go then. Nothing to lose.

------------------------------------------------------------

I'm flying home later this morning, I have to go back again because Funny Dance & his brood are in town this weekend. The reason for this is the christening of The Early Birds, who incidentally had their first birthday on Wednesday. Reckless & Dream Girl are godparents which is cool. I bagged LeedsBoy for my godchild some 13 years ago.
Tonight Funny Dance is gonna pop round for a drink, a smoke, a chat & a play on the X-box. That is gonna be ace! We haven't just hung out for a very long time.
The christening has thrown up a very odd thing. One of the other guests is a very prominent figure from my dim & distant past. For the first time in nearly 14 years I shall be face to face with Monochrome Baby; My girlfriend of 4 years from 88 to 92 & the reason I left Wakefield & moved to Crapsville. It will be very strange to see her again, though I am kind of looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it went.

Keep the piccy's coming in for the Flashys folks, I've had a handful so far & by crikey you all look fine!

Oh, one more thing, I am 36 years old. My post title was not intended to deceive but it seems it had that effect. I'm sorry.

Right, I've got a meeting to attend & then a plane to catch.
Au revoir mes amis!

"Who gives a damn about the profits of Tesco?"*

2006-01-31T00:08:00.000Z

* I have officially given up on the French lyrics, I feel it was a good effort on my part but I cant be arsed with it any longer!

I've still got a bloody headache even now! 48 hours after ending my dubious consumption of powder & fluids, I still feel a bit grim.

It was a good birthday celebration, though in the grand tradition of Flash's birthdays, hardly anyone turned up. There was Reckless, Dream Girl (they NEVER let me down, god bless 'em), Nice, Lil' Mum & me. It was not the turn out that I'd envisaged. It was particularly disappointing considering I'd spent a shedload of money in Tesco's on Saturday afternoon on copious amounts of assorted alcohol. 70% of which remains in my flat, untouched. Bah!

I fear that it's the coke that has left me with the unshakeable headache, though it may well have been the tequila. I decreed that we should play "I never" with tequila slammers. Oh, how very bloody clever. I found myself having to drink every bloody turn & then when it was my turn I couldn't think of anything I'd never done. "I never" is obviously a game to be played by less adventurous sorts or to be played using Tizer instead of tequila.

On Friday night, Nice looked after The Boy so I could go out with all the lab boys back home. Our chemical supplier took us ten pin bowling. Despite coming last, it was a hoot. It was great just to see the guys again. The Silver Fox, Crisp Fiend, Delusions Of Grandeur (who really didn't seem himself, one suspects all is not well with him) & our relative newcomer who I don't think I've mentioned yet; Another Forest Fool. Another Forest Fool (I know it's a crap name, sorry) is a thoroughly nice fella who has fitted into our team seamlessly & he's coming out to Lyon to replace me when my stint is finished. He'll be here with me during my final week so I can show him the ropes; i.e. All the best pubs.
We had 2 games of bowling, quaffed many a beer & chatted loads. For me, it was great just catching up with the guys. It was also nice in a very selfish kind of way to hear that not all as gone well in the lab since I've been out here. Missed in a professional capacity, who'd have thought it!?

Prezzies! Though I only got 2 they were both great. The Boy got me the Arctic Monkeys album. I have to say on just 1 or 2 listens it sounds very good indeed. Worthy of all the hype? Peut etré.
Nice went very lavish & initially got me a digital camera. Sadly it didn't work very well so it was swapped for a portable DVD player. Result! No longer do I have to sit through endless repeats on BBC prime in my hotel room. It's great. I then, as part of my Tesco's spend-a-thon, decided to buy me some DVDs. I got the second Lost boxset, the Back to the future trilogy & Extras.

As I type I'm about 4 hours into a 15 or 16 hour shift. I'm getting used to the money now. My bank balance has never looked so healthy, I tell thee.

So, eventually the much delayed Flashy awards will take place soon, when I can arrange it with my co-host, the lovely Charby. Those few of you who were at 2004's ceremony will remember the red carpet scenario. This year I thought it might be cool if you'll all send me pictures of yourselves wearing the kind of outfits fitting of a glittering showbiz event of the stature of The Flashy's. It doesn't have to be a photograph it can be a drawing if you'd like to retain some anonyminity. It'll be a week or two yet but get them in as soon as you can. Best outfit wins a special Flashy prize!

"So here I am now 35 years old" (oh bugger!)*

2006-01-30T17:23:00.000Z

I don't have anything to say actually but I figured may you guys might have...

*This post brought to you belatedly by someone who didn't read their e-mail over the weekend. Let's extend this birthday celebration for as long as we can!

"Oh l'amour" (Yes, I'm struggling now!)

2006-01-25T13:29:00.000Z

Hello my babies! How are you all doing?

I have to say I absolutely loathe my current blog exile, it is tearing at my very soul. To make matters worse, the computer I have been using at work (which allowed me to have a nose around the neighbourhood & even a little post here & there) was stolen last week! Merde!

Nice came out to Lyon for the weekend, we had a smashing time. Having done all the tourist stuff the last time she came, we were free to spend most of our time in either the pub or the hotel room. We had an afternoon of shopping on Friday, which ended up with me buying a couple of new tops, some rather smashing orange trainers & a belt adorned with the extremely pertinent legend; I'm not completely worthless, I can be used as a bad example. C'est bon, no?

Saturday I was called into work for the morning which was a bit of a pisser. When I got back to the hotel & after a sneaky yet potent spliff, the 2 of us made our way to the old town where we had a very scrummy English breakfast in the pub, it was abso-chuffing-lutely delicious! We then settled into place at The Smoking Dog for an afternoon of football & beer. We were joined by 2 of my English colleagues. One of them is an Arsenal supporter so we took great joy in taking the piss out of him as they got turned over by Everton. Much to our dismay they then put some poxy Rugby match on the telly. We & another group of English folk successfully revolted against this & forced the reluctant barman to put Soccer Saturday on. Hurrah for solidarity!
As the beer flowed freely we all nattered & joked our way through the afternoon. I also had the very sweet pleasure of mocking all our little crew. Arsenal had already lost, the other fella supports Leicester who lost & Nice's Portsmouth got wellied 5-0! Meanwhile my beloved Leeds beat Sheffield Wednesday 3-0, prompting much singing of "Marching on together…".

Nice returned from a toilet trip in a bit of a shook up state. She explained that some guy had accosted her in the toilets. He had pinned her up against the wall & tried to kiss her despite her protestations that she had a boyfriend. Now, I'm sure you all know that I'm a lover, not a fighter but this transgression could not be swept aside. I quietly stood up & walked into the back of the bar where I found the guy in question, and then with the sternest face I could muster I asked him if he had just been in the toilets. He asked why. I told him that someone had been bothering my girlfriend. He looked blankly at me. I then told him I would go & fetch my girlfriend to confirm it was him before I "took any action".
I walked back to Nice & sat down for a second, as I did who should make a swift bolt for the exit not to been seen again? Got it in one.
I was quite pleased that I had shown enough menace to do the job without having to embarrass myself by actually trying to do it! Not just a pretty face, eh?

With the drama averted, we carried on drinking. My 2 colleagues left us to it. Within an hour it became very clear that Nice had far exceeded her daily beer quota. She was hammered! So it was decided that we would return to the hotel. Which was no easy trip, I assure you!

Sunday's plan was quite similar; Breakfast followed by footy in the pub. We got of the metro at Bellacour so that we could enjoy the crisp sunshine of the morning in this beautiful city. What a wonderful idea that turned out to be, as we crossed the river Saône there was a brass band playing "Cant take my eyes off you" on the middle of the next bridge down, it sounded bloody great, I tell thee! Then a little further down the river, there was a little artist's market complete with some old Frenchman crooning away on a microphone. It was all so wonderfully French! The rest of Sunday went off without hitch. It was all good.
Nice left early Monday morning as I left for work.
I had a bit of a shitty day actually. As some of you may know it's my Birthday this Saturday. It neatly coincides with my weekend at home. Naturally I want to spend the majority of my weekend with The Boy, however just for this one day, I hoped Temper Tantrum would have him overnight on Saturday.
So I called her…

Within literally 5 seconds of her recognizing my voice she was in floods of tears. Telling me she can't cope any longer with all this, The Boy is getting really upset, she desperately needs to get away for the weekend, etc. She said she knew it was my birthday on Saturday & that I'd want to go out but pleaded for me not to ask her as she was at her wits end. Now despite the fact that she makes my blood boil most of the time, I don't want her to be suffering. She genuinely sounded at her wits end so reluctantly I acquiesced. One thing I shall take from the conversation is this: "I've gone from having lots & lots of support to having none", finally an admission of how much I do contribute to The Boy's parenting. I will be sure to remind her of that in the future.
The whole conversation left me feeling rather drained & frustrated. I found myself in quite a black mood for the rest of the day. I went out for a meal with my colleagues but my heart wasn't really in it. I returned to the hotel feeling pretty low.

Sometimes though, happiness can be found in the strangest of places, like the bottom of the fridge. When I got into my room, I opened the fridge to have a swig of milk. Opening the door though unleashed a pungent, foul aroma which engulfed the whole room within nanoseconds. The source of this evil pong was some French cheese that Nice had bought for one of our colleagues back home. She had forgotten (hmmm) to take it with her. Whilst fighting my gag reflex I opened the window. I gazed downwards from my lofty position 6 floors up to find that below was a barren patch of grass. A suitable resting place for the offending fromage, no? I swiftly ejected the stinky cheese out into the night. How did this bring me happiness, I hear you ask. Well, as the cheese hurtled downwards I was drawn towards the window of one of the flats in the adjacent building & there right before my eyes was…A NAKED LADY!!! In all her glory she was parading around her apartment without a stitch on or a care in the world. She looked damn good too with one minor exception. I won't beat around the bush*; her "lady garden" could've used a bit of a trim. Still in the couple of minutes she was there, she unknowingly lifted the faded spirits of this little Englishman.
Bon travail, mademoiselle!

*Tee hee

On Friday I head back home for the weekend. With Temper Tantrum buggering off for the weekend, I can't go out on the lash. However, I am going to have a bit of a soiree at my place. Nice has informed me this morning that I should expect quite a few folk from work to turn up. I'd also very much like to extend this invitation to you guys. Those of you in England, if you have Saturday night free; Come & join the Flashman for some sex, drugs & rock n' roll. (The drugs are optional, of course!). Seriously if any of you would like to join me, I would be thrilled & I'll move heaven & earth to accommodate you for the night. Let me know, it could be fun!

In other news, I have a completion date for my involvement in this French project. Friday March the 3rd will see me return home for good. Which, I have to confess, is a relief. I am starting to get a little homesick.

Well, that's me for now. I may just have a chance tomorrow night to get to the internet place so I can see what's going on with all you fine people.
I really do miss you all, more than you probably know.

Au revoir mes amours.

"Une présence ambigüe, Une présence inconnue"

2006-01-16T06:45:00.000Z

Bonjour mes amis.

I really didn't mean for it to be so long between posts, so I'm sorry for my absence (yet again)!

This post is only a sneaky little one as I'm at work right now.
I went home for the weekend, it was nice & this time it was reasonably relaxing. I hardly stepped outside of my flat for the whole time which was good.

The Boy was pleased too, apparently he had told his mum on Friday morning that he "couldn't wait till after school". Ah, that's sweet, eh? He misses his old fella!
"Yeah, cos I get to play Battlefront 2!"
Bless him.

My journey back to Lyon was noteworthy; I was traveling alone so I caught the train to the airport. The train was running 40 minutes late. My flight was at 17.20 and I checked in 16.55, I got into the departure lounge & walked straight onto the plane. Even on arrival at Lyon I walked straight onto the bus bound for the city. No hanging around for Flashy on that journey!

The highlight of the journey was when the pilot informed those of us on the left of the aircraft that we were just flying over Paris. I couldn't pick anything out from the maze of orange lights except for one thing: I saw the Eiffel Tower & it looked ace & it made me smile like a child.

Best news of the weekend; Nice is coming out to Lyon again this weekend, yay!
Have pity for the occupants of the room below me!