"When you're born a lover, you're born to suffer"

Disclaimer #1. I am quite drunk

Disclaimer #2. Although both Buddy With Boobs & Dream Girl both read this from time to time, I have vowed not to change the way I write or what I write, as this is MY outlet. I know you understand ladies.

OK, so last night I wonder down to 'spoons & meet up with The Silver Fox & Crisp Fiend. We have a couple of drinks & enjoy a bit of work & football related banter. It's all good fun.
Then we make our way to the restaurant where Makes Me Laugh joins us. We eat our delicious Indian cuisine whilst carrying on with the same chat. Then "Confessions..." rears it's head. Makes Me Laugh has had his copy for a month or so but I haven't seen him since the Reading game. He tells me that he's listened to it loads & that he finds it "Marillion-esque" lyrically (!!!). While I'm devouring my lamb tikka masala, I receive a text (us Europeans, eh?) from Buddy With Boobs. She pissed off with FuckwitHusband & is in blahblah pub. So we head there when we've finished dining.
As we walk in Buddy With Boobs is walking out with some fella (who I correctly assume is one of FuckwitHusband's friends) & she does not look happy! I try to ascertain what's going on but she tells me nothing & proceeds outside with said bloke. As I walk into the place FuckwitHusband walks out.
We all go in & have a drink.
Soon, Buddy With Boobs returns & proceeds to tell me about the argument she has had with FuckwitHusband which, rather comically, culminated with Buddy With Boobs giving him the finger.
We go & sit outside for a while & the 5 of us chew the fat. Sonn enough it's my round so I go in to buy the drinks. I find myself standing at the bar next to a very attractive lady of around my age, who I will be calling Well I Wouldn't Have Guessed They Were Fake. I don't remember what we said to each other but it would seem I made a good first impression because within a minute or two she kissed me. Not a big snog or anything but she kissed me. I told her that I had to look after my friend who was upset but I would try and catch her later to get her number. Strangely this prospect did not make her run away or be violently ill, hurrah!
So I went back outside & proudly boasted it all to my friends.
A short while later Well I Wouldn't Have Guessed They Were Fake came outside & sat on her own. I went over & asked if she was ok. Turns out some dickhead had groped her & she was, quite rightly, upset. It was at this time when she told me that her breasts had been surgically enhanced. I knew I'd made a really good impression on her, I could see it in her eyes. I told her that my friend was having a rough time & that I had to look after her. She seemed to dig that. Just as I was about to get her number, a histrionic friend of hers came out & dragged her away. Bollocks.
It was now around midnight & The Silver Fox, Crisp Fiend & Makes Me Laugh headed off back to their respective lands of marital bliss.
I asked Buddy With Boobs if she wanted to go to the club or back to mine for a couple of spliffs.
So back to mine we went.
We had about 3 joints & consumed the lagers out of my fridge. She was hurting & I was going through an inner conflict: should I try it on or not?
Eventually I told her straight that as much as I was trying to be a good friend I couldn't help myself & I tried to kiss her like I had a few weeks back. This time though, it wasn't to be. I still (at least I think I did) continued to be a good friend & gave her all the support I could. Then, at about 2.30 in the morning, my phone rings.
"Who the fuck is this ringing me at this time of the morning?" I answer
There was a short pause & then there was a very weakly spoken "It's me"
It was Dream Girl.
Now I'm not going to go into the conversation but suffice to say she was upset with Reckless.
So here I am with one of my favourite women sitting next to me & another one on the phone. Both needing me.
Needing me to tell them how they're both wonderful & that their respective partners are tossers for not seeing that.
Aren't I great?
No, I'm fucking not.
It was at this time that I really started to feel seriously fucked off. Both these really special women turning to me for affirmation, to tell them that they are great & that I care so much about them.
Yeah, I'm great me.
So fucking great that no fucker ever actually thinks about how I might be feeling.
How I might be dying inside.
Bottom line is, no matter how pissed off either of them are/were with their men at the time, they will, as I type this, be lying next to their men in bed while I will be going off to mine on my own soon.
Fair?
Maybe, perhaps it's my penance for the cuntish things I've done in the past.
Anyway, Buddy With Boobs gets a taxi home at 4am & I fall drunkenly & desperately into slumber.

Today I pretty much just chuffed about the place tending to my projects.
Crisp Fiend phones me mid-afternoon & asks if I want to go out tonight.
Why not, I thought.

So after watching the tennis (I know! And how much like Richard Ashcroft does Andy Murray look?) I ventured down to spoons. Crisp Fiend & I had a natter over a couple of drinks & then we joined up with Mrs. Crisp Fiend, her 2 sisters & another girl. We wondered up to Friday's & en route Mrs.Crisp Fiend told me that her sister was "up for it". Later as we drank & danced a little in Fridays, Rebound (the sister in question) came up to me & kissed me. I didn't respond with any real gusto because, to be frank, I wasn't sure whether I actually fancied her or not. Within an hour of that happening, Rebound had been sick & gone home (apparently she lives in my building!).
A short while later the rest of us were in the club. I don't know if there was some sort of sick let's-fuck-with-Flash's-head plan going on but Mean Sister started giving me the old rubbing herself up against me dancing treatment. Then so did Not Crisp Related (who was the most attractive of the bunch). At one point I had one of them grinding against my front while the other was rubbing behind me.
As much as my poor neglected nob may have been enjoying this, I was getting a bit disturbed by it. I knew for a fact that both of these women had partners at home & that neither of them actually fancied me.
I went to the bar to get Mean Sister & myself a drink. As is always the case on Saturday nights in the club, it took me a while.
When I got back, none of them were anywhere to be seen.
As I looked around for them I got a text from Crisp Fiend; "Sorry mate, we've gone for a burger".
Great.
There I am with 2 drinks in my hands looking around despondently at all the people, noting all the ones that wouldn't be going home alone like me. I saw Sound But Spitty but I really didn't have the patience for him, so I downed the 2 drinks & headed for the burger bar. There I caught up with them. I said "Thanks for just ditching me in the club" & turned to Mean Sister & continued "...and thanks for the drink, I drank it for you". They didn't flinch.
So I gets my Doner meat & chips & I come home.
On my own.
For a change.

I am SOOOO looking forward to seeing The Boy tomorrow. I have missed him immensely & I know that he truly loves me, without condition.
I'm glad somebody does.