"Ask me your questions, I'll tell you no lies"

Here goes then:

"Anonymous" asked:
Fav Food?
Fav Card Game?
Fav Board Game?
If you can remember...fav sexual position?

Proper Yorkshire Fish & chips would be my number 1 food, followed by a self-made sausage & egg sandwich (with perhaps a cheese slice melted between the sausages & the egg) & a KFC variety meal. Oh bugger I suddenly feel very hungry indeed!

I'm not really au fait with many card games but I used to enjoy a game called Newmarket that I now don't remember how to play, other than that; Take 2.

Monopoly, it's the only time you'll see the lesser spotted Flash ruthless streak.

Cheeky sod! I enjoy a variety of positions but my favourite is always to have my lover on top. I like to be able to see. It's nothing to do with laziness, I assure you.
But I suspect that you already knew that.

The Duke Of Jokes asked:
Alright then>New DM single-to-be "Precious" whatcha reckon?

So far I've listened to it 3 times. I haven't put it on Humbert yet cos there was a power cut in Crapsville this morning. However my early thoughts are thus: I like how soft it is, I think it's probably a grower as it hasn't it like any of the lead singles off the last few albums. I also agree that Dave's voice sounds really good. Bottom line is I'm quietly impressed.

Dzesika asked:
Who would play you in the movie of your life?

Mmm, tricky one. Brad Pitt? No? Ok.
I've found that over the last year or two I've been massively impressed with Johnny Depp, so he would be ideal, however I don't think I qualify for him. So then I thought a ten years younger Bruce Willis, after all I am an action hero right? No?
Ricky Gervais then. Sorted.

Lordy B asked:
hmmm.
I have been meaning to ask you how you coped with the Boy going to live with his mum and stuff, but the comments section of your blog might not be the best place for a response.
what about the story of your first snog?

Believe me my first snog was a ghastly experience so I'm much happier to talk about The Boy.

Leaving my son, was without question the most difficult thing I've ever done. I cried on the day I left but not one of those tears was for Temper Tantrum. I do feel quite proud of myself though because I really do feel that our relationship has never suffered. I have for the 3 years since I left, spent as much if not more quality time with him than I did when I lived with his mum. Even for the best part of 2 years when I lived 16 miles away from him I would see him almost every day. I would finish work & then go & hang out with him, not getting home til 7ish most nights. He also doesn't have to witness the sniping & the arguing. There have been things that I've missed but on the whole I am entirely happy with the way things are. Even the selfish part of me gets a good deal because I still possess some degree of freedom when I don't see him.

Ka asked: (though I don't think it was actually intended for Ask Flash, but what the hell!)
What did I miss? Had a rough week, did you, mate?

You missed my "Irate meltdown" & no, just a bad day.

Lori~Flower asked:
Most embarrassing moment ?

Oddly, I couldn't think of many. The most embarrassing moment in recent times came when I was living with my friends Reckless & Dream Girl. They had a 3 storey house & my room was on the ground floor next to the front door.
One Sunday morning I'm happily snoozing away when I hear a woman's voice calling Hello. After coming round I realise that it's coming from the hallway & that it belongs to TemperMental, Reckless' ex-wife (we don't half pick 'em!). She had come to bring something for their son who had slept over. She's still calling Hello & nobody upstairs is hearing her so I gingerly get out of bed & carefully position myself so that I can stand in my doorway & poke my head round the door. She would be at the front door & would have only a clear view of my head & not of my naked body.
I was a little puzzled when I couldn't see her at the door. Then I heard "Ooh, Hello Flash".
Allow me to illustrate:





















So there stands TemperMental looking me up & down (mostly down) "Looking good there, Flash" she teases, I hastily cover my modesty. Though I was stricken with embarrassment, luckily for me I was at that period of my life as slim as I'd ever, ever been. And it at least evened up the score after her unfeasibly large "funbags" had fallen out right in front of my face on the very first time I met her, some 8 or 9 years previous.

*Unlike my current one, that bed could tell you some stories!

Stompp asked:
If you could go back in time and take an album from the future with you to release under your own name (wrong and dastardly, but hey if I could travel through time I know I'd do it) and thus gain millions from it, which album would you take?

Believe it or not, but I've actually thought about this many times in the past. And I'm still no closer to a definitive answer. Having given it a lot of thought of the last 24 hours I think I'd have to go for "Definitely maybe". What a wonderous career that would open, eh? And I reckon I could follow it up too. That said, I would much rather go back 12 years with "Confessions of an idiot" tucked under my arm & take my chances with that.

Charby asked:
Place/thing you'd most like to see/do before you become too old and crinkly to enjoy?

(Yes FFF, that would be on the list!)

As I will be going to New York long before any crinkliness I shall not worry about that right now.
I would like to travel to Australia, Sweden & Egypt. In an ideal world, I would take my Dad to Egypt & we'd do all the obvious things. As far back as I can remember it's the one place he's always wanted to go.
Other than that I'd like to (even if it's just one more time) see an audience from the stage I'm performing on.

Scully asked:
Fave tv show - ever!
Fave chocolate treat
Fave toy from childhood

Tv show is easy, as much as I used to adore The Young Ones & South Park, it's Friends. It's quite simply hilariously funny, even after repeat viewings. All the characters are wonderful too.
I think it may also be the syncronicity involved for me personally. I am the exact same age as those guys & throughout the 10 series there was a lot of "Oh, I can so totally relate to that" moments. It's also really clever that between the 6 of them they account for almost all the character traits one could have, making it so easy to associate with them. I love those guys (especially Rachel).

Favourite Chocolate treat: At the moment I am addicted to Chocolate brownie vienetta, which is a big block of sumptuous choccy ice cream. I've got some in the freezer which I shall be having when I get home, assuming the power cut didn't last too long.

Favourite toy from childhood: My penis.

R asked:
Well, I don't pop my nose round the door for a couple of days and I find myself amongst brawling bloggers.Pretending it's your birthday to start a fight ?!?. Well you know you're not going to get girly hugs and sympathy from me you big fraud.
You see Flash, I can see what's happening. The famous Flash harem is teetering on the brink of collapse and you're not man enough to cope with the rejection.
Nero and Rome spring to mind.
Sunshine has all but stuck pins in the image she used to worship, Hyde is having more sex than is good for her, and Charby is trying to tell you in her own way that she now has a boyfriend of her own age and she only ever saw you as a father figure anyway.What do you say to that ?!.
Manly response please, no self pity and blubbing.

Right (rubs hands)
Firstly I believe The Duke Of Jokes has already more than adequately dealt with the charge of lying about my birthday.
Big Fraud?? Let me explain something to you R & I'll try not to use too many big words, ok?
It takes an almighty amount of bravery to bare one's soul to the whole world, as we in blogland do on a daily basis, it's an act of pure truth. It would be a totally pointless exercise to be dishonest. Almost as pointless as coming round my place while I've got a housefull & throwing down a gauntlet, such as you have. And for chuff's sake, could you have not done that on Tuesday when I was really in the mood for a ruck??
So to the "Harem". I do not & have not ever claimed to have a harem. I do have "my girls" however. This consists of Cheryl & Charby, I also consider Hyde an honorary member of this group. This "group" was not formed artificially or contrived. It came about from the early days of this blog when I only had 3 (then 4) regular commenters. Both Cheryl & Charby were (& I suspect still are) happy to be "my girls".
On the brink of collapse?
Only yesterday Cheryl said this:
"How could I NOT worship the original super hero of blogland?
Flash and I have had some very good times and had a lot of laughs and I by no means stuck pins in him at all.
We both were having bad days on the same day, which may have come across to all you other readers as tension.
He and I are as tight now as we ever were.
I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not intending on replacing Flash with you.
I doubt Charbs or Hyde had any intentions of leaving him for you either.
Though I know that was the plan.
Backfired.
Better luck next time. "

That's quite conclusive, eh R?

However I'm not done yet.
Far from my "harem" crumbling, it is actually ever-expanding.
I'm sure the ladies who come here won't mind being put into my "Harem" for the purpose of this exercise. They probably already know that I wouldn't normally use such a crass term or that I wouldn't lump them all in together, being that they are all very different individuals.
If you were to browse through some past comments, or be privy to my e-mail, you would discover that almost every woman who comes by here regualrly has at some point or other expressed thoughts of warmth, love & happiness in my direction.
And d'you know what?
It's not just the women.
And it's not just blog-people.
Do you know why this is?
It used to say at the top of the page in the "about me" bit: To know me is to love me.
Like I already established, there is no point in being dishonest.
That statement may come across as big-headed, even arrogant.
It is not though, it's an observation of an man old enough & comfortable enough with himself to know his own worth.

Hopefully, by now you will also have a better idea of your own worth.

Finally in the spirit of Nero & Rome, take a look around this colloseum. See all the thumbs being turned downwards? See the Lions?


AdamAnt asked:
Flash, here's a question: Who will be the coming season's top scorer in the Prem?

Mr.Ant, I cannot see anybody other than Thierry Henry claiming that honour again. Or maybe Franny Jeffers! (sniggers)
Rob Hulse in the championship, mark my words.

Lordy B (again!) asked:
because DOJ has mentioned his birthday again, does that mean I have to say "happy birthday, DOJ" otherwise Flash will go into irate meltdown again?

No.

Spinsperwitch asked:
Who would you have dinner with, living or dead? And what's the burning question you'd ask them?

I know I should probably come out with someone totally iconic here but, after much musing, I would have dinner with Kylie Minogue. After a couple of hours of charm my burning question would then be: Can we have sex now please?

Silly boy asked:
When will you be famous?

I can't answer, I can't answer that.


Now then peeps, that was fun, eh?
Here comes the twist, I'd like all of you now to answer the question you asked me yourself.
Will the first one in, please ask Lordy B a question cos his was quite specific to me. Ta.