"Alright...C'mon! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"

Yay! Yay! Yay! Fucking Yay! Today I had sex. Yay! For the first time in 13 long months I had sex & it was great. It was with Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth & to be honest after Saturday I thought it was on the cards. I’d actually forgotten how blissful the afterglow is, how sweet that cigarette tastes. After the cuddles & stuff I went back to my room to get dressed. Once the door was firmly shut I silently exhaulted to myself. I imagine I must have looked like Stuart “psycho” Pearce after he scored that penalty in euro 96! Then I needed a tune. “Let’s build a home” by The White Stripes (Listen to it & you’ll understand) was my choice & it was perfect. I am considering writing to my MP to see if it can be made law that all sexually active women have their tongues pierced. I only experienced being given head by a girl with one for the 2nd time today. OH MY GOD! It’s all the joy of a regular BJ but with an occasional feeling of… I don’t know, it’s like being electrocuted! So much pleasure that it feels like pain. Anyway subsequently I have been uplifted. As well as the physical sensations & joys I also feel like a huge millstone has been lifted from my neck. I am no longer a bloke who hasn’t had sex for over a year. No more psychological damage can be caused by that statistic because today it became a thing of the past. Yay!
Although nothing else seems to matter right now, I have to tell you about “friends” I watched the pen-ultimate episode yesterday. God I laughed. At one point I was simultaneously laughing & crying. I am SO gonna miss those guys.