"I saw your girl last night, I'm really sorry but I think she wants me"
Ok, much to report. Friday night I went out in Crapsville. I had a good night & I spent a lot of time talking to Czechmate who is the wife of one of my colleagues, Vodka For Breakfast. Vodka For Breakfast is 58; a good old boy & I suspect an alcoholic. Czechmate is 26, very attractive, smart, funny & a native of the Czech republic. I’ve admired her from afar for some time. Anyway during our chat she confided in me that things with her & Vodka For Breakfast were pretty grim & that her sex life was abysmal. I, ever the shit, told her that I fancied her & that I’d “watch developments”. She then surprised me by basically telling me that she fancies me & that she would be “up for it”! The evening ended soon afterwards & the situation was left tantalisingly open. It is a big dilemma for me as I have a little bit of history in being the “other man”. Being the selfish git that I am I’m quite worried about getting a reputation for such things – “flash, he’s a good bloke but don’t leave him with your missus”- I don’t really want that said about me. On the other hand I do really fancy Czechmate & I’m sure it would be a thrilling experience. So, left open.
Prior to going out Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth had been upset, so I had given her a cuddle & tried to cheer her up. As part of this I asked if she was upset because of me, she said no & why would it be? This gave me a chance to gently remind her that “flash doesn’t want a girlfriend” & I also told her I was worried that she wanted something I couldn’t give her. She said all was fine & that was that. I didn’t believe her.
Saturday I woke quite early, watched a Harry Potter film on the telly & then went to collect The Boy. We headed over to Northampton. Dream Girl & I had arranged to go shopping ahead of my audition. The Boy stayed with Reckless who took him to the fair with the girls. Dream Girl & I had a lovely couple of hours together. We spent most of it in the pub, we had a really good chat & it was nice. My love for her as obviously been mentioned many times but I do feel I’ve reached a point of comfortable acceptance of the way things are. I have a strong inkling that Dream Girl may be struggling a little with her emotions. There have been many subtle signs that her feelings for me may be trying to break down the door that she locked them behind all that time ago. It is also not inconceivable that I am simply a spaz! Either way it warms my spirits without hurting anybody so it can only be a good thing, right? After spending 20 minutes or so actually shopping, I left her to shop some more while I went back to their house where Reckless & I thoroughly enjoyed watching England stuff Iceland 6-1.
Then it was back to Crapsville where The Boy went back to his mum & I went to Funny Dance’s to baby-sit for Smiler. Though not as traumatic as last time it was still far from easy. Smiler woke at about quarter to 10 & stayed up till half past 11 when Funny Dance & They Used To Be Even Bigger came in. the difference this time was Lulu who also got up & kept Smiler pacified. It makes one feel quite hopeless to be indebted to a 12 year old, but indebted I am. Lulu was a star.
I then went home. Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth was out so I just sat in front of the telly. It’s actually quite surprising how many satellite channels screen nothing but naked breasts late on a Saturday night. The phone soon shattered my voyeuristic tranquillity. It was Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth. Would I drive over to Northampton to pick her & her friend up? Mug that I am I said yes. It has to be said that she looked quite hot in her little skirt & red top. Within seconds of her getting in the car it became very clear that my old chap was gonna be pressed into action for the first time since the “banjo incident”. As we drove back to Crapsville it was decided that we should go up the club for a drink. I was very reluctant. It’s fucking shitty of me I know but I don’t want to be seen out around town with Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth. I made sure she couldn’t hold my hand as we walked in. once in I felt very uncomfortable, even more so when I spied Czechmate & no Vodka For Breakfast. This was not good, Czechmate looked well pissed off as Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth dragged me off to the other side of the dancefloor. I tried mouthing “help” to her but I don’t think she got it, which was the final straw. I gulped down my drink & lied to Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth that there was a woman who I’d once had an affair with & her husband & left, dignity (?!) intact. Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth & Vulgar The Hutt followed & we went to Vulgar The Hutt’s house (for house read tip) for a quick spliff. Whilst Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth was in the loo, Vulgar The Hutt told me that Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth was in love with me, that’s she never seen her so happy & that we made a lovely couple! This was not good & I told her quite clearly that I need to be on my own & I don’t need a girlfriend. I hoped that Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth had overheard. We then went back & had a couple of hours of good sex. Well she did. As seems to have become routine frighteningly quickly, sex seems to consist of me pleasing her for an hour & then her pleasing me for 5 minutes (truth be known this time it was a fucking great 5 minutes!). And in case you’re curious, my penis held up admirably after it’s recent trauma!
Today I didn’t rise until 1pm, which partially explains why I’m still up at 2 in the morning. I dashed to get The Boy & again we went over to see the guys. Today being the dress rehearsal for my audition. I could see in Dream Girl’s eyes that she thought I looked good! Then I sang “summertime” & I sang it bloody well. The “judges” were suitably impressed & I progressed to the next stage. All too soon it was time to take The Boy home, good luck was wished & off we went. Then I nipped home for a shower & shave, packed my bag & got back in the car this time heading for Watford. As my audition is in Wembley at 8 in the morning I asked Oh Gawd (still officially my mother-in-law) if I could crash at hers. Being the diamond that she is she said no problem. People moan about their mother-in-laws but mine is great, as are the rest of my in-laws & it’s a real shame that I rarely see them. After a short while I went out for a beer & a curry with Big Bro & his wife (another Czech bride!) & their friend The Bodyguard. It was a nice couple of hours & a welcome distraction. I settled into my airbed just after midnight & here I am. I can’t sleep. Like a child on Xmas eve I’m just too excited. In a matter of hours I will have to stand in front of TV cameras & a panel of judges (presumably including Simon Cowell) & sing for my future. I know I’ll be nervous but I have enough confidence in my ability to think that I’ll get through this first round. That said I’m not going to be complacent. I will go in there & sing my very best. I’ve been trying to keep my feet on the ground but I cant help wondering where it could all lead. All I’ve ever wanted to do since I was a child is sing. I adore singing & it’s my dream to be able to make a living by singing. This cheesy TV talent show could just lead to that dream coming true. When I was a kid I just assumed that I would become a famous singer. Ever since I sang the lead in “Joseph & the technicolour dreamcoat” when I was 8, I knew I wanted to be on a stage with a microphone. Things seem to be going really well for me at present but if this goes well things could really take off. I really don’t think I’m gonna win the thing but If I could get to the latter stages & gain some recognition then who knows?It’s now nearly 3am & I dare not even try to go to sleep. I set my alarm for 05:30 so I think sleeping now would be a big risk. So more coffee & maybe a fag. Wish me luck.
Prior to going out Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth had been upset, so I had given her a cuddle & tried to cheer her up. As part of this I asked if she was upset because of me, she said no & why would it be? This gave me a chance to gently remind her that “flash doesn’t want a girlfriend” & I also told her I was worried that she wanted something I couldn’t give her. She said all was fine & that was that. I didn’t believe her.
Saturday I woke quite early, watched a Harry Potter film on the telly & then went to collect The Boy. We headed over to Northampton. Dream Girl & I had arranged to go shopping ahead of my audition. The Boy stayed with Reckless who took him to the fair with the girls. Dream Girl & I had a lovely couple of hours together. We spent most of it in the pub, we had a really good chat & it was nice. My love for her as obviously been mentioned many times but I do feel I’ve reached a point of comfortable acceptance of the way things are. I have a strong inkling that Dream Girl may be struggling a little with her emotions. There have been many subtle signs that her feelings for me may be trying to break down the door that she locked them behind all that time ago. It is also not inconceivable that I am simply a spaz! Either way it warms my spirits without hurting anybody so it can only be a good thing, right? After spending 20 minutes or so actually shopping, I left her to shop some more while I went back to their house where Reckless & I thoroughly enjoyed watching England stuff Iceland 6-1.
Then it was back to Crapsville where The Boy went back to his mum & I went to Funny Dance’s to baby-sit for Smiler. Though not as traumatic as last time it was still far from easy. Smiler woke at about quarter to 10 & stayed up till half past 11 when Funny Dance & They Used To Be Even Bigger came in. the difference this time was Lulu who also got up & kept Smiler pacified. It makes one feel quite hopeless to be indebted to a 12 year old, but indebted I am. Lulu was a star.
I then went home. Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth was out so I just sat in front of the telly. It’s actually quite surprising how many satellite channels screen nothing but naked breasts late on a Saturday night. The phone soon shattered my voyeuristic tranquillity. It was Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth. Would I drive over to Northampton to pick her & her friend up? Mug that I am I said yes. It has to be said that she looked quite hot in her little skirt & red top. Within seconds of her getting in the car it became very clear that my old chap was gonna be pressed into action for the first time since the “banjo incident”. As we drove back to Crapsville it was decided that we should go up the club for a drink. I was very reluctant. It’s fucking shitty of me I know but I don’t want to be seen out around town with Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth. I made sure she couldn’t hold my hand as we walked in. once in I felt very uncomfortable, even more so when I spied Czechmate & no Vodka For Breakfast. This was not good, Czechmate looked well pissed off as Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth dragged me off to the other side of the dancefloor. I tried mouthing “help” to her but I don’t think she got it, which was the final straw. I gulped down my drink & lied to Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth that there was a woman who I’d once had an affair with & her husband & left, dignity (?!) intact. Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth & Vulgar The Hutt followed & we went to Vulgar The Hutt’s house (for house read tip) for a quick spliff. Whilst Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth was in the loo, Vulgar The Hutt told me that Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth was in love with me, that’s she never seen her so happy & that we made a lovely couple! This was not good & I told her quite clearly that I need to be on my own & I don’t need a girlfriend. I hoped that Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth had overheard. We then went back & had a couple of hours of good sex. Well she did. As seems to have become routine frighteningly quickly, sex seems to consist of me pleasing her for an hour & then her pleasing me for 5 minutes (truth be known this time it was a fucking great 5 minutes!). And in case you’re curious, my penis held up admirably after it’s recent trauma!
Today I didn’t rise until 1pm, which partially explains why I’m still up at 2 in the morning. I dashed to get The Boy & again we went over to see the guys. Today being the dress rehearsal for my audition. I could see in Dream Girl’s eyes that she thought I looked good! Then I sang “summertime” & I sang it bloody well. The “judges” were suitably impressed & I progressed to the next stage. All too soon it was time to take The Boy home, good luck was wished & off we went. Then I nipped home for a shower & shave, packed my bag & got back in the car this time heading for Watford. As my audition is in Wembley at 8 in the morning I asked Oh Gawd (still officially my mother-in-law) if I could crash at hers. Being the diamond that she is she said no problem. People moan about their mother-in-laws but mine is great, as are the rest of my in-laws & it’s a real shame that I rarely see them. After a short while I went out for a beer & a curry with Big Bro & his wife (another Czech bride!) & their friend The Bodyguard. It was a nice couple of hours & a welcome distraction. I settled into my airbed just after midnight & here I am. I can’t sleep. Like a child on Xmas eve I’m just too excited. In a matter of hours I will have to stand in front of TV cameras & a panel of judges (presumably including Simon Cowell) & sing for my future. I know I’ll be nervous but I have enough confidence in my ability to think that I’ll get through this first round. That said I’m not going to be complacent. I will go in there & sing my very best. I’ve been trying to keep my feet on the ground but I cant help wondering where it could all lead. All I’ve ever wanted to do since I was a child is sing. I adore singing & it’s my dream to be able to make a living by singing. This cheesy TV talent show could just lead to that dream coming true. When I was a kid I just assumed that I would become a famous singer. Ever since I sang the lead in “Joseph & the technicolour dreamcoat” when I was 8, I knew I wanted to be on a stage with a microphone. Things seem to be going really well for me at present but if this goes well things could really take off. I really don’t think I’m gonna win the thing but If I could get to the latter stages & gain some recognition then who knows?It’s now nearly 3am & I dare not even try to go to sleep. I set my alarm for 05:30 so I think sleeping now would be a big risk. So more coffee & maybe a fag. Wish me luck.
And that's what Flash thinks today @ 01:02
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