"All these things that I have done"

Well thankyou to my anonymous commenter for the idea of doing a time line. I think I'll do just that. And don't be shy, come on into world of Flash & let me into your world.

28 Jan 1970: Born in Doncaster to parents that, for reasons still unknown to me, didn't want me. My first rejection.

Feb 1970: Adopted by Parents in Wakefield who did want me. (Obviously I have no memory of all this. My folks must've told me I was adopted very early because I have always known. My Mum & Dad are MY MUM & DAD. Biology is irrelevant (Ooh, I sounded like the Borg there, eh?))

4 Mar 1977: Ceased to be an only child with the arrival of Our Kid

Jan 1978 : Met Married A Proper Bitch, my first best friend

1978: Landed the role of Joseph in school play. Discovered that I was a very good singer & that I adored being centre stage, applause, praise, attention, etc.

Late 1980: Bought my 1st record.

1981: Became addicted to tunes.

Aug 1981: Started Big school, shortly afterwards met The Duke Of Jokes, Gentle Giant & Ridgeley who along with Married A Proper Bitch & Never Be Old became my circle of best friends.

1982: Kissed with open mouths for first time.

1983: Had holiday romance with a girl from Grimsby (Showed early signs of being extremely illogical & irrational when it comes to girls).

Feb 1984: Felt junior heartache when aforementioned girl broke it off in a letter.

Feb 1984: Inspired to write first proper song; "Wishing".

Mar 1984: Fell in love with Depeche Mode.

Apr 1984: Went to first live "gig" - Kajagoogoo (post Limahl, thankfully), Leeds town hall.

Spring 1984: Absolutely gutted to discover that Married A Proper Bitch's family are moving to Crapsville, Northamptonshire.

Summer 1984: Visited Crapsville for the first time.

Autumn 1984: Got absolutely legless for first time at a friends birthday party.

Late1984: Changed my christian name because I didn't like it. Took many years to catch on.

Summer 1985: Spend part of summer hols in Crapsville. Met Dot & Monochrome Baby, the first true love of my life.

Jan 1986: Was an integral part of Synth Aid & as such had picture in local paper captioned with new name, yay!

April 1986: Performed first gig as part of Synth aid.

May 1986: Left school.

June 1986: Met Funny Dance.

July 1986: Started working on Youth Training Scheme, met Horny As Hell & Fit Arse In Jeans.

Sept 1986: The only ever public performance by Irrelevance took place at Outwood grange school youth club (I still have it on video).

15 oct 1986: Lost virginity to Horny As Hell. Enjoyed it alot.

Oct 1986: Had first meeting with famous people as The Duke of Jokes, Ridgeley, Gentle Giant & I met Vince Clarke & Andy Bell before Erasure gig in Bradford.

Mar 1987: Got the sack for stealing money from till to fund purchase of first ever CD.

(I'm sure there must have been other events in 87 but I'm buggered if I can remember them)

Jan 1988: Had contact with Monochrome Baby for first time in yonks. She was in a bit of a pickle & needed the nicest man she knew.

Jan 1988: Hitch hiked to Crapsville to answer the call of Monochrome Baby. Met Reckless.

Jan 20/21 1988: Saw Depeche Mode live for first time. Shook hands with Dave, Martin & Fletch but missed Alan. (This meant alot at the time, I can tell you)

Jan 28 1988: Became a man, heard my dad properly swear for first time.

Feb 1988: Went to Crapsville with Gentle Giant to see Monochrome Baby.

Feb 1988: Cruelly & unceremoniously dumped Horny As Hell & became boyfriend of Monochrome Baby.

April 1988: During her first ever visit to Wakefield, Monochrome Baby & I run over by her friend's Mini whilst canoodling in Wakefield park. Monochrome Baby in hospital for a week.

1 July 1988: Left Wakefield & moved to Crapsville. Thereafter became 1 of 4. Married A Proper Bitch, Reckless, Funny Dance & Myself.

Oct 1988: Started work on building sites, called Flash for first time.

Dec 25 1988: Miserable bloody Xmas on my own in bedsit for half of day, missed home more than ever.

Feb 1989: Arrested for shoplifting in Tower Records, Piccadilly Circus, London.

Feb 1989: Had first joint, enjoyed it alot.

Aug 1989: Moved back to Wakefield with Monochrome Baby.

Nov 1989: Moved back to Crapsville with Monochrome Baby.

July 1990: Reckless became the first of the gang to be a parent when Plonky was born.

Aug 1990: Went on first stag night to Blackpool, had wiz for first time. Enjoyed it alot.

Sep 1990: Moved in to a house with Monochrome Baby.

Feb 1991: Made redundant from job due to recession in building trade.

Mar 1991: Started helping Reckless in his job as a mobile washing machine repairman.

Apr 1991: Left Monochrome Baby.

Apr 1991: Met For Heaven's Sake through Reckless.

Apr 1991: Moved to Leicester & lived in what can only really be described as a squat with For Heaven's Sake & her friend

Jun 1991: Moved back to Crapsville & got back together with Monochrome Baby.

16 Mar 1992: Funny Dance became a dad with the arrival of twins, Leeds Boy & Lulu.

Apr 1992: Monochrome Baby & I split by mutual agreement.

May 1992: Celebrate Leeds United's League Title triumph with Funny Dance by driving round Crapsville playing "We are the champions" very loud.

May 1992: Move to Coventry to live with Married A Proper Bitch & Dot.

1 Sep 1992: Travel to Butlins at Bognor Regis with Funny Dance to take his brother there to work, got job there myself. Yay!

9 Oct 1992: Met Temper Tantrum, I blame Carl Shutt!

Nov 1992: During a visit home for the twins' christening, took acid for first time with Reckless. Enjoyed it alot.

Jan 4 1993: Sadly left Butlins & moved back to Wakefield along with Reckless who needed to get away for a bit.

Jan 1993: Proper fell in love with Temper Tantrum during her month long visit to Wakefield.

Apr 1993: Reckless moved back to Crapsville & got together with Temper Mental (We don't half pick 'em) .

May 1993: Dot & Married A Proper Bitch split after 7 seven years together.

Oct 1993: Married A Proper Bitch marries a Proper Bitch. Despite being friend's since we were 8 I am not invited to wedding. Have not even met Proper Bitch at this point. Suspect my lack of invite is down to continuing friendship with Dot.

Jan 1994: Joined first proper band: Strangeworld.

Early 1994: Finally learn that the guitar is mightier than the synth.

Mar 1994: Funny Dance marries Negative IQ.

May 1994: Strangeworld disintegrates in no small part due to Temper Tantrum.

Jun 1994: Temper Tantrum & I move to Crapsville. Live with Reckless & Temper Mental until home can be found.

Jul 1994: Get temp job at Specialist paint company.

August 1994: Reckless & Temper Mental get married.

Sep 1994: Get permanent job at specialist paint company.

Nov 1994: Temper Tantrum & I finally get home of our own after nearly 2 years of living with my parents then friends.

May 1995: Funny Dance a dad again as Negative IQ gives birth to Get Ready.

August 1995: Reckless & Temper Mental have child together; Fussy Eater.

7 Oct 1995: I get married to Temper Tantrum. We honeymoon in Majorca, my first foreign holiday.

Apr 1996: Attend first "proper" gig complete with moshing & surfing; Shed Seven, Northampton Roadmender. Enjoyed it a lot.

Aug 1996: Oasis, Knebworth. Was there then. Thus began the gigging years.

Oct 1996: Holiday in Gran Canaria, the site of my legendary karaoke performance of Prince's "Kiss".

Nov 1996: Reckless leaves Temper Mental.

Dec 1996: Reckless brings new friend on trip to fantastic gig (Manics, SFA & a then unknown Stereophonics) in Manchester. Dream Girl enters our lives.

Feb 1997: Take Ecstacy for first time with Reckless at Longpigs gig. Enjoyed it a hell of a lot.

28 Feb 1997: Red letter day as I pass my driving test at first attempt & then later crowdsurf for first time at Ash's London Astoria gig. Enjoyed it alot.

Mar 1997: Reckless moves in to our home, probably the best year ever ensues.

Mar 1977: The pale green dream machine is acquired for £100. It does 14000 miles over the next 16 months & is the first in a long line of crap cars.

Apr 1997: Funny Dance leaves Negative IQ.

Summer 1997: Company I work for is bought by big American firm. I take up position of lab technician.

Aug 1997: Undoubted highlight of the gigging years as Reckless, Funny Dance, Temper Tantrum & I go to V97 festival in Leeds.

Aug 1997: Temper Tantrum & I have great holiday driving round North Wales in the pale green dream machine & meet half of Ash on our travels.

Oct 1997: Invited to Stereophonics' soundcheck at roadmender in Northampton. Hung out with band, bloody nice blokes, all 3 of them.

Nov 1997: After spending a year being just friends Dream Girl leaves her nasty, abusive husband & gets together with Reckless.

31 Dec 1997: Fantastic year is rounded off in style with Reckless, Dream Girl, Funny Dance, Temper Tantrum, myself & Funny Dance's moody bird bring in the new year in London's Trafalger square.

Jan 1998: Reckless moves out to live with Dream Girl

Feb 1998: Reckless' recklessness catches up with him & he & Dream Girl move to Durham much to my utter dismay. Halycon days end.

Aug 1998: Spend blinding weekend at Reading Festival with Temper Tantrum.

Sep 1998: Holiday in Ibiza, Temper Tantrum & I decide to try for a baby.

Oct 1998: Temper Tantrum falls pregnant.

Nov 1998: Reckless & Dream Girl move to Nottingham (which is a darn sight easier to get to than pissing Durham).

Dec 1998: Dream Girl gives birth to Cutieboy.

Jan 1999: She Who Changed Everything changes everything.

Feb 1999: Start writing songs again for first time since demise of Strangeworld.

Apr 1999: She Who Changed Everything ruins everything.

Apr 1999: Bond with Dream Girl as she becomes confidante over She Who Changed Everything saga.

May 1999: Befriend Buddy With Boobs at work.

16 July 1999: at 2.22am The Boy is born. I am thrilled beyond words.

31 Dec 1999: Bring in the new millennium with my little family in Reading in the company of It's A London Thing & Used To Be Wild.

28 jan 2000: Had utterly stupendous 30 th birthday party where I was blissed to the eyeballs on a combo of beer, wiz, E, the danger of She who Changed Everything's presence & the pure, unadulterated joy of having all my favourite people together in one room.

Mar 2000: Move house after finally losing the mortgage battle.

May 2000: The Boy is christened, Funny Dance brings new girlfriend They Used To Be Even Bigger (when they were even bigger).

Late 2000: Deep dark secret (Don't even ask, I'm not saying anything)

Jun 2001: Holiday in Spain with family & Oh Gawd (mother in law) who comments "I don't know how you put up with her" about her own daughter.

Aug 2001: Go to one day at V festival. Notable for Muse's staggering performance & Reckless sneaking in.

Nov 2001: Have fantastic night out in Crapsville for Dream Girl's 30th. Her, Reckless, Funny Dance, They Used To Be Even Bigger, Temper Tantrum & little old me go out in 70's fancy dress. We looked collectively ace, though Dream Girl's hotpants stole the show.

Mar 2002: Reckless & Dream Girl move to Northampton. Yay!

Apr 2002: Funny Dance has stag weekend in Blackpool. I ride the big one.

1 July 2002: I finally have enough of Temper Tantrum & leave her after almost 10 years together. I move in with Reckless & Dream Girl.

Nov 2002: Spend blissful night with CrazySexyLady, the love of my night.

Dec 2002: After a gap of nearly 14 years, meet up with The Duke Of Jokes. Within minutes it's like nothing has changed (except his hairline, snigger)

1 Mar 2003: An event occurred. I enjoyed it alot.

Apr 2003: Scared shitless when I suffered an anxiety attack in the night, start of the dark times.

Oct 2003: Went to France on a training course, enjoyed flingette with lady much older than me.

Oct 2003: Smiler is born to They Used To Be Even Bigger & Funny Dance.

Jan 2004: Start this diary/ blog.


So there you go.
That took bloody ages ( probably cos I was far too comprehensive) & caused the early morning outburst when blogger wiped 1995 to 2002.
Like my Anonymous friend said, I can mine it for stories at my will. You have been warned.
Figure it may be boring for some of you but I enjoyed it alot.