"Why live in the world when you can live in your head?"

Random random random random.

I live in the town centre of a very small town in middle England. A town so insignificant that it was recently mocked in a national TV advert for McDonalds;
"Crapsville? Where's that?"
"Never heard of it, where?"
"I think it maybe off the M1 somewhere"
etc.
Our local paper went into spasms, the front place screaming "We'll show them!" and claiming to pester McDonalds into filming their next commercial in the town.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen!
Anyway prior to going to work today I ambled over to Greggs to get a couple of sausagerolls for lunch. Whilst patiently standing in line I heard what I will loosely term as music coming from somewhere. It was a busker! In Crapsville!! Bless the poor bugger, he must be either dillusional or demented to think he could earn a crust here! Especially with his unique take on what you & I would call singing. Imagine, if you will, a hybrid of Vic Reeves' finest pub singer voice & Shane McGowan playing George Michael's "Faith". Eee, it tickled me! I never actually saw the guitar wielding freak but he ensured that my day started with a smile!

I then popped in at the petrol station near work to stock up on fags & food for the night ahead.
"I'll have an Aero" I thought to myself. I have to confess that usually when picking up something like that I seldom notice the price of such an item.
Today I did. 50p!
50
fucking
p!
For an Aero!!! Half of it is just bubbles of air for christ's sake!
What is this crazy world coming to????
I put it back & had a Double Decker instead for the much more reasonable price of 42p. And there's no air bubbles.

"Talk" is my early favourite from "X & Y"
"Take take take" is my early favourite from "Get behind me Satan"
Oasis? Yeah, like that's gonna happen!

So to "White celebration". Since it's release 2 and a half weeks ago it has had 21 plays & 20 downloads. This, in soundclick terms at least, makes it far and away my most popular tune yet.
Now I know this doesn't actually mean it's any good or that people like it, just that they've taken a chance on it. The frustrating thing is getting no feedback. Delusions of Grandeur has, much to my utter disbelief, become of of my biggest supporters where my music is concerned. To the point where he plays it to people when they come round his place. Bless him! Though we often don't see eye to eye on work issues, I have been genuinely touched & impressed by his (for want of a better word) devotion to the Gnu Cnu cause.
He doesn't like "White Celebration" & I could see he felt uncomfortable telling me but I totally respected him for it.
So I turn to you, my friends. Please, if you have had a listen or 2, can I have some feedback please. I can take it if you don't like it!
The 2 or 3 of you that have already expressed their thoughts - thanks. Especially Hyde who said she loved it (whoo hoo!).

The bloody waste water system is annoying so much that I'm considering kicking it very hard.

Shed seven, remember them?
They were ace. They were never gonna be Radiohead or cause Blur to lose any sleep & they knew it. It was a crying shame that their passing went without anyone noticing because their farewell single, "Why can't I be you?", was utterly stupendously stonking. It was up there with "Beat surrender" for a fine finale. Bless 'em.
(No prizes for guessing which Shed's tune just emanated from Humbert)

Humbert, now that's a funny name for an I-pod, isn't it?
I'm actually quite happy to be addressing my little coochywoochy babykins as Humbert.
Thank you big fella!
After all it could've been Frogmella!

Okeydoke, time for Chairman Flash's thoughts on bashing one's bishop.
I've actually been kinda putting this off, not because I'm embarrassed by discussing such an intimate act but because I fear it may have been built up to something special. It is not. I'm also fascinated that Charby assumed she knew what they were. I assure you my friends I was not that drunk on the evening of our meeting. I don't think.
The Three Degrees of Masturbation:
One: The porn assisted knock one out quick wank.
Minimum effort required by the body's prime sexual organ (The brain) means that despite a quick result, satisfaction is limited & desire for another one isn't far away. Kinda like having McDonalds for tea!
Two: The porn assisted let's not rush things here wank.
Much more fulfilling than No.1 , a comfortable location is highly desirable, so is porn in the form of a video/dvd. It is thought to be impossible to accomplish No.2 in front of a computer.
Three: No porn required thankyou very much I can do this alone wank.
The daddy of the tug, this pleasurable pastime is fuelled purely by the intertwinable bedfellows of imagination, fantasy & memory. Requires some degree of effort & a disciplined mind (one random dodgy thought & it's right back to the beginning!) but the rewards are much more amplified than No.s 1 & 2.
Any questions?
Good.

So I kicked part of the waste water system. I don't think either of us got anything out of it at all. I didn't hurt myself as I am wearing steel toed boots & I didn't hurt the waste water system because, well let's be honest here, it's an inanimate object.
It's still being a twat though & I feel it wouldn't be so cocky if faced with some petrol & my lighter.

While I was dealing with it I skipped Spandau Ballet's "True" & I swear I heard Lordy B tutting.
Or it was a tremor in the force.

Also whilst down there I had a(nother) very stupid thought. I observed somebody flying around in one of those motorised hang-glider type things. As I admired it serenely soaring above me I spotted something flashing. Ah, he's taking pictures I think to myself. Then I realise that it's some sort of beacon light as it's flashing at a consistent pace. Then I think "You dozy pillock" as it occurs to me that if he/she was indeed taking photos from his lofty position in the sky, a flash would be as much use as a sponge umbrella.
Doh!