"We must have had fun 'cos now I'm broke"

The Boy & I arrived in sunny Wakefield just in time for tea on Sunday evening after spending a couple of days over at Reckless & Dream Girl's place.
We immediately went to the pub for a meal with the rest of the folks & caught up a bit.
We got up bright & early on Monday morning & before you could say "Hang on, sunshine on a bank holiday Monday?", my mum & dad, Our Kid, The Boy & myself where on our way to Blackpool. We arrived just before lunchtime & for some reason Our Kid decided to park in the town area. Now I've been to Blackpool a few times since childhood but I hadn't been in this part for years. The part that's chock full of cheapo supermarkets where fat women in threadbare leggings drag their scruffy urchins around as they fill their trolleys with crap to be cooked in their self catering "apartments". Anyway, it was a truly glorious day, the sun was beating down as we first had a mosey along central pier & then got a tram down to the pleasure beach. Our time at the pleasure beach was all for The Boy. He went on a few of the tame rides, we went in the maze together (which really was a hoot!) & I tried in vain to get Our Kid to go on the Big One with me. We then bought a bucket & spade & spent some time on the beach. The Boy would've quite happily stayed there all day but eventually it was time to go home. On the way back I dwelled a little on how old age has really caught up with my father, I found myself on many occasions throughout the day having to stop to allow him to catch up with us. It's all a bit saddening. That sobering note aside, we all had a smashing family day out. Which was nice.

On Tuesday in was time for my 3rd trip to see Revenge of the Sith. I knew my Dad would be dying to see it but I also knew he wouldn't go on his own. I told him that it seemed natural somehow; He'd taken me 28 years ago to see the first one & now I was taking him to see the last one. The Boy was overjoyed to be going again. When we came out & made our way to the car he looked up at me & with bottom lip quivering said "Dad, when the cloners were killing the jedis my heart was beating fast". I gave him a cuddle & told him I felt the same. It was kinda cool to see that it had moved him emotionally though.
After tea it was time to head into town to join The Duke of Jokes for a beer or 6. We half watched England's non-fixture against Columbia as we spoke of Leeds, this blog, White Celebration & it's trademark Flash vocal breakdown, what Charby looks like (he asked), whether he should do a blog of his own, Depeche Mode & women. When the game finished we ventured up the road to Reflex, the 80's bar. Within seconds of getting our drinks we were accosted by a very odd fellow. He was clearly out of it & in retrospect giving him a cigarette may have been a bad idea. He spoke utter crap to us in a highly affected camp accent & when he grabbed my arse it became clear an escape route was needed. While The Duke of Jokes was admonishing him for his unruly behaviour, I legged it in the direction of 2 women who'd just walked in. I told them of our plight & asked if they would mind if we joined them for a while to throw our mentalist stalker off the scent. They agreed & I went back to the bar to get them drinks & to rescue my friend. We sat with our newly acquired friends & started chatting. It turned out that they were mother & daughter. The daughter was only 14 & had been taken out by mum to cheer her up after being dumped. She did NOT look 14 & I felt for the poor young lad who spent the rest of the evening coming on to her. The mother, HotLegs, & I got talking. As we exchanged little snippets of info something in the back of my mind was twitching & flickering. I went to loo & whilst there it all clicked into place, I knew this woman!
I returned, sat myself next to her & said "I'm gonna freak you out now". She looked justifiably worried, "Go on" she said. So I did...
"Your surname is *****"
"yes"
"You used to sell film for a living"
"Yeah"
"You used to have a lodger who was a young conservative"
"You were married to or living with a guy called Steven"
"I have played Trivial Pursuit with you"
She was visibly shocked. "How do you know all this?"
"...And you used to have a nanny from Watford called Temper Tantrum"
She didn't remember this which amused me no end because Temper Tantrum used to idolise this woman! So I told her how Temper Tantrum nannied for her little girl in late 93/early 94 & how Temper Tantrum was my ex-wife.
It was then my turn to be shocked as she motioned to her daughter on the dance floor looking every inch the fully grown women (even though she wasn't). "That's the little girl who she nannied for" as she said that I looked at the young girl's face & I suddenly recognised something in her eyes! Crikey! I had pushed her on the swings when she was a toddler!!
This obviously gave us much common ground & we carried on talking till chucking out time.
We stood outside the pub & discovered that the only place in town still open had already turned away the underage daughter. Both HotLegs & I were keen to carry on but time had beaten us. Realising I had nothing to lose but my reader's faith in me the next time I make some kind of grand proclamation, I asked her if she like to come out with me the next night explaining that I was heading back home to Crapsville on Thursday.
She said yes.

Wednesday was spent being lazy, nursing a hangover & bemoaning the pissing down rain which scuppered our plans to go to the national mining museum. Our Kid & SportyBruv called by at teatime & asked if they could have The Boy for the evening. Which was fine on all levels, they love seeing him & he adores the pair of them. It also made me feel a bit better about going out again. HotLegs couldn't make it till late which gave me lots of time to preen.
Eventually I wondered up to Leeds road & caught the bus into town at about 9. We'd arranged to meet at the 80's bar so I sat myself down with a pint. As I was finishing my second pint she finally arrived. She was accompanied by a man, which I thought was not a good sign. Turned out though that he was her gay housemate who had driven her to Wakefield. He stayed for one drink & left us to it. We went to another bar where we found a quiet & comfy little spot. We talked a lot & it was plain that there was a mutual attraction there. One thing that has stuck in my mind is she said that I have sad eyes. We spoke of life as thirty-something singletons & how you miss the intimacy of being with someone whilst resolutely not letting anyone in who isn't what you want. We were sitting on small leather cube type things facing each other with no table between us. My legs were apart with her's close together in the space between mine. We were getting closer all the time, our eyes almost locked on each other as we spoke. She told me I should be more impulsive & she kissed me. I told her she was probably right & I kissed her.
Now loyal readers, it pains me to say this but her breath wasn't pleasant. Not that it was going to stop me but it did kind of spoil things. As the night wore on & drinks flowed our conversation turned to sex. I admired her no nonsense approach when she asked why 2 people such as ourselves would meet up for a drink knowing full well that one of them leaves town the next day. So we were going to be having sex. Yay!
Except we weren't. See there was no where for us to go. She didn't take men back to her house because of her kids, which I respected & commended her for & I was staying at my elderly parent's house.
Her driver arrived a while later & they gave me a lift home. I was a bit miffed when she got in the front because I thought at least we could have had a quick drunken fumble in the back for 5 minutes. She must have been thinking the same way because she very quickly & inelegantly clambered her way in to the back to join me for a last long snog complete with drunken fumbling. She told me she would've blown my mind *sigh*
My last look at her was a view of this attractive, classy (not on the evidence of the night in question!) women sprawled across the leather seats of her Jaguar with her clothing in a state of disarray smiling sadly at me as I closed the door. So that was HotLegs.

He shoots, he sees the ball hit the post & roll right along the goal line, hit the other post & trickle away to nothing. Story of my life?

In truth I'm not down about it. I mean I actually met a woman who did want me & that can only be a good thing.

And today we came home.
It's not gone unnoticed that I've piqued your interest with my theories on masturbation, by the way. Nor have your thoughts on White Celebration, especially AJ's fantastic interpretation of it! It's another post for another day.
So my arse is numb from sitting here as I typed all that lot & I've still got to see how you lot are!
I need a cushion & despite a valiant effort I still need a shag!
For now though I'll settle for a cushion.