"Why look for the key?"

Right.
This afternoon I was hanging out with The Boy after work when Temper Tantrum phoned.
Would I be able to pick her up from one of the nearby villages later when she drops her car off at the garage there?
No problem, happy to help.
In the meantime I decide that it's far too pleasant an afternoon for us to stay indoors, so I ask The Boy what he would like to do.
The country park? No
The Canal? No
The woods? No
Where then???

It would seem that he's got his priorities well in order. He suggested the pub.
Sounds good to me!
So off we went to the Queen of Hearts where The Boy ran around, climbed & slid in the outdoor play area while I had a pint of Stella & a couple of fags in the beer garden. I enjoy watching him play, especially when he forgets I'm there.

At about quarter past 5 we get in the car for the short trip to meet his Mum. She drops the car off & we proceed back to Crapsville to drop them both off. Just as we pull up outside her house she starts flapping about & screaming about how "We have to go back, NOW!"
"Why" says I, resolutely not getting annoyed at her hysteria.
Turns out she's only left her house keys with her car keys at the garage which closes at 6. It is now 5:53.
"You must have a spare set, even I'm organised enough to have spares with a friend"
"Yes, my boyfriend has them but he put them through my front door earlier today"

Oh

my

god.

So we hurtle back to the garage as fast as safety will allow & arrive there to find it deserted.
Now she's going into hyper-babble, the kind of incoherent squealing that used to give me the opportunity to say "Whoa, only dogs can hear you now!".
She used to hate that as much as I used to love watching her go incandescent with rage in response to it.
Then as always in these sort of situations she starts being unreasonable & horrible.
Through gritted teeth I remind her that none of this is my fault & she should be a little more friendly if expects me to help.
"Well" she says "if I can't get in then I'll have to sleep on my friends settee & The Boy will have to stay at yours tonight"
"Hang on I can't do that! I have to be at work at 6am & I can't afford to have any time off"
"Well he can't stay anywhere else"
Damn it, she was right.

So we are now on our way back to Crapsville for the 2nd time. Temper Tantrum phones her friend to ask if she can stay. I interrupt her; "I have a plan"
"What's the plan, dad?" chips in the little fella
"We're gonna do some fishing mate"
"Fishing???" they both say in unison & I smirk.
"I'll just have to go to work & get something"

Now at work we have a series of production lines from which the parts to be painted are suspended by hooks. All sorts of hooks of all sizes.
Do you see the plan?
Temper Tantrum didn't, so I explained; "You say that the spare keys were dropped through the letterbox, right? So, assuming they are on a key ring, I'll put the hook through the letterbox & try & fish the keys up to the letterbox"
She made a "phhfftt" sort of noise & kept banging on about how I wouldn't be able to bend the hook (???).
I told her to have some faith & she told me that this was one of my infamous wild goose chases that was doomed to failure.
I was actually quite confident in my ability to pull this trick off so I didn't allow myself to be anything less than chipper & positive, to the point where I said that I hoped she was partial to some humble pie.
We arrive at the house & I proceed to squeeze my hands & my trusty hook through the letterbox. Then I dropped the hook inside the house.
Fear not, for I had anticipated that scenario & had brought several hooks.
For the first minute or two she was constantly nagging behind me "this is never gonna work, The Boy needs his tea, if you haven't got it in 5 minutes then we have to give up"
"Perhaps it would be better if you just left me to it instead of putting me off?"
So she did.
For 3 or 4 nanoseconds.
Then I got the keys on the hook & without saying anything I started to feed the hook slowly upwards through my hands. Then I hear the keys as they fall off & hit the welcome mat.
Undeterred, I press on. The incessant whining behind me is starting to grate now.
Then I get it again. As I'm pulling it up I hear "I told you this was a bloody waste of time, you're never gonna do it" As I gently take the keys off the end of the hook & into my grasp I say "D'you know what? I think you're probably right". I then with keys firmly clenched in one hand & the hook in the other I withdraw my hands from the letterbox & turn towards my "lovely" ex-wife. "I knew it! Just a waste of time, always the same you are with your stupid ideas".

I walked silently passed her towards the car, just as she started to follow me I turned round.
"Temper Tantrum?"
"WHAT??"
I threw the keys to her & as her hands got caught them & her expression froze I turned back to the car saying "Forgive me If I'm a little smug, wont you?"

Ha!