"These confessions of an idiot are for YOU, my humble little audience, the select few"

Regular readers may now be going "Oh god, here he goes again with his pissing album, I thought that would all stop once it'd been released".
No?

Anyway before I get to that, here's some randomness.

Well bloody done to Liverpool! I'm sure that Dukio Jokio (or whatever he's calling himself at the mo) will be choking on his Jim Bean at this, but when it comes to European football I'm a firm believer in getting behind our teams. The real beauty of the situation is that if they lose you don't care & can enjoy laughing at their supporters the next day at work.

Is it just me? I've delayed writing this post because the last one was attracting a steady stream of comments & I fear that once one posts again it's like closing the previous post. Am I mad?

The lovely Gladys linked to this blog claiming that it made her nearly pee herself.
It's a great blog & the work of a very funny man. I strongly advise that you check it out.

So, back to "Confessions..."
For the benefit of any new types (Hello! Make yourself at home!) I recently recorded an album of original songs that I'm very proud of.
Today I received the first proper review of said album. The reviewer wishes to remain anonymous which I respect. It is 100% genuine though & I have had no part in it whatsoever.
Here it is....

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Confessions of an idiot - Gnu Cnu
The first outing by the mysterious Gnu Cnu will not fail to delight. Whilst you can't deny the electro 80's feel to this album, the lyrics, production & heartfelt emotion in the likes of "The truth about you" & "Upon the scales" ensure that there is more than a little bit of something for everyone.

I defy anyone to listen to "Egg wielding freak" & not find themselves singing along to the clever lyrics at every opportunity. A brilliant use of words & melody. Perhaps one of the most uplifting songs on the album, it's diversity ensures that you can relate to this song on every level, but have you worked out what cult classic this song is about? Watch out for the sample at the end of the song - answers on a postcard please!

Perhaps the least commercial song on this album, "Nothing's changed" is perhaps one of the cleverest. You cannot fail to notice the obvious influence of the likes of Depeche Mode & Nine Inch Nails in this track but for me this song stands alone. An uncut diamond in a sea already full of pearls. With this fantastic use of sound & vocals you are drawn into the dark abyss of Mr. Flash's despair.

The only real criticism I have on this album is "Hate farm". One of my favourite songs, a protest that reeks of truth & many people's sad but all too common view on the issues that surround us today, which sadly, in this case, misses the mighty guitar. Still I think it will appeal to a wide audience & I just hope that one day it is released with the anger, hatred & sadness it deserves.

The end of the road can only take you to the title track. An insight into the man behind the music, a musical masterpiece whose momentum builds throughout. You can only be left with a hatred for the controlling ex-wife without whom we may of course been celebrating ten years of Gnu Cnu or the such like.

The only question now to be asked is "Please sir, can I have some more?"

Star rating *****

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How chuffed with that am I?

As if that wasn't enough, allow me to share with you some genuine quotes from some of the other listeners.

""Hate farm" is a proper little anthem"

"This is awesome"

"Funky with a capital F"

"I've just heard a No.1 song called "Confessions of an idiot""

""Egg wielding freak" is a fucking classic tune!"

"He's pulled it off, the twat!"

"A really good album, particularly the title track"

"Very talented & very good"

"Beautifully heartfelt"

"Better than most of the crap on the radio" and finally my favourite...

""Confessions of an idiot" is fucking ace"

Ok, get the picture.
Having read all that, I can now only come up with the following excuses for not e-mailing me to demand your free copy (for those of you who haven't yet, those of you who have I thank from the very bottom of my heart).

I am deaf.

I don't like you so therefore I don't want to hear your music.

I suspect that this is all an elaborate ruse in which having gained lots of addresses, you plan to burgle our houses whilst we're on holiday.

Knowing that you are financially inept, I cannot bring myself to allow you to spend your easily earned money on the postage & packing.

X has a copy & told me it's crap but they didn't know how to tell you.

Forgive me for I know this will all be coming across as a giant ego trip.
It is in part but to be serious for a moment; I have put my soul into this album & I am very proud of it. History is littered with thousands of "artists" that have made much worse music than I have. They, in return receive fame, adulation, respect, countless groupies, free drugs & shitloads of money. I am not gonna get any of that so I think a little ego-pandering isn't too much to ask.

Finally, if any of you that have listened would like to help me attract more listeners, please, please, please do your bit in the comments section. The same applies if for some inexplicable reason you'd like to burst my already highly inflated bubble.

Right, I promise that this will be the last post about "Confessions of an idiot" (Which is available free of charge my e-mailing me!) ever!*



*I'm probably lying.