"A message on the screen says don't make plans, you're broke"

I wasn't feeling great this morning, so I booked half a day off work. I figured I'd sit here pretty much all day, write today's post & then continue writing up posts on various ideas I have.
Then I'd have 2 or 3 posts in reserve, wise eh?

Today's post is about my nemesis; money.
However, in the last half hour there has been a major development in my life, which may well have a bearing on the issues I'm having.
All will be revealed towards the end but for now I've got to desperately try & get back into the mindset I was in half an hour ago.

I hate money, I hate it with a loathsome passion.
I've never, ever been very good with it. This is wholly my fault, though I do feel a lack of any guidance from my parents as worsened things.
In my life I have had many financial calamities, the worst being the repossession of the family home just months after The Boy was born.

In recent weeks the noose around my neck has been getting slowly tighter, as I'm not one for keeping things from you, I'll share the depth of my problems with you.

Since I am now working permanent days (& overtime is currently at a minimum) I walk out with just over £230 a week.
My rent is £75 a week & I am in arrears to the tune of about £500. A few weeks ago I had to go to court & there is now a suspended possession order hanging over my head. Basically if I miss a payment, I'm out on my ear.
Voluntary maintenance for The Boy is £50 a week, I never falter from this. Temper Tantrum as been angling for more recently, arguing that she hasn't seen a raise in 3 years. My argument is that I strongly feel that the amount is more than adequate to provide for one child's weekly needs. In addition to maintenance I have always paid half of any school costs like uniform, shoes & trips. I also find myself having to give him a meal 2 or 3 times a week which all costs more money.
I have £30 a week coming straight out of my bank to repay a stupid loan that I got so I could buy a car that promptly blew up just a couple of month's later, this stupid loan was stupidly extended so that I could have my weekend in Brighton & take The Boy away. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on just a 2 day trip to Bournemouth.
To keep my flat powered & anywhere near warm I need to spend £10 a week on electricity cards.

So far then that is £165 a week, leaving me £65. This doesn't sound too bad does it?
Ah, but I haven't put any petrol in the car yet & I haven't done any shopping either or paid any bills. Bugger.

Today is Tuesday & my bank balance is £11.93p of which £7.99 is coming out tomorrow. In addition to that I have 26p in my pocket. I do not have an overdraft because my credit rating is so shockingly bad that the bank just laughs at me whenever I've asked for one. I have absolutely nothing of any value that could generate me any money.

I am most certainly not trying to gain your sympathy here, I made my bed, etc...
I am simply just trying to paint you a picture, perhaps you could call me about it.

No, you can't (as at least one of you has found out), because my phone has been cut off because I haven't been able to pay the bill. It is only a matter of time ( I'm bemused as to why they haven't yet) before they sever my internet connection. Jesus, things will be really, really shit then.

Add to that the £1200 council tax bill that just landed through my door last week.

Just to flesh out this picture, let me tell you the contents of my food cupboards, fridge & freezer at this moment in time.

Cupboards:

• 1 quarter full box of Rice Crispies
• 1 half full box of Coco pops (primarily for The Boy)
• 1 half full pack of baby new potatoes which must be approaching non-edible status
• 1 box of batter mix for pancakes
• 1 Jif lemon
• 1 tin of tomato soup
• 1 packet of Pom Bear crisps (for The Boy)
• 1 tin of Gravy granules (for The Boy)
• 1 jar of strawberry jam
• Salt
• vinegar
• 1 almost empty bottle of brown sauce
• 1 loaf of bread
  

Fridge:

• 1 southern fried chicken & chips ready meal
• 2 tubs of clover spread
• 1 orange jelly (for The Boy)
• 3 chocolate mousses
• 1 pint of milk
• 1 bottle of salad cream
• 5 eggs
• 1 half full carton of cranberry juice

Freezer:

• 3 fishfingers (for The Boy)
• 2 turkey burgers (with cheese!)
• 6 boxes of micro chips
• 2 bags of potato smiles (for The Boy)
• 2 boxes of frozen Yorkshire puddings (primarily for The Boy)
• 1 bag of broccolli (again, for The Boy)

There, not a very pretty picture, eh?

Again, just to reiterate, I'm not looking for sympathy. Even If I was, I don't think I'd get any because of my achilles heel; smoking.
I smoke about 20 fags a day. A packet of 20 (and I smoke a fairly cheap brand, B & H silver, fact fans) costs around £4. 30.
You do the maths.

So if I ever want to actually do anything in life, it's a major struggle.
For instance, Sunday's trip to Nottingham to see the Bluetones was organised some months ago. Just so I could buy my friends a drink, I had to put myself in the embarrassing position of asking Lordy B if I could reimburse him for my ticket at a later date. He very graciously agreed (thanks, mate). I also had to spend the last 15 miles of the journey home watching the petrol light on the dashboard flicking on & off, wishing it would hold out.
Thankfully, it did.

For weeks now this has been getting me down & I've been trying to formulate a plan of some sort to get out of this stinking mess. I know I should stop smoking & I haven't ruled out trying, but it is very, very difficult for a weak willed norbert like myself.

I have lived like this for years & it's no bloody fun, I tell thee.

As I said earlier, I had a half day holiday from work today. It came as something of a surprise then when my boss called me 15 minutes after getting home.
Work have offered me a 3 month spell working at one of our new plants.
This plant is in Lyon, France.

I will be allowed home every other weekend, but other than that I will be staying in Lyon. All my expenses will be paid by the company meaning I'll not be able to spend much of my money. Also I should imagine there will be a lot of overtime available, overtime which can dramatically increase my weekly wage. My boss has also told me that this could be a major step in improving my standing within the company, which would be a very good thing. I need to advance, financially & for my own self-worth. It would possibly prove to be an excellent time to try & quit the fags, as I won't be hanging out with any of my smoking mates.

This offer is not without it's drawbacks though.
Obviously my biggest concern is The Boy. As you know, I spend a hell of a lot of time with my son. I would miss him painfully, but he would miss me so much more. I'm an adult, I understand things. He is only 6 & the only thing he will understand is that he can't see his Dad.

Then there is Nice.
Nice would not keep me here, but it seems such a shame to lose something that is making me happy after so much time spent alone. I also feel that while she wont let on, she will be deeply upset by this turn of events.

I also truly hope that I can have access to a computer whilst I'm out there, I can't imagine having no blog access. It's scary.

There is an issue about my passport which as just expired last month, I'll have to get another one pretty sharpish as they want me to start on Monday!
I have to give an answer later today & I think I know what I'm going to do.
However, advice &/or opinions would be very much appreciated.
Merci beaucoup.