"Can't escape the ghost of you"
Normal post coming later, but right now I want to solicit some opinions.
Am I in the wrong?
Nice booked today off work, so that she could be here when I finished work for the week at midnight last night.
We hung out, y'know, & we went to bed about 4am-ish.
At 07.30 my phone rings...
It's Temper Tantrum.
The Boy as a poorly tummy & isn't going to school. She'll bring him down to me at 08.30 as she has to go to work. I grumpily said yes.
2 minutes later, after weighing up the situation, I phone her back.
I tell her I'm sorry but I can't do this, I've only had 3 hours sleep & there are other factors as well. She'll have to have a day off work.
This has brought on the mother of all temper tantrums.
I am a terrible father, which The Boy will know when he grows up. That The Portugeezer (her boyfriend) is a much better father figure than I am. That this has been the final straw & she's going to move to Portugal with The Boy.
In the heat of the row I perhaps said more than I should.
I said that I thought her & her boyfriend were a bit on/off so I wouldn't be worried about her threats. She said that was rubbish & that they've only broke up once.
"Ah" I said "That's gotta be a bit of a worry for you, then". I didn't eleborate on that, but I am (& so are lot's of other people) forever seeing him trying it on with other girls up at the club. In fact Nice as confirmed that he's tried it on with one of her friends.
She then said she would tell The Portugeezer what I was implying & that if wanted to beat me up she wouldn't stop him.
I laughed heartily.
"Do you not think he could?!"
"I don't care, I just think it's funny that you resort to that"
Anyway the row went on & on.
What I'd like you guys to help me with is: Was I wrong not to have The Boy this morning?
Am I in the wrong?
Nice booked today off work, so that she could be here when I finished work for the week at midnight last night.
We hung out, y'know, & we went to bed about 4am-ish.
At 07.30 my phone rings...
It's Temper Tantrum.
The Boy as a poorly tummy & isn't going to school. She'll bring him down to me at 08.30 as she has to go to work. I grumpily said yes.
2 minutes later, after weighing up the situation, I phone her back.
I tell her I'm sorry but I can't do this, I've only had 3 hours sleep & there are other factors as well. She'll have to have a day off work.
This has brought on the mother of all temper tantrums.
I am a terrible father, which The Boy will know when he grows up. That The Portugeezer (her boyfriend) is a much better father figure than I am. That this has been the final straw & she's going to move to Portugal with The Boy.
In the heat of the row I perhaps said more than I should.
I said that I thought her & her boyfriend were a bit on/off so I wouldn't be worried about her threats. She said that was rubbish & that they've only broke up once.
"Ah" I said "That's gotta be a bit of a worry for you, then". I didn't eleborate on that, but I am (& so are lot's of other people) forever seeing him trying it on with other girls up at the club. In fact Nice as confirmed that he's tried it on with one of her friends.
She then said she would tell The Portugeezer what I was implying & that if wanted to beat me up she wouldn't stop him.
I laughed heartily.
"Do you not think he could?!"
"I don't care, I just think it's funny that you resort to that"
Anyway the row went on & on.
What I'd like you guys to help me with is: Was I wrong not to have The Boy this morning?
And that's what Flash thinks today @ 14:29
9 Comments:
At 2:48 pm,
Mark said…
You did the right thing. Especially when you laughed at the idea of Portugeezer beating you up.
At 4:00 pm,
HistoryGeek said…
I think that Scully is right on with this...among other things, it would have made dealing with Temper Tantrum a bit easier (I imagine it all rather ruined the morning, anyway).
Still, none of this has to do with whether you are a good father or person, etc.
At 4:15 pm,
sunshine said…
Should have had the boy, seeing as you're not getting much sleep now anyway.
I wonder why you told us you were up until 4 am? We didn't need to know that...it's your fault you only had 3 hours of sleep.
This is my opinion...because you asked for it.
I don't think you should EVER think of yourself as a babysitter, you are his FATHER. He is sick, who rather to be with than his mom or dad. Is it your day off? If so you should have kept him. If you would have needed to phone off, then she should have kept him.
It's not his fault he's sick, not his fault you were up till four.
I'm sure as a mother, she has had many less hours of sleep over the years since you have left her, and you are being a bit selfish when you chose sleep over your son.
Again, my opinions.
You are a great father, I have heard you interact, and I know you love him with all that you are, however, his is still your son, and he will always come first...you said that yourself.
Take care, get some rest.
He will still love you more than any other man, and don't worry about TT's boyfriend, he's a waste of her time and she will figure that out the hard way.
oooooooo
At 4:54 pm,
sunshine said…
why are you second guessing yourself anyway?
At 8:23 pm,
Mark said…
if he's anything like me the ability to sleep at night does not come easy.
At 8:28 pm,
LB said…
sorry mate, I'd have taken the Boy.
Pertinent points to what I am going through. I think you do the absolute right thing, come what may, and take the moral and dignified high ground irrespective of whether your Ex would do the same thing for you.
If you actually physically couldn't have taken him, then fine. In an emergency where you actually could have helped out? I'd have helped out. I maybe wouldn't have liked it, but I'd have helped out.
If this situation was reversed with my Ex, I don't think she would have taken my little 'un, at least not at the present time. Which proves there is no right or wrong answer to this.
My argument; I see little enough of my girl as it is so I am damn well not going to antagonise the Ex any more than I have to (even if she has been using me as a partial babysitter for several weeks now).
I entirely agree with Scully. My "plan B" scenarios (see: going away for a week) are NOT the Ex. They are friends and family. In an absolute complete emergency I would ask her, but that would involve plans A-Y not coming off, which I am determined not to let happen.
The nonsense with her current boyfriend is just that. Childish is not the word....
sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear mate.
At 8:31 pm,
Flash said…
Thanks for all your opinions guys, The Boy is fine now.
At 10:05 pm,
Hyde said…
Flash-- I think your a great dad. I even told you that in my post yesterday. That said, I haven't had to deal with the responsibilities of having a kid yet, so I'm not sure what I wuold have done. I'm glad he's feeling better.
-h
At 4:33 am,
GJC said…
I can't say what you should have done--I've got no kids, so I've got no right to an opinion on this one.
I do, though, think Temper Tantrum shouldn't be threatening to move The Boy to a different country, or to turn your son against you in some way. That's just wrong. Obviously she doesn't know how to fight fair.
Glad he's feeling better...
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