"Voulez vous...ah-ah"

I don't know where to begin!

I want to do a review & round up of 2005, which was a pretty good year for me.
The Flashy's are long overdue (which is a blessing in some ways as the best new band award is giving me sleepless nights) & young Charbs earned the right to co-host the awards with me way back in the mists of time. I wasn't sure how that was gonna work before, but now???

Today though is the time to tell you of what the Flashman did during the festive season.

Somehow being in Lyon made this the least stressful xmas ever; I did ALL my xmas shopping in a 45 minute trip to Toys R us & a 3 hour tootle round Northampton town centre the next morning. I had all my gifts wrapped by teatime on the 23rd (which is totally unheard of, I'm usually up half of xmas eve!) & didn't have to do anything at all on xmas eve.

Nice joined me on xmas eve (& the night before) to help me re-integrate sex & drugs & rock 'n roll back into my life. Then before you could say "Blimey! Look at all these prezzies! I only had a bloody dressing gown last year" it was xmas morning.

Nice & I woke about 7:15, I had bought her some tres expensive perfume, an mp3 player, a SoccerAM dvd & some chocolates. She had bought me loads! A new Leeds shirt, a rather nice hoody, Revenge of the Sith dvd, Joey dvd boxset, aftershave & several other little nick-nacks.

Allow me to digress for a moment to tell you the Woolworths/Niknak story...

It's early 1993 & Temper Tantrum & I are in the delightful honeymoon period of our ill-fated union. Now we all use pet names do we not? Good. Her's for me was Nik Nak. So one day we are wondering around Woolworths in Wakefield when she's drawn to some piece of tat. On closer inspection she pleased to announce "It's a candle, Nik Nak!"
"Oh" says I.
As we amble slowly onwards a sweet little girl of about 5 lifts up the aforementioned article & proudly tells her mother; "This is a candleniknak!"
Ah, always makes me smile...

Anyway back to xmas morning, after a lovely couple of hours with Nice it was time for The Boy. I dropped Nice off & collected him at 9. When we got back to mine he immediately set about the very large pile of presents that Santa had brought for him. Those of you that are parents will know that for those few precious minutes when your offspring is ripping off the wrapping & smiling gleefully & jumping up & down with excitement makes the whole thing worthwhile. It's irreplaceable.

This year I'd spoiled him rotten, no doubt compensating for my absence. It was a wonderful couple of hours that was over all too quickly when Temper Tantrum arrived to take him to granny's in Watford.

So now I was on me todd.
This was cushty though, Nice had gone out for xmas dinner with her mum & brother. She planned to return to mine around 2ish, so I set about "cooking" my own xmas feast. 7 minutes later...Voila! Chicken Tikka masala, naan breads, pappadums & a cup of coffee; Sorted!

Nice returned a little earlier than expected and we had a very enjoyable Xmas afternoon.

At teatime it was time to take to the barren roads & make my way over to Reckless & Dream Girl's for the remainder of the day.
Usually I would've gone over earlier for dinner but I wanted to spend some time with Nice. My arrival was very welcome. See my very good friends have a difficult time at xmas, between them they have 6 children to buy for & this sometimes means they can't afford gifts for each other. However, Flash always comes bearing gifts.
I had bought them an mp3 player each & I'd taken the time to pre-load them with tunes, each suiting there own personal needs; lot's of turned up to 10 rock-out stuff for Reckless & a more emotionally engaging, softer selection for Dream Girl. I reckon I did alright & they both seemed genuinely pleased.
Not long after Cutieboy piped up with "have you got presents for us then?"
"No" I said coldly
"What?!"
As all four kids were all in the room at that time, I made a little speech explaining that because I'd been in France I hadn't had enough time to buy them all presents & I hope they all understood. With glum faces they all nodded. They soon brightened up when (as had been my plan all along) I produced a tenner for each of them.

We then proceeded to get quite drunk, watched Doctor Who (which I thought was great), get a little stoned & talk long into the night. At the end of the day I had to conclude that, from start to finish, it had been a truly smashing Christmas day. The best ever as an adult? Peut-être.

Boxing day I went home in time to receive the returning Boyo. We had a great day, mostly playing X-box & watching his Clone Wars vol 2 dvd, then went he went to bed Nice came round & we had a smashing evening with a few joints & the bottle of Champagne I had bought for us from France (not the cheap stuff!) . All good so far.

After a very lazy morning The Boy & I embarked on our trip up north. Just as it started snowing - bugger! We arrived in Wakefield some 3 hours later. The Boy straight away set about his presents, disdainfully casting aside the clothes he'd been given!Our Kid wasn't there as she was at Center Parcs but she'd gotten me some very nice jeans. Mum & Dad had gotten me the Lost dvd box set & a frothy coffee maker(!). In the evening Dad & I went to the local for a couple of pints & I told him all about my adventures in Lyon.

The next day saw Our Kid return, man does she have a lot going on in her life at the moment! I can't begin to detail it here but in quick fire stylee; separation from her husband of just a year, new fella on the quiet, eptopic pregnancy & the subsequent operation. She seems quite happy though, bless her.

That evening her estranged hubby, SportyBruv joined us all (except my Mum) in going to the Pantomime. They still seem to be getting on quite well, which is good. The Boy & SportyBruv really, really get on. The Boy was thrilled to bits when he arrived & even more so when I agreed that he could stay the night at SportyBruv's house (where they stayed up til nearly midnight playing Lego Star Wars). The panto was, in truth, a bit cack this year though The Boy particularly enjoyed the second half. When we all exited the theatre the rest of the Flash family turned right back to the car park & I turned left onto Westgate where I joined the Duke of Jokes in the pub. As always it was a delight to see him. Over the course of the evening we quaffed many an ale & nattered on about the world we live in & life in general. We also celebrated Leeds United's 2nd straight victory of the xmas period as the boys chalked up a 1-0 win at Stoke as we watched the merseyside derby. As is pretty much tradition now, we ended the night with some nosh; Doner meat & chips for me & I managed to keep it off the floor this time. After a shared taxi ride The DOJ wonderfully posted for me so that everyone knew all was well in World of Flash while I stumbled into my folk's house & collapsed straight into bed. Cheers matey, twas a pleasure as always.

The next day saw myself, The Boy, Our kid & my dad troop off to the white rose shopping centre outside Leeds, which was a bit of a chore but necessary. From there The Boy & I returned directly to Crapsville. A couple of hours later he was in bed & Nice came round to visit.

Friday saw The Boy & I venture over to Reckless & Dream Girl's for the afternoon. This was very cool for The Boy as he hadn't seen his good friend Cutieboy in a while. Then it was back home for another evening in the company of Nice.

New year's eve: I dropped The Boy back to his mum at tea time & went back over to Northampton. I was a little disappointed not to be seeing in the new year with Nice but she had arranged to go out on the town with her friends & I always (except for last year, which was kack) spend New Year's eve in the company of Reckless & Dream Girl.

And Blimey what a great night we had to round off a triumphant year for me. Around 8 we got the ball rolling with a mini pop idol style competition for the kids. The Eavesdroppers' karaoke machine was put to good use as the youngest 3 took their opportunities to impress the judges. The competition was a masterstroke as it kept the kids amused & allowed us the judges to go upstairs to the bedroom to "deliberate our decisions". In reality we were giddily indulging ourselves in the cocaine that we'd bought specially for the occasion. Soon we all felt like champions, much vodka was consumed & periodically we would have atequilaa slammer (complete with salt & lemon), yum!Another round of performances & another "deliberation" session later it was time to announce the winner: Cutieboy! (The girls had displayed some bad attitude especially NoisyButSweet who had a serious diva strop! Move over Mariah!).

I've known Dream Girl for many years now yet I had never heard her sing, it had become a bit of a thing in her mind following a very cruel dismissal from a teacher when she was a child. I had (as had Reckless) implored her for some time just to let go as nobody would be judging but it had become a hard barrier for her to break down. Uncle "Charlie" sorted her out though, she gave a very brief solo performance & then happily sang along with everybody else; Yay!

The guitar came out & I had a lovely time leading the whole household in wonderful singalong versions of "Frog" & "Big lover". I'm sure happiness was radiating from me as I looked around at the smiling faces of this family that I'm an honourary member of, singing my songs word for word. The best was yet to come though.

You may have heard mention of "Haunted" before. It's possibly my finest song & it's certainly the most emotionally charged. It's also deeply inspired by Dream Girl. To hear her sing it along with me, word for word, was a pleasure I cannot describe. The best was still to come though.

Earlier in the evening Dream Girl had asked me how thing's were going with Nice.
I told her that things were great;
"Have you told her yet that love her yet?"
"No"
"Why not??"
"Because I'd be lying" (There's a whole other post I could write about this, in short I think Nice is great & I really enjoy being with her but I can't fall in love with her because I am already in love with someone else - "When you're too in love to let it go")

Then during a quiet moment not long before midnight the cherry was placed upon a fine 2005 when Dream Girl gently took my hands in her's & said "I do love you, y'know".

MY Dream Girl still loves me.

Soon enough the 3 of us & all the kids were stood in a circle at midnight singing "Auld langs syne". C'est magnifique!

The kids were packed off to bed & the 3 of us consumed more vodka, more tequila & more cocaine!
We then spent the next 5 hours doing nothing more than singing & laughing & being the fine friends that we are. We finally caved in just after 5am.

I awoke at 11.30 on New years day. I hung around for a couple of hours before going back to Crapsville when once again I had the company of The Boy for the next 24 hours. In the evening I had a very welcome visit from Buddy With Boobs with whom I had a lot of catching up to do.
It was nice to see her, really nice. Then later, after The Boy went to bed, Nice visited again.

Monday the 2nd was my last full day at home as I was leaving for Lyon at 6am on Tuesday. The Boy & I had a lovely day just hanging out playing X-box, board games & top trumps. He went home to his mum at 4pm after some mega big cuddles.
Nice arrived moments later for our last evening together for a couple of weeks. All over the holiday's she had visited lots of times but had not been able to stay the night because I don't want The Boy to find her in my bed in the morning.
Tonight though she could stay & we'd both been very much looking forward to going to sleep in each other's arms. First there was some other business to attend to. Sky Sports had been kind enough to screen the games of our both our respective footy teams so it was off to the pub with us for a feast of New year footy!
After stocking up on some more bedroom action!

We arrived at the pub just in time for kick off. First up was Leeds' away match at Plymouth Argyle (those big games come thick & fast, no?). The first half was pretty dull. We were joined at half time by The Silver Fox who is a fellow Leeds fan. It was good to see him & he was telling us of how his wife had taken him on a surprise trip to New York. He thought he was off to Prague!

In the 2nd half Leeds turned on the style & romped off to a 3-0 win making it 4 wins out of 4 over the festive period, hurrah!

Then it was time for Blackburn rovers Vs Nice's beloved Portsmouth. They lost 2-1 (snigger).
I hardly saw any of the game because just as it started an old friend, Go On Gamble, came in & I spent the whole game talking to him, laughing about days gone by. It was an absolute pleasure to see him.

Footy finished, Nice & I picked up some food & stumbled home. We were both quite drunk by now & after we had finished our food we went to bed & both fell straight to sleep. We awoke at 4.30am & had a final bout of carnal fun before she went to work & I waited for my lift to the airport.

All in all the whole holiday period was splendid. The only dark spot being my enforced absence from blogworld.

But hey, I'm here now, right?!