"I didn't know your name or what you looked like yet"

"Please, it's a really big deal to me, c'mon mate?"
I could tell he was gonna crack...
"Please mate, I'm begging you"
"Ok,Ok!"
The air just in front of my right arm received a little punch.
"..but this isn't normal, we don't normally show the football on a Friday".
I could've been pissy & pointed out that football is hardly ever played on Fridays but in my victorious state I simply thanked him profusely & left Butlin's very nice but quite odd Staff Entertainment manager where I'd found him.

To give a little background here, the once mighty Leeds United had found themselves in a rather unusual situation. As the League Champions of England they had been playing in the European cup (as we used to call it before it became The Champion's League). After a 3-0 drubbing away at Stuttgart things at looked bleak. However at Elland Road the boys made a real fist of it, bludgeoning their way to a fantastic 4-1 victory. So the tie finished 4-4, now those of you who know European football will know that despite the most valiant of efforts, that meant my beloved Leeds were knocked out of the cup on the away goals rule.

Except they weren't.

See back then there were limits on how many "foreigners" were allowed to play for the same team. In the second leg, Stuttgart made a substitution & the player's (Swiss fella, if memory serves) introduction meant that they had broken the rules. Ha, ha, daft German buggers!
Again the rules state that in these sort of cases a 3-0 win is given to the team that had been cheated against. So that made the score 3-3 with no away goals.
EUFA ruled that the two sides would meet again in a neutral venue in a one-off match.
That match took place on Friday, October the 9th, 1992.

The days of the week had little significance in the closeted world of Butlin's. In the whole time I was there only one night passed without me going out. It was a bizarre environment, it didn't take long to forget that there was still a great big world outside the site's perimeter. Or that said world was still turning & events were happening. Basically if if wasn't happening in Bognor Regis then I didn't know about it. Football had been the only exception to this rule. So on that Friday night, I was mad for it.

The staff bar was dead.
I didn't care, I took my seat in front of the specially sanctioned telly & waited. A few more footy types had joined me by the time the match kicked off. I was the only Leeds supporter though.
UEFA had deemed that the game be played in one of the largest & greatest football stadiums in the whole world, never mind Europe. The Nou Camp in Barcelona has a capacity of about 100,000. There were about 5,000 fans in the ground. The majority of them cheering on the pride of Yorkshire.

My memory of the game itself is hazy to say the least. I remember what a eerie atmosphere there was with so few people in such a huge stadium. I clearly recall Gordon Strachan opening the scoring for the whites after about half an hour, this was accompanied by yours truly running around the bar like a loony, cheering & singing. Within a few minutes I was back to biting my nails as Stuttgart equalised. Bastards.

More drinks were acquired & quaffed during the half time break, as was a scan of the place to see who was about. Nobody of note.

I only remember one thing about the second half. Journeyman striker Carl Shutt had just come on as a sub, replacing Eric Cantona. All of sudden there he was with the ball in front of him in acres of space...
"Go on Shutty!"
There's a german defender trying to catch him...
"Go on Shutty!"
He's in the box now...
"GO ON SHUTTY LAD!!!!!!"
He scores!
As our Carl wheels away in delight to his teammates, I exploded.
Not literally, you understand.
There I stood, resplendent in my Champions 91-92 T-shirt (Which BingleyBird had allowed me to buy for just 2 quid & not the advertised price of £22 from the on site sports shop!), arms aloft, grinning from ear to ear & striking up a familiar tune...
"Marching on together,
we're gonna see you win (la la la la la la)
We are so proud
We sing it aloud
We love you Leeds, Leeds, LEEDS!"
I managed to keep the good vibes going (& the beer a-flowing) through the remaining 15 minutes of the game until the ref blew the final whistle! Yay!

So now I was buzzing!
The bar had started to fill up, which had made my celebratory dances round the place much more difficult. The telly was wheeled away never to grace the staff bar on a friday again.
The jukebox kicked in & though I cannot guarantee it, I'd put good money on "Nightswimming" & "Four seasons in one day" both being on at some point, alongside a load of annoying dance nonsense. I know that U2's "Mysterious ways" was on for I put at on at the request of someone else.

"Oi!"
It that someone Oi-ing me?
"Oi! What you so happy about?"
Along the back wall of the bar were a series of booths, in one of these were a gaggle of girls whom I'd never seen before. I approached...
"Well, I'm very pleased about the outcome of the football actually", gesturing to my shirt.
"Oh is that all" said a clearly disappointed girl who would go on to be known as Used To Be Wild.
"Sit down, join us" invited one of the other girls.

And so it came to pass that the Flashman would gregariously entertain this posse of ladies for the next hour or so. I discovered they all worked in the nursery (There's a nursery?) & often spent their evenings babysitting as opposed to partying. Odd. This did explain how I'd not seen a single one of them in the previous six weeks. I wish I'd realised that before making a tit of myself by offering to show them around a bit, "if you're new here". The girl with the very long, straight hair contragulated my team's success so I put her a tune on the jukebox (the aforementioned U2 song). I really, really was on top form & soon my biggest worry was on whom should I set my target. One of the girls was a bit sullen & thought I was pretentious (Pretentious? Moi?) & another was from a division lower than the rest in terms of fanciability.
This left three. RedSquirrel seemed to be slightly more resistant to my charm & wit than the two other "candidates", so sadly I wrote her out of the equation.

The time had come to venture upstairs.
It was pretty much accepted practice that by about 11 one would vacate the staff bar & climb the stairs to Broadways, the show bar. This is where the holidaymakers unwittingly partied alongside the staff. It had also become accepted practice that when the DJ played "Ebeneezer Goode", Flash danced. (Mmm, maybe there's a movie in that somewhere!)
By now I was quite merry, as were my new female companions. I spent time dancing with both of them. And I flirted like mad with them, particularly when the other one had nipped off to the bar or the loo.
Time to weigh things up...
So the really gobby one is fun, a bit in your face but a lot of fun. She's got a tidy little body & a glint in her eye.
The not so gobby but still quite gobby one is a tad quieter, has an almost innocent quality about her & a very sweet face framed by her long mane of straight, brown hair. She was also the only one that had taken any interest in Leeds' earlier triumph.
As if aware of my indecision, Used To Be Wild suddenly bound up to me, "You fancy my friend Temper Tantrum, don't you?"
Oh my god! How am I supposed to answer that! What if it's all a ploy? What if Temper Tantrum is a big old dud & you are the girl of my dreams? What if...
"Erm, yeah" I blurted.
"Fine"she snapped "I'm sure she'll be delighted"
"Oh good" I said trying not to appear as scared as I was.

Sure enough Temper Tantrum appeared &, buoyed by the news, led me to the dancefloor. And then we kissed.
Though over the years the feelings have changed greatly, I could still point out the exact spot of that dancefloor, next to which pillar, etc, where that first kiss took place).

And then that was it, off she went with her friends back to the "posh end" of the camp.
She smiled; "See you around Leeds boy"
Which of course I did, the very next night.

And that's how, just over 13 years ago, I met my ex-wife.

I still blame Carl Shutt.