"I can't get to sleep, I think about the implications"
The implications of which are simple. I shall have to abandon my double shift plans. Rest assured readers, I never actually told anyone at work that I would be doing a double so they are not expecting me till 2pm.
So I laid in bed for about 90 mins & my mind was very active. I thought alot about my "album" & ideas for the cover design. I thought about which songs I'm gonna do next. I thought about how pleased I was to receive an unexpected phone call from afar earlier in the evening. I thought about how quiet it's been lately since the girl upstairs ditched her boyfriend. And I had the obligatory thoughts about sex.
At bedtime I like to listen to music. It usually soothes me away to the land of nod. Tonight however it kept me awake. I had Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head" on; A fine album, to be sure.
One particular track (that I hadn't heard for some time) affects me in a big way, it is synonymous with a particularly significant event in my life & the aftershocks of that event. When it came on several things struck me.
A) What a spine-tinglingly beautiful piece of music it is in it's own right.
B) How the passing of time has slowly & ever-so-slightly eroded the strength of feeling I have for the person it reminds me of.
C) How, despite B, I still get that indescribable sensation in my stomach when I think back to those times, I still feel tears welling up & I still wear a wistful smile.
D) How sometimes, paradoxically, those feelings of sadness can be strangely enjoyable. Maybe I'm demented but occasionally it's nice to wallow a little bit in that misery.
E) How I would not change a single thing about what happened. That probably makes me, at best a very selfish person & at worst: A morally reprehensible maggot.
Hey, nobody said it was easy, eh?
So I laid in bed for about 90 mins & my mind was very active. I thought alot about my "album" & ideas for the cover design. I thought about which songs I'm gonna do next. I thought about how pleased I was to receive an unexpected phone call from afar earlier in the evening. I thought about how quiet it's been lately since the girl upstairs ditched her boyfriend. And I had the obligatory thoughts about sex.
At bedtime I like to listen to music. It usually soothes me away to the land of nod. Tonight however it kept me awake. I had Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head" on; A fine album, to be sure.
One particular track (that I hadn't heard for some time) affects me in a big way, it is synonymous with a particularly significant event in my life & the aftershocks of that event. When it came on several things struck me.
A) What a spine-tinglingly beautiful piece of music it is in it's own right.
B) How the passing of time has slowly & ever-so-slightly eroded the strength of feeling I have for the person it reminds me of.
C) How, despite B, I still get that indescribable sensation in my stomach when I think back to those times, I still feel tears welling up & I still wear a wistful smile.
D) How sometimes, paradoxically, those feelings of sadness can be strangely enjoyable. Maybe I'm demented but occasionally it's nice to wallow a little bit in that misery.
E) How I would not change a single thing about what happened. That probably makes me, at best a very selfish person & at worst: A morally reprehensible maggot.
Hey, nobody said it was easy, eh?
And that's what Flash thinks today @ 00:23
2 Comments:
At 1:13 am,
Flash said…
No mate, no uploads. All coming together for the "album" which will (all being well) be "released" on March 1st. Watch this space.
At 1:03 pm,
shorty said…
: ) You are only human. Revel in the beauty of what once was. Cherish that moment. Yes it's true you may be " a morally reprehensible maggot" but in this one instance you are allowed.
For you did what so many of us wish we could do, but never get the chance.
Don't beat yourself up.
I act like I know what the hell you are talking about. LOL :)
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