"I had a brain that felt like pancake batter"

Hello!

It's very nice to be missed!
So here I am blogging from Funny Dance's computer in his office/ cupboard. I am here on official babysitting business but I relished the opportunity to spend some time online. Jesus, I've only just realised how long it's gonna take me to catch up on all your blogs.

So, what's been going on in world of Flash since last time?
I was off work on Thursday & Friday.
Thursday: Buddy With Boobs & her 6 year old daughter (Who incidentally looks really like Madonna's girl, Lourdes (sp?)) joined The Boy & I on our trip to Leicester to the National Space Centre. Sadly, it was pretty crap. It would be really cool with, say, a ten year old but for little ones it wasn't very interesting at all. Actually my inner nerd is telling me that it might be very cool to go with no kids at all. That said it was nice to go out & do something. I think Buddy With Boobs enjoyed getting out as FuckwitHusband never takes her anywhere.
Friday was spent playing on the X-box with The Boy prior to going over to Reckless & Dream Girl's place where we ended up staying until this afternoon.
Since then we hung out at the flat for a bit, I took him back to his mum, I did my laundry, had a very long soak in the bath & came here to sit on the children.
That's the logistics of the last few days.

In terms of emotions I have been up & down like a whore's drawers.
I don't really know where to begin.
Actually I do...
ggggggrrrrrrrr klnndqwnohdfhdffnbnf\f\osin\fnionfuwsbhslglelsiwur92q3

That, my friends, is my best effort at describing my sexual frustration using these keys at my fingertips. In all honesty it's not just sex. I desire a cuddle, a passionate kiss, a playfight, a bottom to give a little smack to as I walk past & maybe the sight of a face lighting up when I enter their field of vision. On the other hand though, I do not want anybody to encroach on my lovely little self-involved world. This kingdom that I preside over may be a crock of absolute shit but it's my crock of absolute shit & even now after being (effectively) single for the best part of 3 years I'm not ready to give it up yet.
I know that I have been scarred by my past relationships but as a non-confrontational, people pleasing type I always seem to end up not much more than someone's performing seal.
I've spent a lot of time around couples lately & I wouldn't swap places with any of them.
Which leads me neatly into Dream Girl.
You all know my feelings about her. I love her like no other. She makes my heart pump & she makes it bleed, she makes me laugh so hard & so often. She also, crucially, really gets me. She truly understands me & has always been extremely supportive of my creative efforts. More than anyone else ever has throughout my whole life (& I shall always love her for that). I still flirt within acceptable limits & I still worship her arse as though it were the 8th wonder. I still dream, yearn, ache, hope & wait.
Except really I don't.
If she became available I do not think I would want to be her man.
There seems to be an extremely high price attached to her. Reckless is devoid of independence, he does nothing at all without Dream Girl. Nothing.
I'm far too selfish to cut myself off from all the things I want or like in my world.
Been there, done that.

Blimey, didn't know that was all coming out!

Another source of great consternation over the past few days has been my goddamn "album".
I honestly don't think any of you will be surprised to hear that it's release has been put back.
I have no current release date in mind. I may even choose not to bother at all.
The process of putting the vocals on has not gone well as yet.
There are technology issues; The wormlike speed of my processor means that I cannot monitor what I'm recording. Well I can but I end up hearing what I sang 3 seconds previously & that usually buggers up any pretence of continuing. So I have to record my vocals without being able to hear what the mic is hearing. Obviously I have to listen to the track through headphones whilst singing. This is mega-crap because I have to have it on really quiet so that I can hear my voice & so that no sound from the phones is picked up on the microphone, therefore I find difficult to "become one with the track" & get the right vibe of the song.
There are human issues: I fear that I'm simply not the singer I used be.
So far I had "completed" "Egg wielding freak" & "The truth about you". I mixed them down, put them on the pod, listened to them in the car & decided they were shite.
I will be commencing battle again tomorrow after work, please pray to whichever higher being you pray to that I have have more success.
I fear that "Confessions of an idiot" may have been a great way to waste 6 months of my life.

I also have to have a right proper moan about Reckless.
I am seriously considering removing his name from the sleeve. At present it says: Gnu Cnu are: Flash & Reckless. This has always been my intent even though I knew he would not contribute a single note to the finished article. My theory is that Gnu Cnu (or rather the dream of Gnu Cnu) as always been the 2 of us. All MY songs have come to life when given his guitar as a counterpart to my voice.
Recently, it has transpired that Reckless doesn't like what he's heard from the "album". Words like utter crap & shite have been used.
In his defence I know that he feels really left out over the whole project & he may well be rather bitter about it all.
Still, I feel that I will probably take his name of the sleeve (if it ever comes out) and if & when he asks why I will simply tell him "I figured you wouldn't want to be associated with something that you deem to be shite". Fair enough, don't you think?

Anyway, that's me done. If I don't get anything sorted at home, I shall be babysitting again on Wednesday so that's when I'll be back round these parts.
Right, let's see what you lot have been up to...