"I am justified, I am purified, I am sanctified"

A year ago today I walked to the top of a mountain.
Those who have braved the desolation of the early part of the archives may remember why but for those of you who haven't; let me fill you in.

The early part of 2004 was a pretty dark time for me. In March my doctor confirmed what I already knew: I was suffering from depression. I was prescribed some pills which I found to be ineffective. One night whilst lying awake in my bed trying to silence the myriad of voices that would taunt me, I decided that enough was enough & that some form of action had to be taken. I wrote out a few letters to those who would be affected by my action, jumped in my car at around 1am & drove. I drove through the night to picturesque North Wales, the idea being that I would spend some time away from my chaotic & draining daily life. I spent 3 days up there & it was sheer bliss. I did a lot of thinking & came to the conclusion that I had to change the way I dealt with certain things. I certainly couldn't carry on the way I was, I was heading for nothing but oblivion. Ultimately it proved to be a masterstroke. I still occasionally get a little down but don't we all? I cured myself of my depression & found some sort of strength from somewhere. I also drew up a set of rules to guide me in my new depression-free life.

I thought that today being a year to the day since I made those rules, it was a suitable time to revisit The 10 Commandments Of Flash & see how I've measured up.
Last year's words in bold - today's in italics.

1.ACT

I have fucked up so much of my life because of not acting upon things that I should have. I can no longer allow this to happen, I must act upon things. This is crucial & that's why it's law No.1.

In all honesty I probably haven't done as well as I would've liked with this one, though there has been a measure of improvement it's something I continually need to push myself on.

2.DRUGS - A TIME & A PLACE.
I can't help but think that a lot of my mental decline has been down to the amount of dope I've been smoking. Now I love getting stoned but from now on it shall only be consumed when it's appropriate. So no more joints at 3 o clock on a Tuesday afternoon.
Result! I still use drugs sometimes recreationally but I am totally in command of the situation.

3.THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW.
I know what it is & I know what I have to do. I shall make a grand gesture of closure tomorrow before I leave Wales.
In the year that has passed I have broken this rule once & it was a minor transgression that was dealt with swiftly. No harm done.

4.DEFINE WHAT I WANT TO DO
Throughout my life I have had lots of dreams about what I want to do or who I want to be. I see the need to define these dreams & either follow them or consign them to the bin.
Messed up on this one, no closer to knowing what I want to be or want to do than I was a year ago. I know what I don't want to be- a failure.

5.STOP BEING BONE-FUCKING-IDLE.
Laziness is my nemesis. It has cost me so much in my life. I can't allow it to cost me anything else. That's why I pushed myself into climbing a mountain today. I have to fight laziness at every opportunity because it needs burying.
I'm always going to be blighted with laziness but I do feel I'm much better at fighting it. I feel that I succeeded to some degree with this rule.

6.BE CLEAN
Result!

7.USE MY GIFTS
In conjunction with laws 1, 4, & 5, I clearly need to use the skills I possess because, frankly, a lot of people aren't so lucky. I have a great singing voice, an ear for a fine melody & a way with words that can serve me as a lyricist, a writer & also as a conversationalist. I must be proud of these gifts & use them accordingly.
I feel that I've totally pulled this off. World Of Flash & "Confessions of an idiot" are the proof of the pudding. I may not take over the world but I'm USING my talents & it's made me very happy indeed. (If further proof were needed; "Leave the poor girl alone" has just randomly come on my I-tunes)

8.WOMEN MUST NOT RULE MY LIFE
As anyone who knows me well enough would tell you, all logic goes out of the window where women are concerned. This is flawed & has cost me dear time & time again. The pursuit of love must not detract from or obstruct everything else in my life.
Again some semblance of success here. I have grown much more comfortable being without a woman with me all the time. Obviously I still would like to be loved (or maybe just shagged) but I'm ok. the fairer sex are NOT ruling my life. So that would be a result then!

9.SET AIMS
I should set aims on a regular basis & try to achieve them. This can only lead to success.
Mmm, I must have forgotten this one, moving swiftly on...

10.FUCK IT!
I am a big fan of spontaneity. There are times in life when you have to say "fuck it" & go with whatever feels right at the time. The fuck it law can be applied, albeit sparingly, to everything except law 3.
Got this one nailed!

In summary I feel that all of the above further vindicates my sudden adventure off to Snowdonia last year. I remember it all so clearly; beautiful spring sunshine, driving round the mountains listening to "Final straw".
Happy days.

Happy St.Georges day for tomorrow to all my countryfolk.