Fucking Pixies!!!!!
There I was, on my way back from the pub after a few sherberts, when I was accosted by a bunch of bloody pixies...
"Oi you lot!" I said "Our business is done, be off with you & leave me alone"
They looked at me, all stonyfaced.
"What?!" I asked as I started to swerve my way up to my building. They didn't answer but kept following me, buzzing around my feet like, erm, little foot buzzing things.
As I fumbled about for my keys upon arrival at my front door one of my pixie "friends" cleared their throat in a very theatrical manner.
I looked down to see him nodding towards the back wheel of the Flashmobile.
"ooh fuck" I exclaimed as I spied the flattened remains of a pixie squishing out from under my tyre.
"Now then Mr. Flash you see how we have a problem here?"
"Hmmm"
Bearing in mind I was perhaps a
tad tipsy my following course of action was, at best, ill-advised.
I started with the ringleader, kicking him square in the nuts & smirking a little as he flew threw the chilly night air clutching at his crotch. I got another 3 of them before the remaining 43 pixies wrestled me to the ground. The last thing I remember is being forcefed some kind of potion & being dragged off in the direction of the country park.
I awoke shivering & damp the next morning, at first I was extremely disoriented but in time I got my bearings & realised I was on the canal path in nearby Crapvillage.
And I was in the dock!
Of the Pixie high court!!
On the morning of Xmas eve!!!
What was I to do?
I did what any loving father would when faced with the thought of not being around his offspring over Xmas...
That's right I slaughtered them all with my superior strength & intellect.
I mean, fancy holding legal proceedings with a virtual giant next to a waterway when none of you can swim, Dur!!
The whole episode did leave me in a bit of a state though & it's took until today for my hands to stop shaking enough for me to be able to to type.
I tell you people, Pixies are not to be trifled with! Honest!!!
Well, other than that, the whole Christams & new year malarkey went swimmingly here in Flashland. I shan't expand but it was all good!
Today I saw something that made me very sad. Something that made me go home, get my camera & take some pictures (which isn't that much of a big deal when you consider that the cream coloured building on the left of the picture is my building).
What you see here is The Limes.
Or more accurately, The Limes being demolished.
18 & a half years ago, I moved into that building. It was my very first home of my own.
Initially I lived on the (already demolished) top floor in room No.21. It was a very small oblong bedsit but it was my very small oblong bedsit.
A couple of months later I moved down into No.19. That's my old window, the middle one of the 3 first floor windows.
The building has so many memories for me. Many of them very good. I spent most of being 18 to 21 in that building. At various points in that time all of the Crapsville 4 lived there too.
Reckless lived at the back of the building for a while. We were linked by a rickety fire escape & used to have feasts of toast & thickly spread St Ivel Gold in his room.
FunnyDance lived directly below me for a while just before he started impregnating ladies for a living &
MarriedAProperBitch lived in the biggest of all the rooms (typically him) which is the third window on the first floor.
Such memories...
My only threesome took place in No.21 (2 guys & 1 girl, I'm still in the market for the other configuration. E-mail address is on my profile, girls), my first ever listen to "Violator" happened there, I actually got a girl into my bed within 20 minutes of talking to her from my window (I kid you not!), I accidentally smashed the talking alarm clock that
Reckless had bought for me by knocking it off my telly & out of the window, the same window that got smashed by an over zealous co-worker trying to rouse me from my pit at 5am. I actually acquired the name Flash whilst living at the Limes. I took part in a seance, in numerous games of monopoly with various different Limes dwellers & even had at least one very memorable night of sex with
Monochrome Baby in the place.
To be honest I'm just scratching the surface.
I'm sure though, that anyone reading this will understand the sadness of seeing this personally historic building being reduced to rubble.
The Limes, I salute you.
