"3 is the magic number"

Fret ye not, I'm here (for now).

I'm just gonna wrap up a few loose ends for now.
Scully got the lucky ticket, but as it was pointed out that I "stole" the idea from Ka, it is only fair that she gets to be the first female guest.
Apologies to Scully who can have a go the week after, hopefully she will understand that I do not want to incur the wrath of a raving Gemini & the nicest man in blogland.

I owe Spins an answer to a very good question, like Mark before her I shall answer it in an upcoming post.

I'm having a load of grief at the moment from my hideous ex-spouse & it's doing my bloody head in, I won't go into details.

I still have a special e-mail to compose, apologies again. I just am really struggling for time at present.

I also still need to do the meme thing for Dzesika, sorry honey.

And despite all this outstanding stuff & a desperate urge to see what's going on with everybody, I am taking a short blog break.
The prime reason for this is to get some serious work done on Album 2. I currently have the muse & I don't want to waste it. So my creative energies are going that way for a few days.

Be well my lovelies, I'll be back.

"Here they come the beautiful ones"

Hello, good evening & welcome to the very first...

WORLD OF FLASH GUEST CELEBRITY "EXCEPTIONS"

What is a celebrity exception? Allow some of my dearest friends to explain...

[Scene: inside Central Perk]
Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?

Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.

Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.

Joey: Her what?

Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad.

Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.


Ok.
I honoured to hand over to...(Fanfare, drum roll, ear splittingscreamss)... The Duke Of Jokes!

Right the Flashman mailed me earlier in the week and asked for my 5 celebrity exceptions. I discovered that "exception" means person I'd like to shag. Compiling the list actually wasn't easy. The reason being that I never really think about it. Number 1 is set in stone as my Uber-babe, the rest are subject to change at whim and are by no means definitive. So without further ado, here goes:

Number 1 : Halle Berry



















For me, without doubt, the fittest woman on the planet.
She's just absolutely gorgeous. Great looking and a body with curves (and what curves) in all the right places and a nice rack to boot.
I first saw her in the Eddie Murphy film; "Boomerang". She was a supporting female to the lead one Robin Givens. She was the one who's supposed to be hot and had the hair, the make-up & the sexy clothes. Then there was Halle Berry's character who was plain in contrast. But her character had a heart of gold and watching the film for the first time I was thinking "now that's the kind of women I could happily live with for the rest of my life" so I kept an eye out for her in future films. She was a hotty wearing not very much in the crappy Flintstones movie but then I saw her in Swordfish and she was sex on legs. And she got her baps out too, BONUS!
But the image I have of her that just sums up how sexy she is, well I guess you know which, is when she walks out of the sea in the Bond movie "Die Another Day".


Number 2 : Jodi Albert



















A name non-UK readers of Flash's blog won't have heard of.
She played a character called Debbie Dean in a UK soap called Hollyoaks. This series is aimed mainly at teens to twenty something female viewers but it's essential viewing for any hot blooded male due to the high quotient of top totty featured in it. Sadly she left the soap earlier in the year and it just isn't the same without her. She's another woman who you could gladly live with for the rest of your life. She's great looking and another woman who has curves. She also has one of them voices that make you go weak at the knees when you hear it. Her only downside is she goes out with a member of Westlife so that's a tick in the minus column...


Number 3 : Jo Blythe



















Not really a celebrity and another name non-UK, in fact non-Northern England residents, won't have heard of.
She does the weather for ITV Yorkshire's "Calendar" news show. I believe she also moonlights for Granada & Tyne-Tees too. My liking for her is rare as she's a blonde I'm a male in the minority who prefer brunettes. Not much more to say about her as I've only seen her do the weather and have only seen her from the waist up. But she always wears tight blouses that struggle to contain her boobs. Nice!


Number 4 : Alyssia Milano




















To be honest I don't know much about her but I see of her I like!
I've only seen her in the TV series "Charmed". The programme is a load of tosh, though quite entertaining sometimes, but the 3 main women characters make watching the show worthwhile. And no I don't watch it regularly but if I'm on the PC, I might have the TV on and if I notice it's on I leave it on to play in the background.
No, honestly!
I've also recently discovered from a friend who also "sometimes watches", yes my friend is male too ;) , that Alyssia has also done a few films where she isn't afraid to get her kit off. So I'll have to look out for them. Looking on t'interweb for a piccy to use for this feature I see my friend is indeed correct!


Number 5 : Jennifer Aniston



















Looking ropier these days but she's still a babe.
The early Friends series' did this for me, whilst her character, Rachel, worked in Central Perk when she had infamous "Rachel Hair" and the black tights with the short black skirt and white blouse. Totally killer look. And she also invariably had her nips on show. I was continuously drawn to her marvellous breasts.
I went off her during the later series' in Friends when she was married to Brad Pitt. She lost too much weight was too boney for my liking. But by the last series it seemed she'd put a bit more weight on and I was perving over her once again!
Recently watching old episodes on E4 reminded me how hot she was in the mid-90s and seals her inclusion at number 5 at this moment in time.

Honorary mentions for the ones that got away this time go to:
Kelis - Her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, I'm there dude!
Kelly Brook - Another beautiful shapely curvy woman.
Keira Knightly - top British Hollywood totty.
Tina O'Brien - sexy little minx on top UK soap "Coronation Street".
Michelle Ryan - ex-EastEnders soap "star". Yet another "full-bodied" chick except with added cock-sucking lips!! Ooer!

-------------------------------------------------

Oo-er indeed!

Some fine choices there, me old mate!
Think we may have to fight over one of them!
And further proof, were it needed, that you should sucumb to the dark art of blogging!

In think in the name of balance we'll have a girl doing the honours next week, but which one?
Let's see who get's the magic number!

"Can't escape the ghost of you"

Normal post coming later, but right now I want to solicit some opinions.
Am I in the wrong?
Nice booked today off work, so that she could be here when I finished work for the week at midnight last night.
We hung out, y'know, & we went to bed about 4am-ish.
At 07.30 my phone rings...
It's Temper Tantrum.
The Boy as a poorly tummy & isn't going to school. She'll bring him down to me at 08.30 as she has to go to work. I grumpily said yes.
2 minutes later, after weighing up the situation, I phone her back.
I tell her I'm sorry but I can't do this, I've only had 3 hours sleep & there are other factors as well. She'll have to have a day off work.

This has brought on the mother of all temper tantrums.
I am a terrible father, which The Boy will know when he grows up. That The Portugeezer (her boyfriend) is a much better father figure than I am. That this has been the final straw & she's going to move to Portugal with The Boy.

In the heat of the row I perhaps said more than I should.
I said that I thought her & her boyfriend were a bit on/off so I wouldn't be worried about her threats. She said that was rubbish & that they've only broke up once.
"Ah" I said "That's gotta be a bit of a worry for you, then". I didn't eleborate on that, but I am (& so are lot's of other people) forever seeing him trying it on with other girls up at the club. In fact Nice as confirmed that he's tried it on with one of her friends.
She then said she would tell The Portugeezer what I was implying & that if wanted to beat me up she wouldn't stop him.
I laughed heartily.
"Do you not think he could?!"
"I don't care, I just think it's funny that you resort to that"
Anyway the row went on & on.

What I'd like you guys to help me with is: Was I wrong not to have The Boy this morning?

"I wanna know everything"

Ok then, let us go forth and meme...

Sunshine:
1. You are a constant in my world.
2. Nine inch nails - Closer
3. Blackcurrent - For the purpleness of it.
4. "Never done nothing like that before!!!" (or since!)
5. Finding your blog & leaving a comment about some bastard stealing the life we should have had.
6. A lioness
7. Given how crap I've become at keeping up our private communications, if I materialized at your front door now, what would be the first thing you'd do: Give me a slap or drag me off to the bedroom?
psst. E-mail is coming, I've just not been in front of my own computer much & I can't do e-mail from work, promise!


Charby
1. You've done a nudey photoshoot!
2. Is this the way to Amarillo
3. Orange & lime!
4. "You just cant beat a saveloy!"
5. Again falling by your blog & revealing myself!
6. A cute little squirrel
7. Isn't it about time we had another drink up?

Scully
1. You have the longest christian name I've ever heard!
2. Hot Hot Heat (another good thing from your side of Canada)
3. Lemon
4. "Is that Air Force One???"
5. Clearest memory is of you walking through those doors at Heathrow.
6. A dolphin
7. Where's the photos?

Hyde
1. I love your use of the word "Medicine"
2. Anything operatic
3. Screw the jelly, let's wrestle in a vat of vodka & drugs!
4. You were the first, twice.
5. Oooh, hello , who's this? They've checked out my rules from last April, wow!
6. A hummingbird
7. How on earth do you afford your life-style?

Spins
1. Possibly the best thing I've ever been called is Sweet Superhero, ta
2. Green Day does now!
3. Orange
4. Hide the rabbits!!!
5. I remember seeing some wise words over at Gladys' place & checking you out from there.
6. A baby bear
7. Which is your favourite planet, other than Earth?

Mark
1. It pisses me off that you've seen a band 34 times, I thought I was impressive with 18!
2. Manics - Stay beautiful
3. Though I'd do it to give the girls a show, I know you don't want to!
4. "Who d'you think I am, facking Wordsworth?!"
5. "Other than Del Amitri you seem to have stolen my entire record collection"
6. A panther
7. Surbiton is synonymous with middle-class England, what's it really like?

Chapstick
1. I remember when Frank died.
2. Star wars
3. I think there are probably laws against that happening, given your tender years!
4. "I should imagine it's a bit chilly"
5. Being the first person to see your blog, when you first posted
6. A meerkat
7. What to you want to be when your studies are done?


Phew, no more! That took some real effort, I tell thee.


I want to thank you for your lovely comments on the last post.
I felt as miserable as sin for a couple of hours after that, but then I used the power of Humbert to sort myself out.
I had loads of heavy, physical jobs to do that I'd been putting off so with I-pod on the "Let's Rock!" playlist, I went out of my lab & I rocked & I worked hard & I sweated like a pig.
Afterwards I felt great.
Tunes, better than sex?
Woah, can open... worms everywhere!
I know I can go over a year without getting jiggy because I've had to, but I don't think I could go anywhere near that long without tunes.
Anyway, that's me for tonight. Tomorrow we shall (all being well) be welcoming the first guest speaker in the new feature, so prepare your eyes for a feast of hotties from the one, the only...
The Duke Of Jokes!

PS. Honestly, why does the spellchecker suggest Flickering instead of Blackcurrent?

PPS. I've been waiting all chuffing year to use Wake me up when September ends as a post title & when it comes I don't want it to end because it's all been a bit smashing.

"I'm no stranger to this place, where real life & dreams collide"

It would seem that, owing to the devastating lack of response, that I was right; You just can't knock Abba.

May I just say: Starsailor's new single, "In the crossfire" is chuffing ace! Not that it fills me with hope for the album, mind you. The lead single of their last album was bloody great but the album itself turned out to be just bloody grating.

Apparently there are only 3 words in the English language that end in GRY.
Angry.
Hungry.
Any ideas for the last one? Dream Girl needs to know for some reason.

Over at Mark's place he did a groovy little meme type thing that I am now legally obliged to bring before you lovely people.
So here it is...

Leave your name and
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jelly to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.

Play away peeps, or not.

For No.7 Mark asked me how far I'd taken my musical ambitions when I was younger.
I didn't feel able to do the answer justice in his comments section, so I'm going to answer it now.

I wrote my first proper song when I was 14. It was called "Wishing" & in all honesty in weren't too bad. Then in the 4th & 5th years at school I took Music as one of my options. The course was broken up into 5 (I think) sections. One of these was composition. The wonderful thing about this was that I actually got to record my songs using the technology of the day. I also had my utterly fantastic music teacher helping me out. Then as now, I was not a musician. I am a musician in my head but the only instrument I can play is my voice. Anyway my the end of that 2 year period I had recorded about 10 songs of wildly differing qualities. After leaving school I worked in a shop & had Wednesday's off. My ace teacher had free periods on Wednesday afternoon & I use to go into school & use the facilities. This was probably a mistake as I ended up chuffing about with some of the songs & my attempts to embellish them only really made them worse.
Anyhow, before we go on let me talk you through my repetoire from the time.
"Wishing": A very simple song but quite a good one. It featured real bass & real guitar. I was proud of it.
"Mother's Girl": A great melody & some very iffy lyrics (I was just a boy!). Again recorded with proper instruments & sounded pretty good for the time.
"When I look at the stars": Hmmm. Dreadful lyric (looking back) & awful vocal. Musically though it was hella cool! It had some funky guitar on it & a (no exaggeration) utterly fantastic Saxophone solo. The re-recorded sample heavy version featured The Duke Of Jokes on backing vocals, quite remarkable.
"Backlash":A song I think so much of that it's very likely going to be on Album 2. Lyrically it's still pretty much ok (though I'll probably tweak it a bit). I was very proud of it musically as I had painstakingly played everything myself. Overdid it with the samples a bit though.
"State of confusion": At the time it was far & away my best song (IMHO), not sure how well it's dated but it was an up tempo almost rocking affair. I pretty much ruined the best version of it by sticking samples all over the bloody thing.
"Luscious fruit": I nearly forgot about that one! I always really liked this one, the recorded version was far from perfect (forgot to put any cymbals on it, doh!) but it did capture the spirit of the song, which was all about revenge.

Those 6 were probably the pick of the bunch.
There were others ("That midnight kiss", "The word is love", "Indirectly", "Broken hearts", "You are my drug", etc) which weren't quite so good but hey I'd put them all together on a tape anyway.
The first time I parted with one of these tapes was in October 1986 when I thrust one directly into the hand of a certain Mr. Vince Clarke prior to a gig in Bradford.
"What's this? A demo?" I remember him mumbling, to which I replied "yes".
"Cheers I'll give it a listen".
Ace, that was it I just have to wait till Vince listens to it then he'll be in touch & I'll be signed to Mute records before you can say Fledgling Superstar!
I don't know if he ever did listen to it but "spiraling" off Erasure's next album is not very different from "Indirectly", back me up here DOJ!

Some 6 months later, I threw a copy of my tape onto the stage at Bradford St.Georges hall. In an envelope also containing 20 odd pence in coppers so that Nik Kershaw could buy a stamp for when he wrote to me telling me how thrilled he was by my "Sound".
I must have been a couple of pence short as the diminutive genius also failed to respond.

Thinking back now I really don't know why I never made up loads of tapes & mailed them to all the record companies. I did however take a trip down to London one day armed with some tapes. I walked into the foyer of Chrysalis records & up to the receptionist.
"Hello, I'd like to see an A & R person please"
"Erm.. excuse me?"
"I'd like to see someone so I can play them my demo"
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that..."
"but I've come all the way from Yorkshire!"
"you can give it to me & I'll pass it on to someone"
"ok", there were tears welling up as I gazed upon the array of gold & platinum discs that adorned the walls. Then I left knowing I'd have to wait a bit longer till my name was on one of them.
I then tried to find Mute records, which I never did despite walking around the capitol for about 5 hours.
And that was that.

I always had great confidence in my ability as a singer & as a songwriter. I recall when having a meeting with the careers adviser before leaving school she (Miss Fittun, remember her DOJ?) asked me what I was going to do. I told her I was going to be a professional recording artist. She went on about how that may be a difficult goal to achieve. I didn't let her negativity bother me though and I told her as such. She then suggested I should think of something as a back up "just in case it takes a while". See until this point I'd never even considered what job I might do. I was going to be a pop star, I didn't need a job!
"What about a job in a shop?"
"S'pose"
And that was that.

When I was 18 I moved to Crapsville for love (doh!) & though I kept writing the odd lyric, things kind of died. I was by now convinced that the quality of my earlier recordings were simply not good enough. I had no means of making any new recordings & money was tight as all of a sudden I had to be totally financially independent. There was (still the case!) no music scene to speak of in Crapsville & no outlet for my "talents".

I went to work at Butlins at Bognor Regis in September 92. Here I found a renewed vigour for my songwriting & I also had regular Karaoke to exercise my voice. It was here I met Temper Tantrum (who of course I would go on to spend the next 10 years with). Initially Temper Tantrum was most excited by her boyfriend's creative side. She'd gush about how great I was & promised to help me achieve my dreams.

We eventually settled up in Wakefield, where after some months I became the lead singer in a band called Strangeworld. Crap name aside, Strangeworld was a really good band. ShitHotGuitarist & I forged what I thought was a fantastic songwriting partnership. We played quite a few gigs round Yorkshire & very slowly we were starting to attract a very small following.
May I just quote the Yorkshire Evening Press after our very first gig together, only 10 days after I'd joined the band, at Fibbers in York: "...excellent keyboard playing & a new singer with a fantastic voice were the highlights of their set". Yay!
We had a canon of 15 good songs, some of which were lyrically about Temper Tantrum, & we were starting to find our own sound & musical identity.
We were also waiting on some studio time that the band had won in a battle of the bands competition with their previous singer. This never came to light.
What did come to the fore though was Temper Tantrum's attitude. I feel the need to explain that because she was in a strange city with no friends & we were living at my parent's house, she'd always come along to all the gigs & all the practice sessions.
"What else am I supposed to do?" she would ask.
As time went on the rest of the band grew more & more sick of her. And Temper Tantrum & ShitHotGuitarist's wife started bitching at each other, which from what I could see was all Temper Tantrum's fault.
Eventually it all got too much & ShitHotGuitarist quit the band, taking the drummer with him.
The remaining 3 of us tried to carry on, we managed to recruit a new guitarist but struggled for a drummer. At the same time Temper Tantrum & I decided to move to Crapsville.
And that was that.

Once settled in Crapsville in our own home, the opportunity arose for me to join the only original band in Crapsville as lead singer. This was great as I was already firm friends with the drummer. For reasons I still don't know, they all decided to jack it in after about 2 weeks. I don't think it was me, but you can never know, eh?
And that was that.

There followed about 5 years of creative stagnation. My muse sensationally returned to me at the time of the She Who Changed Everything saga. I wrote loads of songs within a few weeks, this time I had some outlet as by now Reckless had learned to play guitar. Due to the lyrical content of my new songs, I couldn't play them around Temper Tantrum & I was very rarely out of Temper Tantrum's grasp. She found the lyrics to "All too human" (No.1 single in the right hands, I swear!) & all hell broke loose. The lyrical theme of the song being I'd do anything "..when it comes to you". I managed to spin her a yarn about how I was trying to think back to how I'd felt when we first met & recreate those emotions. It worked but from then on all new songs had to be hidden away. And as Neil Hannon once crooned; a song is not a song until it's listened to.

On the occasions that I'd get to hang with Reckless sans Temper Tantrum the songs would come to life.

Eventually I left Temper Tantrum.
This may all sound like I blame her for not getting anywhere or doing anything. I don't.
I blame myself for not standing up & saying "No, Fuck you! This is who I am & what I want to do" but I've never been that strong. I am a very weak minded individual.

Since then Reckless & I tried to form a band in Northampton, which crashed & burned pretty quickly as Reckless, bless him, can't keep time to save his life. A problem that was never evident while it was just guitar & voice. I tried whoring myself to Simon Cowell & his cronies on last year's X factor which was a complete waste of time.

And then I found Reason & made "Confessions of an idiot" of which I am fiercely proud. I do believe that despite technical issues & limited musicianship it shows that I do have a talent.

Now, I am reasonably content to potter on making an album on my computer here & there. It's quite fulfilling. In fact all this thinking about it (which I've been doing for the last 48 hours) has given me fresh impetus to crack on with Album 2.

Or perhaps I should just have answered: Not enough.

Actually, now I've just read that all back to myself I find myself feeling very sad.
It appears I have become the very thing that I always said I wouldn't be: One of those people who says when they're old; " What if...?"
And that's that.

"So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me"

Here we go then with No.1 in an occasional series...

You just can't knock....


















ABBA!

The first music I really took an interest in as a small child was that of Abba's. They just captured me, the songs, the look the whole abba-ness of it all!

Of course these days they're history, but what a potent bit of history. I rarely choose to listen to them & they are probably several hundred artists that I'd choose to listen to instead, but Abba never, ever bug me.
Though I own a copy of "Gold" (doesn't everyone?), I do only have 4 Abba songs on my I-pod. I wont tell you which one's they are in case anyone fancies a guess but one of them is perhaps the most heartbreakingly moving song ever performed.
See here's just part of Abba's appeal, they had the songs. Great well written, well produced songs. Songs that we can all relate to, songs that can move you to shake your booty or move you to tears. Songs that kids know today after over a quarter of a century.

The songs aren't the whole package though. You've got the people.
Though often unsung, Bjorn & Benny are gifted musicians as well as songwriters & when I was very young Benny used to make me smile cos he was, well.. a bit funny in that uncle kind of way. Again I was very young but I thought that Bjorn was cool. Yes, I know!
Anni-frid was a very strong singer & I'm sure she had lot's of qualities.
I wouldn't really know though because Agnetha always overshadowed her for me.
Obviously when I was 8 years old I had no inkling of sexiness but I still knew that she looked strikingly pretty, like an angel.
And her voice is possibly the jewel in Abba's crown. Crystal clear yet full of emotion.

I could go on about the clothes, the imagery, the whole kitschness & Agnetha's legs but I've got work to do, so I'll stop waffling there.

So now it's your turn; can you knock Abba?

If you think you can, it has to be a well reasoned argument to win me over.
You see in World of Flash, Abba are ace!

"Hello I love you, won't you tell me your name"

Well hello there!
It would seem that after my little blog-drought I am now being flooded with bloggy ideas.

Tomorrow will see the first in what may become a regular feature called "You just can't knock..." but first there's today to deal with.

Today, as a one off special, I shall be stealing Swiss Toni's Nosing around the neighbourhood idea. Hopefully the reasons why I'm doing this will become reasonably clear pretty quickly.
So come, take a stroll with me down Blogger's Avenue...

TidyArsedFootyBird is eagerly awaiting her 5000th hit, whilst pondering why she is a doormat. I sadly have no answers as I too spend half my life with people walking all over me. Guess it's the price to pay for being nice.

Realisations are raining down on LusciousLips, she's apparently a girly dork who is a non-analytical good mother longing for another tattoo, amongst other things!

Poor old Jackanory is having a blog crisis. This drought coupled with turningthe "frightening" age of 38 as left him bereft of his usual appetite for regaling us with his most excellent tales & frequent Young Ones references. Go over there & call him BogeyBum, he likes that!!

Quoting Coldplay lyrics & worrying about his "malnourished little thing"*, we find YoungSkywalker in reflective mood. He's also recommending us all a book, but it's NOT a graphic novel, right?! YoungSkywalker has not yet explained why he's changed the name of his blog to a Spandau Ballet lyric from before he was born. I, for one, am intrigued.
*He's talking about his blog you dirty-minded buggers!

CrazyFruitloop has taken one of her legendary Next Blog trips with the usual amusing & bemusing results. Always a hoot, to be sure. As is it's author.

ScrapesTheClouds has buggered off to Toulouse for a week leaving me free to pilfer his best ideas. Mwah ha ha haaaa.

A wedding dilemma needs sorting out over on the pages of MyPensylvanianPrincess. What should she do? (adopts geordie accent) You decide! Go on, give her some input, I know I'd like to! *winks*

TheTunesmeister has been having his udders feeled! What? Sorry, my mistake. He's been down to Huddersfield to check out the uni, which let's be honest he's never gonna get in until he realises that from London to Huddersfield is UP not down! He also had the joys of having a Travelodge double bed all to himself, result! On top of all this, there's a new tune for us all to gobble up, Yay!

Still no doubt quivering from her recent meeting with yours truly, LittleLovelyLady is taking a break. She also jacked in the job & has had enough of being abused by her irate co-workers. Fair play, next time I'm in Calgary I'll kick their asses for her. Then they'll be scared!!

Also off on some travels this week is Isn'tSheLovely? who has ventured into cow country to visit her mother. This has filled her with dread & brought out her "other side" (Bloody Geminis!), still she's hoping that the equinox may herald the return of perky instead of pouty!
I'm sure it will!

If not the impending arrival of AsGreatAsHeIsTall will put things right. He could do with some adventure too to stop him from turning into The Wobbly Jelly Of Self Doubt! Our friend is feeling a bit low at the mo but thankfully his army of pixelated pals are trying to put him right. And quite right too!

KnowsHerTunes & KnowsHisTunes went to sunny Scarborough for the weekend. KnowsHerTunes promptly fell in love with the place, and why not, as a regular visitor to the place in my youth all I can say is, what's not to love?
And why not go over there & play spot the rock star! (her blog not actually Scarborough)
It's not easy, I tell thee!

That fella whose just moved into our street, y'know DissesAbba!, as come over all philosophical. (see what I did there?)
I blog therefore I am, he muses. Having read the whole post, all I can say is that I think we've all questioned our place in the blogosphere from time to time. Yet we all still do it, cos being a blogger rocks!

TheWiseOne is, strangely enough considering this post, wondering about names & their relevance to their owners. I have submitted to this experiment though I have severe doubts that there is a more apt name than Flash for one such as I! Unless it's Aldrian!! It's also worth having a look at the bizarre but striking chandelier that he's showing off. I just hope it's not danegrous, I mean dagner... oh fuck it!

She's on about things I don't understand again!
Who is?
SeperatedAtBirth, that's who!
I think it's something to do with cars.

There's a gory twist in some family history going on over at
SweeterThanChocolateAndTwiceAsNice's place. And it's Green Day lyrics all week as she looks forward to this weekend's live shenanigans. Lucky sod!

The mighty Preston Hellings dished out a 5-1 mauling on Sunday. Their left back BinaryBoy played a blinder I reckon. I know though that he was lucky to come away with his knee in one place after a run in with an "aggy" No.7.

The very lovely DancingQueen has been shopping in Watford (brrr!) & celebrating Dubya's latest approval ratings. She is currently involved in some serious crossing action (fingers, toes & eyes - watch it missy, you might stay like that!) in aid of the fembot & is off again at the weekend, this time to Berlin. How come everyone's going off everywhere while I'm stuck in Crapsville?

Oh my, her ring has been lost & then found again (hurrah) & she's pondering " Why are there so many crazy people in this city? Why haven't I met anyone who's not fucked up in one way or another?". She does go on to say..."and I'm not exempting myself from this indictment".
See, WritesSoMuchItHurtsMyBrainButIWouldn'tHaveItAnyOtherWay lives in New York City.

Then there's ArticulateAngryAndAce, He's being his usual articulate self on the subject of forgiveness, he's a tad angry about having a living room full of boxes (who wouldn't be?) and he's in possession of a rather ace meme type thing!

And that's what's going on down our road, apologies if I've missed anyone out.
And one more thing...
I think I'll leave this nosing around to ST, it takes bloody ages.
I'm off!

"Though it's not love it means something"

Blimey!
One use of the G word & you all go a bit funny!

Yes, Nice has been deemed my girlfriend, simply because that's what she is.
I feel like we've spent a lot of time together which has always been enjoyable for both of us, so it simply felt like a natural progression.
Don't be alarmed though, the use of the words boyfriend & girlfriend does not signify any kind of great leap or commitment (perish the thought).

So to answer a few questions;
Nice left her boyfriend some weeks ago now, she has been living with her mum until last weekend when she moved into a flat about 5 minutes away from my place. We did have to keep things quiet for a while because Nice didn't leave him to be with me. She left him because she wasn't happy. Thus she didn't want him to draw the wrong conclusion. We went public last weekend in the nightclub & now pretty much everyone at work knows, more of which in a while.

How serious is it? Not really serious at all, on my side.
Have I said "I love you"? No, because I don't love her. When we first started I told Nice that she wasn't allowed to fall in love with me. I believe she has & I vaguely recall her speaking of this last night when we were very, very drunk.
I do think she's lovely & I know I'm going to miss her this upcoming week while I'm on lates but I haven't fallen for her. To be honest, that suits me down to the ground.
I'm afraid I'm getting quite cynical in my old age & the idea of love scares me.

Have we had a sober moment yet?
Does work count?
No, we really haven't which should be a bit of a worry, but it isn't.

Has she met The Boy?
Yes she has. It hasn't been a big deal sort of thing though. We bumped into her, Lil' one & Lil' Mum while we were waiting for a bus a couple of weeks ago. Also she popped in a couple of hours ago to pick something up & they said hello then. The Boy has just been told "This is my friend, Nice". I don't think he's fazed by it as I do have several female friends who he's met before. If the time ever comes I will sit down with him & talk to him about it all. I don't feel that its needed at present.

Does she know about the Blog?
Yes, sort of. I've told her about blogging (apparently her ex was just getting into it when they split!) & how much of a big thing in my life it is. I've also told her that it has to stay entirely separate from people in my real life. She accepted & understood just fine.


Am I gonna reply to the E-mail I got last night?
Yes, soon.

Last night was a hoot. Buddy With Boobs & I got to the party quite early. We were both waiting for our "partners" to turn up. Moustache arrived after about an hour & Nice came about half a hour after that. She looked really good & she turned a few work heads who hadn't seen her like that before. The party was in full swing by now & both Nice & myself were mingling around a bit.
Much to my horror, she returned to me with the news that at least 3 of our colleagues had warned her off me because I am "trouble".
I was actually really saddened by that, I don't think I've ever been trouble. I'm a thoroughly nice fella who goes out of my way to treat people with kindness. It knocked me out of my stride a bit. The party finished around 10.30 and quite a few of us made our way up to the club.

Nice's friends were in the club so she went & hung with them for a bit. I had a bit of a wander around & eventually found myself in a bit of a crowd from work. One of these was She Of The Lovely Jubblies & Even Lovelier Smile who you may remember I've always been a bit keen on.
Now really what is it with women? You think after all this time I'd have some modicum of understanding, eh?
Well I don't.
Over the last 2 or 3 years I have made several attempts at romance with SOTLJ&ELS, none of which have been reciprocated. Only the other week at the races, I made some gentle enquiries. I then asked her friend BallBreaker, who is well clued up on the 2 of us, if it would ever happen with SOTLJ&ELS. She told me no. So I finally gave up hoping, especially considering how things were going with Nice.
So last night, She Of The Lovely Jubblies & Even lovelier Smile starts dancing with me, then she starts looking at me in a way she's never done before, then she's grinding against me. I jovially tell her off, saying that I can't believe she's doing this to me now, now that I'm with someone. She carries on & in all honesty I'm bewitched. I came extremely close to kissing her but I'm not a total shit & with Nice in mind I backed down.
I can only assume that my unavailability has increased my attractiveness! Who'd have thought that was possible!

I think Nice had seen enough & with big smile (she is in possession of the most beautiful smile) she came bounding over, grabbed me by the hand & announced that we were leaving as she whisked me off away from her "rival". I'm not sure I even got to say goodbye!

Moustache & Buddy With Boobs were "borrowing" my flat whilst Nice & I were clubbing so I had to fire off a swift warning text. It was quite strange, the four of us sitting there chatting & sharing a smoke. I would never have believed it 2 months ago.

And you can guess the rest...

"I know I won't be leaving here with you"

Hey!

So the magic number was 7 (I'd not be so presumptuous to think I'd hit double figures!) which means that our first guest won't even be a blogger! He will however be a bugger.
That cheeky Yorkshire bugger, The Duke Of Jokes.
So hoping that everybody hasn't already done it & with her kind permission, I'd like to expand the idea towards Ka's 5 celebrity exceptions.
I await your response, Ka.
If granted then the DOJ can do his bit next week, I'll also have to have a go myself.

In an hour or so I'm going out. Our maintenance manager at work retires today after giving almost 40 years of service to the company. He was actually one of the people who started the business back before I was a twinkle in my father's eye.
He's a thoroughly smashing bloke & is well liked throughout the company, so tonight there's a bit of a shindig going on in his honour. This will no doubt follow on to the nightclub & much drunken debauchery. I will be meeting my girlfriend there & get this... Buddy With Boobs will be with her BOYFRIEND!!!!!

Yup, she's finally told FuckwitHusband that enough is enough & has found happiness with another guy from work, who I think we'll call Moustache. Moustache is a nice fella, who I've never really gotten to know. I do know that he's had a really rough time over the last year or so & is due his share of happiness too.
It's very early days for them but Buddy With Boobs is confident that things will go well.
I think it's absolutely great, mostly because she's one of my dearest friends & it fills me with joy to see her happy.

Right now I better go & have a shave & figure out which clothes I'm gonna wear.
Most likely; Black jeans, Black Shirt, Black shoes.
One just can't go wrong with black, eh?

"An angel, that's what you are"

Well it's not like me to jump on the bandwagon (ahem) but that's what I'm gonna do!
I've been thinking of doing this for a while but now with my creative juices barely bubbling it's as good a time as any.

It's time for the guest feature!
As pioneered by Swiss Toni & Lord Bargain, I shall be having someone over once a week to share their thoughts on my chosen issue.
So what's it to be Flashman? (that is what you're thinking right?)
Well, I've thought long & hard about this.
I thought maybe "My favourite album...", or "My ten albums to take on an exploratory mission to Saturn (Desert island discs for the 21st century)" but I elected not to.
I also had another workable idea that I'm gonna sit on, just in case.
In the end I went for the idea that was just a bit more..., well, Flash!


So I'm gonna kick the proceedings off & my first guest for next week will be determined by whoever comes in at comment No.?. (I know which number but I ain't telling).
Ok?

So without further ado....

THE BAND MEMBER/MUSICIAN I'D MOST LIKE TO GET JIGGY WITH IS...
























Charlotte Hatherley.
Why? Well, first up look at the picture again.
Charlotte oozes cool whilst remaining undenialably hot. This is no mean feat. She's also quite a talent. Not only is she guitarist in Ash, no, she has also released a solo album (Grey will fade) of some quality. The track "Bastardo" is pure guitar pop genius. I strongly advise you to check it out. I've seen Ash live several times & was actually at Charlotte's first ever gig with the band. Bless her, she did look nervous. Nowadays though, the stage is like a home to her as she struts around wielding her axe & generally looking quite the rock goddess.
I met Charlotte & the boys at a signing in Northampton. Tim & I got chatting, but all the while Charlotte was definitely* giving me the eye. And she did flash me a sultry little come-to-bed smile as she handed me back my newly adorned CD covers.**
So I reckon I'd be in with a shot there!
Once again, ladies & gentlemen, I give you...
Charlotte Hatherley

















Psst. Don't tell Charlotte but she wouldn't have been my original first choice. No, as I said over at ST's place, there was once another...

THE BAND MEMBER/MUSICIAN I'D HAVE MOST LIKED TO HAVE GOT JIGGY WITH IF SHE HADN'T UPPED & LEFT THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS...


Hilary Woods


Hilary was, until a couple of years ago, the bass guitarist in JJ72.
She was so dreamy. At many a gig Reckless & I would make a beeline for her during the song "Undercover angel", when in position & obviously at the right time we would holler the line "an angel, that's what you are!" to Hilary whilst jumping & waving like loons. We made her blush once! Ace.

With Hilary it was all about grace. She had an aura about her, she had a certain poise. Her sexiness came from within & had little to do with her body, though it was a body that was very easy on the eye..

ST & LB went to see JJ72 last night & by all accounts Hilary's replacement is quite the hotty, but she could play naked every night & she still wouldn't be able to displace Hilary from that special part of my heart that shall be forever devoted to her.

I miss her.













Anyway, do you, fine readers, like this idea & want to have a go?

*maybe
**I have perhaps exagerated this, a tad.

"Where I end & you begin"

When I was 18 I got a job working for a team of duct erectors on various building sites. I was a fitter's mate. This basically entailed doing all the crap jobs that the fitter didn't want to do, such as carrying the tools, hacksawing lengths of studded rod, going to fetch stuff, etc. I initially found it bloody hard work. Since leaving school I'd worked in shops & in a factory operating a drill all day. I was not accustomed to hard graft & it showed. The most prevalent way it manifested itself was that it would generally take me twice as long as anyone else to get things done.
I was part of a crew of about 12 blokes & of that 12 I was one of 3 called Nik. One day I was beavering away with some menial task when I heard a voice from above shouting "Nick". I didn't look around as I'd become quite accustomed to hearing "No not you, the other one". Again I heard "Nick", again I assumed it wasn't me.
The next time I did look round, I still to this day do not know why.
This time the man on the scaffold platform had shouted "Oi! Flash!"
And that was that, October 1988 I became Flash.
Except I didn't.
Although the name stuck from day one on the sites, away from work I was still simply Nik.
Over the next 3 years or so a few people who I'd worked with had come & gone, as such a few faces round Crapsville now knew me as Flash, on top of that Reckless & Funny Dance had taken to calling me it. Yet it was still just a nickname.
In 1992 I left Crapsville for pastures new (& old) & I left Flash behind. I wasn't addressed as Flash again until the summer of 1994 when I started working at the place I still work now. My supervisor, for some unfathomable reason, could not remember my name. I mean come on, Nik, how hard is it?
Anyway, after a week or so of being called erm & thingamajig, I said to the guy "Look, if you really can't remember my name you can call me Flash. It's an old nickname but I bet you won't forget it". He didn't & thus Flash was reborn.
Over the years it became much more widely used than Nik. Towards the tail end of my marriage (probably around the time of the She Who Changed Everything saga) I started to feel that Flash & Nik were becoming 2 very separate entities. Flash would go out with his mates & be the life & soul while Nik would go home & be the dutiful husband.
Temper Tantrum hated me being called Flash. She despised Dream Girl calling me it, for reasons I still can't figure out. My word, we had some rows over that, I tell thee.
At that time I really did start leading a bit of a double life, I was a very different person when I was not in Temper Tantrum's vicinity. I was me. This was noted by many friends, particularly Reckless & Dream Girl who had gotten to the point where it pained them to see the pale, watered down version of their friend who would accompany Temper Tantrum to visit them.
As you all now I left Temper Tantrum in the summer of 2002. Ever since then I've been free to be whoever I want to be, that somebody is Flash.
In my darker times, I have genuinely feared that I may actually be a little schizophrenic. Nik & Flash arguing the toss in my head. Level headed(ish) Nik telling Flash that "we" really shouldn't do certain things & Flash telling Nik, in no uncertain terms, where to stick his boring, safe way of life. When I had what is thankfully the only anxiety attack I've ever had (soundtracked by Clearlake's "Cedars", fact fans!), it was like the 2 of them actually came to blows in my poorly brain.
Then I started the journal that would become this blog. This blog called World of Flash not World of Nik. Steadily through the support of my online friends the blog has gone from strength to strength. Flash is now undoubtedly who I am & in all honesty; Nik is just a name that my ex-wife & my superiors at work call me. I'm not really sure he exists as a person anymore.
Hell, I even get called Flash in the bedroom these days, which is still a little strange but I like it.
The trouble with Flash though is that he's prone to getting very carried away with himself. Believing his own hype, if you will. In recent weeks I've received a hell of a lot of positive attention from people. Obviously from Nice but also from a lot of other people. It's put a little swagger in my step & a smile on my world-weary face.

So what's the point I hear you ask.
I have got a very real sense over the last few weeks that I have started to become a caricature of myself. Playing up to certain facets of my personality & amplifying them in the name of making Flash out to be the geezer I've always hoped to be seen as.
Yes, I am a ladies man. I always have been, but mainly because I enjoy the company of women as much as I do men's. Not because I'm a letch or a sexual predator.
Yeah, I can flirt for England but that's all it is (usually!), flirting.
Ok, so I talk about sex a lot, that's because it's something I enjoy a lot & hey, don't we all? I also talk about music alot for the same reasons.
I know that I've been milking these parts of my character lately, even if I hadn't noticed it myself (which I have), there have been some pointers in blogland that I would've gotten sooner or lately.

You see, Flash isn't really a very complex character. I just want to be liked, even loved, by everyone I come into contact with. I do know though that I mostly achieve that just by being myself, so I'm slightly perplexed as to why I've found myself hamming up the role of Flash instead of just being Flash.

Some of it is simply because I'm very happy with things at the moment. As a "creative force" I don't really function very well when I'm happy. This I feel as also shown itself to be true here at World of Flash of late. It's a cross I have to bear, honestly I don't think I've ever successfully written a song whilst being happy. Listen to "Confessions..." again, not much joy to behold, eh?
Maybe that's what you get for a lifelong love affair with Depeche Mode, eh?

I think the whole point of this post is two fold.
One; to let myself know that I'm on to me! To write down these feelings just like it was still that little red book I used to carry round with myself.
Two; To let you wonderful people know that I'm on to me. Thanks for the opinions regarding yesterday's query. It was great to get your honest responses. Yes, I'm bound to have changed over the course of this blog, the blog itself has changed who I am to a great extent, I think the word evolved said it the best.
And of course as ST so heartwarmingly said I am a born entertainer, I don't think there's any point denying that, it's who I am & I have a very vocal audience, and my god do I SO love you all for it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks for tolerating my up-my-arse moments & that things will start getting a bit more back to normal.

After all, I'm much more of a Chandler than a Joey*

*Tribbiani or Deacon, but not a Tempest (perish the thought!)

"Who am I? Where am I? Why do I feel this way?"

Ok, here's the thing:
I'm a tad worried about how I'm coming across in blogland lately.

Am I actually becoming Joey?
Longtime readers: Have I changed?
This is something that is genuinely worrying me, please help.

"That's all they ever give me, Questions questions"

Okey doke, 5 more questions to answer, this time from the esteemed Retro Boy AKA Mark:

1. If you could be any superhero, real or imaginary, which would it be?
There was a comic I used to read as a young lad called Nova. I can't for the life of me remember what Nova's powers were but I do recall that he had fire instead of hair, which looked well cool!
So I'd have me some of that.
I'd also very much like to be a Jedi Master, like a little chubby white Mace Windu but of course with flames on the top of my head.
On top of that I would very much like to have some sort of fantastic vehicle to get me around. Something cool & nifty & full to the brim with ingenious devices & gadgets. It must however have a nice bit of boot space for when I have to go to Tesco.
My first superhero duty would, I'm afraid, have to be an act of evil. I would have to seek out & destroy the superhero known as The Flash so that I could rightfully claim my name back.

2. a while ago, you said that you didn't agree with me on everything, what things - and why?
Ok. I sometimes feel you can be a little belligerent in your views. In general I see what it is you're actually saying, & more often than not I agree with the point being made, but I'm occasionally taken aback by the way you put things. How the point is put across
In essence it's more about me (shocker!) than it is about you. I have great difficulty expressing my anger & more negative emotions. As such I can't help but struggle to deal with other people's too.
One example of something I didn't agree with that spring's to mind was a comment on another blog I saw regarding Ken Bigley. I strongly disagreed with your standpoint on that issue.
Having said all that I MUST reiterate that I have an unwavering respect for you, you are a much more learned man than I & you clearly know what you are talking about. I also realise that your vitriolic style is as important in defining your blog-self as my joviality is for mine.
On top of all that your taste in music is pretty much top notch.
I hope that cleared it up a little, I fear I still haven't expressed myself as well as I'd like to.

3. Who would be Gnu Cnu's backing band?
*song breaks down into a simple rhythm running around while enigmatic lead singer takes a sip of some dubious alcoholic beverage & approaches the mic...*
Ladies & Gentlemen, let's hear it for the rarest of beasts, beast being the operative word, a tub-thumper with genuine character, big hair & supreme face pulling skills... on drums... Mr. Stuart Cable (formerly of Stereophonics, for those who don't know)... *outrageously extravagant drum solo complete with gurning*
On Bass, something for the ladies & come on, you can knock his band all you like but they always had killer basslines... It's (a youthful) John Taylor of Duran Duran...
*bass solo so slick you may well slip on it*
On Keyboards & various other technological whistles & bells... some of you may not know him but he's a bona fide musical genius nonetheless... Mr. Alan Wilder (formerly of Depeche Mode)..
*all manner of piano tinkling jiggery pokery & stuff goes on*
And finally on Lead guitar & extremely muted backing vocals (so as not to embarrass yours truly), a visionary who may well look like a satanically possessed imp.. Muse's Matt Bellamy...
*astonishing guitar histrionics ensue until finally...*
We are Gnu Cnu, thankyou & goodnight...
*whole ensemble plough into final chorus of most excellent song before leaving the stage with the sound of 75000 people shouting "More!"*
...
*Flash wakes up*

4. What's eating Gilbert Grape?
No doubt some oblivious hospital patient.

5. In your life, have you ever Jumped The Shark?
Though nothing springs to mind, I'm SURE I must have on countless occasions as I'm quite prone to getting carried away with myself when things go well. Thing is you can't see any sharks when your head's up your own arse. If I remember any I'll post them another time.
In fact this blog may well have jumped the shark very recently...

Thanks for that Mark, I enjoyed that!

Right, now it's my turn to dish some questions out.

Charby:
1. If you had the misfortune to fall head over heels for one of those strange men that don't like football, what would you do?
2. Do you see yourself living in London in 5 years time? If not, where?
3. Why do girls love horses?
4. Ice cream has been banned worldwide & is now regarded with the same moral disdain as drugs. Would you give up or get yourself a dealer at the risk of being criminalised?
5. How would you describe your emotions when you recently had to be naked in the name of art? From disrobing to seeing the finished articles.

Spins:
1. When did you become a veggie & what was the last meat you ate?
2. January? Any redeeming features?
3. Bisexuality? Best of both worlds or twice as much hassle?
4. For what would you sell your soul to the devil? If anything.
5. As a poet & a proud owner of "Confessions of an idiot", may I shamelessly ask you what you think of my lyrics & if you have a favourite line?

So there you have it.
I'm gonna be away from my computer till Sunday as I have some serious babysitting to do (only 5 kids for the whole weekend!), so have a good weekend y'all!

Oh, one more question...
Is it be or has my readership halved over the last week or two?

"Where can I find you? Now I want to join in your game"

So in a desperate attempt to keep up my blogging activities I shall now doing a little bit of catching up.
I was tagged a little while back by both P'tit-Loup & the lovely Ka on the old 5 songs malarkey, so without further ado:

"List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions and the five songs (with artist) in your blog. Then tag five people to see what they're listening to."

1. Hard to beat - Hard fi
I've listened to this countless times since Lordy B sent the album my way. It's irresistible! It's gloriously upbeat whilst still carrying a hard edge. It makes me smile & dance & sing.

2. Bullets - Editors
I just adore the chorus of this song. It's repeated like a mantra: "You don't need this disease".
It's right floating my boat, I tell thee.

3. The first day of my life - Bright eyes
Since I have been recently spending more time in my bedroom (ahem), I constructed a new bedtime playlist. This little gem just keeps coming on, time & time again. It's sweet & vunerable & the lyrics are reasonably pertinent to where I am right now. Nice is digging it, big style.

4. I don't know why I love you - The house of love
While having a clearout of their garage recently, Reckless & Dream Girl found a box of my stuff. In that box were a couple of little books in which I used to list all the songs I had on either CD or tape. I had a nose through & (amongst others) this song jumped out from the page screaming "Hey! Remember me?" to which I replied "Aw mate! I had forgotten but I shouldn't have. You're great you are!". One trip into file-sharing land (God bless WinMX!) & he was back within the fold. A feisty little number which I can't believe I've survived for years without.

5. For America - Red Box
Mentioned recently by Lordy B, WinMx also brought this mad little piece of 1987 back into my world.
"Urellei, urellei, urellei, urellei, urellei, urellei, ey
Urellei, urellei, urellei, urellei, urellei, USA"
They just write 'em like that anymore!

There you go.
As I'm about a fortnight behind everyone else I wont bother tagging anyone else.

Now then, it's time for the interview thingymabob.
I've got 2 sets of questions to answer, the first from The daddy himself & the second set come from Bristol's finest: Bee.

Apparently this is the deal:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below asking to be interviewed.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I fully understand if everybody is all questioned out, as I'm once again late to the party!

Anyway...

Swiss Toni's Questions:
1. If you could go back in time, which event in your own life would you change?
Hmmm, I've tried this one before when Hyde quizzed me with it in the first game of Ask Flash.
I couldn't answer it then.
2. Keyboard or Guitar?
This one's a doddle; Guitar! However, there was a time when I would've gone with keyboard.
Obviously my own music sounds quite keyboard based & I do like the potential for different sounds that a synth can offer but in an ideal world my music would be very much built around real drums, real bass & scores of real guitars. Strumming, screaming, wailing, funky, wah wahed, lilting, crunching guitars.
3. Would you swap your Son for fame & fortune through your music?
Right, this question is bloody mean Swiss!
The answer is unequivocally No. My boy means everything to me, he's my reason for living. I strongly feel like he needs my guidance & my influence on his life so he doesn't become a male version of his mother. I also feel that being a good father is perhaps the only thing I've ever really succeeded at in my life (so far, anyway!) & I'd be stupid to blow that.
Allow me though to list some of the things I WOULD swap for fame & fortune through my music:
My left arm
Either foot
My entire CD collection
Humbert
My mum & dad
My home
My penis (but only as an extreme last resort & only in exchange for U2 level success)
The vast majority of my friends (even you lot, I'm sorry to say!)
Love
Watching football
The opportunity to have wild animal sex with Kylie

I think you get the picture!
Excellent question, big guy!
4. What are your favourite book, film & album?
Film: Not telling! All will be revealed over at Lordy B's place as I'm this week's guest film fella!
Book: Erm...
Album: I liked it when (again over at Lordy B's) The Urban Fox said that choosing just one film was like trying to choose which tooth he/she liked best.
I'm the same with my albums. Without too much thought & with a colt .45 against my temple I would have to be completely predictable & say "OK computer" by Radiohead.
I think...
5. "Do You Feel Like A Chainstore?"
Actually, I rather do at the moment. Like a large Woolworths on the last saturday before Christmas.

Now for Bee's queries:
1. Can you cook? What's the best thing you can cook?
I can cook on an extremely basic level. In truth I haven't cooked properly for a mighty long time. Even back then my finest culinary speciality was nothing more grand than Toad in the hole. Bloody nice toad in the hole mind!
Bacon sandwiches are now the height of my powers.
How very sad, eh?
2. What's your theme tune?
Aw, come on!?
FLASH, AH AAAH !
3. Where would you choose to live, if you could live anywhere you wanted?
If money were no object, I would dearly love to live in one of central London's cooler areas. I adore the hustle & bustle of the capital. The seedy glamour of the place. The dreams of opportunity...
4. If you could bring one famous dead person back to life, take them down the pub and have a chat and a few beers with, who would you choose?
John Candy, eee we'd have a laugh. I was in a band when he died & the next night we had a gig. I dedicated our final song to the big guy & subsequently got the biggest cheer of the night!
5. If you woke up one morning to find you were a woman, what would you do?
Play with my breasts for a while, masturbate for a while after that & then go out & get me a man!

So there you have it, thanks for the questions you guys, it was fun.

If anyone would like some Flashy questions, you know what to do!

"See the planes take off from Heathrow"

When I wasn't looking did someone speed up the passing of time?
I just seem to be struggling to fit everything in, and I know that this Blog is suffering as a result.
Still, it's all good so I'd be very foolish indeed to knock it, eh?

Friday saw me tootle down the M1 in the sunshine (in Reckless' car) as I made my way to Heathrow airport.
I'd never actually been to heathrow before. I used to work 5 minutes away from it for a couple of years, but I'd never actually been there.

I spent a rather wonderful hour waiting for Scully at arrivals. It was wonderfully heart-warming to watch as various family members & loved ones were reunited. At one point this guy came through the doors, about mid-20's, instantly spotted who I assume was his brother & dropped his bags & ran over to him where they shared a big brotherly love hug. I looked around me & almost every single person in that area was beaming with happiness at seeing this lovely little slice of humanity. It was really nice. There were several other instances, kids running up to grandparents & stuff. Standing & waiting is rarely enjoyable but that hour really was.

Then there she was, I called out & we greeted each other. We then proceeded to spend the next few hours together. God love her, she'd only brought The Boy & I some Canadian flavour gifts. It was very sweet. And to think all she got was a copy of "Confessions of an idiot"! (Albeit a "special edition" version with "White celebration" prised on to it). Later at Luton she asked me to sign it for her, prompting me to speak very loudly "Sure I'll sign my CD for you".
We drove from Heathrow to Luton in the blistering heat, chatting away like old friends. I didn't even mind the inevitable Friday afternoon crawl on the motorway.
Then after Scully had checked in at Luton we sat with a drink or two & talked & talked & talked.
Far too soon it was time to wave her off to gay Paris.
I thoroughly enjoyed her company & it totally vindicated my decision to spend my day that way.
Scully is a fantastic woman & I sincerely hope that our paths may cross again in the future.

Saturday was the day at the races. Again the sun shone brightly & it was a cracking day out.
We left Crapsville at about 10am. By 12.30 I was half cut! Luckily I wasn't the only one & I did settle into being mildly drunk for the day quite nicely.
I bet on 5 races & got 2 winners, which'll do for me!
The second winner was a horse called Joey Tribbiani! Like I was ever gonna not back that horse.
Of course Joey romped in at 7-1, providing me not only with £36 but giving me ample opportunity to holler "How you doin?" at my less fortunate colleagues.
After the race meeting we went into Stratford town centre. Sat on the grass by the river, soaking up the early evening sun, quaffing the beer & chewing the fat. Nice.
Eventually it was time to get back on the bus to Crapsville. Myself & several others were going to the club when we got back. I texted Nice.
Turns out she's at the club already, result.
So we met up. She looked great, it was the first time I'd seen her done up in full going out gear & make up. We didn't stay in the club for very long. Drunken desire X2 is difficult to resist at the best of times but when there's a bed just waiting 1 minute away it's pretty much impossible.
I'll leave the remainder of Saturday to your imagination...

OnSundayy morning Nice had to shoot off early has she had a commitment to her Mum that she had to honour, leaving me a much needed lie in. Then The Boy came round & we spent the day playing video games & letting him go on his favourite websites whilst I gave my hovel of a flat the huge tidy it deserved, including the long overdue reorganisation of my bedroom (well I am spending so much more time in there these days!).
He went home at teatime.

Within half an hour it was Nice time again.
We had a pill each & enjoyed a truly ace evening together.
I've suffered for it today on my return to work, but thankfully today has been a blissful no-plans-Monday.
I think I could do with a holiday though!
It's been non-stop.
It's been mad.
It's been brilliant.

Happy days!

"Hello, Hello, it's good to be back"

At the first bit of each section it would be really cool if you could make the required clicky-beepy noise.
Preferably out loud!

Day: Friday
Location: Northampton
Tagline: Oooh, it's all a bit weird!

Over at Reckless & Dream Girl's a plan was afoot. A plan to indulge in something that I hadn't done for over 10 years.
Aciieeeeeed!
Around 10.30 we ingested our little bits of paper soaked with chemical, by around 11 everything started to change. It was a great night. So much time has passed since that I can't seem to remember most of what made it special. I do remember laughing, long & loud at the silliest things. I remember getting a couple of texts from Nice, to which I replied that I was off me head & not really able to text. I later got one stating that she was thinking we shouldn't be together anymore. I didn't pay it much attention at the time & dismissed it as a drunken cry for attention (which it would turn out was a pretty spot on assessment). I remember being utterly sucked into the music. At one point the blistering live version of Mansun's "Take it easy, Chicken" came on (I believe I've gone on about this particular tune before). I closed my eyes & I was there! Really! It was a most intense experience. The sound ceased to be a normally volumed procession of noise coming from small speakers & while my eyes were closed it was a gargantuan wave of nerve-shredding music being played by the band themselves to me & hundreds of other like minded souls in some unknown, but totally kicking, venue. My eyes remained shut tight for the whole 9 and a half minutes. Amazing.
There was a couple of similar incidents, notably Easyworld's "Goodnight". That song is a personal journey for me through the ups & downs of my "relationship" with Dream Girl. I announced as the opening chords swang into earshot that I would be "leaving" for the next 6 minutes.
And so I did.
Eyes closed again, my mind played the self made video in my head, made up of flashbacks & memories. You'd have to hear the song to truly get this, but after the second chorus the song breaks down to almost nothing. It then spends the next 2 minutes or so, slowly building in pace, volume & momentum. The visuals in my head followed suit, each image becoming more intense, more memorable & more significant. Finally the song culminates in the most beautifully impassioned crescendo you'll ever hear. It took me all the willpower I've ever been able to muster not to turn to the object of my affections & implore her to:
"Play back this tape I swear you'll see
I only want you to be with me
Kill the last romantic
then come back for me"
A deeply personal moment.
When I came back, things had changed.
I was (& I know this is extremely wrong on all levels) getting really pissed off at what I was seeing as "Reckless' incessant pawing of Dream Girl".
So I suggested that the two of them should go to bed, adding with a wink that "I would"!
Despite that little relapse of my condition, I really enjoyed the night. It was great!

Day: Saturday
Location: Northampton
Tagline: What goes up must come down.

Saturday involved sitting & little else.

Day: Sunday
Location: Northampton & Crapsville
Tagline: Let's go home.

Again, not much of note happened on Sunday. Myself, The Boy & Cutieboy watched The Wizard Of Oz. The boy's were utterly captivated by it, which was a wonderful thing to behold. I believe the word "Timeless" would be most appropriate here.
Later Reckless & I struck a deal. He would lend me his car for the next 24 hours if I would pick up The Eavesdropper from Rugby the next day. Sounded good to me. So The Boy & I returned home.

Day: Monday
Location: Crapsville, Rugby & Northampton
Tagline: Bank holiday comes six times a year!

With the novelty of having wheels at our disposal, The Boy & I headed out in the morning to do some good old fashioned car-booting. We actually found two only a couple of miles apart & found several goodies for The Boy (including 2 Harry Potter videos, one of which the little fella is watching right now as I type) & chuff all for me. We then went to the cinema in Rugby.
We watched the biggest pile of plop ever known to mankind! Honestly, I've become quite accustomed to sitting through kids' films over the years & usually I find the films tend to try & cater for adults, even if only a little.
Unless you are of the 5-10 age range then I strongly suggest that you give "The adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3D" a very wide berth indeed!
To make matters worse The Boy bloody loved it which has in turn led to him going on about it non-stop since then.
We then did our little taxi run back over to Northampton & after a quick cup of coffee Reckless brought us back to Crapsville. Where we watched a film together before he went off to bed.
I then sent a text to Nice asking her if she'd like to come round for a while. I explained that The Boy was here so she wouldn't be able to stay the night.
She arrived within the hour.
Ok so here's the deal with Nice.
I really like her, she's a lovely girl & I thoroughly enjoy her company both in & out of the bedroom. The thing is though, I don't pine for her when she's not around. I don't feel my heart pounding when I'm with her. I am not & I cannot ever see myself ever being, in love with her.
In light of her text from Friday I felt the need to express this to her. I managed to do this, albeit without my usual eloquence. I also told her that I firmly believe that I would not be a good thing for her in the long term. That she should not be entering into a relationship with anybody at this time because she probably needs a spell on her own to figure out who she is & what she wants from life. I also told her that I 100% do not ever want to hurt her & felt that with that in mind I had to tell her how I was feeling. It all went well & we agreed to continue to see each other in the meantime as we are both still very much enjoying each other.

Day: Tuesday
Location: The Great British railway network.
Tagline: Let the train take the strain, yeah right!

First thing Tuesday morning The Boy & I went to Crapsville's only car hire merchants. It was agreed that I would have a Vauxhall Corsa till Saturday for an extortionate amount of money.
"Ah" said the car hire lady
"Is there a problem?" says I
"Will you be staying local?"
"Yes, of course. I'm giving you lots of my hard earned money so that I can potter over to Rugby". Of course I didn't actually say that, I merely said "No"
"Ah see, all our cars need taxing on Thursday so you'd have to bring it back then to be taxed"
"Right, Cheerio then"

So we proceeded to the bus station & made our way over to Northampton railway station.
I had planned on going up to North Wales in the hire car but this wouldn't be feasible on the train as we would be limited to one place upon arrival. A snap decision needed to be made.
"One adult & one child, return to Bournemouth please"
"Ok, which route?" (sound familiar?)
"Via Kensington Oylmpia please" (Lesson learned)

And off we went.
Northampton to Watford Junction.
Watford junction to Clapham Junction.
Clapham Junction to Bournemouth.
4 and a half hours.
Then we had to find some digs, which we did with relative ease & for a reasonable fee.
We went out for a meal (& a pint for me), a wander on the beach (where I noted several topless babes sunning themselves), a nose on the pier & a general mooch around before retiring back to the hotel where, wonderfully, The Boy took quite an interest in the Wolves Vs QPR game on the telly. One of the first things he said in the morning was "What was the score, Dad?".

Day: Wednesday
Location: Bournemouth
Tagline: Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

Rested & ready it was time to make a day of it. The weather was glorious, blistering sunshine & with The Boy smeared in sun cream we went straight to the beach. There we stayed for a couple of hours, playing with a bucket & spade, mucking about in the sea, stealthily eyeing up the totty (topless or otherwise). Before we knew it, it was lunchtime, so off to McDonalds we went. Then as I'd promised we went to the (most upsettingly expensive) cinema to see The Fantastic Four. Which was cool.
Then we went to the Aquarium, which was nice in a let's siphon some more of my money kinda way.
Then we went to the Wacky Warehouse for a bit.
Then we took a speedboat ride, which was ace. The Boy proclaiming it to be "the best ride of my life".
Then a thunderstorm arrived so we went back to the Wacky Warehouse.
Then we ate.
Then we had a round of crazy golf.
Then, exhausted but happy, we returned to the hotel having enjoyed a truly smashing day at the seaside, just Father & Son.

Day: Thursday
Location: Trains again & Crapsville
Tagline: Nice to be home

After Breakfast it was straight to the station as we wanted to get home at a reasonable time.
On the platform, the first train that came in was going all the way to Aberdeen. On it's long trek it called at Coventry, a mere 20 miles from Crapsville. I approached a member of staff...
"Hello there, we're traveling to Northampton. Now on my ticket it says via Kensington Olympia, is it possible to go via Coventry instead?"
"Yes, jump on!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, it'll be fine"
"Excellent"
So we boarded the train, & settled into our seats safe in the knowledge that we could get comfy all the way to Coventry, after which we'd only have a 20 minute trip left.
The illusion was shattered within minutes when the ticket inspector came round...
"but the guy on the station said it was cool!"
"Well it's not, I'm afraid. You'll have to change at Basinstoke"
Bah!
At Basinstoke we had to run across to our connecting train, so no wait there.
At Clapham junction we had just enough of a wait for me to have a fag.
At Watford Junction it was like Basinstoke but with a spritely walk instead of a run.
And at Northampton the Crapsville bus came as soon as we got to the stop.
So at least the journey went as quick as possible.

So now I'm home.
It is however only a temporary reprieve.
Tomorrow I'm heading south again. Once The Boy goes back to his Mum, I'm off to Heathrow airport where I shall be meeting a fellow Blogger. Scully is going to Paris & her itinary involves a flight from her home of Calgary to Heathrow & then a flight from Luton to Paris. So I offered my services as a chauffeur between the 2 English airports. I saw it as an invaluable opportunity to meet a friend who lives in a part of the world that I'm not likely to visit, even if it is for only a few hours. I'm very much looking forward to it. It's another adventure.

Then on Saturday it's a day at the races! Myself & a posse of people from work are going to Stratford-on-Avon for the day, first part spent at the racecourse then afterwards going into the town for a bit of a drink up. It's something I've done before & It's always a day full of fun.
So it's all busy, busy, busy.

Now I have the daunting task of catching up on a weeks worth of you lot (I do hope Hyde's had a quiet week! Just kidding honey!).

Oh & I may just have hit the 10000 mark, that happened much quicker than 5000 eh?