"Here's to future days"

The weekend involved the usual suspects & the usual poisons.
There was another chat with my far away friend, which was very nice & left me feeling upbeat.
Work today was nice & easy, so with the gaps filled we now look to the very near future.
Tomorrow Buddy With Boobs & I are London-bound. We're going to see Snow Patrol at the Brixton acedemy & we're looking forward to it a great deal. Snow Patrol have really grabbed me this year, their album "Final straw" is exceptionally good & could well be in line for an award at the upcoming Flashies. It'll be nice to see a band for the first time too, not something that happens a lot these days.
Prior to all that, I'm going up to Funny Dance's place in a little while. To watch a football match that needs no bigging up. Forget those champion's league semi finals against Valencia, forget those grudge matches against Manchester united & those crunch games against Arsenal. Tonight, Ladies & Gentlemen, the mighty Leeds United play that most tantalising of fixtures...
Rotherham away.

"She may be the face I cant forget, a trace of pleasure or regret, maybe my treasure or the price I have to pay"

Well, something is afoot.
Something truly unexpected.
Something that brings so much pleasure that it outweighs the inevitable pain it will eventually bring.
People, I have found somebody special.
Somebody who keeps me up til four in the morning, who has welded a unremovable smile onto my face. Trouble is she's not exactly local.
Anyway, I share all my peevs & pains with you all so I though it only right that I share my happiness.
I am happy, I would be even happier if any of you wonderful people own an airline & can get me cheap flights? Anyone???

"I got a good feeling"

It's a wonderful feeling, when you walk into a nightclub to be greeted by 5 or 6 different people going "Whay hey" & giving you hugs & manly handshakes. Makes you feel special.

"It all seems so stupid it makes me want to give up but why should I give up when it all seems so stupid?"

The last 24 hours have been very bloody stressful.
It started when I got home last night to find that my electricity supply had run out.
BOLLOCKS!
So I had to get straight into bed, at least I had beloved pod to entertain me for a little while.
I was awoken this morning by my phone. I expected it to be Funny Dance as we'd arranged the loan of a tenner so I could restore power to my home & nicotine to my lungs. However it was Crisp Fiend; Delusions Of Grandeur hadn't turned up for work so would I come in at 10 to help him out. I did. By midnight tonight I'll have worked 56 hours in 4 days, subsequently I WILL NOT be skint next week, Yay!

This afternoon I had a work's committee meeting to attend. Some time ago at work it was decided (after my suggestion) to have a works council to try and improve communication between workers & management. It was formed by all employees voting secretly for which member of staff they wanted on the council to speak for them, the 5 with the most votes being installed onto the committee. Guess who got the most votes?
Without going into the details of it all, there have recently been some big changes on the late shift in the main production area. In a nutshell they gave the supervisor's job to a Total Cock. Total Cock has been running around shouting & swearing at people, upping the workload to crippling levels & trying to stamp his authority on the job. He has overstepped the mark & all the employees hate him. On top of this there has also been a change in management. So new manager is also trying to make his mark. Why do people think that they will make things better my pissing people off?
So over the last couple of weeks I've heard this alot: "Flash, Total Cock has done/said this & it's out of order, can you sort it?". Today I had to take all this negativity to the meeting which new manager decided to attend. The meeting had a very confrontational air throughout & if there's one thing I don't like it's confrontation. I came out feeling really pissed off. I felt that new manager thought that I'd just attacked him & his policies. I also felt that I'd not successfully aired all my people's grievances sufficiently. I was also seething with rage at another manager's comments at me. For the last 3 meetings now BackStabbingArseLicker has fired snide little digs my way about my attendance as a way of distracting from the point. Today was the last straw though & I've put in an official complaint about him which I expect to get brushed under the nearest carpet within days.
So I was bloody stressed after all that.
Then I phone The Boy. I like to phone him through the week when I'm on this shift because I can't see him & I miss him. So Temper Tantrum answers & we discuss the weekend's plans. Then she says The Boy has really missed me this week in a very accusatory tone, I reply by saying I've missed him too;
"But you're an adult, you understand"
"I have to work, you say it like it's my fault"
"Well, someone else in your department doesn't do this shift because he wants to see his kids"
"Making it all the more difficult for me to get out of it"
"He obviously cares more about his kids than you do about yours"
"..(Pause whilst resisting the urge to scream obscenities at her through tightly gritted teeth).. Just put The Boy on the phone"

Honestly people I'm sure my regular readers know already but for the benefit of anyone unfamiliar; I AM A VERY NICE MAN.
I do not deserve this. It makes me want to give up.
I won't though because I'M A VERY NICE MAN.

Once again the Land of Blog brought me salvation from all the crap of today.
When I started this blog I hoped that it would pave the way for my column in a magazine or daily paper (one of my problems is I always aim unrealistically high) but I've found something much better than that. I've found friends, people I care about & who care about me. Who are willing to read through all the mundane things of my life such as work meetings & arguments with my horrendous ex-wife. Just as I love to read of their day to day goings on.
Today one of "my girls" has found love. This girl who I've never seen nor spoken to, who I've never shared a pint with is happy today.
And now so am I.
All the stress of the day has been picked up & flown off into the distance by little winged angels.
I'm off now to find some testosterone from somewhere, I don't want to become a girl!

"Oh Father"

Today I thought I'd use the Timeline to find a story to tell you.

Jan 28 1988: Became a man, heard my dad properly swear for first time.

My Dad was an often stern man. He would go to work, come home, read the evening paper, have tea, watch the news & go to the pub. That's not to say he never showed his lighter side, he often could be heard laughing & joking with me & Our Kid.
I have lot's of wonderful memories of just being with Dad. He'd take to me pictures alot, indulge my passion for Star Wars by taking me toy shopping to get a new figure to play with & sometimes on a Saturday night he'd take just me to the club. The club was East Ardsley Working Men's Club. There we would meet up with Nana & Grandad, Only Uncle & my cousin; The Loudest One. Me & her would tear about the place occasionally returning to the family's table to get 10p for the jukebox in the other room or to plead for a packet of crisps (That's potato chips to you, C!) or a glass of lemonade. We had to be silent while the bingo was on, we'd learnt the hard way that old school Yorkshire folk did not tolerate their precious bingo being disturbed. Anyway, I digress.
The club was about 2 miles away from our house, we'd get the last bus halfway home & walk the rest of the way. I loved those walks, Dad would have no distractions & a skinfull of best bitter. As we walked we talked. We talked of James Bond, the stars in the night sky, what it was like for him being a kid in the war & with no telly!
If we were lucky we'd get back to our street before the fish shop closed & I'd be sent running down the street with a fiver to get some fish & chips, while Dad would go in, make a cup of tea & butter some bread. (Thinking about it now, he probably had a bit of a cuddle with mum too).
Through all these times I'd never heard my Dad swear. Even when Mum had one of her Holiday hissy fits or when I'd broke something, never a bad word. Nothing worse than bloody or bugger.
So on January 28th 1988, I went out for a few drinks up town with my girlfriend, Horny As Hell. Then as she got her last bus home, I made my way halfway home to meet up with Dad & Only Uncle. They bought me a pint or two and took the mickey out of me mercilessly. Then without warning (Though I'm sure he gave Only Uncle a nudge) Dad turned to me & said
"Son, How do you get dandruff off a cunt?"
I stood dumbstruck, smiling over my astonishment & trying not to sound as freaked out as I was.
"Err, Dunno" I replied.
With that my dad put his hand on my shoulder... & brushed it.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead"

Hello bloggybuds!
The weekend has been hectic.
Friday saw two rare & very welcome events come to pass.
A night out on the beer & the ingestion of an E. Nice.
It was a good night, out with Crisp Fiend, Namesake & joined later by Funny Dance, Sound But Spitty, et al. In all honesty the pill had little effect other than changing my perception of the passing of time. I spent ages in the club talking to a nice (happily married) lady who claimed to be a professional (shit! I've forgotten how to spell) clairvoyant. It was a very pleasant random conversation with a stranger without the need to try & get into her knickers. Apparently, I've never felt any real pain in my life (I beg to differ!) but I'm going to! My future includes becoming a widower!! Lucky for me, I don't believe in any of that mumbo jumbo or I'd be proper worried. Also that would suggest that I'm gonna marry again, which is about as likely as a large kangaroo popping it's head round the laboratory door right now & demanding to know why I'm not correcting the slightly out of spec conductivity on stage 9.

Saturday was Dream Girl's birthday. As they are currently as skint as I am, it was a low key affair involving the 3 of us, a bottle of vodka & the 3 remaining pills I had left.
Saturday's E was far superior to Fridays & we all had a wonderful blissed out night talking, doing some tunes (of which the rarely played "The truth about you" was a chilled out triumph) & being silly. As is always the way with pills there was a lot of love in the air, which is never a bad thing, eh?
They went to bed at about 2 & I settled onto the sofa, with my I-pod caressing my ears with just Depeche Mode (I've been in modey mood all weekend!). As I lay there with my eyes closed two rather lovely things happened. First during "Comatose", which honestly is not one of their better tunes, my whole body just slipped away from me. The song, for the first time ever, sounded incredible. Then as I lay motionless with eyes gently closed, I became aware of a small white glow in my field of "vision". This turned out to be the E angel who was making sure that only the most lovely thoughts entered my head, like in between songs thinking "aaah, listen, they're making love above me right now, bless 'em!". Drugs, they are truly great sometimes! Usually I'd be thinking "Bastard! I wish I was making her make that noise, life's so unfair, boo hoo, etc..."

Sunday passed without note. I got home about 7pm, watched a film and went to bed at 9 (unheard of!!). My computer has now had a whole 60 hours without being switched on which is double unheard of.

I'm blogging from work where I'm almost halfway through the final hour of an 18 hour shift. Delusions Of Grandeur has a couple of days off, so I thought I'd help out & make myself some serious overtime. Only 14 hours tomorrow.

Christ on a bike!! That's the biggest kangaroo ever!
I'm going to add some DI water right now, Skippy!

"Here is my appeal"

MISSING, PRESUMED BORED.

IF ANYONE KNOWS THE WHEREABOUTS OF MY TWO MISSING COMMENTERS THEN PLEASE POINT THEM IN THE DIRECTION OF A COMPUTER & TELL THEM I MISS THEM.

"A big problem to resolve"

I simply have to talk about tonight's Spain Vs. England football match.
There is much to discuss.
Firstly, in all the years I have been watching football I have never seen such an inept display by the national team. They were hopeless & hapless. In the whole game we never managed to get a single shot on target, the passing was woeful & we were totally outclassed. The only player who looked anything like an international footballer was Wayne Bridge. Not to take anything away from the Spanish who were very good.
Next, Wayne Rooney. How worrying is it to see our most exciting & exceptional talent being nothing short of being a nasty, little bastard. Is it a co-incidence that his suspect temperament has got worse since he's become a Manchester United player?
Then, 12 subs used. The second half was an absolute farce. Both teams struggled to find any coherence as the personnel changed with alarming frequency. It's worth remembering that the fan's pay good money to watch this sport. They are not getting value for money when the managers take the point out of the contest.
Finally, England's black players were subject to deplorable racist abuse throughout the game from large sections of the Spanish crowd. It's 2004, I thought the days of monkey noises were long gone. Recently the Spanish manager was in the news for describing Arsenal's Thierry Henry as "that black shit", I'm sure that kind of attitude only encourages the sickening scenes seen tonight. To be honest though, it shocks me that this happens in Spain. Though it is unacceptable wherever it happens, we are almost used to it when it rears it's ugly head in the less sophisticated backwaters of eastern Europe, but Spain?
Along with most of my countrymen, I have holidayed in Spain several times. It is Britain's favourite holiday destination with tens of thousands of us flocking there every summer. I have always enjoyed my time there & found the Spanish people to be friendly & welcoming. Now I have to wonder if that would be the case were I black.
I have been left very saddened.

"All my people right here right now, D'you know what I mean?"

Fear not loyal readers!
You no longer need to appeal to Bob Geldof for I have been saved. My belly is full from a hearty meal of sausage & chips, my power supply has been replenished & I have a fag dangling from my mouth as I type. I even have a Plain Chocolate Orange to be devoured during the footy. Hurrah!!

My earlier post got me thinking about Prince & his love for all things purple.
I have been pondering whether the little fella would have been quite so successful if he had been obsessed with a different hue.
Now try singing "Purple rain" but substituting purple with any other colour of your choice, go ahead do a few, I'll wait....

Right, not one of them sounded right did they?
The only one that even came close for me was turquoise but the image of the album sleeve looked utterly blee-gusting!
Go ahead picture it... It's night time, mist rolls along the dark street lit only by the muted orange glow of the streetlamp. An impressively bosomed woman stands at her doorway & gazes in admiration at our hero sat astride his mighty turquoise motorcycle clad in his extravagant diamond studded turquoise suit.
Perhaps he wasn't quite so bloody nutty after all.

"Money don't matter 2 night..."

...yeah, it's alright for bloody Prince to say that, eh?
Perhaps his pintsized purpleness would like to come round here tonight.
Then he could watch me drink my last cup of (very strong) coffee (just used the last of the milk), He could feast himself on a packet of plain flavoured Hula Hoops & some cheese.
He could also be mesmerised by the smoker's loss of dignity as I break up the dog ends in the ashtray & put the contents into cig papers so I can feed my weak willed need for nicotine.
He could also sit with me to watch England Vs. Spain tonight....if the electricity holds out that long (I fear it wont).
So, Yes my diminutive freaky genius friend, i DO think I've got it bad.
I've got tomorrow to get through yet!!

On a more positive note, I started the next song for the "album". "Upon the scales" is my big, grandiose show stopper. And I'm getting all orchestral on it's ass! So far It has Grand Piano, Violins & a Cello on it. There is a choir just waiting to appear too.
It's gonna be ultra- fantastic!!
Even if I do say so myself.

Which I do.

"Never done nothin' like that before"

First things first.
As I'd like to avoid a trans-Atlantic slap round the chops let me expand upon yesterday's post.
It was mid afternoon, The Boy had just gone home & I'd sunken into one of those horrible can't be arsed to do anything moods. So I was lying on the sofa watching crap telly when the phone rang. It was of course Namesake & he very kindly took me out for a few beers. Nothing more than 2 or 3 pints & a catch up but it lifted my spirits no end. Then when I got in I figured I'd finish of my rather lovely bottle of red. Nice.

I'm duty bound not to reveal any detail but I had an unexpected & incredible experience on Saturday night. It was something quite wonderful.

Let me tell you something else that is wonderful: Reason, my recording studio computer program thingy. Today I have completed another song for the "album". "Leave the poor girl alone" is in the bag. And it's bloody ace!!
Every time I use Reason I figure out how to do something else, so I'm saving my best songs till last.
Why oh why oh why was there not something like this when I was 18?
By now I could've been lying on a deserted beach with Kylie at my side, drinking Champagne to celebrate the multi-platinum status of my landmark 5th album "Cheese, Disease & Trees", reading scripts for Hollywood blockbusters & choosing the Setlist for my forthcoming live extravaganza at the re-opening of Wembley stadium.
Instead I'm worrying about how to get some fags tomorrow with no money.
Bugger.

"I'm glad you came around"

God fucking love Namesake!
Bless him.

"My broken spirit is frozen to the core"

Today I am grumpy & sad.
I am grumpy because of sleep deprivation.
As I've been on lates this week my sleep pattern as been go to bed around 3 & get up around 10. The Boy is with me this weekend, when I went to bed at midnight last night I couldn't sleep. I ended up sleeping at about 3. However The Boy keeps a very different routine to me & woke me up at 06:15. Damn it.
I am sad because I am so poor this week that I cannot do anything. I can't even afford the petrol to visit my friends in Northampton. It is a sorry state of affairs.
My plan is to put one of the Star Wars films on & have a crafty snooze while The Boy watches.
The Boy & I were most impressed by the trailer for episode III, he is so excited & can't wait for May.
I can't wait for bedtime.

"All these things that I have done"

Well thankyou to my anonymous commenter for the idea of doing a time line. I think I'll do just that. And don't be shy, come on into world of Flash & let me into your world.

28 Jan 1970: Born in Doncaster to parents that, for reasons still unknown to me, didn't want me. My first rejection.

Feb 1970: Adopted by Parents in Wakefield who did want me. (Obviously I have no memory of all this. My folks must've told me I was adopted very early because I have always known. My Mum & Dad are MY MUM & DAD. Biology is irrelevant (Ooh, I sounded like the Borg there, eh?))

4 Mar 1977: Ceased to be an only child with the arrival of Our Kid

Jan 1978 : Met Married A Proper Bitch, my first best friend

1978: Landed the role of Joseph in school play. Discovered that I was a very good singer & that I adored being centre stage, applause, praise, attention, etc.

Late 1980: Bought my 1st record.

1981: Became addicted to tunes.

Aug 1981: Started Big school, shortly afterwards met The Duke Of Jokes, Gentle Giant & Ridgeley who along with Married A Proper Bitch & Never Be Old became my circle of best friends.

1982: Kissed with open mouths for first time.

1983: Had holiday romance with a girl from Grimsby (Showed early signs of being extremely illogical & irrational when it comes to girls).

Feb 1984: Felt junior heartache when aforementioned girl broke it off in a letter.

Feb 1984: Inspired to write first proper song; "Wishing".

Mar 1984: Fell in love with Depeche Mode.

Apr 1984: Went to first live "gig" - Kajagoogoo (post Limahl, thankfully), Leeds town hall.

Spring 1984: Absolutely gutted to discover that Married A Proper Bitch's family are moving to Crapsville, Northamptonshire.

Summer 1984: Visited Crapsville for the first time.

Autumn 1984: Got absolutely legless for first time at a friends birthday party.

Late1984: Changed my christian name because I didn't like it. Took many years to catch on.

Summer 1985: Spend part of summer hols in Crapsville. Met Dot & Monochrome Baby, the first true love of my life.

Jan 1986: Was an integral part of Synth Aid & as such had picture in local paper captioned with new name, yay!

April 1986: Performed first gig as part of Synth aid.

May 1986: Left school.

June 1986: Met Funny Dance.

July 1986: Started working on Youth Training Scheme, met Horny As Hell & Fit Arse In Jeans.

Sept 1986: The only ever public performance by Irrelevance took place at Outwood grange school youth club (I still have it on video).

15 oct 1986: Lost virginity to Horny As Hell. Enjoyed it alot.

Oct 1986: Had first meeting with famous people as The Duke of Jokes, Ridgeley, Gentle Giant & I met Vince Clarke & Andy Bell before Erasure gig in Bradford.

Mar 1987: Got the sack for stealing money from till to fund purchase of first ever CD.

(I'm sure there must have been other events in 87 but I'm buggered if I can remember them)

Jan 1988: Had contact with Monochrome Baby for first time in yonks. She was in a bit of a pickle & needed the nicest man she knew.

Jan 1988: Hitch hiked to Crapsville to answer the call of Monochrome Baby. Met Reckless.

Jan 20/21 1988: Saw Depeche Mode live for first time. Shook hands with Dave, Martin & Fletch but missed Alan. (This meant alot at the time, I can tell you)

Jan 28 1988: Became a man, heard my dad properly swear for first time.

Feb 1988: Went to Crapsville with Gentle Giant to see Monochrome Baby.

Feb 1988: Cruelly & unceremoniously dumped Horny As Hell & became boyfriend of Monochrome Baby.

April 1988: During her first ever visit to Wakefield, Monochrome Baby & I run over by her friend's Mini whilst canoodling in Wakefield park. Monochrome Baby in hospital for a week.

1 July 1988: Left Wakefield & moved to Crapsville. Thereafter became 1 of 4. Married A Proper Bitch, Reckless, Funny Dance & Myself.

Oct 1988: Started work on building sites, called Flash for first time.

Dec 25 1988: Miserable bloody Xmas on my own in bedsit for half of day, missed home more than ever.

Feb 1989: Arrested for shoplifting in Tower Records, Piccadilly Circus, London.

Feb 1989: Had first joint, enjoyed it alot.

Aug 1989: Moved back to Wakefield with Monochrome Baby.

Nov 1989: Moved back to Crapsville with Monochrome Baby.

July 1990: Reckless became the first of the gang to be a parent when Plonky was born.

Aug 1990: Went on first stag night to Blackpool, had wiz for first time. Enjoyed it alot.

Sep 1990: Moved in to a house with Monochrome Baby.

Feb 1991: Made redundant from job due to recession in building trade.

Mar 1991: Started helping Reckless in his job as a mobile washing machine repairman.

Apr 1991: Left Monochrome Baby.

Apr 1991: Met For Heaven's Sake through Reckless.

Apr 1991: Moved to Leicester & lived in what can only really be described as a squat with For Heaven's Sake & her friend

Jun 1991: Moved back to Crapsville & got back together with Monochrome Baby.

16 Mar 1992: Funny Dance became a dad with the arrival of twins, Leeds Boy & Lulu.

Apr 1992: Monochrome Baby & I split by mutual agreement.

May 1992: Celebrate Leeds United's League Title triumph with Funny Dance by driving round Crapsville playing "We are the champions" very loud.

May 1992: Move to Coventry to live with Married A Proper Bitch & Dot.

1 Sep 1992: Travel to Butlins at Bognor Regis with Funny Dance to take his brother there to work, got job there myself. Yay!

9 Oct 1992: Met Temper Tantrum, I blame Carl Shutt!

Nov 1992: During a visit home for the twins' christening, took acid for first time with Reckless. Enjoyed it alot.

Jan 4 1993: Sadly left Butlins & moved back to Wakefield along with Reckless who needed to get away for a bit.

Jan 1993: Proper fell in love with Temper Tantrum during her month long visit to Wakefield.

Apr 1993: Reckless moved back to Crapsville & got together with Temper Mental (We don't half pick 'em) .

May 1993: Dot & Married A Proper Bitch split after 7 seven years together.

Oct 1993: Married A Proper Bitch marries a Proper Bitch. Despite being friend's since we were 8 I am not invited to wedding. Have not even met Proper Bitch at this point. Suspect my lack of invite is down to continuing friendship with Dot.

Jan 1994: Joined first proper band: Strangeworld.

Early 1994: Finally learn that the guitar is mightier than the synth.

Mar 1994: Funny Dance marries Negative IQ.

May 1994: Strangeworld disintegrates in no small part due to Temper Tantrum.

Jun 1994: Temper Tantrum & I move to Crapsville. Live with Reckless & Temper Mental until home can be found.

Jul 1994: Get temp job at Specialist paint company.

August 1994: Reckless & Temper Mental get married.

Sep 1994: Get permanent job at specialist paint company.

Nov 1994: Temper Tantrum & I finally get home of our own after nearly 2 years of living with my parents then friends.

May 1995: Funny Dance a dad again as Negative IQ gives birth to Get Ready.

August 1995: Reckless & Temper Mental have child together; Fussy Eater.

7 Oct 1995: I get married to Temper Tantrum. We honeymoon in Majorca, my first foreign holiday.

Apr 1996: Attend first "proper" gig complete with moshing & surfing; Shed Seven, Northampton Roadmender. Enjoyed it a lot.

Aug 1996: Oasis, Knebworth. Was there then. Thus began the gigging years.

Oct 1996: Holiday in Gran Canaria, the site of my legendary karaoke performance of Prince's "Kiss".

Nov 1996: Reckless leaves Temper Mental.

Dec 1996: Reckless brings new friend on trip to fantastic gig (Manics, SFA & a then unknown Stereophonics) in Manchester. Dream Girl enters our lives.

Feb 1997: Take Ecstacy for first time with Reckless at Longpigs gig. Enjoyed it a hell of a lot.

28 Feb 1997: Red letter day as I pass my driving test at first attempt & then later crowdsurf for first time at Ash's London Astoria gig. Enjoyed it alot.

Mar 1997: Reckless moves in to our home, probably the best year ever ensues.

Mar 1977: The pale green dream machine is acquired for £100. It does 14000 miles over the next 16 months & is the first in a long line of crap cars.

Apr 1997: Funny Dance leaves Negative IQ.

Summer 1997: Company I work for is bought by big American firm. I take up position of lab technician.

Aug 1997: Undoubted highlight of the gigging years as Reckless, Funny Dance, Temper Tantrum & I go to V97 festival in Leeds.

Aug 1997: Temper Tantrum & I have great holiday driving round North Wales in the pale green dream machine & meet half of Ash on our travels.

Oct 1997: Invited to Stereophonics' soundcheck at roadmender in Northampton. Hung out with band, bloody nice blokes, all 3 of them.

Nov 1997: After spending a year being just friends Dream Girl leaves her nasty, abusive husband & gets together with Reckless.

31 Dec 1997: Fantastic year is rounded off in style with Reckless, Dream Girl, Funny Dance, Temper Tantrum, myself & Funny Dance's moody bird bring in the new year in London's Trafalger square.

Jan 1998: Reckless moves out to live with Dream Girl

Feb 1998: Reckless' recklessness catches up with him & he & Dream Girl move to Durham much to my utter dismay. Halycon days end.

Aug 1998: Spend blinding weekend at Reading Festival with Temper Tantrum.

Sep 1998: Holiday in Ibiza, Temper Tantrum & I decide to try for a baby.

Oct 1998: Temper Tantrum falls pregnant.

Nov 1998: Reckless & Dream Girl move to Nottingham (which is a darn sight easier to get to than pissing Durham).

Dec 1998: Dream Girl gives birth to Cutieboy.

Jan 1999: She Who Changed Everything changes everything.

Feb 1999: Start writing songs again for first time since demise of Strangeworld.

Apr 1999: She Who Changed Everything ruins everything.

Apr 1999: Bond with Dream Girl as she becomes confidante over She Who Changed Everything saga.

May 1999: Befriend Buddy With Boobs at work.

16 July 1999: at 2.22am The Boy is born. I am thrilled beyond words.

31 Dec 1999: Bring in the new millennium with my little family in Reading in the company of It's A London Thing & Used To Be Wild.

28 jan 2000: Had utterly stupendous 30 th birthday party where I was blissed to the eyeballs on a combo of beer, wiz, E, the danger of She who Changed Everything's presence & the pure, unadulterated joy of having all my favourite people together in one room.

Mar 2000: Move house after finally losing the mortgage battle.

May 2000: The Boy is christened, Funny Dance brings new girlfriend They Used To Be Even Bigger (when they were even bigger).

Late 2000: Deep dark secret (Don't even ask, I'm not saying anything)

Jun 2001: Holiday in Spain with family & Oh Gawd (mother in law) who comments "I don't know how you put up with her" about her own daughter.

Aug 2001: Go to one day at V festival. Notable for Muse's staggering performance & Reckless sneaking in.

Nov 2001: Have fantastic night out in Crapsville for Dream Girl's 30th. Her, Reckless, Funny Dance, They Used To Be Even Bigger, Temper Tantrum & little old me go out in 70's fancy dress. We looked collectively ace, though Dream Girl's hotpants stole the show.

Mar 2002: Reckless & Dream Girl move to Northampton. Yay!

Apr 2002: Funny Dance has stag weekend in Blackpool. I ride the big one.

1 July 2002: I finally have enough of Temper Tantrum & leave her after almost 10 years together. I move in with Reckless & Dream Girl.

Nov 2002: Spend blissful night with CrazySexyLady, the love of my night.

Dec 2002: After a gap of nearly 14 years, meet up with The Duke Of Jokes. Within minutes it's like nothing has changed (except his hairline, snigger)

1 Mar 2003: An event occurred. I enjoyed it alot.

Apr 2003: Scared shitless when I suffered an anxiety attack in the night, start of the dark times.

Oct 2003: Went to France on a training course, enjoyed flingette with lady much older than me.

Oct 2003: Smiler is born to They Used To Be Even Bigger & Funny Dance.

Jan 2004: Start this diary/ blog.


So there you go.
That took bloody ages ( probably cos I was far too comprehensive) & caused the early morning outburst when blogger wiped 1995 to 2002.
Like my Anonymous friend said, I can mine it for stories at my will. You have been warned.
Figure it may be boring for some of you but I enjoyed it alot.

"All this frustration..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

2 hours work gone in the blink of an eye.

FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK SHITTY BASTARD CUNTYBOLLOCKS.

And that's all I have to say about that.

"It's the same, it's the same, it's the same"

The weekend was mostly uneventful here in world of Flash. I took The Boy to the local firework display on Friday evening. He's progessed from last year when he spent most the time hiding under his hat. This year he watched with wide eyed wonderment & with his fingers in his ears! We then spent the rest of Friday & Saturday over in Northampton with Reckless & Dream Girl. We played Trivial Pursuit (I won, again), got a bit drunk, got a bit stoned*, watched some footy & that was that.
Last night I went to Birmingham with Buddy With Boobs & Funny Dance to see Keane. As gigs go it was quite odd. As you can imagine it was a sell out so the place was rammed. Sadly my back pain is still hanging around (it has diminished though, yay!) so I couldn't get among the throng. I watched from the sidelines. Much like the album, the great songs were great & the average exactly that. I have to say though they make a great sound for a 3 piece & Tom, the lead singer, has a fine voice & seems like a really nice bloke. Highlights were predictably "Everybody's changing","Somewhere only we know" & the sublime "Bedshaped". I also really enjoyed "We might as well be strangers" & "Bend & break". In essence it was a good performance but I feel it could have been better if I were able to get into it more. Hopefully I'll be fighting fit by the end of the month when I go to see Snow Patrol.

I'm working the 2-12 shift this week, I'm getting to the point where just being here is making me miserable. I have decided that I need to stay here at least till Christmas. I get a bonus payment mid-December & it pretty much pays for all the expense of the festive period. It would be seriously unwise to not get it.

So answers on a postcard...
What does one have to do to increase one's readership?
Be more interesting I suppose would be a start. I'm going through one of those periods where I have little happening in life, so therefore little to report.
I could make a bundle of shit up but this blog & the diary that preceded it have been the most honest I've ever been (Bar my lyrics) & I want to keep it that way. I haven't told a single untruth to you people & why would I?
I could tell some more stories of days gone by but memories usually need to be triggered & I don't just want to rake stuff up for the sake of it.
Failing all that I could do what some very helpful individual has done on their blog. I was browsing earlier when I got a large close up picture of an open pussy** with little arrows pointing to where tongues should be used & where fingers should go. Tragically as I'm at work I had to get rid of it sharpish so I never found out if it was a guy who was sharing his manly knowledge with us or a frustrated female desperate for some quality cunnilingus.

*For anyone who may be thinking "Hmm, gets stoned while he has his child & he claims to be a good parent", it obviously only happens once he's tucked up in bed & sound asleep. So bite me.

**Feel free to use your own euphemism

"He thought my team was Leeds cos I sat right at the back"

Some years ago I found myself in a dire financial mess of calamitous proportions. I had hidden all the evidence of the problems from Temper Tantrum. I got to a point where I would have to get the mail before her so as to continue hiding the true depth of the strife. Ultimately (& inevitably) I had to confess to my deception & the horror we were now facing. After the tears, the shouting & the disappointment she then stood firmly at my side & we took our problems as a team as I should have allowed us to in the first place. For richer for poorer, for better for worse.
I learned from that experience & once I'd told her I felt an almighty weight lifted from my shoulders. I had been under severe pressure for months & it was a beautiful feeling of relief to wave all that pressure goodbye.
So why am I telling you all this? Today I had the opportunity of being able to use that experience to benefit one of my very best friends. He has found himself right where I was.
We had a good chat today & got to the bottom of his issues which he has been keeping from everyone, and using my experiences I helped him figure out what he has to do next. It was quite a rare feeling but today I felt like I justified the title of best friend.

Work on the "album" continues at a blistering pace, I have today started the preparation for "Leave the poor girl alone". I have also been strongly considering The Duke Of Jokes' suggestion of resurrecting one of my ancient songs, probably "Backlash". I figure a good song is a good song no matter how old the composer. I was 15 when I wrote "Backlash", George Michael was 16 when he wrote "Careless whisper" & it's arguably still his best. So perhaps the likes of "Backlash", "State of confusion", et al should not be consigned to the dumper just yet.

With my pitiful excuse for a football team languishing near the bottom of the "championship" (NOT the premiership, for the benefit of my army of overseas readers) I find myself looking at the clubs in the prem for one I can half support on Saturday nights. There are several clubs that are strictly not acceptable for consideration due to their status as our (former) rivals. So that's Man U, Liverpool, Newcastle, Chelsea & Arsenal gone.
I've tried for the sake of Charby to have some sort of affection for Charlton but A) My inherent northern-ness & B) The fact that they're pretty useless prevent me from doing so.
Same goes for Norwich, who I've always had a soft spot for.
Common sense tells me I should look to the midlands, as that's where I live. Alas I know too many supporters of Villa & Birmingham & I wouldn't want to be associated with them!
As for West Brom, Come on?
So leaves few options, I like Bolton but they're from Lancashire.
So that leaves me only one reasonable option, one where I can watch 2 of Leeds' great former strikers. Do know who it is yet?

So here we go...
Part 1 in an occasional series: Words I thought I'd never say (or type)
I'm going to watch Middlesborough vs Lazio
Come on you boro!!*

*Please note I am still 100% committed to Leeds Utd, but they're never on telly anymore & when they are they get outclassed by Wigan, fucking Wigan!!

PS. If you put Charby through the spell checker it suggests cherub, aaah.

"You're the cause of all this & I'm sick of trying to please you"

So the party...
Dream Girl had made a sensational effort on the house, it was halloween-decorated to within an inch of it's life. The costumes were also exception. I had a blood-drenched white coat & a crazy silver wig with a bald bit at the front. Dream Girl painted my face grey with wrinkles to complete the job. I looked ace.
Incredibly I was told twice (yes, twice!) that I looked very sexy. Both people were drunk.
The first was a 14 year old girl who was being egged on by her mother! Er, hello, is it me you want to get arrested??
The second was Reckless' older sister who was absolutely comedy drunk. Bless her she's not exactly Kylie if you know what I mean. At one point she was sitting next to me as I was having a fag on the garden steps. She was stroking my leg, blissfully oblivious to her husband & her brother not looking in any way blissful, telling me how lovely I am.
I actually didn't have that great a time. Appropriately enough some of my ghosts & demons made an appearance & I struggled to deal with it. Not that anyone would have noticed at the time as I buried it deep, a skill that I've had to become very adept at. I have been dealing with it over the last few days which partially explains my absence from blogland.

I have only been at work for 2 hours this week. I'm not skiving I can assure you. My back pain has now morphed into an odd pain to the side of my back, strecthing from my kidney area (gulp) to halfway down my right thigh. Frankly people I am scared. I am also in alot of pain whenever I move.

There has been a silver lining though, work on my "album" is coming on well. I'm not doing any vocals yet as my voice still isn't at peak performance levels. Aside from the singing I've completed "The love of my night" which is probably my chirpiest tune. It's about a girl called CrazySexyLady who was the best one night stand ever. We both said at the time it was like making love not shagging. The whole night was absolutely perfect. As it turned out we did see each other again a couple of months later when I recieved a booty call at 2 in the morning. She was great but as always seems to be the way she was already with somebody else.
The other song I've almost finished is a brand new effort called "Nothing's changed". I started off trying to make it atmospheric & ambient in texture. It's ended up a bit Nine Inch Nails! Ace!
So it's a quarter complete already, Yay!
If any of you would like a copy when it's done let me know, I'll be happy to give you one! (Fnar, fnar)