"...and not very sensible either"

Hmmm, what to blog about today?

I thought I'd blog about how posting comments in various places today has been a chore of monstrous proportions. Some have let me, some have not. As frustrating as Azerbaijan's jammy defence (though I did manage to pop more than 2 in), but that wouldn't take me long.

I then figured I could send good wishes out. To my girls on their respective big days & to Mark on his new arrival, but I've done it on your blogs (or tried!) so that would be a bit pointless.

Maybe I should rave on about the tune that is currently earworming (TM- swisstoni) me to within an inch of my life. Leeds boys; The Kaiser Chiefs & their mighty, infectious, cant-not-sing-cant-not-move slice of wonderment; "I predict a riot" or perhaps I should realise that I'd be preaching to the converted & everyone who knows it will be all like "Oh yeah, what a fine tune" & everyone who hasn't will be all like " ". It's not like you'll be rushing to download it on my say so is it?
You bloody should, I tell thee!

Then it came to me that I should inflict upon you my plans for the next 24 hours, but as they consist of cleaning, tidying, sleeping, waking, cleaning & tidying I fear it will make me sound far too dull.

I thought about trying to plug "Confessions of an idiot" a bit more but I'm awaiting a review or two for use in a major marketing offensive which is coming soon. You have been warned.

I should consider telling you all how chuffed I was to see 16 comments on the last post when I logged on today, but you guys know me well enough to know how chuffed I'd be without me having to tell you.

It's all pretty much blogging for blogging's sake, for which I can only apologise.

I could, I suppose tell you that I'm far too fat & that I'm about to embark on a period of starvation-
I predict a diet!

"I love my sister & I love her tonight, yeah!"

Strap yourselves in for a post of Hyde-esque proportions because as Mr. Worf once said; we have much to discuss.

The Boy & I arrived in Wakefield at about 2.30 on Friday. We didn't do much on Friday to be honest. Myself, My Dad & Our Kid went round the local in the evening for a couple of hours. Our Kid showed me her photos from her recent birthday trip to New York. She and SportyBruv had a great time & I happily soaked up her stories. SportyBruv joined us in a right grump having come directly from watching Wakefield Trinity being mauled at home by lowly Huddersfield but he cheered up as he joined Our Kid in recalling their trip.

I asked my sister a favour whilst I was up there; would she buy me my flights as I'm having trouble finding enough cash at the moment?
Without hesitation she said yes.
So they'll be booked & paid for in the next day or two.
So watch out New York city because the last weekend in May you'll be getting a visit from the Flashman & he's ready to party.

Saturday consisted of hanging out at Mum & Dad's, playing with The Boy on his gamecube & watching the footy. At teatime The Boy went off with Our Kid & SportyBruv. They took him out for a bit & he stayed with them Saturday night. I was ill-timed with my pre-night out preening & ended up ready by 6.15. I wasn't meeting The Duke Of Jokes until 8.
This meant I had to endure most of the Stars in their eyes grand final. Not good.
Obviously as someone who would dearly love to be famous & show the world what an accomplished singer I can be, you may think that Stars in their eyes would be right up my street.
You could not be more wrong.
I despise it. I would love to go on telly & sing but as somebody else? NO!
That's not to say I couldn't, I'm pretty sure I could do a passable Kelly Jones, but why would I?
I don't want to be Kelly Jones or anyone else for that matter, I want to be me.
I don't want to condemn the contestants, everyone's ideals & goals are different, but I cannot imagine anything more embarrassingly cheesy.

(Just got a visit from Not Right, which as always consists of him putting his head round the door & enquiring "Having fun?" to which I always reply "No", then he spurts puerile nonsense at me for 2 minutes before announcing that "shit happens" before he shuffles off in the direction of the smoking area. He's not right, that one).

So I got the bus into town. As I alighted a woman said Hi to me, she looked at me like she knew me, I said hello back & that was that. Everytime I go back home, I get so frustrated that I never bump into any familiar faces from the past. Never! Now I don't know if this woman's face should've been familiar but it wasn't (maybe my natural magnetism got her, eh?) & I fear that I've been away so long that I wouldn't recognise these people anyway.

Anyway, the Duke & I met up, we drank, we discussed "Confessions..." & Depeche mode & how all women are mental to some extent or other & Leeds United.
Now despite having had "Confessions..." for over a week, he'd not actually listened to it all (tut bloody tut, matey) but was impressed by what he had heard prompting him to utter to himself "He's pulled it off, the twat!". I shall be using that quote in my future advertising.

Around 11 it was decided that we would spurn town in favour of his local in his village. There I met his parents for the first time in eons. They too had drunkenly given "Confessions..." a listen & both expressed to me that it was good stuff. Nice.
At kicking out time, I was just about to get a taxi back to Mum & Dad's, I went to say goodbye to Father Duke who insisted that I came back with them to drink more vodka.
As you know readers, I do not turn down vodka.
It was fun & strange in equal parts chez Duke of Jokes. Strange in that his folks had lots of questions about my odd choices, such as changing my name, & also strange that the last time I had any conversation with them I was just a kid. Now they were people, not just my mate's mum & dad. It was all jolly fun though. At 3 or 4 am I decided I'd totter back. This involved a walk of about a mile & a half. I'm still not sure how I managed it without falling over but I did. It was actually really nice, walking this oft-trodden path in complete solitude with memories jumping out from every street corner & minor landmark.
I'm not sure what time I eventually got in ( my mum reckons 5) but I did not have to try to sleep.
In all a fine night was had, cheers Duke of Jokes.

Sunday morning I was awoken by the sound of The Boy bounding up the stairs calling "DAD! Get up". He jumped on the bed & proceeded to tell me what he'd been up to with Our Kid & SportyBruv. I got up, had a fag & a coffee & realised I felt a little fragile.
Wrong!
I felt fucking awful. Still it was time for us all to go out for a family lunch in a nearby pub so I had to put a brave face on it. I still felt like shit as we ordered our food. I couldn't decide what to have, Our Kid noted that I must be really ill because I never even look at the menu usually, just order a mixed grill. I decided not to eat at all but then changed my mind & opted for a light scampi & chips. Then Reckless rang me up, then I was sick (in the toilets as gracefully as possible). So you could say Reckless made me sick! I felt much better after expelling all the bad stuff & ate half my lunch. After he'd had a play in the wacky warehouse, The Boy & I got our stuff sorted out & headed back down the M1; Homeward bound.
I dropped him off to his mum at 5ish & went home.

I put my feet up & started to read a few blogs before going over to Reckless & Dream Girl's for the evening. Just as I started to take my first sip from my freshly made cup of gold blend the phone rang. It was Funny Dance.
What are you doing?

I've just got back from Wakey & I'm just chilling.

Why don't you come up here?

Mate, I've just got in

Go on, you have something I want...

There was the truth. Funny Dance you see is trying to stop smoking. He's not doing very well & felt the need to sneak one in whilst the missus was over the hospital. I had to oblige because I've been there myself & it's a bad place to be in.
So I went up there & hung with him & the kids for a while, which was lots of fun actually. Then I went over to Northampton armed with Vodka.

As usual we drank, we smoked & we laughed. We also tried to get all creative & write a new song. It didn't really happen but I've got a cracking melody for a verse from it so it wasn't a fruitless exercise. We all crashed about 1am.
Yesterday poor Reckless had to work in the morning. I had no plans at all so decided just to hang with the ever-charming Dream Girl. When Reckless came home we just sat about saying what shall we do now? We later got some more vodka in & I decided to stay over again.
In truth, we didn't do much of note all day but it was a lovely lazy day to round off the busy weekend.

So here we are today.
I found out earlier that Paul Hester, drummer & founder member of Crowded House has been found dead. Suicide apparently.
I have a lot of time for Crowded House, they were all about the songs & the songs were pure quality. I'm listening to a 20 best tunes playlist right now in Mr. Hester's honour.
I have always made up compilations for people & pay a lot of attention to getting the sequence of the tracks right, so this isn't the order of preference it's how they fit best.
It goes like this:

Distant sun
It's only natural
Weather with you
Instinct
Into temptation
I love you Dawn
Chocolate cake
Pineapple head
As sure as I am
Four seasons in one day
Not the girl you think you are
Private universe (acoustic version)
Better be home soon
Locked out
I feel possessed
Whispers & moans
Fall at your feet
Fingers of love
Nails in your feet
Don't dream it's over

Honestly folks, if you ever wanted a Crowded house compilation go with that, it's better than the actual "Best of.." album.
Trust me, I'm a lab technician!

Just before leaving for work today the phone rang again.
To my surprise it was Northants social services. They have received some information about my adoption. I'm going for a meeting type thing next Monday afternoon. So that's pretty interesting, eh? Who knows, I may even have some answers this time next week.

And that's what I've been doing.
Boredom staved off for a while.
Nice.

"Welcome to the North"

Reet.
I'm off up yonder for t'weekend.
Spend some time wi' family & give Our Kid a copy of "Confessions..." & then i'm off up town on Satdi wi' Duke Of Jokes to get reet proper leathered.
I'll be back Sundi, ave a reet smashing Easter me old cockers!
Si thee!

"You've been the only thing that's right in a lifetime"

I've had surprising lovely night tonight.
Funny Dance took Reckless & I to see The Early Birds tonight.
It was good to finally meet them. I'll elaborate another time.

While Funny Dance was finishing up, Reckless & I went out to car & shared a spliff. Maybe because I haven't much lately; I got stoned pretty quickly. Funny Dance returned & we drove back to Reckless' place. On the way we started to reminisce about times long past...

Of how I once tried to dye my hair blond using a sink & a bottle of happy shopper bleach but only managed to temporarily disfigure my forehead...

Of how, during a trip to Barry island with Married A Proper Bitch (who upon arrival decided that he didn't want to go out on the piss & promptly sulked in the car on his own for the rest of the night) (?), Reckless & I got shitfaced & decided that skinnydipping in the Bristol channel would be a worthy apres-beer activity & to awake the next morning in the car wearing each other's trousers & that the pair I was wearing had a bloody great hole ripped in one of the legs because I had (apparently) insisted on shunning the steps in favour of "rockclimbing up the sea wall, mate!"...

Of how, bored one Sunday lunchtime the four of us chanced upon the idea of having a race.
The destination: Somewhere none of us has been before. We chose Stonehenge!
The rules: There are no rules
The competitors: Reckless in his D reg white Cavalier which had seen better days & his trusty navigator, nay, CO-PILOT Flash against Married A Proper Bitch & his accomplice; Funny Dance in his shiny, black, F reg XR3i with electric windows!
We commenced this battle of guile & wits in Rugby. It was nip & tuck all the way to Banbury where both cars fuelled up. Exiting Banbury, I told Reckless to hang back a bit, they disappeared over a brow of a hill just before we took a right. They went via Oxford & Hungerford while we pulled what is now known as the Swindon maneuver. There was 8 minutes between the two car's arrival at our mystic finishing posts. For those whole 8 minutes the victorious team laughed & danced & sang & then all the druids & American tourists started chanting "All hail Reckless & Flash!"
The secret of our success? Superior tunes...

Of how we would almost every Thursday night drive down to London & just drive about for hours. One of these nights, we pulled up alongside one of the new (at the time) weird looking Volvos. "Those cars are fucking horrible" announces I
"Tell him" says Married a Proper Bitch
"Tell him?"
"Go on" encourage the boys in the back
"I'll give you a quid"
So I wound down the window getting the guy's attention with a little wave, "Mate, I'm sorry to say this but your car is fucking horrible"
The guy smiles a smile so uncomfortable it could've been stapled on, the lights change, we piss our collective pants & I'm a pound richer.

We used to be so young...

There were many more but I'm still a trifle stoned (Reckless made me one to go) & my memory is failing (not convinced about the druids) so I'll leave it there.

We spoke of Married A Proper Bitch. We hatched plan to go round his house & each letting down a tyre on his (no doubt) beloved car writing our names on the wheels. We vetoed the operation as was was deemed both stupid & a bit mean.
We all did feel quite sorry for him because after he married a proper bitch he lost something quite precious.

Many Women have come & gone for all of us over the last 20 years, but through that time myself, Reckless & Funny Dance have remained a constant.

I love those guys.
They are my best mates & my allies, my co-conspirators & alibis
2o years strong, shit doesn't time fly.

"Girl, I wanna take you to a gay bar"

As I know she's not too happy right now I am happy to tell a tale for Cheryl.
However the suggested one wouldn't be very interesting at all.
However, sticking with the new year theme, how about this one?

31 Dec 1997: Fantastic year is rounded off in style with Reckless, Dream Girl, Funny Dance, Temper Tantrum, myself & Funny Dance's moody bird bring in the new year in London's Trafalger square.

1997 was almost definitely the best year of my life. As such it deserved to be sent off with gusto.
During that year, we must have been to about 70-80 gigs, I'd passed my driving test, got a sort of promotion at work, had Reckless live with us for the most part & actually enjoyed being married to Temper Tantrum (mostly!).
Reckless was driving a taxi for a living at the time & a few hours before we were set to leave for the capital he got a parcel job to Poole which was too valuable to him to turn down.
Undeterred the rest of us made the short trip to Long Buckby station, where we would catch the train to London. If memory serves it was about 5pm. We had brought a few tinnies & a couple of vodka miniatures for the journey. Funny Dance & I decided to have some wiz too just before getting on the train.
We'd only gone as far as Northampton when it started. Funny Dance started talking & he did not stop. His words were coming out like volleys of machine gun fire. I took the piss out of him mercilessly, his moody bird kept digging him in the ribs, Temper Tantrum started hitting him in a vain bid to silence him & Dream Girl (who back then was still a bit of an unknown quantity) sat quietly till she finally snapped telling him to "stop talking crap will you or you may put me off drugs for life". We arrived at Euston to be hurriedly ushered of the platform as there was some sort of scare going on.
ACE!
As Long Buckby's ticket office was closed we hadn't yet bought tickets. Thanks to that scare we'd all made the journey for the princely sum of £0.00p.

On the other side of the barrier the danger seemed to have passed & we went up to the pub that overlooks the concourse where we waited for Reckless to join us. We were probably there about an hour or so. We had a couple of pints, loosened up a bit more & Dream Girl started edging out of her shell a bit. Reckless arrived having left the taxi at Highgate tube station (where we always park, to this day if driving into London) & we had another pint before getting the tube to Piccadilly Circus. By now all the pubs were rammed & it became a real chore getting a drink. Temper Tantrum, Dream Girl & Reckless had their wiz & Funny Dance & I had a little top up as well (I can't remember if moody bird had any, in fact I only remember the fact that she was there. I don't think she actually contributed anything to the evening). After about 3 pubs it was getting harder to get in anywhere, never mind get served. Then we spotted an alleyway leading to a very quiet looking pub, that'll do. As we walked down the alleyway 2 bouncers stopped us and told us that we were very welcome but felt they ought to warn us it was a gay pub. A quick conflab was had & we agreed that in the interests of having somewhere to drink it would be fine.

It was better than fine it was great, we had lot's of room to hang out & soak up the atmosphere of the place. Not one of us had ever been in a gay bar before. I enjoyed the experience, being me I just carried on partying. Reckless & Dream Girl were reasonably nonchalant about it too.
Funny Dance however, was not so sure. In his wizzed up, beered up state it all got a bit intimidating for him. He insisted that either Reckless or myself accompanied him to the toilets, which of course gave us lots of ammo for teasing him about how he was getting into the spirit of things. Moody bird was also quite fazed by it all, regularly pointing out two people of the same sex kissing or holding hands or something. Time pressed on & though most of us were happy there, it wasn't where we wanted to bring in the new year.

It was now about 11 & we were not getting into any other pubs so, along with grillions of others, went to the offy & bought some bottles & stuff. We also bought whistles off some guy in the street & we joined a steady procession of folk swaying down Haymarket on route to Trafalger Square, swigging from our bottles & blasting on our whistles as we went. About this time 2 things became apparent; It was chuffing freezing & Dream Girl was in a bit of a state. She passed out in Trafalger Square, only briefly & then she was violently sick.
Now it was about five to midnight & we were all huddled together near one of the lions with thousands of other revellers just waiting. Sadly, some years beforehand they had decided to barricade off the fountains. I know at least me & Reckless would've been in there.
It was very noisy. Lot's of people shouting, hollering & singing. Still we listened out for Big Ben, then suddenly this electronic sign started flashing happy new year & we all jumped about like mad, hugging each other & complete strangers. We never heard the chimes till about the 7th one!
Minutes later the police started herding everybody out, this took ages. We went to the tube to get to Highgate. Rather sensibly London Transport provided free tubes & buses to everyone in the interests of getting all the people out of the city. We got to Highgate where we all bundled into Reckless' taxi (he hadn't been drinking obviously) & set off back up the M1 to the sounds of a specially made best of 97 tape that I'd constructed.
Paranoid android was orgasmic!
To this day I've not had a better New Year's eve which was really fitting as all of us (bar moody bird) had a riotously fan-chuffing-tastic 1997.

"It's just Sunday evening, so what's with this sinking feeling?"

My weekend has been very nondescript.
Nothing bad, in fact reasonably pleasant but not exciting. Sadly they rarely are these days.
I NEED some excitement.

It's not gone unnoticed that there have been a few new faces round these parts lately, which is very welcome. I feel the need to advertise myself a little for the benefit of any new folk.
Last Monday I "released" my "album". I've recorded a collection of 12 original songs that goes by the name of "Confessions of an idiot" & it's pretty damn good, even if I do say so myself (which I do). If anyone fancies a copy, they just have to e-mail me with a postal address & I'll send a copy out. Gratis.
Those of you who have a copy already, c'mon tell me what you think!
I know Charby seems happy with it, but there's been a marked silence from everyone else.
Anyway, that's today's "Confessions..." bit over.

I realised earlier that I haven't bought a CD for 6 months now.
It's a most peculiar feeling, being one of those buy-every-album-I-want-on-the-day-it-comes-out types. Thing is, my beloved pod has rendered my CD collection a very large & expensive group of ornaments. They simply never leave the shelves. There came a point when I said to myself; Stop. It just wasn't making sense anymore. It has been very difficult though.
I mean I have all 12 of Duran duran's albums (stop sniggering at the back) & the completist in me demanded that I bought the 13th (astronaut) to keep up the collection. Somewhere a line had to be drawn. It was drawn right after "Kleptomania" by Mansun.

Mansun were a fine band. Inventive, full of feeling & a little bit mad. I was a big fan & was gutted when they called it a day. They were also extremely good at maintaining the channels of communication with their fans. One of these methods was the "Mansaphone". A phone number printed on all their releases allowing one to leave a message about anything band related.
One night during the glorious gigging years I phoned it up after seeing in the NME that they were doing some "secret" gigs. I should mention that I'd shared a few "fat ones" with Temper Tantrum & Reckless prior to making the call...

This is the mansaphone please leave your message after the beep (something like that)

Yes, hello. My name is Flash & I've just seen in the NME that your doing some secret gigs & to be honest I'm not bloody happy. I never find out where these things happen till it's too late & me & my friends want to go! How can we when we don't know where or when they're happening? Anyway, sorry to moan at you. My name is Flash & my number is ************. Thanks again, sorry to be a pain, etc.
We all had a bit of a giggle about it & that was that.

Days later, it's Sunday evening & we're just watching telly when the phone rings.
I answer it ...

Hello, is that Flash?

Yeah, speaking

Hi, it's Stove from Mansun here

Alright mate! (In most surprised tone that alerts Temper Tantrum that it's not one of usual callers)

Yeah, I was just returning your call...

uh uh ( mouthing incredulously "it's STOVE from MANSUN")

..and thought I better let you know..

mmm (hand over mouthpiece, jumping up & down "It's Stove from bloody Mansun, he's phoned me up!!")

that we're playing Milton Keynes on the 8th (or something), that's in your area, right?

Yes mate, it is.

Then we chatted for a couple of minutes & he was off.
Temper Tantrum & I were giddy with delight. Giddy, I tell you.

The next day I told everyone that would listen that a proper rock star had phoned ME up at home. They tried to be impressed but in truth most of the people I know didn't have the foggiest idea who I was on about. I was impressed though, even though he had a frightfully silly name he'd taken the time out of his life to ring me up & tell me the news I needed. He didn't have to do that & I've always thought it was chuffing ace of him.
Stove King, I salute you.

Just had a break to watch Joey.
I didn't laugh once. Not even a little titter. Long time readers will know that I adored Friends. Loved it. So I have to remain faithful to Joey & hope it gets better. Obviously it was the whole ensemble that made it work & one can't pull it off alone. I'm sure this would be the case if it was any of the characters. Though Rachel would be worth watching with the sound off.

As is customary at this stage of the weekend, I'm starting to feel fed up. Sunday evenings are just crap. I know I have to go to bed at a reasonable hour, which in itself fills me with trepidation as I've found getting to sleep really difficult lately. I'm alright once I'm off but I've been lying there, tossing & turning, mind racing & just not being able to drift away. It's a bit scary when you know you have get up at 5am (or stupid o'clock as I prefer to call it).
On top of that there's the familiar sinking feeling knowing that I've had no excitement this weekend & I've now got another week of routine boredom ahead.

Anyway that's me about done for today, but to leave you on a more upbeat note; at least being on dayshift gives me lot's of opportunities for flirting with the 3 girls at work.
Hmmm, not much to get giddy about really, is it?

Now if a random rock star were to give me a ring about now...

"What a fool I'd been to have laid so low for so long"

I paid the phone bill.
Now I am basking in the warm glow of blogging & blog-reading from my own living room.
Not having to wait till all the managements types have gone home, not being constantly dragged away by the frankly astounding array of alarms, whistles & bells that permeate by laboratory existence (Honestly, last night if the waste water system was a person it would've been lying in a pool of it's own blood & I would've been looking forward to a high profile murder trial at the old Bailey). Being able to smoke myself into oblivion whilst typing away. Nice.

I found some new blogs last night, which is never a bad thing. I'm still checking them out but for now I must link to the paragon of taste that is Swiss Toni. Whilst looking at another good blog I found myself reading of this fella's musical preferences from 1992. Now forgive me lord but they were pretty awful.
This got me thinking about 1992 in general. Musically it was a shocking year. I'm not sure I can think of a worse 12 months tune-wise. Upon inspection of my preferences from that year I came up with this top ten; (I really couldn't stretch to 20). I have since found some better music from this year but this is pretty much what I would've come up with on Jan 1 1993.

10) Born of frustration - James
9) Disappointed - Electronic
8) Faith healer - Recoil
7) Happiness in slavery - Nine inch nails
6) Be my downfall - Del amitri
5) Laid so low - Tears for fears
4) Ebeneezer Goode - The Shamen
3) Godhead - Nitzer ebb
2) Abba-esque EP - Erasure
1) Just like a man - Del Amitri

Funny how things change over the years. Of those 10 "Born of frustration" would probably be my No.1 now, though I still rate "Just like a man" as a belter.

In terms of my life 1992 was an odd year.
It started off with Monochrome Baby & I going through the motions of our very dull relationship, till we gave up about April time. Around July I left Crapsville to move in with some friends in Bedworth near Coventry. On September 1st fate played a very unexpected hand...

I'd agreed to go on a trek with Funny Dance to keep him company. We had to go from Crapsville to Southend to pick up his brother who had been living in the Essex resort. Then we had to take him to Bognor Regis on the south coast where he had got himself a job at the Butlin's holiday camp. When we arrived at Butlin's I went in with Small Doses & half-heartedly enquired if there were any more jobs going. (I hadn't worked properly for a good year or so & had fallen into the rut of unemployment being a way of life).
They said yes. Would I like to work in a shop?
No problem, I've done that before.
You start tomorrow.
What????
You start tomorrow, your induction starts at 9am.
But I can't, I haven't got anything with me. Just the clothes I'm wearing.
Sorry, it's now or never.
Ok, I'll be back later.

So, knowing that this would be just what I needed to get out of the frankly crap life I was living, I came up with a plan. It was now about 4pm, Funny Dance drove me all the way back to Bedworth. There I furiously packed as much stuff as I could muster & begged Married A Proper Bitch & Dot to take me back to Bognor. This they agreed to do but I'm sure it was driven more by the fact they wanted rid of me than just helping out. I arrived back at Butlin's at around 10pm. Said goodbye to my friends & warmly thanked them for putting up with me for the last couple of months, dropped my stuff into my new home; A 8 foot square room with 2 beds and a sink (I didn't even meet my room-mate till the next day) & then headed to the staff bar.

6 weeks later, I met Temper Tantrum (I still blame Carl Shutt!). 2 weeks after that she went backpacking round Europe. I remained at Butlin's very happy with the way things had turned out.
I had so many good times in my 4 months in that holiday camp. I'll no doubt tell you more of it some other time. Right now my bed is beckoning me.
In summary then my 1992 was mostly crap but redeemed by an excellent last third.
The music of 1992 has less to redeem it.

I do just have to say that again I got a very welcome text from a colleague declaring "Egg wielding freak" to be "A FUCKING CLASSIC TUNE".

Who am I to argue?

It's me - in a South Park stylee! 

"..spend all that you earn, when you're gone you're gone for good, never to return"

Today has been one of those rarest of days when I like the company work for.
Every quarter we receive a bonus.
Today is bonus day, whoo!
On top of all this they gave us all an Easter egg & a can of pop too!

I am now torn between 2 possible destinations for my newly acquired cash.
1- pay the bloody great phone bill.
2- buy my flights to the states

This is really tricky. There are many pro's for both options. Paying the phone bill will mean I resume my normal online life. I have managed to keep blogging here at work, at the library & at Funny Dance's house but there's more to the net than blogging. I miss my IM conversations with Far Flung Friend. I miss being able to download music, big time. I miss the variety of porn.
I'd very much like it back & I do not want to be without a phone either.
Buying my flights would mean that I AM going, rather than I'm planning to go.
I am desperate to get it nailed down & only last night I found a really good deal on flights that is a little bit cheaper than my phone bill. I am going to do it irrespective of whether I buy the tickets now or not. I can't wait to finally meet Far Flung Friend & I now have the added bonus of being able to meet Hyde too. On top of all this I can't wait to see New York & to embrace the adventure of flying off to the other side of the world on my own.
Logic clearly dictates that I pay my phone bill tomorrow & that is what I shall probably do, but goddamn it I will buy those flights very, very soon. I swear it to myself.

I feel a little sick, had the Easter egg for tea about an hour ago. Silly bugger.

I have to send some big thanks out to The Duke of Jokes. When I visited over Christmas, he gave me some tunes. Mostly 80's stuff that we both used to listen to on vinyl when we were kids. (Vinyl is a type of plastic that records were made of in the olden days, kids). Other than that was 4 (I think) albums by The The.
The The's 1986 album "Infected" is a longstanding favourite of mine, but I was really disappointed by the follow up; "Mind bomb". As if to prove the old music biz idiom of "your only as good as your last album" I never listened to anything other than "Infected" again. Turns out "Mind bomb" was plop but it was a one off. The other stuff is really good & I've been really enjoying it. So cheers matey & I've got the Kaiser Chiefs album!

20 copies of "Confessions of an idiot" have gone out now (hardly platinum yet, eh?), with one in the post on it's way to Stompp. Feedback so far has been all positive. Buddy With Boobs wasn't in work yesterday but she texted me last night with this:
HI I HAVE JUST HEARD A TOP TEN SONG CALLED "SECOND BEST" AND A NUMBER ONE SONG CALLED "CONFESSIONS OF AN IDIOT" I LOVE THEM
Now despite Buddy With Boobs being one of my closest friends, she has took very little interest in my creative side & wasn't bothered about the album at all. This made her words even sweeter. What is perhaps even better is that FuckwitHusband (who I may have to rename) is very impressed with it & has said lot's of really complimentary things.
She Of The Lovely Jubblies & Even lovelier Smile today said although she has only so far listened to three tracks that she's impressed & she cant believe that it's me.
Of the few people I've had feedback from, another thing has pleased me greatly. Other than the title track, people's early favourites seem to be all different. "Egg wielding freak", "Hate farm", "Second best" & "The truth about you" have all been singled out.
So far so good.
I await the thoughts of you, my loyal readers, with great anticipation.

So today I am a very happy bunny indeed, now if I could just get laid tonight...

"Everybody knows that I need you"

Guilty as charged.
As Cheryl pointed out in her last comment, this blog has changed somewhat since it's inception.
It did used to be a diary & now I do tend to write to/for my readers.
There are probably many reasons for this, but I shall focus on the two obvious causes.

Events: Around the time that this blog started gaining readers (my beautiful devoted girls who arrived about the same time) my life was actually reasonably eventful. Things happened, women came in & out of my life (albeit briefly) & I used to be out & about doing things. This doesn't seem to happen much anymore.

Me: This is the real reason, me. I know I really don't have to tell you what I'm like but I will anyway.
I am an attention seeker.
I am a people pleaser.
I am a man who needs to be loved by everybody he has any contact with.
I am a natural born performer.
I thrive on having an audience.
I live to be the focus of people's attention.
I am an ego-centric big head with low self esteem who is often crippled with self doubt.
I am not right.
I find it impossible not to play to the crowd now that I know there is one there.

This is not a good thing because it's never enough (hmm, may be a song there!), I am a slave to my comments. When I don't receive any I want to stamp up & down, I want to demand why you don't love me anymore. Luckily enough, I do still hold onto some semblance of sanity & it quickly passes. When I recently had a post with 10 comments I was overjoyed, but I immediately set myself new targets. Never enough, y'see.
So despite being able to see my flaws, I am unable to alter them or indeed alter myself.
It would seem that the diary (that Cheryl fell in love with) is dead.
Long live World of Flash; a world where I can feed my insatiable ego, still address my many faults & mistakes, talk about things that only a captive audience would listen to, occasionally tell of events that have occurred around me, tell you stories of times past & still (just maybe) be something that Cheryl & anyone/everyone can be in love with.

"So let's loosen up with a playful tease"

As you may well expect, life is currently dominated by "Confessions...".
It's now gone out to about 12 people (it's early days yet!), initial feedback has been pretty good so far. A trip to the post office this morning means that as I type there are copies heading to South east London, West Yorkshire & New York City. As for the rest of you, well some have issues in receiving it & some of you are very quiet, which is making me weep bitter tears inside!
One of the oddest thing about this whole thing has been discovering people's real names! Don't worry guys I will not betray your secret identities & fear not for mine is revealed on the sleeve of the album.
I am very excited at getting feedback from you guys, I can't wait.
On the sleeve you will see a web address for the album's very own page. I beg of you all this: please, if & when you visit that site, do not make any references or, heaven forbid, links to this page. I don't really want all my workmates reading all this stuff, thanks in advance.

Despite the album's launch being central in my life, I find myself getting very bored at home now, with neither my album or blogging to distract me I find loneliness making an unwelcome reappearance into world of Flash.
Bugger off loneliness, nobody likes you!

Away from "Confessions..." work has actually been cool.
I'm doing some training this week & long time readers will know, I love that part of my job. Picture the scene today, 3 Russians (of which only 1 speaks any discernible English), 2 of the new girls & the clearly not-very-switched-on cleaner bloke. They don't pay me enough!
Now a lot of fun was had to be honest, Blonde new girl who has recently been mildly flirting with me has now cranked up the flirtometer up to 10. So much so that I considered naming her Wants My Cock but I shall not for it's a little too crude for me. Instead she shall be known as Flirtydirty (cos I reckon she's dirty, knowworrimean?). Anyway today's first class was sexual harassment. Flirtydirty offered herself has a physical demonstration object, which I had to decline due to my total professionalism. Actually previous to that her friend Lil' One, who has been trained previously, made a similar suggestion by offering her body up before me. Which being that she is in possession of a Kylie-esque physique was very difficult to turn down. Grrr!
Anyway not wanting to be outflirted by Flirtydirty, I went for it too. It's getting pretty steamy, people!
Same again tomorrow, though it'll be interesting to see how much hot stuff we can get from basic pre-treatment & basic e-coat.

The 3 girls in question (of which we'll name the 3rd: Nice Not Hot) work fairly near the lab & when I go by they all shout & cheer after me. "Whoo, Flash!",etc. Crisp Fiend is getting a bit miffed by it all, "How come no one else gets any of that" he says.
"Cos nobody else is the Flashman" says I!

"What the world is waiting for"

So I go away for a few days & you all desert me, uh?

Anyway, "Confessions of an idiot" gets it's official release on Monday.
I played it to Reckless & Dream Girl on wednesday night & they pretty much loved it! Yay!
Even Reckless who has been far from complimentary about the project up to now, had to bow to it's greatness!
I've so far had one request for a copy from you guys (Bless you, honey!) & I'm expecting to hear from at least 8 or 9 of you, so quit stalling & get to it. (Duke, I need your postcode, mate).

What else has been happening in World of Flash?
Chuff all!
Been watching much footy this week & have to conlude that Tuesday's Chelsea vs Barcalona match was the best game I've seen all season, with the obvious exception of Leeds vs Reading!

I didn't manage to catch up with as many of your blogs as I wanted to (blame Hyde, that girl writes sooo much :-) ) so I'll try again now.
Ta ra!

"Spreading the news around the world" or "Libraries gave us power"

Greetings from Crapsville library!
I have some news for you all but first a few points I need to address;

Duke: There is 1 song out of 4438 on my pod my Sheryl Crow. It's on there because I adore that song & when downloading it I couldn't find the original. Shania Twain??? Honestly mate, me & you could fall out!

Chapstick: Of course you like the Killers, don't be silly. And I have no plans for dying just yet!

Cheryl: Purple rain? I could've done alot worse! It was nice to hear from you the other day.

Right, what's been going on since last post: Well, I've cheered up!
Friday night was spent with Reckless & Dream Girl & a large bottle of vodka & lashings of cranberry juice (winks to Charby), all in honour of Reckless' birthday. Dream Girl was on excellent form, really tip top. The more drunk she got, the more affection she (subconsciously?) showed me. Towards the end of the night this became quite racy, I touched her breast twice; once by accident & twice by demonstrating to her what had happened the first time! Aah, simple pleasures. Then we all sat on the sofa, well Reckless & I sat, Dream Girl lied on the sofa with her legs draped over Reckless & her feet settling on my thighs. And she kept moving them...upwards! I had to move because Reckless was not so drunk as to not notice. Throughout the whole evening it was beautifully clear that her feelings, though deeply suppressed, are still very much alive & kicking.

Saturday was the customary day after, spent doing very little & not acknowledging the events of the previous evening in any way. Saturday night, Funny Dance came round mine for a few games of FIFA, which was nice.

Ok, here is the news.
BONG!
"Confessions of an idiot" is finished!
Yes, I've had to make do with my infuriating way of recording the vocals but it is finished.
So far only Funny Dance & They Used To Be Even Bigger have listened to it, they both seemed to be impressed.
Funny Dance declaring the title track to be "fucking ace!".

So here's the deal, readers. All of you (even any lurkers there may be) should (assuming you want a copy) e-mail me with a postal address. Then you will soon own your very own copy.
I'm intrigued & excited as to what your reactions may be. I ask only one thing...honesty. If you think it's kack, tell me it's kack. Ok?
In time I would love you writer types to do a proper review of the album, but let's get it out there first eh?

Right I have 18 minutes of online time left, so I'm gonna quickly see how you lot are.

Adios!

"Sweetheart, you're so cruel"

In my present state of self-pity & sadness, my beloved pod has played a very cruel trick on me...

Sheryl Crow's version of "All by myself"

Geez, that song almost makes me cry at the best of times.

"Win yourself a cheap tray"

Sadly, as her answers were most amusing & indeed thought provoking (Betty Rubble, mmmmm) Ka is not the winner.
No, it has come down to a straight battle between "my girls".

So the correct answers are:
1. Snow Patrol
2. Rachel Green (Cheryl, I would've thought that YOU would know that Far Flung Friend is not fictional!)
3. 2
4. Come as you are
5. The pale green dream machine (I had a CAT named Alan!)
6. Vodka & Cranberry Juice
7. Kangaroo
8. N
9. Garbage
10. Enjoy the silence

So with 7 out of 10 the winner is....CHARBY!!!!

Thank you girls for playing with me (& I so wish I could say that in another scenario!!!)

By the way I still would've liked answers to the tie-break questions!
Still, one can't have everything, eh?

"Heaven knows I'm miserable now"

Today I am fed up.
I can't put my finger on why but I am sad & lacklustre.

I figure I'm gonna give it another hour or so to see if anyone else wants to play my game before I reveal who has triumphed.
Back soon.

"You have not been paying attention, paying attention, paying attention, paying attention"

Or have you?
We'll see.

First up though let me reassure you all that I'm back up to about 8 on the jolly scale after yesterday's sadness. May I also say thanks to all of you for your sympathy &/or understanding.
It means a lot to me. Last year I had to go through it on my own, which sucked even more.
This kind of leads into where I'm going tonight, the whole interactivity of blogland.
But first picture this...

Morris dancing football!
Imagine David Healy scoring in the last minute in Cardiff in May, he runs to the crowd where he & his ecstatic team mates whip out their hankies & bells & do some Morris dancing!
Go on picture it, made me laugh!
Apologies to my American readers who probably don't know what the heck I'm going on about.

Anyway, recently I have enjoyed how interactive this blog has become, almost like a little community. So I've had a little idea which may or may not work.
A quiz of sorts. One of my more endearing little traits is that I like to make up quizzes & games for my friends. In fact, I was recently admonished by Dream Girl for not having done one for a while. Only problem I'm having is figuring how it's gonna work.
I thought I'd ask you 10 flash related questions & you could all answer in the comments but then I thought you'd all hang back & copy off each other. So then I thought I'd ask 2 or 3 questions to each of you but I don't know who's gonna be dropping by do I?
So I'm kind of stuck & I don't want to be. I WANT TO PLAY!!!

*thinking*

Ok, the only way I can think of doing it is to just ask the questions. You lot, assuming you want to play, answer away in the comments & tomorrow we'll see who has been paying attention, paying attention, paying attention, paying attention.
Some of the answers will be in the archives but not all of them.
So now I've got to think of some fiendish questions...

*thinking again*

1> Who were the last live band I went to see?
2>Other than Kylie, which fictional character would be my ideal women?
3>Speaking of women, How many women have I actually managed to have sex with in the last year?
4>Which Nirvana song is playing on my pod right now?
5>What was the "name" of my first car?
6>What is my favourite alcoholic tipple?
7>What species of animal once came into the lab demanding to know why I was blogging & not doing my job?
8>What is the initial of my first name?
9>Who are my favourite female-fronted band?
10> What is my favourite song ever?

Just in case they are required I have 2 tie-breaker questions...
What should I next put under "world of flash" at the top of the page?
Am I the most ego-centric, attention seeking yet strangely loveable little man you've ever known?

Honestly people, sometimes I get a bit up myself. I need friends to tell me when I cross the line, so please feel free if it's required!!
If not.... then LET'S PLAY!!

"Smile though your heart is aching"

An antidote to abject misery as pioneered by the lovely Gladys.

By the way I've a suspicion that I've used that title before. Doh!

"My head is saying fool forget her, my heart is saying don't let go"

Sometimes it takes me ages to find a suitable title for a post. Today I could reel off 25 just like that. As I'm sure you're aware today is March 1st. Two years ago today, something happened that would go on to change my life immeasurably. I have not been the same person since that day. I would love to tell you all the story of that day's events but I cannot. What I can tell you however is how I feel today.
Today (& no doubt tonight even more so) has been a battle in my head on many fronts.
The little voice of reason & sanity is desperately trying to be heard with it's proclamation of "It's just a date, it means nothing". Of course the voices of reason & sanity have long been bludgeoned into submission by the voices of sentimentality, self pity & angst.
It pains me that while I, fool that I am, am severely affected by the passing of this special day, I don't know if the other party involved even gives it a second thought. I fear she doesn't & that pains me even more.
Only 2 or 3 people know what happened that night, one of those is Buddy With Boobs. I voiced my worries to her earlier & she said that other people aren't as sentimental as I am & that I feel things too deeply. She's probably right.
One of the things I find really hard to get my head round is that nothing happened 2 years ago today to make me sad. Nothing. Today should be a celebration of one of the best times of my entire life. A time where every passing second was an explosion of bliss. Trouble is, it was all over just 15 days later. An every passing second since then has been an anti-climax. This is the real source of my pain. Two years on & I still haven't attained the same level of happiness as I did then. I don't think I ever will.
So for tonight I shall wallow. I shall punish myself by playing my "reminders" playlist on my pod. As I type... "Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly". It's not that I need to be punished. I feel that life as taken care of that already. Sometimes I fear what would happen if those events ever came to light, but I know that there is no pain that anyone could inflict on me that would be worse than what I continue to suffer to this day.
Sorry for bringing my misery into your world but this is World of Flash & sometimes my world is not a happy place.