"Deperir a gris - deperir a gris"

Moi?

Tres pissed!

Voila!

"Je T'aime..."

Bon sour mon amis!

I've just read all your comments on the last post & I was smiling the whole time. It's always a pleasure to welcome someone new to World of Flash, so Hello to TracyLynn a lady who knows how to make a good first impression!

Last night, as you know, I went to see Coldplay. I had a proper smashing night!

The Halle du Tont Garnier was actually only a 20 minute walk from my hotel, how cool is that??
In my time I've been to literally hundreds of gigs but I've never been to one on foot before, not even when I was in a band!

Goldfrapp where the support act & I managed to get down the front just before they came on. Musically they didn't really impress me but, it has to be said, Alison Goldfrapp is one seriously sexy woman. Now I apologise in advance for how graphic I'm going to be here but, her trousers were so tight that I could actually see the shape of her pussy! And I was a good 20 feet away!
Zut alors!!

Not long after I had made this observation I heard a voice behind me say "I thought that was a man!"
Incredulously (& most pleased to hear the English langauge) I turned about...
"You thought she was a man!!!!"
And thus began a totally smashing 2 hour friendship!

Two American women were right behind me & we got to talking (as you do). The one I spoke most to was called Michelle & was originally from California. She has lived outside Lyon for years since marrying a Frenchman. She was 36. She was also the hottest, youngest looking 36 year old I ever did see! I really did not believe her until she showed me her ID!

Now this may not make sense but somehow she really reminded me of our very own Sunshine. She just kinda seemed like I know Sunshine would be, were I to randomly meet her at a gig or something. She said the sort of things that Sunshine would & carried herself in the way I'd imagine my far flung friend would. I thanked her after the gig, when we parted ways, for making a special night even more special. Michelle, who will not be reading this, I salute you!

The gig was fantastic. Now I really enjoyed seeing them in the Reebok when I went with The Tall People, but to get down the front where you can see the whites of their eyes & jump about like a man possessed who shouts En-Ger-Land at every quiet moment in the hope of getting a nod from the band was really a joy to behold!

In short I had a really, really good night.

I'm happy but I'm about ready to go home this weekend.
Just long enough to engage with all the people I miss.
Which reminds me...
I want to thank each & every one of you guys, you have been my constant during a crazy time. Your presence & the knowledge that I'm sharing this whole experience with you really does make me feel very happy & very proud to know you all.

Thanks you guys!!!

Au revoir!!!

Ps: stupid French keyboards - You have no idea how many times I have had to delete this thing:§ which is where the exclamation mark should be.

"Ma vie, tout ma vie"

Blimey, I've had quite a day today!

It started at 8.15 this morning when, for the first time in ages, I awoke naturally.
No alarm clock, yay! (I had gone to bed at 10 last night, mind)

So, out I went & got the metro to Gare de Venisseiux which is at the end of the line. It's here where we park the company car. When I'd gotten the metro there was the tiniest hint of snow in the air. by the time I'd resurfaced it had become quite heavy.
I got in the car & started the engine. And just sat.
The following "discussion" then took place...

Legs: Oh no, no! We know what you're thinking!
Brain: Look at the bloody weather, will you.
Legs: We don't care! You said we could have a rest today.
Brain: I know that but...
Legs: Never mind chuffing "but"! A deal's a deal.
Brain: I am not going driving up into a mountain range in this snow. It's not like I really know where I'm going...
Legs: *sighs*
Brain: ...and then there the whole wrong side of the road thing to deal with. I just don't think it's the best thing to do today.
Legs: We don't suppose your gonna take us back to the hotel, are you?
Brain: No, we'll be exploring again
Legs: * muttering to themselves* We hate you
Brain: What was that?
Legs: We said we hate you! We really, really hate you & d'you wanna know what else we hate?
Brain:*pretending not to listen*
Legs:*carrying on regardless* We hate fucking Lyon! Hate it, hate it, HATE IT! We want to go home where your nice to us & the furthest we ever have to walk is to bloody Tesco.
Brian: Tough shit guys, I make the desicions round here so button it & lets go
Legs: *muttering again* Bastard!

So back to the station we went, where I had a new problem to deal with. I had no change for the ticket machine. Merde!
As there was nothing at all open to get some change from, I had little choice but to get on the metro sans ticket.
The journey seemed to take much longer than normal as I watched every station for signs of inspectors. Time for some tunes. I put humbert on his My Top Rated playlist (just songs deemed to be worthy of 4 or 5 stars) and rode with the fear.

The masses against the classes - Manic street preachers
Getaway - The music
Blood - Editors

I got off at Guillotiere feeling pretty low. It wasn't even 10 yet. What was going to do all day on my own? So I started walking.
Sometimes I wonder if my beloved I-pod has some sort of direct link to my soul for just as I started crossing the bridge over the Rhone this happened...
The scientist - Coldplay
Readers with good memories will know that I have a strong relationship with this song. Here I was, hundreds of miles from all the folks I care about, in the snow, on a Sunday morning wondering what on earth I was gonna do with myself all day. As the song reached it's climax I found myself almost crying, I'm not sure I'd ever felt so alone.
I can be such a silly emotional bugger sometimes.

7th wave - JJ72
Inverse Midas - Mansun

I trudged on towards Bellacour feeling pretty shitty.
Now say what you like about McDonalds but they know how to do breakfast. I went in, stuffed my face & came back out feeling much better. Right, I said to myself, I'm going up to that building on the hill. So I started walking again...

Speed of sound - Coldplay (which I always find really uplifting)
John the revelator - Depeche Mode
The international language of screaming - Super furry animals

By now I had passed the cathedral de Saint Jean & had started my ascent. Of course, I was still armed with the camera so I stopped to take a picture of this...


Just after I'd clicked I discovered that the fella you can see at the bottom of the shot had just crashed into a line of parked cars!
His front end was a mess but nothing like the state of the poor Peugeot 206 that had taken the brunt of the collision. The line of cars were all parked quite close together & the impact had pushed the 206 into the next car & that one into the next & so on for about 5 or 6 cars.
Poor monsiuer!

My steep climb continued when much to my surprise I found a Roman ampitheatre...

Which was nice!
Then I managed to evade the gaze of the " kids who were snowballing people from behind a wall. Pity the poor lady who didn't. She got clobbered!

All this had been soundtracked by these babies...

I travel - Simple minds (how tres appropriate)
How you see the world No.2 - Coldplay
Stay together - Suede
Step into my world - Hurricane #1
Forgotten sons - Marillion
Only - Nine inch nails

During "Only" I finally got there.

There, is the Notre-Dame de Fourvière basilica & for the next couple of hours I stopped my I-pod and marvelled. I'm afraid I have run out of Superlatives to describe what I saw. I can only do it justice by saying that this magnificient church coupled with the astounding view of the city is right up there with Niagara Falls as the finest sight my eyes have ever seen.

I took many photos, as you can imagine, but sadly the snowclouds over the city made some of the shots a little murky...

















I didn't actually go in the main part of the church as there was a service taking place. I did go into the crypt though where I was struck by this wonderful mosaic. Again no religious signifance for me but as a work of art? Would divine be an appropriate word?




There's that grimace again, eh?


The view photo's aren't that great but I'm gonna go back up there sometime as there is an observation tower in the church that you can go up, just not on Sundays!

The open space you can just make out in the centre of the picture is Bellacour, by the way.



Now then, the girl who took this picture for me saw right through my cod-french & announced that she spoke English. Hurrah!
She was from New Zealand. We chatted for a few minutes & I commented on how nice it was to be able to converse fully with someone. During our conversation she told me she had been to a modern art exhibition that was very interesting & had lots of interactive things to do.
Excellent, I needed something to do.

I bid my Kiwi friend goodbye (she was a most odd looking creature, by the way) and found, to the unbridled joy of my legs, that there was a metro station! They were even further pleased when I bought a day ticket which allowed me the freedom of the city's marvellous transport system for the day.

Pod back on then as by 3 different metro lines, some walking and a bus I made my way to La Succhierre, an old sugar factory close to where the 2 mighty rivers converge...

In my other world - Martin L.Gore
Parachutes - Coldplay
Like spinning plates (live) - Radiohead
Suffer well - Depeche Mode
Blue Monday - New order
Up the junction - Squeeze
Born of frustration - James
It doesn't matter - Depeche Mode
Distant sun - Crowded house
Smells like teen spirit - Nirvana
Left to my own devices - Pet shop boys
Sing - Travis
Cheer up, you miserable fuck - David Ford

It was really snowing by now, I tell thee

See!

So, I dashed into the place, paid my 10 euros (she never warned me about that) & opended my mind.

The first "piece" was probably my favourite. I walked through this door & into a space that was filled with a green fog. It literally took away my sense of sight. I then proceeded to shuffle around in the bright (hey you can't call it dark!) for 5 minutes till I eventually found the exit door. A fine start, I thought. I'm gonna enjoy this.

I then queued about 30 minutes to experience the next piece behind a group of American philosophy students who were, naturally, talking shit. As is the nature of philosophy. Can you tell I'm a scientific type?
Anyway, when I got to the exhibit I found it to be a large room half full of pink balloons.
It's called Half the air in a given space & it's by Martin Creed, who I am only noting because he comes from my own home town of Wakefield.
Fancy that!

Now you'd think that walking through a big white room half full of pink balloons would be fun, right?
In actual fact it was kinda gross as the balloons all had lots of other peoples hair on them. Eeew!

Other than 2 exceptions I thought the rest of the exhibition was mostly plop.
One was a room full of percussion instruments that people were encouraged to play. One little dude of 5 or 6 was having a great old time bashing away on the drum kit, he had to be dragged awat my his father in the end. I wanted to have a go but I didn't.
The other one was compelling rather than good. Called Flying Rats it was a large cage containing about 200 pigeons and a playground complete with 50 model children all engaged in playing (as you would as a kid in a playground). Here's the thing though, the kids were all modelled out of birdfood. Over the course of the exhibition (some 3 months) the pigeons are slowly devouring the "kids". Disturbing but kind of captivating too.

I came out of the building feeling a little let down but quite some time had passed.
What now?
If you look at the 2nd picture of me, you will see through the mist central France's only skyscraper. Well, that's where I went next & for the first time I got to use the tram

Bleach - Easyworld
Walking in my shoes - Depeche Mode
In my place - Coldplay
Kiss of life - Supergrass
U16 Girls - Travis


I arrived but found there was no public access to the building. Bugger.

Next to it was a shopping centre which I thought I'd have a nose around. It was open but all the shops were shut. There was still lots of people in it though, including a large number of what I can only assume are Lyonnais chavs.

At the bottom of everything - Bright eyes
Special - Garbage
Walking in my shoes (live) - Dave Gahan (don't think my legs didn't notice the irony of that coming on again!)
Hyper music - Muse
Apple blossom - The White Stripes
Gave up - Nine inch nails
Is yesterday, tomorrow, today? - Stereophonics
Time is running out - Muse

Which brought me directly to here via the tramway.

So far it's taken me 2 & a half hours blogging this, but it is so, so worth it!

Tomorrow; I am indeed going to see Coldplay at la halle Tony Garnier with Goldfrapp supporting. Tickets for Coldplay in a hall 2 days before the event? You don't get that back home!!

Well done to Scully who guessed it right literally within seconds of me posting & to Spins who nailed the details. Now as both you ladies are coming to the UK next year, how's about I give you Flashy's special prize then? *raises eyebrows*

Just kidding girls, would you like the post or the prezzie in the post?
Let me know.

I won't be posting tomorrow but one last thing before I go...

When I spotted the Coldplay posters I saw another curious gig advert. remember St. Etienne, the band named after the french football team (which is just outside Lyon, fact fans)? Well, soon the people of Lyon will surely be flocking to see...
ASTONVILLA

I shit you not!

Au revoir!

"voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir "

Double A side posts today!

First up it's more of Lyon for you.
I finished work quite early today, about half past 1. By just after 2 I was out walking again.
And crikey did I cover some ground!

My legs have seriously fallen out with me. They hate me & are throbbing away in protest as I type. I have walked & walked & walked & walked some more. About 4 hours solid without so much as a sit down. I covered both new & familiar territory. And again I took some photos.

The city has a very different complexion on a Saturday afternoon. It's very, very busy with shoppers & day trippers scuttling around like ants. I have to take my hat off to some of the French ladies who despite the extreme cold still manage to parade around in little miniskirts. Good work French fillies!

So you wanna see some piccies?
You think you have a choice?

This is place de Bellacour. It was heaving today. Most comically a trio of young lads armed with one accoustic guitar between them were doing some mobile busking. They were being trailed every step by an enthralled tourist with a video camera.



Here's another shot of the mystery building that I still haven't ventured up to.


In the heart of the shopping precint I came across this. Those children are actually skiing on real snow!! In the middle of the bloody street!!!

I'll wager you don't see that in Scunthorpe on a Saturday afternoon!



This marvellous theatre looked simply fab as it basked in the bright winter sun.



I spied this here boat as I crossed over the Saone. As it got closer I was most surprised to find that it had all sorts of wonderful things on it's deck including a pair of steaming hot tubs. Nice!


And finally here's little old moi!

That's not my bag, by the way.

Not long after that photo I was taken I wound up at the Cathedral de Saint Jean again. Today I decided to go in.

Now I'm not a religious man, in fact I don't really hold with any kind of spirituality, but you just have to marvel at the spectacular construction & artistry that goes into places of worship. This one was awe-inspiring.


I have to confess that the first little signs of discontent have been poking their heads round the proverbial door. Don't get me wrong, I'm still having a smashing adventure, but as we draw into Saturday night I'm starting to feel very alone. I'd like to go out on the razz but a) I'm jiggered & b) I don't really care for going out on the town on my own.
This would be an even more special experience if I had someone to share it with.

I miss The Boy.
I miss Nice
& I miss Reckless, Dream Girl and all my usual cohorts.

That said, I do not miss Crapsville, not one little bit.

Tomorrow I think I'm going give my poor legs a bit of a rest. At the suggestion of my boss, I think I'm gonna take the company car & have a cruise out to the Alps. Why not, eh?

I really feel like this blog is really coming into it's own with this trip, for me more than anyone else. I think it's ace that I've got this record of my day to day adventures in France. I apologise if there's just too much for you to keep up with.

All that remains for tonight is to give out a holler to the Mighty Leeds who chalked up a 3rd straight win today back home & to have a little competiton with you guys;

Guess what I'm doing on Monday night, go on, guess!
If anyone gets it right they can have either or both of the following fantastic prizes;
A post on these very pages dedicated to themselves & filled with wonderful Flash style praise for them, or...
A genuine little souvineer from Lyon that I shall purchase & deliver to the winner!
You'll have to be quick though cos it's killing me to keep quiet!!

So, just what am I doing on Monday night?

"Les yeux sans visage "

This morning at work has been a very quiet time. I’ve just been sat in the office doing some of my paperwork.
I brought my I-pod with me today; I had the Maximo Park album on during my morning ride on the metro, which was great. I love that album.

Then as I typed away at work I decided to give the still instrumental version of one of my own new tracks a whirl. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it before, it’s called "A pylon in the rain", it’s likely to be the opening track on Album2 & it sounds chuffing brilliant, even if I do say so myself.

I enjoyed it so much that I decided to have a listen to all my other stuff.

Whoosh!
Did you hear that?

That was the sound of modesty going out of the window.

I am a very talented man.
I listened to all 13 songs through the headphones & I thoroughly enjoyed them.(I think headphone listenage works best with my music) Even the "lesser" ones made me feel very proud. The sound issues didn’t trouble me at all & my usual self-criticism of my voice was nowhere to be seen. In fact I thought my voice sounded bloody ace on most of the tracks.
Every single song made me realize more & more that I really do love my own music.
And surely that’s the whole point.

Were I to pop my clogs tomorrow, I would be quite pleased that I’d left my little musical legacy for the world & most importantly for The Boy, who I hope hears it all when he’s older & thinks " Cor! Dad was a bit special, those songs are great"

One of the few downsides of my stint in Lyon is that work on Album2 will not happen.
Having said that, I have brought my little keyboard with me & I plan to do some writing whilst I’m here. If I can’t find inspiration from this wonderful place then I might as well give it all up as a bad job.

It’s occurred to me whilst I’ve been typing these words that some of you may not have a clue what I’m on about. Apologies to long time readers but I ought to clarify…
In March I "released" my self composed, self produced debut album under my artistic guise of Gnu Cnu*. It’s called "Confessions of an idiot". It’s available to download by clicking on the link in Flash’s faves called Flash’s utterly ace tunes (modesty obviously made a bolt for the window that day too!). You can also get hold of a CD by e-mailing me with a postal address I can ship it to. I followed that with a stand alone track called "White celebration" which later appeared on special edition copies of "Confessions…"

*There has been some confusion apparently on how to pronounce Gnu Cnu, well it’s easy it’s like the animal; a gnu in a small one man boat; a canoe.

Usually I’d apologise for touting my musical wares & blowing my own trumpet but not today. Today I am confident, nay, cocky!

Cocky I may be but this is not an ego trip nor am I fishing for compliments but I’d like to ask a few things of "my humble little audience".

Please, if you do choose to answer, be as honest & frank as you can be.
Does anybody still listen to "Confessions…"?
Is anybody looking forward to Album2?
Has anyone got any particular songs that they love or hate?
Or perhaps a lyrical snippet that makes you purr with wonderment or cringe with sheer embarrassment?
Are any of you new types going to take the plunge or have you already?
What do people think of the artwork?
Has anyone got any other comments or opinions about my music that they’d care to share?
Or Has anyone got any burning questions about my music?

This really, truthfully isn’t an ego-stroking exercise, I simply find myself in a Gnu Cnu mood & I’m curious as to how listeners think about my stuff now.
I await your opinions with relish.

"Allo, et maintenent..."

Be warned, I may go on a bit tonight, mon amis!

Have I mentioned how much I love being in this wonderful city?

I'm blissfully alone now in Lyon. Le grand gaffer has buggered off home & no one else from England is here till Sunday night.

Tonight I have been walking again, I've walked so much it has hurt my feet!

I'm going to talk to through my walk in a minute ( whoever said I could talk the talk but not walk the walk?) but first , so I can observe some order round here, let me take you back to work where I took a photo of my office today. You ready for this?


C'est magnifique, non?












I finished a little earlier than usual today due to it being Friday & the absence of Le grand gaffer.
My hotel is in an area called Guilltieré. It is named so because it was where lot's of people had their heads lopped off in the revolution. Nice!

Here's my "home" for the foreseeable future:

Note Humbert sitting on the chair.












The hotel is on Rue de Marseilles & the view of that from my window looks like this:











Then I had to deal with the only thing about Lyon that I fucking loathe; The shower from hell.
The shower from hell has been a thorn in my side all week long, but tonight, ugh!!!

It has no curtain & is "fixed" to the wall in such a clumsy fashion that the damn thing twists round and showers the bathroom floor. Having time on my side today, I took to rectify this problem. Using a few folded up bits of paper & some inginuity I managed to keep it pointing in the right direction. Alas, no amount of Blue Peter style maintenance could regulate the bllody temperature. I stepped in & set about my buisness. several nanoseconds later I had to step away from the molten liquid that started raining down on me. As I did I slipped.
I fell backwards, I was desperately trying to reach out for something to keep me upright but there was nothing. I tumbled back onto the ceramic floor, smacking the back of my head on the tiles, grazing my knee & cutting my index finger.
I let out an involuntary exclamation of "You fucking whore!" to the empty room & lay there, naked & bruised on the floor.
Merde!

After regaining my composure & completing my preening I headed out for my latest exploration. This may be boring ( I don't care if it is!) but I'm gonna share with you the songs that Humbert played me ( set to shuffle, of course) as I made my way round France's 2nd largest city. There was no skipping involved & the tunes added to my own personal ambience.

An olive grove facing the sea - Snow Patrol
Senseless - Erasure
Master & servant ( an on USound science fiction dance hall classic) - Depeche Mode
I set off up Rue de Marsilles & turned left to cross the Rhone. Here I (tried) to take the first of this evening's pictures. I'm actually quite happy with the effect I inadvertently got:


I dont actually know what that building is, but at night against the river it looks spectacular.







A town called Malice - The Jam
Dirty soul - Shed seven
I walked on through Bellacour (which appently is one of the largest public squares in Europe, fact fans!) and came to the city's second river; the Saône.
At this point I got the camera out again:

Please forgive the blurring, I'm not known for my steady hands! ( I am known for my magic hands but that's another story!).
What you can see here is the cathedral de Saint Jean in the foreground & up atop the hill is the, um...building that I don't know about yet. Rest assured I will go up there at some point for the view if nothing else.




Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me - U2
Mercy in you (the BRAT mix) - Depeche mode (which worked splendidly, by the way)
So I crossed the bridge and found myself in familiar-ish territory. I was by the Metro station that we came out of the other night when we had the Indian. Now being the handsome, debonair gent that I am it came as no surprise when a pretty young french maiden approached me as I walked. I removed my headphones and uttered my stock phrase of "err, non parlez francais". This didn't deter the young lady who then said "Will you give me 50 cents please?"
"Maybe" I replied as I delved my hand in to my pocket to check my change. She muttered something in French as I found some coins for her.
"There's 60" I said with a smile. She thanked me a scuttled off into the night no doubt to buy a tube of UHU and a carrier bag.

The swing of things - A-ha
I turned the corner & found myself in front of the grand facade of the aforementioned cathedral. I had seen it the other night but Le grand gaffer had rushed by at such a pace that I didn't get the chance to soak it up. It's a magnificient building which, curiously, seems to be a focal point for some of the city's less fortunate folk.
The photo does not do it justice:

I continued to walk through the narrow cobbled streets of vieux Lyon, past the Indian restraunt & countless quaint little shops selling french nik-naks. (Oooh, remind me to tell you about the woolworths- nik naks story some time!)




By now I was getting rather hungry & I'd been hoping to find (Look away now, Scully!) a KFC.
I didn't. So I walked some more...

Come as you are - Nirvana
Picasso visita el planeta de los simios - Adam & the Ants
She won't be home - Erasure
During this walk I crossed back across the Saône and back into the more modern part of the city.
Now if I was to get all arty farty on your ass, I would say something about how the startling juxtaposition of the historic, beautiful architecture & the neon lights on the bustling streets makes Lyon a glittering gemstone shining out from Europe like a beacon. It's me here though so I'll just say it's ace!
Then out of nowhere I found myself in another big square when this came on...
Gracedelica - Dark star
...which somehow became the perfect soundtrack for this place:




























Oh lordy, I love this city!
By now my stomach was grumbling at me so I made food my main priority.
N.Y. - Doves
Disgusting - Mansun
I passed thousands of restraunts & cafe bars but, as we've established, I'm a fussy sod & i was a little intimidated by the prospect of going into somewhere on my own with my limited french. I went past the Hippopotamus where I'd dined last night & realised I was heading back to Bellacour where i knew there was a McDonalds. I was determined that it would be a last resort though. I saw a big wide pedestrianised street going off in a similar direction to which I'd just come from & it tempted me with it's bright lights.
Symphony of tourette - Manic street preachers
Again my animal magnetism must have been radiating out of me as I was accosted by a posse of about 8 pretty girls. Again I opened with the removal of my headphones & "non parlez francais". One of the girls said "Anglais?" to which I replied in the affirmative.
The ringleader of this band of beautys insisted that I had to do the "medicine" dance with her. (i thought of Hyde & what a different dance that would be!) This dance consisted of a slowed down, mellowed out can-can which I happily did with her as her friends took photos. She gave me a little peck on the cheek & they all tottered off in a melee of "merci"s & "Bon sour"s. Bless 'em!

Incidentally, I known I've mentioned how delightfully pretty all the girls are here but I'd like to make a further couple of observations. None of the women are "hot" in a FHM phwoar look at the jugs on her kind of way but they emit a natural, uncontrived beauty that knocks those magazine girls right of their airbrushed pedestals. And, there are hardly any blondes at all, which is odd yet kinda refreshing. No competition for Dream Girl that way!

Anyway, I was ravenous by this point when I ran into the cure for my ills...

Cafe Anglais!!!
Yay!

I practically ran in!







I had, however, been suckered. Twas as French as French can be.
Luckily, the waiter was a diamond who spoke English. Not that it helped me read the menu.
After much careful consultation with the menu reading section of phrase book, I ordered.
Minutes later I was drinking beer & tucking into Cote d'agneau avec pomme frites.
which was delicious despite the meat being so rare that a good vet could have revived it!
I followed that with something that was nearly called Choclat Legolas. It was a desert worthy of an heroic elf! 3 large "boulles" of chocolate ice cream topped with lashings of chocolate sauce makes Flash a happy little camper. I'm gonna be a right porkzer by the time I get back home!

Grey Lantern - Mansun
Keep the dream alive - Oasis
Prologue to history - Manic street preachers
Lucky you - Lightning seeds

These 4 tunes accompianied me back across the Rhone & onto the Rue de Marseilles where I sit now in this internet place where I've spent more waking hours than I have in my hotel.

I've been sat here typing this up for just over 2 hours & for the last hour & a half i've been dying for a slash!
There are no toilets in here & I,m getting to crisis point now so forgive me for not spell checking or sorting the layout but I've really gotta live up to my name now!

Adieu.

"Sent la pluie comme un été anglais"

It's snowing!

I cant wait till the morning to see this beautiful city covered in a blanket of whiteness.

I've been dining with Le grand gaffer again tonight, it's all very well hearing his tales & having him pay for everything but he's yet to ask me anything about me. His loss!
He's flying home tomorrow so until Sunday night I shall be all on my todd out here. Which is ace!
As much as it's ok to be fed & beered by him, my best times so far have been when I've been free to do what I want to. I have to work Saturday but once I'm finished the weekend is all mine, Yay!

I believe there is still plenty of Lyon I am yet to see.

Tonight I had a wonderful meal of Sirloin steak & Chips followed by a delicious desert of Chocolate ice cream & hot fudge, mmmm!

Which brings me nicely to the subject of food.
I'm not sure if I've ever shared with you my peculiarities when it comes to eating.
In simple terms, I'm a freak.
I've been told off (most notably by Madame Scully) for not eating French food but sadly I'm a culinary retard!
I have a very limited tolerance to food, certain things make me heave just at the idea of them. Like many things, I can't help but point the finger of blame at my parents who never fed me anything other than fish, fishfingers, beefburgers, sausages & chips. And when I turned my nose up at anything they bowed to my wishes & took it away. As I've gotten older & wiser I have become a little more adventurous, for instance I wouldn't have gone near an Indian until 2 or 3 years ago yet now Chicken tikka masala is one of my favourite meals.
Still, I am plagued though. I don't know if it's just me & if it's purely pyschological but if I put food in my mouth that I don't like I literally heave. It's no fun.

So please forgive me if I'm a little reticent to steer away from that which I know I like.

(apologies for any poor spelling or grammer but French blogger doesn't have a spellcheck feature!)

"Liberte, egalite, au jour d’hui c’est tres tres tres, Voici l’opportunite nous incroyables"

How long d'you reckon I can keep up the french lyrics eh?

It's all tres bien!

You know those times when you just can't help smiling?
Tonight has been like that.

Since I finished work I've been to a bar with le grand gaffer. It was quite fascinating, he was telling tales of his days in the army. He fought in the Falklands war & he was awarded the milartary cross by the Queen for some heroics in Oman. It kinda goes against my whole belief system but I couldn't help being impressed by his stories. I'm sure he'll regale me with some more tomorrow as it's only me & him here from Blighty til Friday.

He had to retreat to the hotel to take part in a conference call which allowed me to wonder about on my own for the evening. Marvellous!

I went for a walk, complete with woolly hat (cos it's bloody freezing) & my trusty I-pod feeding me "American idiot". Oh it was so wonderful. I walked to Bellacour, which is a kind of central square in this beautiful city, I took mental photographs as I walked which I'd love to share with you ( I actually have access to a digital camera at the weekend, so watch this space!) & I eventually found a bar where I joined the amassed throng to watch Real Madrid take on Lyon (See, I'm right with you Red!). I gave up at half time as I wanted to come here and post, plus I could do with an early-ish night.

I then went to McDonalds where I resisted the urge to order a Royale with cheese (Sorry Adem!) & went for a Bacon royale ( sans salade, au naturellement!). I then crossed back over the river Rhone, bought some shampoo & some pan au chocolatè & found myself here again! I have to check in with you guys if for no other reason than to remind myself that I am still Flash & not "Neeek"!

I'm really looking forward to the weekend so I can actually see the whole city at my leisure & to see it in daylight.

Now some points I should address;
Sunshine- Smoking? I'm weak, ok??
Alecya- vous ez tres buea, mon cherie!! Oui, Francais es sexy, non?
Monsiuer Mystic- Sadly I did finally see a minger today but I reckon she was German!!!
Scully- Inferior?? Mais non! I reckon Paris suited you!
Hammer- Snails? NON!!!!
Gladys- I like being called baby!! And French keyboards differ in several ways. For instance The Q & the A are in each others places, as are W & Z & get this, the full stop is over on the numbers bit, it's driving me potty ( especially the bloody aphostrophe being on the 4 key!!!)
Spins - Only a million times!? You lightweight!! I must be upto a gazillion by now!
P'tit loup - They sure do!! And pernicious is a fine word.
Bee - I didn't know that! I do however know that my French phrase book translates mon vieux as My Old!! What you trying to say???
Adem - "so a few fags here doesn't really matter", that's what Le Flash wants to hear!!
Red One - Allez Lyon indeed! though they were one-nil down at half time when I left, and shameful as it is, I didn't take kindly to the madding crowd slating our own Mr. Beckham. I nust have had one too many 1664s, eh?

Bon sour Mon Amis, Je t'aime!

"Je ne sais par porquoi"

Oh le bugger!

I am, having just read all your super comments, shame-faced.
See I have had 4 fags today & even worse; I have just bought a packet.
Sorry for failing in the face of all your wonderful optimism.
Me? Fail??
Quelle surprise!!!

Ooh these French keyboards will be the death of me, it took me 2 attempts just to log on to my own page! Bloody A & Q the wrong way round!

It's chuffing freezing in Lyon tonight.
I still haven't really seen much of the place yet, but here are my early observations:

• Lyon has the best metro/tube system I have ever had the pleasure to travel on
• Everybody has been very welcoming
• All the girls are pretty, even the ropey ones are pretty! (No mingers Monsieur Mystic!)

Work today only consisted of 10 hours, which was nice. I am slowly finding my feet but I already realise that if I can manage to come up with some inspirational thinking here I could do very well.

Worse case scenario is thus: Even I fuck it up completely, I'll make lots of extra money which, as I told you last week, will be very useful indeed.

Right now I am stuffed. Le grand gaffer has just taken me & my very helpfull American colleague out for a meal. He did last night too but it was Chinese last night, which I've never been a big fan of. Tonight we went for an Indian accompanied by several beers, ah bonn cuisinne!

That's all I have today but I'm keen to catch up on all my pixelated pals*, I hope you're all tres bien!

*It's a song title I've had for yonks!

"Transport, motorways & tramlines, starting & then stopping, taking off & landing"

Bon sour mon amis!

Well, I've been in Lyon for about 24 hours now.

I arrived last night after a tearful farewell with The Boy & a cuddle-fest with Nice.
The flight was hella-cool! (I have to say this barmy French keyboard is driving me mad already)
For some inexplicable reason I got to travel in club class, just me & no bugger else!
It was ace!
2 trolley dollies attending to my every need! Which in truth was nothing more than "Hello, could I possibly have some more champagne please?"

So far I have seen chuff all of the city other than:
It's undoubtedly excellent metro system, which is clean, spacious, reliable & fully automated!
That's right friends, no drivers!

In addition to this I have just had a brief walk around part of the city, having left my obnoxious superiors to return to the hotel without me, announcing that I needed to see something of the place.

The work itself looks like it's going to be a proper ordeal. Only 11 hours today!
In all seriousness, it's a mess.
The company have landed themselves right in the shit on this one.
Still, it gives me the opportunity to excel & simultaneously earn some decent dosh! Hurrah!

well, it's just gone half 10 here in France so I'd better be heading back to the hotel (which is only a stone's throw from this internet cafe, so I should manage to pop by quite regularly.)

Adieu, my little petit-pous!

On yeah! It's now been over 24 hours since my last cigarette!
Gasping & proud!

"I just wanna smoke it"

Peterborough *yawns*
Passport - Sorted
Flights - Booked

Anyway just a quick peep from me as Nice & I are sharing our last night together for a while.
I took her out to dinner earlier.
No, really!

So, we're just chilling & "Smokin'" by Super Furry Animals comes on the old I-tunes.
It always makes me smirk.
The chorus consists of today's titular lyric repeated like a mantra.

At the time of it's release ('98) I somehow managed to convince Temper Tantrum that it was a bone fide protest song in support of cornish fishermen who, due to new health & safety laws, were no longer allowed to smoke thier kippers.

Always tickles me, that does.

"I'm going missing for a while, I've got nothing left to lose"

Well it's been something of a roller coaster since I posted yesterday.

First of all was the utterly dreadful, soul-destroying confrontation with Temper Tantrum.
Did you know that my going to France was yet another example of my selfishness?
Or that this kind of instability is so bad for The Boy that I've been threatened with greatly reduced access when I return?
That woman is nothing short of vile.

The whole "discussion" took about 2 hours, during which I hung up on her 3 times.

Then I told Nice about it, she took it pretty well & saw what a good thing it is for me. She told me she'd wait for me, bless. She also asked me that if I slept with anyone out there, would I tell her.
Fair enough, I suppose.
I think I'm going to ask her if she'd like to look after the flat while I'm away. I'd prefer it not to be empty & it would give her some respite from her mum, who can be something of a pain by all accounts.

This morning at work my boss, The Silver Fox, told me that it was now increasingly unlikely that I would NOT be going to France.
What???
We have a lot of work to do to achieve our TS quality standard & I was too important to that project to let go.
Bollocks!!!
I was major league pissed off!
"Do you have any idea what I had to go through with my ex for this?" I asked incredulously.
The Silver Fox apologised but I knew that none of it was his fault, so I found it very difficult to be angry at him.
I was fucking angry though.
I went on to go about my work with a major strop on. I was sulking, big time.
Whilst having lunch with Nice, Lil' One & Lil' Mum, The Silver Fox came to see me...
"You gotta minute?"
"Sure" & I followed him out of the canteen.
"You fly out on Sunday"
"What???"
"It's all go! You start Monday morning"
Yay!

It had all been a bit much to be honest. I felt shaken by the emotional up & downs the last 24 hours had presented me. It took me a little while to regain normality.

A colleague of mine who has been doing a similar job in the Czech Republic returned today, I asked him how much of his own money he had spent out there. His reply? None at all! Everything is covered by expenses. Fantastic! He said he'd managed to buy cigarettes on the company too but I fully intend to quit smoking at the airport on Sunday.
I know I can't guarantee success but I'm going to give it a try.

Then I phoned up the Passport agency. I made an appointment to go to the Peterborough office at 08.30 tomorrow. The company are paying for it, sort of.
They've given me the 90 quid needed to get the passport but I have to pay them back for the standard cost of a passport. This will be taken out of my December bonus. Result!

I've spoken to Dream Girl about it all & she's delighted for me. As was Buddy With Boobs when I saw her briefly as the shifts changed over. I also spoke to Funny Dance today who was most chuffed for me. They all said they'd miss me & wished me luck, which is nice.

So here I am now, I still have little in the way of detail but I do know this;
I am flying to France on Sunday.
I will start work at the Lyon plant on Monday.
I am very excited & a little bit scared.

"A message on the screen says don't make plans, you're broke"

I wasn't feeling great this morning, so I booked half a day off work. I figured I'd sit here pretty much all day, write today's post & then continue writing up posts on various ideas I have.
Then I'd have 2 or 3 posts in reserve, wise eh?

Today's post is about my nemesis; money.
However, in the last half hour there has been a major development in my life, which may well have a bearing on the issues I'm having.
All will be revealed towards the end but for now I've got to desperately try & get back into the mindset I was in half an hour ago.

I hate money, I hate it with a loathsome passion.
I've never, ever been very good with it. This is wholly my fault, though I do feel a lack of any guidance from my parents as worsened things.
In my life I have had many financial calamities, the worst being the repossession of the family home just months after The Boy was born.

In recent weeks the noose around my neck has been getting slowly tighter, as I'm not one for keeping things from you, I'll share the depth of my problems with you.

Since I am now working permanent days (& overtime is currently at a minimum) I walk out with just over £230 a week.
My rent is £75 a week & I am in arrears to the tune of about £500. A few weeks ago I had to go to court & there is now a suspended possession order hanging over my head. Basically if I miss a payment, I'm out on my ear.
Voluntary maintenance for The Boy is £50 a week, I never falter from this. Temper Tantrum as been angling for more recently, arguing that she hasn't seen a raise in 3 years. My argument is that I strongly feel that the amount is more than adequate to provide for one child's weekly needs. In addition to maintenance I have always paid half of any school costs like uniform, shoes & trips. I also find myself having to give him a meal 2 or 3 times a week which all costs more money.
I have £30 a week coming straight out of my bank to repay a stupid loan that I got so I could buy a car that promptly blew up just a couple of month's later, this stupid loan was stupidly extended so that I could have my weekend in Brighton & take The Boy away. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on just a 2 day trip to Bournemouth.
To keep my flat powered & anywhere near warm I need to spend £10 a week on electricity cards.

So far then that is £165 a week, leaving me £65. This doesn't sound too bad does it?
Ah, but I haven't put any petrol in the car yet & I haven't done any shopping either or paid any bills. Bugger.

Today is Tuesday & my bank balance is £11.93p of which £7.99 is coming out tomorrow. In addition to that I have 26p in my pocket. I do not have an overdraft because my credit rating is so shockingly bad that the bank just laughs at me whenever I've asked for one. I have absolutely nothing of any value that could generate me any money.

I am most certainly not trying to gain your sympathy here, I made my bed, etc...
I am simply just trying to paint you a picture, perhaps you could call me about it.

No, you can't (as at least one of you has found out), because my phone has been cut off because I haven't been able to pay the bill. It is only a matter of time ( I'm bemused as to why they haven't yet) before they sever my internet connection. Jesus, things will be really, really shit then.

Add to that the £1200 council tax bill that just landed through my door last week.

Just to flesh out this picture, let me tell you the contents of my food cupboards, fridge & freezer at this moment in time.

Cupboards:

• 1 quarter full box of Rice Crispies
• 1 half full box of Coco pops (primarily for The Boy)
• 1 half full pack of baby new potatoes which must be approaching non-edible status
• 1 box of batter mix for pancakes
• 1 Jif lemon
• 1 tin of tomato soup
• 1 packet of Pom Bear crisps (for The Boy)
• 1 tin of Gravy granules (for The Boy)
• 1 jar of strawberry jam
• Salt
• vinegar
• 1 almost empty bottle of brown sauce
• 1 loaf of bread
  

Fridge:

• 1 southern fried chicken & chips ready meal
• 2 tubs of clover spread
• 1 orange jelly (for The Boy)
• 3 chocolate mousses
• 1 pint of milk
• 1 bottle of salad cream
• 5 eggs
• 1 half full carton of cranberry juice

Freezer:

• 3 fishfingers (for The Boy)
• 2 turkey burgers (with cheese!)
• 6 boxes of micro chips
• 2 bags of potato smiles (for The Boy)
• 2 boxes of frozen Yorkshire puddings (primarily for The Boy)
• 1 bag of broccolli (again, for The Boy)

There, not a very pretty picture, eh?

Again, just to reiterate, I'm not looking for sympathy. Even If I was, I don't think I'd get any because of my achilles heel; smoking.
I smoke about 20 fags a day. A packet of 20 (and I smoke a fairly cheap brand, B & H silver, fact fans) costs around £4. 30.
You do the maths.

So if I ever want to actually do anything in life, it's a major struggle.
For instance, Sunday's trip to Nottingham to see the Bluetones was organised some months ago. Just so I could buy my friends a drink, I had to put myself in the embarrassing position of asking Lordy B if I could reimburse him for my ticket at a later date. He very graciously agreed (thanks, mate). I also had to spend the last 15 miles of the journey home watching the petrol light on the dashboard flicking on & off, wishing it would hold out.
Thankfully, it did.

For weeks now this has been getting me down & I've been trying to formulate a plan of some sort to get out of this stinking mess. I know I should stop smoking & I haven't ruled out trying, but it is very, very difficult for a weak willed norbert like myself.

I have lived like this for years & it's no bloody fun, I tell thee.

As I said earlier, I had a half day holiday from work today. It came as something of a surprise then when my boss called me 15 minutes after getting home.
Work have offered me a 3 month spell working at one of our new plants.
This plant is in Lyon, France.

I will be allowed home every other weekend, but other than that I will be staying in Lyon. All my expenses will be paid by the company meaning I'll not be able to spend much of my money. Also I should imagine there will be a lot of overtime available, overtime which can dramatically increase my weekly wage. My boss has also told me that this could be a major step in improving my standing within the company, which would be a very good thing. I need to advance, financially & for my own self-worth. It would possibly prove to be an excellent time to try & quit the fags, as I won't be hanging out with any of my smoking mates.

This offer is not without it's drawbacks though.
Obviously my biggest concern is The Boy. As you know, I spend a hell of a lot of time with my son. I would miss him painfully, but he would miss me so much more. I'm an adult, I understand things. He is only 6 & the only thing he will understand is that he can't see his Dad.

Then there is Nice.
Nice would not keep me here, but it seems such a shame to lose something that is making me happy after so much time spent alone. I also feel that while she wont let on, she will be deeply upset by this turn of events.

I also truly hope that I can have access to a computer whilst I'm out there, I can't imagine having no blog access. It's scary.

There is an issue about my passport which as just expired last month, I'll have to get another one pretty sharpish as they want me to start on Monday!
I have to give an answer later today & I think I know what I'm going to do.
However, advice &/or opinions would be very much appreciated.
Merci beaucoup.

"All the time you remind me of Blitzkrieg & the doodlebug"

Well hello there, I have to say you're looking particularly sparkling today!

Last night I popped up the M1 to spend an evening in the company of Lordy B & Swiss Toni. We went to see The Bluetones at the Rescue rooms.

I arrived at chez Lordy B at exactly the same time as his ex arrived to collect their daughter, I thought it wise to remain in the flashmobile until she'd left. So that's what I did.
After a quick coffee, we were off to Nottingham.
We arrived at ST's place, where I had some more coffee & met the lovely C.
There was much talk of cheese. (No, not the contents of Lordy B's I-pod!).

Then into the city centre. I've always had a fondness for Nottingham.
I've been there many times over the years, sometimes for the footy with Reckless, sometimes shopping with the ex, sometimes visiting Reckless & Dream Girl when they lived there & lots of times going to gigs.
Last night was my first time for a while though & I was pretty surprised to see tramlines on the city streets.

I spotted a Bluetone walking up the road in almost the same spot where I'd once met former Stereophonic & big haired loon, Stuart Cable. Fancy that!

After a bite to eat, we headed to the venue.
Having two extremely tall people with you can be quite the advantage when trying to shuffle through a rammed little venue & with their help we got a pretty decent vantage point.

The Bluetones are a great little band, one whose fortunes have slowly dipped while their output as steadily got better & better.

They played a great crowd-pleasing set last night, they came across confident & genuinely pleased to be playing to a reasonable sized, enthusiastic crowd.
A little too enthusiastic in some cases. Now answer me this, why would somebody pay good money to go to see a band & then proceed to spend the evening shouting abuse at them?
To his credit frontman Mark Morriss dealt with the dissenter admirably. He also told us to tell our friends that the band rocked so hard that the singer lost his tie pin.

My only criticism was that they opened with "The jub jub bird" which is hardly a career highpoint, it was followed though by such top tunes as:

• Slight return
• Cut some rug
• Bluetonic
• Marblehead Johnson
• Solomon bites the worm
• Keep the home fires burning
• Liquid lips

I did miss a couple of personal favourites such as "After hours" but of course they finished, as they always do, with their masterwork; "If..."

This is a stroke of genius on their part. I remember going up to Sheffield to see them 2 or 3 years ago when they played a 45 minute set consisting largely of new material. I wasn't happy, but then out came "If..." as the last song & I couldn't help but leave the place beaming!

Bloody ace song. (I'd recommend a download if you're not aware of it, worth 79p of anybody's money).

Sweaty (well, I was) & happy, we retreated back to the bar where I was introduced to Rufus Fan & her friend. Bless 'em, both were a tad drunk. Lovely girls though, both of them.
I did joke with Rufus Fan that I should probably shun her as she hasn't been round here for ages. I then got involved in a lengthy conversation with her friend about blogging & how fascinated she was by the whole notion that I wouldn't know the people I was with, without the internet.

Then it was back to Lordy B's after saying goodbye to Swiss Toni.
Incidentally, as I'm commonly known as Flash in the real world too, I don't think the towering twosome know how tricky it is for me to use their real names instead of "What d'you want to drink Swiss?". I managed though.

After a rather blissful night's sleep in Lordy B's truly beautiful home, it was time to return home to Crapsville.
This time the flashmobile made it in one piece & the worst I had to endure was when my I-pod ran out of charge & I had to listen to (shudder) Radio 1. Which actually wasn't that bad as Jo Wylie was on. New Futurehead's single sounds good.

Now I'm back & I'm full of ideas for some good blogging this week.

Having said that, ideas have never been much of a problem in life, it's the execution...

"Ugly girls know their fate, anybody can get laid"

Funny Dance had his Stag night in Blackpool.
I say night but it was actually a stag weekend.
There was about 16 of us involved, if memory serves.

On the Friday night we were all suited & booted for the first big night out. About 8 of us landed in this karaoke bar on the promenade. Reckless & I had a wheeze doing "Cigarettes & alcohol" in full on Liam Gallagher impression mode. Y'know, hands behind our backs, head angled upwards to reach the microphone & the obligatory "sun-sheeeiiineee...n".
As we departed the stage I noticed a couple of ladies beckoning me to them.
They were both sat at a small table & so as to facilitate good chatting action, I crouched between the two of them. One was quite attractive & certainly not too shabby for Flashman, the other may have crawled out of a swamp.

Before I go on I'd just like to say that I don't make a habit of being mean about people's appearances, in fact usually quite the opposite, people are judged on their personal qualities. However I am not going to lie to impress anybody, she was minging. And I'm sure we've all at one point in our lives been unkind about someone's looks, especially when out having a few beers in the company of the same sex. Cruel? Maybe, but it does happen.

Anyway, I'm talking to the pretty one & the not pretty one keeps patting me on the head & rubbing my hair. When she does this I turn to her & smile asking her what she's doing.
"You're cute, you are"
"Well, thankyou" I say & swifty turn back to her friend.
Anyway after a bit more chopsing I return to my posse but not until I had secured the details of where my new attractive friend was going later.

"Lads! We've got to go to Jellies later cos I reckon I might be in there!"
I received no argument.
Anyway, more drinks were drunk, more songs were sung & eventually we moved on.
To Jellies.
Once in there it didn't take long to find the two women from earlier.
Again I found myself with one on either side of me. I was focusing my attention on the pretty one, whilst all the time trying not to be rude to the other one.
Soon enough, the pretty one started leaning in towards me in that unmistakable way, she was going to kiss me. Result!!
As we kissed I felt something enter my mouth & it wasn't a tongue. It was a piece of chewing gum. I was most puzzled. We broke away from each other & I thanked her for the gum. Just then there was a tap on my left shoulder, I turned straight into the oncoming lips of the girl who is still referred to as the Blackpool Minger.
Shit!
The realisation came far too late, this was some sort of pass the chuddie game. So reluctantly I kissed her & passed the offending item on to her. I finished the kiss as fast as common decency would allow. She was beaming, I smiled an awkward, nervous smile. I looked back to my right to find that the pretty one had vanished as if my magic.
A particular vile brand of sorcery, that one practiced.

So now I'm stuck with the Blackpool Minger. She's showering me with affection & compliments.
At that time in my life my self-worth was at a very low ebb & I found myself thinking the unthinkable. I had a couple of big stiff drinks & then we kissed some more.
Reckless, bless him, came over & asked me "what the hell I was doing"
"She wants me" I said
"I don't give a fuck" he exclaimed "She's totally minging! What sort of friend would I be if I let you go through with it"
"Mate, I'm not used to being wanted" I slurred in my now quite sozzled state.
This was true at the time, but I still knew that he was right & that I would live to regret it.
There was another problem though. All through my life I have had a serious problem with wanting to appear nice at all times. I simply don't know how to say no sometimes, especially if I may have to upset or offend somebody in the process.
I didn't know how to say no to Blackpool Minger, I wish I'd been a nasty shit & said "Bugger off & leave me alone you heifer, I fancied your mate not you" but alas despite all of Reckless' protestations drunk Flash left the club with Blackpool Minger.
We went back to my hotel & had the worst sexual experience I've ever had. I can't imagine it was great for her either.
She told me she was going home to Bolton the next afternoon &, again not knowing how to fend off the question, I agreed to meet her in a pub called The Manchester at lunchtime the next day.

In the morning there was much chortling directed at me. Only about 5 of the whole group had actually seen her but they tried their utmost to describe the full horror of my "conquest". I was still receiving the flack as we all headed out to start the day's drink fest at lunchtime.
I had told everybody concerned that I was resolutely not going anywhere near The Manchester till at least teatime.
We watched the footy (Man Utd vs Chelsea), then we found a place that had cheap beer & a strip show going on all afternoon. We stayed there, unsurprisingly.
(I still have in my possession, a Polaroid of Funny Dance with a topless girl perched on each knee. I thought about scanning it in & showing you all, but who wants to see a picture of 5 tits? I keep it for him in the booklet of the Manic's "Everything must go" CD).

Around 4.30 it was decided that we were now going to The Manchester. For some reason Reckless & I ended up a good few metres ahead of the rest of the group. We walked into the pub & I felt safe in the knowledge that Blackpool Minger would be well on her way back to Bolton by now.
Just then Reckless literally swang me around & we walked straight back out of the pub.
"She was in there, mate!" he said
"Phew! Thanks Reckless, you really are a mate"
"Don't mention it"

By now the other 14 lads had arrived to find us outside the pub.
Reckless addressed the crowd...
"She's in here lads! Come on everybody, come and have a look!"
Bastard!!

So they all piled in & with a surprising amount of discretion they all managed to take a peek at my error of judgment.
I had sneaked in & was now firmly ensconced in an area well away from Blackpool Minger's line of sight.
All the lads came to see me with such pearls of wisdom as "You should get an award for that sort of bravery", "Ugh, how could you?" & the old chestnut; "Hey, any holes a goal, right?".
Oh what had I become?
Before long it was time for us to move on, I headed to the door swiftly but was stopped by Reckless, who had a plan.
Just like criminals being led into court, he covered my head with his coat & we ran out the door.
And we laughed so, so much it was almost worth all the humiliation that had gone before.

Almost.

"If they still don't understand just spell it out"

I was surprised that I didn't pique your curiosity with Monday's acronym.
I shall tell you anyway...

Flash's
Album
Study
Concerning
Imaginary
Space
Travel

tee hee

Also from your recommendation's I'm going to take "The queen is dead" by The Smiths (which is a bit of a cheat as it was on my shortlist anyway & only narrowly missed the cut).

Back later with a story...

"You've got to be the best, you've got to change the world & use this chance to be heard"

So, the good folks at FASCIST have been on to me & the time has come to nail down the 10 albums that I'm permitted to take with me on my exploratory mission to Saturn. Obviously it's going to be a long voyage (some 1300 million km, fact fans!) so I need to choose with great care. I also have one rule to stick to: They must all be "proper" studio albums except for one that may be a compilation (if I so desire).

First I narrowed it down to a shortlist of 25, it's still at 14 so I'll have to make the toughest choices right now whilst I'm listing them.

Consider this, the final list isn't actually my 10 favourite albums. It's a group of albums that I love that will hopefully fulfil most of my listening needs whilst I'm tootling through the cold, dark solar system.

Right time to make some decisions....

One more self imposed rule is I don't want to take more than one album by any particular artist.
This leads to some more tricky choices. In the case of the first album on the list this was very difficult indeed. In the end the "skip factor" did the work for me.
So I'll be taking this...


Radiohead - OK Computer
Airbag
Paranoid android
Subterrenean homesick alien
Exit music (for a film)
Let down
Karma police
Fitter happier
Electioneering
Climbing up the walls
No surprises
Lucky
The tourist

I know everybody loves it & that makes it a very predictable choice but everybody loves it because it's chuffing well ace! The Bends is also top notch but I can only see Fitter Happier doing my head in, whereas there's 2 or 3 on The Bends that would have me reaching for the skip button.
"Paranoid android" is one of my favourite pieces of music ever, "Karma police" is a great singalong song, as is "Exit music" and just picture yourself sitting in your spaceship, dashing across the solar system with Thom Yorke's unmistakable voice urging you "Hey man slow down". Nice.

I would imagine some pretty dark emotions would come to the fore when on such a long period of solitude, so I'd naturally want something very dark indeed, something filled with despair, rage & vitriol. Cue Rolf: D'you know what it is yet?


Manic street preachers - The holy bible
Yes
Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforoneday-
it'sworldwouldfallapart
Of walking abortion
She is suffering
Archives of pain
Revol
4st 7lbs
Mausoleum
Faster
This is yesterday
Die in the summertime
The intense humming of evil
PCP

"Faster" rocks like a bastard, "Archives of pain" has quite possibly the dirtiest bassline ever heard & the whole album has a terrible beauty in a lyrical sense.
also given the amount of time I'll be listening to it, I might just nail some of the words that I've never got instead of screaming out some undeterminable high speed babble!

There must be a rose to The Holy Bible's thorn though...


ABC - The lexicon of love
Show me
Poison arrow
Many happy returns
Tears are not enough
Valentine's Day
The look of love (part 1)
Date stamp
All of my heart
4 ever 2 gether
The look of love (part 4)

A sumptuous, luxurious, rich listen. Solid gold pop music from a bygone day.
The words "timeless" & "classic" are oft overused when talking of great albums. Not in this case.
Every track is a work of clever, earworming beauty making it one of the easier choices I had to make.

Believe it or not, there was once a time when the creators of my next choice did not have scorn poured upon them at every opportunity. A time before the NME & the like decided they were to be blackballed. A time before the horrors of "Step on my old size nines" or "Handbags & gladrags". That time was 1997, the album was...


Stereophonics - Word gets around
A thousand trees
Looks like Chaplin
More life in a tramp's vest
Local boy in the photograph
Traffic
Not up to you
Check my eyelids for holes
Same size feet
Last of the big time drinkers
Goldfish bowl
Too many sandwiches
Billy Davey's daughter

This album is bristling with the kind of raw energy commonly found on a debut, but it's the lyrical themes of small town life that set it apart. It's all real life with not a sniff of Hollywood or even London. It's the old lonely fella who gets a soaking in "Looks like Chaplin" or the wedding reception from "Too many sandwiches" which every working class Brit has definitely attended or the exasperated market trader of "More life in a tramp's vest". It's 12 stories set to a good old fashioned rock soundtrack & Kelly Jones' voice is a wonderfully expressive instrument on Word Gets Around, free of the affectations that spoil some of the more recent stuff.
"Same size feet" is a huge favourite of mine & a song I adore singing.

I like to rock & I like stories. What if there were an album that was one big long story & it rocked like there was no tomorrow. If only such a thing existed...
ooh, hang on...

Green Day - American idiot
American idiot
Jesus of suburbia
Holiday
Boulevard of broken dreams
Are we the waiting?
St. Jimmy
Give me Novocaine
She's a rebel
Extraordinary girl
Letterbomb
Wake me up when September ends
Homecoming
Whatsername

If you'd had said to me a year ago that I'd be taking a Green Day album to Saturn with me as part of my ten, I would have guffawed at your foolishness, I would have peeded my pants at the very suggestion & I would have called the men in white coats to attend to you in your delusional state.
How much I love this album still defies belief. I've gone on about it many times on these pages so I won't blather on endlessly. I'll just say that I still regularly listen to it & it's always a joy.
Always.

Now I've always been partial to music that tugs at my heartstrings. Music that makes me cry. Music to pine for somebody by. For me, Flash, one person does that infinitely better than anybody else.
It's almost like he lived in my head without me noticing when he wrote this...

Easyworld - Kill the last romantic
Kill the last romantic
2nd Amendment
Drive
'Til the day
A lot of miles from home
Celebritykiller
All I can remember
Tonight
When you come back I won't be here
Saddest song
You have been here
Goodnight

I don't know what to say about this that I haven't said before. It's pure, raw emotional resonance moves me in a way that nothing else ever has (the only thing that comes close is it's predecessor "This is where I stand", which did have an Ok Computer/ The bends type battle but lost) to the extent that sometimes it hits raw nerves with such quiet power that I wish I'd never heard of it. I have though and I would never be without it (though I could live without "Celebritykiller"). If anyone were to take a chance on one recommendation from me, I would say please let it be "Kill the last romantic".

On top of all that Mr. David Ford is a gentleman & a scholar.

Now for a strange beast indeed...

Mansun - Six
Six
Negative
Shotgun
Inverse Midas
Anti-everything
Fall out
Serotonin
Cancer
Witness to a murder
Television
Special/Blown it (Delete as appropriate)
Legacy
Being a girl

It's all a bit loopy. 7 of it's 13 tracks are over 6 minutes long. It's chock full of invention. It's wonderful. The 8 minute title track offers a window into what's in store. This album speaks to me, often in a language I don't yet understand, but it speaks to me all the same. Tom Baker speaks to me in the narrated plop that is "Witness to a murder", the albums only duff moment. "Cancer" is the album in microcosm, sometimes it's all a bit too much or it feels like it's going on for far too long but then sometimes you swim in it & sometimes mermaids join you during the exquisite piano breakdown.

I miss Mansun, they were special.

I really couldn't go without my favourite bedtime album now, could I?

The Divine Comedy - Regeneration
Timestretched
Bad ambassador
Perfect lovesong
Note to self
Lost property
Eye of the needle
Love what you do
Dumb it down
Mastermind
Regeneration
The beauty regime

It took me about 3 years before I grew to love this album & I still don't know why.
I don't know how to ably describe it's worth either. It has captured me with it's understated lusciousness. "Bad ambassador" & "perfect lovesong" are as good a pop singles as you will ever hear, "Eye of the needle" has an unexplainable eerie quality to it & "Mastermind" could be retitled Masterpiece with no argument from me. Lyrically the album is a treasure trove & "Lost property" contains some of my favourite lines I've ever heard. I'm a big fan of Neil Hannon & have always liked The Divine Comedy but the absence of anything frivolous like "National express", the sleek production of Nigel Godrich & the haunting arrangements makes "Regeneration" stand head & shoulders above his other work.


Now then I'm gonna be in space & space is big, right?
Well I've got something even bigger...

Muse - Absolution
Intro
Apocalypse please
Time is running out
Sing for absolution
Stockholm syndrome
Falling away with you
Interlude
Hysteria
Blackout
Butterflies & hurricanes
The small print
Endlessly
Thoughts of a dying atheist
Ruled by secrecy

Oh how I adore Muse! And my god do I love "Absolution"? Damn straight, I do! It's my favourite album of the 21st century!
No one else does what Muse do, no one else could make an album so stratospherically huge but still fill it with killer tunes. And the tunes are there for all to hear; "Time is running out" is faultless, right down to the "Ooh ooh ooh"s, "Butterflies & hurricanes" somehow marries the classical & the ROCK with frightening accuracy, "Thoughts of a dying atheist" is as ace as it's title is not, "Hysteria" is chuffing rampant & as for "Stockholm syndrome", imagine riding the universe's biggest roller coaster with 240 volts wired through you & the dozen enchanted electric guitars that are riding with you just as you crash into the most powerful drum kit ever conceived while some deranged west country imp tinkles his piano & bellows directly into your brain.
Imagine that? Still not even close.
"Absolution" is a masterclass in musicianship so huge that I don't even mind that the lyrics are mostly bobbins.

And finally...
Well you didn't think I'd go without them did you?
Yes it's Depeche Mode but which one?
It came down to a straight fight between "Violator" & "Songs of faith & devotion", & blimey, what a fight!
"Songs of faith & devotion" took it on points after 12 rounds but could I really go all the way to Saturn without "Enjoy the Silence"?
No. No. No. No. NO!
So I went for this...

Depeche Mode - The Singles 86>98
Stripped
A question of lust
A question of time
Strangelove
Never let me down again
Behind the wheel
Personal Jesus
Enjoy the silence
Policy of truth
World in my eyes
I feel you
Walking in my shoes
Condemnation
In your room
Barrel of a gun
It's no good
Home
Useless
Only when I lose myself
Little 15
Everything counts (live)

The track listing says more than I could ever hope to, it's damn near perfection!

So there you go that's what I'm taking to Saturn with me, I've been trying to make this definitive list (& blog it) for some time now & I'm glad it's one more project that's done & dusted.
So I'll...oh hang on, phone's ringing...

The top man at FASCIST says I can take one more!
Thing is, I'm not allowed to choose it, it has to be a recommendation from someone else!
Shit! How I wish I knew a diverse group of people who could furnish me with lots of different ideas...

"Mr.Writer, why don't you tell it like it really is?"

I was checking my stats today & this picture made me sad...


It says much more than I can.

So it's time for some changes. I know the layout is still a blog-standard template but it's about all I know how to do.

Thanks for suggestions of what to do (especially Brock) but I've decided I'm staying right here.
I'm going to have some trust in Delusions of Grandeur's integrity. I'll speak with him on Monday about keeping it to himself, though I don't really feel I need to, he's been aware of the blog for yonks & doesn't appear to have shared his find.


I also feel the need for a little blog manifesto.
Just to help myself get back on track a bit.

1. Commitment is only a dirty word in relation to relationships.
It was always easy to find time to blog in quieter, lonelier times. And I had the opportunity to blog from work when I was on lates.
Well, things have changed.
Blogging time is at a premium, so I have to be committed and set aside some quality time for my blog or it will wither & die.
Which I won't let happen.

2. Comments are not love.

3. Content is my decision.
The number of times I have not gone with a post because "I've already banged on about Depeche Mode once this week" or "I can't talk about that because (insert reader/readers here) may not like that" is silly. As much I love having, dare I say, devoted readers I can't allow myself to cater to individuals or groups when writing. It has to be what I really want to say otherwise there's little point, eh?
Likewise people from "real" life who read here do so at their own risk, if you think you may not like what you read, don't read. These are my often very personal thoughts & opinions, I will not be silenced. I need this.

4. The past is a great thing.
I must make an effort to tell more tales from yesteryear. I always enjoy writing them & I love their being a record of such events. I've also got the impression that they are well liked by readers too, so when in doubt, whip a story out!

5. Reading and writing are two different things.
I've been feeling terribly guilty lately that I've not been keeping up date with all the blogs I read. Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours to get through everything. It does suck by the way, I hate missing out!
Point being, I find myself being put off from posting just because of the amount of time involved in the whole malarkey. As Dr. Robert once crooned; It doesn't have to be this way.
If I have be a bit more selective about what I read in order to post more often then so be it.


Well there's my rather hastily constructed blueprint for better blogging here at World Of Flash.

Righto, now The Boy is off for the rest of the weekend & Nice has just arrived.
*Sigh* Duty calls, more sex & drugs & Rock 'n Roll.

*winks*

"...and I said too much & there's nowhere to go but down"

I was given some disturbing information yesterday.
During a quiet moment in the lab, I popped online & had a quick nose at Cheer Up Alan Shearer.
As I was posting a comment Delusions Of Grandeur came in the lab...
"Ah, having a go on your blog, are you?"
"No"
"I wonder if this'll give me any clues as to how to find YOUR blog"
"I've told you before, Delusions Of Grandeur, you wont find my blog"
"Actually Flash I found your blog months ago"
"Course you did"
"I did"
"Ok What's your name, then?"
"Delusions Of Grandeur"
"...erm, what's Crisp Fiend's then?"
"Crispy friend, or something like that"
"..."
"And I know Buddy With Boobs & Nice Not Hot, who is just Nice these days"
"Oh bugger"

I know that I'd not written anything bad about him so I wasn't really worried about that though he was a trifle upset with me for being "nasty about my sister".
She did really piss me off, I explained to him.

Now this is truly disturbing.
Not because of anything other than the fact that now Delusions Of Grandeur knows far too much about me & my life.

Far

too

much!

Fortunately he & I have been getting along much, much better lately, Which is good because I've packed in late shifts till at least after Christmas, so I have to work closely with him day in, day out. He also claims he hasn't bothered reading this blog in ages (guess even he thinks I'm losing it!).

It still doesn't sit right with me though, any ideas as to what my next move should be?
Is it possible to change the URL of the blog but not it's content?
And what if I have any lurkers who I wouldn't be able to furnish with a new address?