"Sunny days in January left spaces in my diary"

END OF MONTH REPORT (back by popular demand)

As Januarys go I have to say this was a fairly good one.
I haven't been hopelessly skint all month long.
I haven't been stuck anywhere in the snow for hours on end.
It absoluety beats the 2004 version hands down.

Yet I still had a crap(ish) birthday.

"So don't forget the songs that made you cry & the songs that saved your life"

Here at world of Flash, I offer my apologies for the previous blast of existential doubt & return you to normal service with this questionnaire type thing (last one I'm doing for a while cos I've overdone it a bit lately) that the lovely Charby put before me...

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer -
4385

2. The cd you last bought is: The last one I bought was "Kleptomania" by Mansun. I was gutted when they split up during the recording of their 4th album. I, among thousands, signed a petition to get this material released & Kleptomania is those album sessions plus lot's of other rarities in a 3CD collection. It seems I don't actually buy CD's anymore, which is bizarre considering how many I have bought over the years. The last album I got, however was Athlete's "Tourist" which I got only 2 hours ago, & it sounds good!

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
As I type I'm listening to "Step into the light" by The Open.

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
The scientist - Coldplay: A soundtrack to something that came & went too quickly.
Tonight - Easyworld: A lament to something that came & went too quickly, yet echoed on forever.
Coming down - Starsailor: "must I always be your clown"
Enjoy the silence - Depeche mode: Musical perfection
Spitting games - Snow patrol: It's irresistible, simple as that.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to?: - All of you, go on, you know you want to

6. Your favorite song with the name of a city in the title or text: Amsterdam- Coldplay, Sheffield song - The Supernaturals, New York city cops - The Strokes & more that escape me now.

7 . A song you've listened to repeatedly when you were depressed at some point in your life:
The aforementioned "The scientist" & "Tonight" along with Depeche Mode's "The things you said", Feargal sharkey's "I've got news for you", "In my other world" by Martin L. Gore & "My sweet prince" by Placebo.

8. Ever bought an entire album just for one song and wound up disliking everything but that song? More than you'd believe

9. A great song in a language other than English: Because I love singing so much, I find it difficult with other tongues (& instrumentals for that matter). Having said that "Torra fy ngwallt yn hir" by Super Furry Animals is rather ace.

10. Your least favourite song on one of your favourite albums of all time:
"Blue Dress" off Violator
"Aluminum" off White blood cells
"The intense humming of evil" off The Holy Bible
"Never had no one ever" off The Queen is dead
"Bulletproof" off The Bends
Off being an instruction.

11. A song you like by someone you find physically unattractive or otherwise repellent:
Confessions of an idiot - Gnu cnu

12. Your favourite song that has expletives in it that's not by Liz Phair.
Super Furries again with "The man don't give a fuck" & obviously "Closer" by NIN (Actually probably 90 % of the NIN back catalogue)

13. A song that sounds as if it's by someone British but isn't.
All of The Killer's "Hot fuss" album.

14. A song that reminds you of summer but doesn't mention summer at all:
Good enough - Dodgy

15. A song that sounds to you like being happy feels:
Bliss - Muse; It does exactly what it says on the tin.

16. Your favorite song from a non-soundtrack compilation album - errr wha?

17. A song that reminds you of high school
So so many- Blue Monday, The Reflex, It's a sin, millions more & all of Depeche mode's 81-86 output.

18. A song you actually like by an artist you otherwise dislike:
"Leave right now" by Will Young, it's a great song!

19. A song by a band that features three or more female members:
Think you may have got me there, I can only think of Bananabloodyrama!

20. One of the earliest songs that you can remember listening to:
"She loves you", a lot of Abba & the Star Wars soundtrack

21. A song you've been mocked by friends for liking:
I still get a bit of sniggering for some of the 80's stuff I like. Howard Jones, Kajagoogoo, etc

22. A really good cover version you think no one else has heard:
I really could construct you a wonderful 20 track playlist here but in the interests of brevity & off the top of my head: "Hopelessly devoted to you" by Easyworld & "House of the rising sun" by Muse

23. A song that has helped cheer you up (or empowered you somehow) after a breakup or otherwise difficult situation: I'm really struggling to think of one here but The Bluetones' take on "That's life" always brings a broad smile.



Anyway, I've booked today & tomorrow off work so I can do some serious work on my album & I haven't even opened the bloody program yet, nor have I gotten dressed.
Bugger.

"How can anybody say they know how I feel?, the only one around here who is me, is me"

What makes me what I am?
One can only suppose it the sum of my experiences, all the events that have happened to me, all the things I've seen, all the emotions I've ever felt.
Tomorrow I could start a new life, move elsewhere, not interact with anybody I know, make up a new identity but I would still remain me.

I thought I'd grown to really like myself over the last year or so. Now I really don't know. I do like a lot about me but I not sure whether I really do like who I am or whether I've just become tolerant of myself. Just as I have learned to tolerate life.

I think I like Flash, the public persona, the clown, the performer.
The real me, however I'm not sure of.

Flash is too reliant on the approval of people, too dependent on being liked or even loved to do anything to dare risk upsetting the status quo. Flash fears condemnation.

The real me, it would seem, fears nothing.

I could be talking about life, I could be talking about the last 2 years or just this post.
The same applies for all 3.

It all made perfect sense when I started but now I don't think I understand.

"Master, can you answer my question?"

I found some new blogs to read yesterday.
I went on a next blog cruise & I had better luck than usual.
It's still a minefield of illiteracy, political rants & knitting but I found some gems. The whole randomness of it all enthralls me. Just a chance computation here & a well timed click there & you can be on your way to making new friends. That's how I "met" my girls & I'd be lost without them now. Again it's a two way beauty, I get some more reading matter & simultaneously I attract peoples attention who just may become a regular. You don't get many win/win scenarios in life so I figure it's worthy of celebration, yay!
If I knew how to get the links down the side like everyone else does then I would, but I don't so I cant.

As you may know tomorrow is my birthday, I plan to enjoy it far too much & there will be nothing but smiles & fun in world of Flash tomorrow.
However, on Saturday I will NEED to know:
What is the official starting point of middle-age?

"Day I met God I got so carried away"

Yet another shamelessly stolen (from this fella) questionairre....

1. What is your favorite word?
Hyper
2. What is your least favorite word?
Work
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Passion, Joy & Smiles (Hmmm, title for the second album?)
4. What turns you off?
Ignorance
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Bollocks
6. What sound or noise do you love?
The laughter of my nearest & dearest,The beep that the clock machine makes when I leave work
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
The noise that talentless, passionless gimps make in order to sell enormous amounts of records for the purpose of making rich execs even richer
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Social worker, Teacher, Writer, Rock god
9. What profession would you not like to do?
Laboratory technician
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
FLASH!! How you doing mate? Gotta say I loved "Confessions of an idiot" & I read your wonderful blog everyday. What colour halo would you like?

"And it feels like somebody loves you, somebody understands"

Having really enjoyed telling the tale of my American odyssey, I dug my photos out today.
It was nice to look at them but in all honesty, I think I'll get more from reading back over the last 7 posts then I ever will from those pictures.
ATTENTION ANYONE NEW WHOSE JUST STUMBLED BY: Read the last 7 posts, the were great! (he says modestly)

This is the beauty of blogging.

You see I'm just one of those attention craving, crowd pleasing types that needs an audience & that feeds off positive responses. (You don't say!)
Without an audience I simply would never have written that story.

The sheer wonder of it all is thus: That story & indeed everything I've posted on this little speck of cyberspace may have entertained, infuriated, provoked thought, amused & bemused my audience. The real beneficiary though is me. I will now have this record of my life, my thoughts, feelings & ideas which I can look back on at any time.
I have occasionally found myself going back 6 months or so for a read & I thoroughly enjoy it.
Bless Blogging!

It's also quite handy for making notes of stuff.
As such here are 2 titles for songs I may or may not write when I lift my self imposed Don't-write-anymore-chuffing-songs-until-you've-recorded-the-ones-for-the-album law.

Titov

Judge Mental

Don't go nicking 'em now, will you?

"It's the end of something I did not want to end"

Part 7: Going home

With a heavy heart & a tear in my eye I left my trusty van in the car park at Dayton airport with the keys in the exhaust pipe. Don't ask me why no one could escort us to the airport, I guess they'd had enough of us! Your correspondent got the flight times wrong & we ended up waiting at Dayton for 3 hours as our plane didn't leave til 4pm not 2. Doh.
This was a real test of endurance & made O'Hare seem like a regular paradise.

The weather was kind & I spend the whole flight with nose pressed against the window. This time I got to see Chicago & it was beautiful. It was a magnificent view of the sprawling city. I could clearly make out Sear's tower (Think that's what it's called!). I managed to get some good photos from the plane. Maybe I'll post one & Gladys can show us where she lives!

Our time at O'Hare was mercifully short & soon we were off.
Now would you believe it, after a few minutes in the air the entertainment system on the plane broke down! So again, no films, no radio, no fuck all.
I had a nightmare flight, everyone else on the plane managed to get to sleep but not I. I just sat there waiting, desperate for a smoke.
When we landed at 6am UK time, I was like a frenzied loony. Baggage claim took FOREVER.
Eventually we were through & I ran outside, passing Round The Chops on the way with just a cursory "need a fag". Just like I had in Chicago a week earlier, I drew in my cigarette smoke and took in all the sights of home. It took about 45 minutes to get from Birmingham airport to Crapsville.
When I walked into my house I had possibly the finest moment of the whole trip.
The Boy (only 11 months old remember) didn't notice me come through the door, I had a hug with Temper Tantrum & then said "hello The Boy".
He whipped round & crawled to me as fast as he could, without any sort of sound or utterance he gave me a cuddle. He held me so tight & he wouldn't let go. It was a wonderful moment & a fitting end to one of the most special times of my life.

And that, my friends, was my American adventure.

"I looked up at the sky & saw the sun, and the way that gravity pulls on everyone"

Part 6: The ups & downs

Luckily enough, it was around 9pm on a Saturday night & there wasn't much traffic. Even more fortunate was the fact that I was driving the wrong way on a stretch of dual carriageway that was only about 100 yards long. Before you could say "God damn, stupid Australians driving on the wrong side of the freaking road" we were back to normal. We were both exhausted but we had to get at least back to Ohio to make the next day viable. So on I drove, through New York state, through a little bit of Pennsylvania (Where we had to get out of the van just so we could say we'd set foot in that particular state) & into Ohio. We then found a motel & crashed for the night.

Sunday morning came soon enough & before long I was back behind the wheel of my trusty van. Our destination: Cedar point; a theme park that, at the time, boasted the biggest roller coaster in the world. (I believe it may well be true again, after building an even bigger one!).
Upon arrival I was most shocked to hear Mr.Dull say "You're not getting me on that!" about pretty much every ride in the bloody place. Looking back, I think going to Cedar point may have been an act of sacrifice on his part. Knowing I would get a lot out of it even if he didn't. While this was undoubtedly a very kind gesture from him, I didn't feel too gracious as I had driven him everywhere for a week.
Before any rides were ridden, I fell foul to having to change my top again. This time my assailant was a great big chuffing bird, who obviously hadn't had a crap in days. It quite literally divebombed me! My shirt was covered, Mr.Dull was still chuckling to himself on the bloody plane home.
After cleaning up, it was time for some action! While my unexciting companion mooched around doing nothing in particular, I went on a series of fantastic rides. I was totally exhilarated & I hadn't even done the main attraction yet. I joined the queue for the Millenium Force, it took about an hour. An hour of getting marginally closer, of thinking "Fuck me, that is really bloody tall". I felt a little bit of a pleb as I got on alone & with no one sitting next to me. Then I felt some trepidation as I neared to top of this colossal peak, high over lake Erie. Then I felt a mixture of adrenalin & extreme fear as the damn thing hurtled back towards the ground at an angle of about 80 degrees, hitting 85 miles an hour. I think the term I used at the time was something like...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOHMYFUCKINGGODI'MGONNADIEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH"

This was followed by a far more relaxed "WHOOOO HOOO".
It really was an awesome ride.
After that nothing else warranted my attention, so I'm glad I had enough wisdom to take the "lesser" rides first.

All that remained now was to drive back to Lima. This took about 3 hours because I was foolish enough to trust Mr.Dull with the map. I don't know why. I'd already successfully navigated all our journeys so far without any help.
Oh look, it's Toledo again, grrr.

Back at the hotel we had a few drinks, then packed and got some kip in preparation for the long trip back to Blighty.

To be concluded...

"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world"

Part 5: You can take the boy out of England...

Saturday morning was bright & warm. Ideal for the next leg of our journey.
The plan being to drive into Canada & then, depending on the time scale, going to Toronto & then Niagara Falls or just to Niagara.

We got held up on the way into Detroit, queuing on the highway amongst this vast industrial sprawl. It reminded me of how Sheffield used to look before they tarted it up.

That delay combined with getting through customs made Toronto look more & more unlikely.
Now if we'd already been in Canada (which we would've been if we'd have ditched the stupid baseball when I said) we'd have been sorted.

We didn't really see Detroit itself but we crossed the Ambassador bridge, which I gleefully point out with a smug "I've been there" to anyone unfortunate enough to watch 8 mile or the video for "Lose yourself" in my company.

I probably should've mentioned already that there was a very big factor in our plans for the day which kind of dictated everything. At 3pm Saturday afternoon (Canada time) England were playing Germany in Euro 2000. To my American readers, I can't stress enough how big a game it is when we take on the Germans. We were not prepared to miss this, especially now as we had to beat them following our defeat to Portugal.

It was probably about 11.30 when we hit the open road. All I remember about the first part of the drive was that the scenery was very flat & open, like Norfolk or Lincolnshire, & the radio.
Now I'm sorry but every bloody radio station we heard all week out there was shit, with shit DJ's & shit music. On this trek though I heard a song for about the 3rd time & it really clicked with me. I heard it a couple more times before going home & I really liked it. Nowadays whenever I hear "Everything you want" by Vertical horizon it always reminds me of my time over the pond.

After a while on the road we stopped for coffee. Inexplicably my hands decided that now would be an excellent time to forget how to hold on to objects. I split coffee all down my top. I was most displeased with this because I wasn't wearing just any old top. I had on my beautiful Leeds United shirt on. I had saved it all week so I could wear it for the footy & I would have it on in all my Niagara Falls photographs. So I had to change into a very dull grey T-shirt, I almost wept.

Off we went again & time was becoming a real issue. Sadly we had to veto Toronto. The landscape started to change, we skirted around Hamilton which had a very impressive skyline & we briefly drove on the edge of one of the great lakes. Whenever I had heard the term "Great" lake I had always thought to myself; "doesn't matter how big it is it's still just a lake". How wrong was I? It was like the ocean, vast & with waves too.
Eventually we arrived in Niagara Falls 15 minutes before kick off. We parked the van & asked the first person we saw if there was an English pub nearby. He said there was one about 2 miles away. Being thoroughly fed up with driving, I suggested getting a taxi. It drove us past the falls & I deliberately looked away, not wanting to spoil the effect for when we came back.

We arrived at the Scottish pub just before the national anthems, result! The place only had about 20 guys in it but about 15 of those were ex-pats! They had come down from Toronto for a stag do, it was great to be in a pub full of Englishmen! I was a bit pissed off that I couldn't drink & I almost caved when it was suggested that we stay here, get some digs & hit the casinos with these guys later. I elected not to, purely because there were still places to go & things to see. I could get leathered at home anytime.
To top it all off, Alan Shearer scored the only goal & we beat the Germans for the first time in bloody years!

We said our goodbyes to our new mates & got a cab back to the falls. Now I don't think I have the words at my disposal to describe how I felt when finally confronted with this most excellent piece of Mother Nature's artistry. It remains to this day the most spectacular thing I've ever seen. We just had to ride the Maid of the Mist which was an unforgettable experience, as I type I can hear the almighty roar of all that water & I can feel the spray on my face. Aah.
After spending an hour or so marveling, it was time to get some food.
2 things really surprised me about Niagara Falls;
1. I'd always imagined that it would just be this spectacular sight out in the middle of nowhere, but no! Niagara is kinda like Blackpool, with allsorts of tourist traps. Some may say it cheapens the place, I would not! I thought it was great!
2. The cost. We spent practically no money there. The maid of the mist cost something like $7 which at the time was a little over 3 quid! If it were in Britain it would cost a the very least £25!
Fair bloody play to Canada, that's what I say!

After a feed, we decided to have a game of crazy golf. This was great for about 10 minutes, until I realised that Mr.Dull (who plays proper golf) was taking it all a bit seriously. he was being very deliberate with both his strokes & his scorecard. By hole 12 I'd had enough...

"What are you doing Mr.Dull?"
"I'm going to play it down the side cos I dropped 2 shots on the last hole"
"It's crazy golf mate, you have to play it through the obstacle, that's the whole point"
"but if I go round it, I'll be 6 points ahead of you"
"I don't care, it's supposed to be fun, you have to play through the obstacle"
"I don't have to"
"Mr.Dull it's FUCKING CRAZY GOLF!! NOW PLAY IT THROUGH THE BASTARD FUCKING WINDMILL & STOP BEING A TWAT!!"
He played it through the windmill.

Bless him, he didn't sulk & I soon apologised. Then it was time to hit the road again. We drove over into New York state & got ready for the drive ahead.
Then for the first time in 5 days, my concentration momentarily dipped & we were driving on the wrong side of the road...

To be continued...

"This must be the place I've waited years to leave"

Part four: Baseball or Breasts? Doh!

So our adventure began in Toledo. One of the ladies at the plant had booked us tickets for the baseball game between Toledo Mudhens & Scranton Red Sox (I think!). This was cool & both Mr.Dull & I were really looking forward to it.
Upon taking our seats it became clear that this was like coming to England & taking in a football match between Scunthorpe United & Kidderminster Harriers!
Anyway we watched with eager anticipation...
God, it was crap! Proper, proper shite! As bad as cricket.
In between the innings there was entertainment in the form of "The Blues brothers". They drove into the stadium in their trademark car & proceeded to perform their trademark song. Mr.Dull was most pleased.
"Do you think it's really them?" he enquired of me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him, though I did enjoy telling everyone back home about it, complete with photo of the chump patiently queuing to get their autographs.

When we walked in to the stadium we bought two numbered tennis balls each, the idea being that at the end of the game everyone "pitched" their ball onto the grass & whoever got closest to a pre-determined point won $100. Whoo chuffing hoo.

Now I never knew that baseball took so bloody long & I was starting to worry about the next stage of the plan. The idea was that after the baseball we would drive up into Michigan, through Detroit & across into Canada. We had been reliably informed by Cool Big Guy & several others that Windsor was the place to go & we would be falling over ourselves at the choice of strip clubs! Nice.
So the baseball was dragging on & on & on, ad infinitum.
I said to Mr.Dull that we should head off if we want to get to the land of naked ladies.
"But I want to throw my ball at the end!"
"What????"
"I paid a dollar for that ball & I want to stay & throw it"
"Why don't you throw it now? It might liven the place up"

So we waited, Mr.Dull & I threw our balls onto the pitch with very different levels of enthusiasm but with equal amounts of success.
We left the ground at almost 10pm. I was not happy & I knew that we hadn't eaten yet. So that's what we did next. McDonald's if I recall.

After our feed it was almost 11 & Detroit was a good hour away. So with heavy heart I had to concede defeat & we got ourselves rooms in a motel some 30 odd miles from Detroit.

Lesson learned (wink to Cheryl) ... Do not go to watch the most boring sport ever with the most boring man ever when there are tits 'n' ass on the menu elsewhere.

To be continued...

"You sent me to Toledo, Toledo, Toledo"

Part 3: Getting drunk in the states is no different to getting drunk at home.

Thursday we were up with the lark as MY van was commandeered to take a posse of work people to our Toledo facility for the Emergency response seminar. Which, in all honesty, was much more fun than it sounds. There was this funny little guy from the DTA who was most entertaining, if a little mental. Of course, I had my obligatory "make the whole room laugh" moment, which I cannot remember how.
It had been planned since our arrival that Thursday would be the big piss up night. It had been a long day in Toledo & I certainly couldn't be arsed to drive anywhere.
We started out by having a great big meal of the biggest steak I've ever seen accompanied by a nice big two pint jug of beer. We then went on to another sports bar type place but that was dead. Then we found a little dive bar but it had some life in it, sadly it was almost closing time. The very hot barmaid suggested a nearby club & who were we to argue. It was called something like The Gator. We got a cab which we unwittingly shared with some locals. I was ok in the front but Mr.Dull ended up squashed in the back with them. They were a bit loud & one of them started making comments about the way we spoke "like Columbus freaks". I bit my tongue. Then someone said "Why don't you boys speak proper English?"...
Regular readers will know that this made my blood boil. I turned round, face contorted with indignation, ready to fly. Just before I unleashed my fury I noticed Mr.Dull's face pleading with me not to do anything rash. I bit my tongue again & turned back to face the front.
When we got to the club Mr.Dull told me he was petrified in the back of the cab & reminded me that we were in a land where Joe Bloggs could well be carrying a gun.

In the club, we proceeded to get well plastered. Mr.Dull managed to pull a nice girl & they had a bit of a snog. I drank. I also nearly peed my pants with excitement when I heard the familiar intro to NIN's "Closer". Wow! I had never heard NIN played in a club before & it was ace!
After my dull friend said his goodbyes to his beau, we got a cab back to the hotel & that was that.
The next day involved a brief visit to work & then the start of our weekend adventure.

Again this took us first of all to Toledo.

To be continued...

"It's bigger than a 10 ton truck"

Part two: Big cities & big shittys

"So Flash..."
"Yes Mr. Dull"
"I know this is a bit weird but..."
"What?" (in worried tone)
"Well, it's just that last night before I went to bed I had the biggest shit ever!"
"Me too!!!"
"It was truly massive"
"I know, I was almost proud of mine!"

And that's how my first morning in Uncle Sam's land started.
I would quite like to know if there is any scientific explanation for that phenomena or whether it was just a freaky co-incidence.

Around 9am this fella picked us up & took us for breakfast before we went to "work".
Mmmm, breakfast!
I absolutely loved eating over there but particularly breakfast!
It was at this oldy wordly type place (I can't remember the chuffing name, something barn, maybe?) I had pancakes & bacon & eggs & it was bloody scrummy. It also added to the fullness of the flavour of every meal we had that the company were paying for it (& all our drinks, fuel & accommodation).
We went to the plant & met our guide for the week, a smashing chap who I shall call Cool Big Guy. We actually enjoyed seeing the paint lines & different stuff that we don't do over here but it would be very boring for you guys. We later went out for lunch, which was this gorgeous roll thing with beef & cheese that they sent on a little conveyor belt through a little oven while we waited. Yum.

Back at the plant we were being shown round the waste water area when all of a sudden I felt a pain in the backs of my legs as something heavy hit them. It was a wooden pallet that had escaped the grasp of someone. That someone made his apologies (I wasn't hurt) & introduced himself as the Health & Safety manager of the plant! Smell the irony.

We left work about 4pm & I was given the keys to our chariot for the week ahead. It was a seven seater van type thing & it was mine until Monday. Mr.Dull doesn't drive.
We went back to the hotel for a bit & then went exploring Lima for a bit. We went to the mall where we got a few prezzies for the folks back home & then had a drink or two in the hotel bar before turning in.

The next day we went down to see the plants in Dayton, had a great lunch with a gang of really cool guys. Steak & chips for lunch? Don't mind if I do!

We were done after that & got back to the hotel about 2.30. After a very quick wash & brush up it was time for our first adventure. We drove down the I-75 to Cincinnati. We got there about 4.30ish. For the first time we were confronted by proper tall buildings & proper big city stuff. We found ourselves at the foot of the tallest building (whose name escapes me now) just as the last lift to the observation tower had come back down. Knackers!
Still we had a wander round & I found it to be a lovely place. Though I was confused by all the pigs!! I bought The Boy (who was only 11 months old at this point) a little Cincinnati redskins romper suit, it was soooo cute.
We had a drink in this place overlooking this big square where we had some pictures taken & had a brief chat with some visitors from Venezuela. Then we crossed over the river & into Kentucky. Here we had our evening meal at TGI Friday's. The place was on the bank of the river & offered a fantastic view of Cincinnati's skyline. We then went to this big mall place (Mr.Dull likes to shop) & then drove the 2 hours back to Lima.

On this journey the most unexpected thing happened. Mr.Dull & I held a good conversation. He opened right up about his recent relationship problems & the collapse of his marriage. (This was pre-Minx). I offered a little about the She Who Changed Everything saga but it was a night for Mr.Dull to talk & once he started there was no stopping him. Bless him, we did bond a little that night & for the rest of the trip at least, we would be friends.

To be continued...

"Tonight we fly, over the mountains, the beach & the sea, over the friends that we've known & those that we now know & those that we've yet to meet"

It was June 2000 when I was sent to the USA by work for training purposes. In all honesty I think it was more of a morale booster for the poor, put upon lab techs instigated by LittleBigman who was the best boss in the world ever.
The only downer about the whole thing was having to go with Mr.Dull. Our trip was Monday to Monday & our training finished on Friday. This gave us the whole weekend to do as we pleased.
For weeks before going I would spend hours pouring over maps, trying to gauge the distances involved & coming up with some sort of travel plan.

Part one: The outbound journey.

We left on Monday morning from work at about 07.00. Round The Chops drove us the short trip up to Birmingham international airport. We had a couple of hours to kill, so we had breakfast, a crafty vodka & in my case 8 grillion fags. 8 hours was a long time to go without. The furthest I'd flown previously was to the Canaries, off the coast of North Africa & that took 4 hours.
It wasn't long till we were airborne & on our way to Chicago O'Hare.
Then it transpired that our plane had a defective entertainment system, no films, no radio, nothing. Still, I had my minidisc player. The minidisc player that I'd somehow forgotten to charge! Anyway, due to the intense excitement of our destination the time passed fairly quickly & I even helped Mr.Dull do his word-searches in his puzzle book.
As the aircraft started it's descent I started getting a bit giddy, trying to see out of the window, trying to see skyscrapers, trying to see America! Sadly all I saw was mist & then a runway. After an eternity going through customs (this was pre-9/11, god only knows what it's like now!) I had to find the way out of the airport so I could have a fag. This took chuffing yonks! Nobody told me that O'Hare is like the biggest airport in the world. Eventually I made it out the front & drew heavily on my cigarette as I marveled at the simplest of things that showed me I was indeed in the States: Yellow taxis.
We now had a 4 hour wait before our internal flight to Dayton, Ohio. Meanwhile back in Europe, England were playing their first match of Euro 2000, a major footy tournament second only to the World cup. The people in the sports bar in the airport looked at us like we just flown in from another continent! Soccer? On the Tv? (We lost 3-2 to Portugal, by the way)
I made several trips out of the airport during this time for the purposes of smoking, after about 3 hours or so I went again but this time I decided to take a different route. Much to my eternal annoyance, I then saw a sign showing me that for less than $2 & taking only 20 minutes, we could've taken a train into downtown Chicago. Utter, utter bollocks! It is still one of my biggest regrets in life that we spent 4 hours hanging around in an airport when we could've had a little adventure going to the biggest city either of us had ever been near (bar London, of course).
Then our flight to Dayton is delayed by an hour, eventually we get on this little half full plane & off it goes taxi-ing round to the runway. Except it doesn't. The fog & mist that obscured our view when we landed was still being a menace & our plane joined a very long queue of other planes just waiting to take off. During this 2 hours sitting at the back of our grounded plane I noticed on the grass something very exciting, I quietly beckoned Mr.Dull over to my side so as not to look like a silly foreign tourist. I whispered "Look, a skunk!" & he came over & was equally giddy. Hey we don't have skunks in England, ok?
It was all too much for Mr.Dull who exclaimed as loud as his monotone voice would let him "Bloody Hell! A skunk, a bloody skunk, where's me camera?". Witness then 30 or 40 smirking faces turning round to look at the giddy foreigners who never seen a skunk before.
In the end we finally got into the air & the fog again hid Chicago from me. An hour later we landed in Dayton, where we were met by a very disgruntled colleague who'd been waiting for 3 hours for us. We were then driven to Lima, Ohio. Lima is where our company headquarters are & we were staying in the Holiday Inn just off the I-75.
We had left Crapsville at 07:00 our time & arrived at our hotel at midnight local time, which on our body clock was 05:00! So we were knackered & went to our rooms (which were mercifully separated by 3 floors) & went to sleep.
After doing a very, very big poo!

To be continued...

"Yer twisting my melon, man"

Bez won!
Can you believe that? Ace!
For the benefit of those who don't know Bez let me try & give you an idea.
Bez was a member of the Happy Mondays, he used to do this strange drugged up monkey dance on stage while the rest of the band played instruments or sang. That may sound hopeless & it probably was but the Mondays wouldn't have been the Mondays without Bez. Since the band split over 10 years ago, Bez has done nothing to justify the title of celebrity & is a very good advertisement for not taking drugs. Yet he has somehow charmed the nation, fair play.

May I also just say that Brigitte Neilsson is a lovely, lovely woman. It's true, I swear.
Right now I'm gonna skin up, watch Match of the day 2 & then see if my Far Flung Friend is up for a natter.

"Ooohoh aahah alive & kicking"

I do wish there was some kind of permanent neural uplink to blogger. Over the last few days I've has several inspired thoughts/ideas/observations. All have come to me while not in the vicinity of a PC. Do I remember any of them now? err...
It would also assist for those infuriating times (like 10 mins ago) when all the electrics in the living room decide to trip out for no apparent reason.

I had been feeling a bit sheepish about how little I've blogged in the last week but having had a browse through my own reading list, I see I'm not alone. Perhaps it's a seasonal thing? After all, tomorrow (Jan 24) is officially the most depressing day of the year. It's true, I read it in The Sun!

What is bloody depressing is that in just 5 days time I will be 35 years old. Thirty-fucking-five!!
I know I should've grown up by now but no, not I. It is my intention to grow old in utter disgrace; One of few intentions that I feel can be achieved with some degree of success.
I'm off out on the lash, here in Crapsville on friday night. There'll be a little posse involved but you are all invited to join me. I will not be offended if you don't! I do realise the outlay involved for my overseas readers may not be viable. To my howegrown audience I say: Hey if your free & fancy a mini-adventure, I can find the room.

Work on the album continues on...
Since last post I've commenced work on "Resistance is futile". I'm down to a shortlist of 4 remaining songs. All 4 are really, really good & really should get on. "All too human" is the song that I think could be a No.1 single in the right hands. What I hear in my head is kinda like the sound, pace & urgency of "Trash" by Suede.
"Second best" is a slow, soft one with what should turn out to be one of my best vocal performances. "My worthless friend" is a feisty little bugger that is wrapped around a very specific guitar riff which I'm having trouble replicating in Reason & then there's "Haunted"...
"Haunted" is probably my finest song. It's awash with emotion & may well be the actual sound of heartbreak.
Trouble is I'm actually quite scared of them. In my own (egotistical) head I really rate these songs & I fear that I will not be able to do them justice when the time comes. As much as I adore Reason, it does have a flaw (or it may just be my limitations). I find it relatively easy to get the notes in the right places & to get the sound I desire (some of the time) but I find it nigh on impossible to inject some soul into them. Hopefully I can change that with the addition of the vocals.
I should be starting work on the sleeve this week, which excites me. Also in the offing are; The Gnu Cnu website & the album launch party, which shall take place in this very place on 26th February. Same invites apply as birthday!
obsessed, moi?

Whilst on a tunes tip, I'd just like to tell you what I'm currently digging.
I LURVE "American idiot" by Green day! Love it! Which is quite a revelation for me as I've never really got Green day before. I had a Nine Inch Nails day yesterday, which was ace! Great for listening to in the car & looking like a deranged uranatang screaming "I wanna fuck everyone in the world, I wanna do something THAT MATTERS".

More inane ramblings after Celebrity Big Brother final!
(No promises, mind)

"I got too much love running through my veins to go to waste"

Just watched the final episode of Freinds again & d'you know what?
Yup, I cried again.
What gets me the most is that Ross gets his Rachel...

So I've done the things I was gonna do last night (actually, I'll leave it up to you on the post)
Today has been most productive in album terms. "Confessions of an idiot" is all but done, just needs some drum fills & extra cymbals & stuff. I also have the body of "The truth about you" done, it needs to be dressed up a little, but only a little as it's gonna be a scantily clad little number. (little-mania going on there!)

I'm lonely. I want to be held, to be smiled at, to be loved.
Bit sad.

"Exhale. Exhale. Exhale."

I was gonna do a good post...
but then I got high
I was gonna compose the heartfelt message to someone...
but the I got high
I was gonna continiung the going-very-well recording process of new song
but then I got high
then I got high
then I got high.

"Fate up against your will, through the thick & thin..."

Let me tell you about my x-box. Since getting it I have been playing a lot of Fifa 2004 (Got it for 8 quid, why pay 30-odd for 2005?) . I've been playing career mode which is a little bit of football manager stuff but you still play all the games. Now I've been playing with Northampton Town & not my beloved Leeds. Reason for this is that I like the challenge of coming up through the divisions up to the Premiership.
My first season was abysmal! I finished 4th from bottom in Div.3 & only a late run of form prevented me from taking the cobblers to non-league football.
Having learnt well, my second season proved much more fruitful. I bought some better players & finished second behind Hartlepool to clinch automatic promotion.
Third season was ace! I managed to assemble a strong squad with a liberal smattering of premiership players & pissed it. I only lost 3 games all season & my FA cup run brought much joy. I beat Charlton, Birmingham, Sunderland, Stoke & Wolves on route to a titanic semi final with Liverpool. My boys did me proud & they never gave up. That 90th minute goal to make it 2-1 was a terrible blow but little Northampton giving Liverpool a fright was a fine achievment.
Ok, season No.4; With a fair bit of money to spend I bought some real good players & stuck into Division 1. It's been a bit harder but it's february & I've just gone top! I've also just lost the league cup final to Manchester Utd, this time the only goal going to them in the 118th minute.

So, I make that approximately 180 games I've played in all, but it's worth it as The Premiership is only a few games away. Or rather it should be.

I just went to play & it's all gone. All of it, from the humiliation of being whooped twice in a week by Darlington to the last game, a 5-0 rout of Burnley at turf moor.

All

fucking

GONE!!!

The only workable theory as to the nature of it's disappearance is that whilst putting his Star wars game on The Boy pressed a few wrong buttons. If so, I won't be at all angry as he didn't mean it. These things happen.
However, I'm sure I'll have a much better idea of things when CID* arrive.




*like the FBI, kinda. For my army of American readers.

"Must I always be your clown?"

I was watching TV last night when an advert came on about loving life. This sparked off something in my mind & I gave it a lot of thought.
I do not love life. It's ok but I don't love it. To put it another way, life is a Sound But Spitty or a 50% not a Dream Girl or a Far Flung Friend.
It doesn't offend me or greatly upset me in any way & I often enjoy bits of it but I do not love it & I can't see any reason why that would ever change.
I feel a reasonable amount of guilt for simply feeling this way when so many people have recently lost their lives, which they may well have loved.
It just seems like a relentless battle to remain happy in a world where my reasons for happiness become less apparent by the day. There are so many things I'd like to do, like to experience but they are so far out of my reach & everytime I decide to stretch out & grab something I usually end up losing my footing & falling into the mire.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly depressed or down, I just wonder if it's possible to love life.

"I wasn't built to get up at this time"

There is absolutely nothing good about getting up at 5 in the morning, especially in January when it's bastard freezing. However, a quick blast (& I mean blast) of Muse's "Bliss" in the car is just the tonic to start the day. It's still dark, it's still chuffing freezing but I am a bouncy, happy bunny. Yay!

"Here is the house where it all happens" I initialy tried to post this pic with some pointers on it to label a few points of interest but it wouldn't work. So join me as I escort you round Chez Flash. Obviously the central feature is my old computer where everything happens; Tunes, Blogging, Im's, My "album" & porn. Just below you will see my beloved I-pod. My very plain walls are adorned with photographs of THE BOY. Just by the window you can just see my DVDs including my almost complete collection of "Friends" & though it's quite dark, try & check out my rather exquisite rug. By the way if anyone would like to donate a lightshade, feel free.  

"For better television?"

Been watching Celebrity Big Brother? I have & I've made the following observations.

John McCririck is a big silly spoilt brat.
Lisa I'Anson isn't annoying me anywhere near like she did when she was a DJ.
Bridgitte Neilson seems really nice (!?)
Caprice should be put up as a display in a fine art gallery.
Bez is an all round top geezer.
Jackie Stallone is just plain scary!

Did anyone see the bit when she came in?
Bridgitte was quite shocked & exlaimed "It's Jackie", upon which old Mrs. S said "Yeah, Jackie".
She chuffing sounded like Scooby Doo - "Reah, Raggy"

"I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing"

Ok Cheryl, well remembered!

Twas the Christmas party of 2002 & I was bang in form. There are 2 central characters in this tale who've never previously got a mention: Mr.Dull & Minx.
Mr.Dull was a former colleague of mine. He used to work in the lab with me & as the name suggests he made ditchwater look positvely riveting. He was also my travelling companion when work sent me to the States in 2000 but that's a story for another day.
Mr.Dull & I never really saw eye to eye. We never argued or fought, we just tolerated each other. We were polar opposites, he was the anti-flash!
Minx was his girlfriend at the time & our Health & safety manager. She was about my age & very attractive though she possesed the most annoying, whiny voice you could ever hear. In the months leading up to christmas we had worked together quite alot & I had become her right hand man. We had also forged quite a good friendship based on some serious flirting & me becoming something of a confidente to her. It became clear that Mr.Dull was just as boring in the bedroom has he was in the laboratory.
So at the party, I was in fine fettle. If memory serves me correctly I had a pill just before it kicked off. This only served to allow me to drink lots & lots without falling down or being sick & it heightened my desires. At one point in the evening I walked in the ladies for a nose (not typical behaviour, I assure you) & found Buddy With Boobs & Minx engaged in some sort of giggle fest. "Ooh, we were just talking about you" gushed Minx as she spotted me. "I better let you carry on then" I said with a wink. I walked out feeling great.
As the night went on it appeared that Mr.Dull was seriously sulking with Minx. She told him to stop being so silly & carried on regardless. I remember us dancing, dancing closely whilst gently touching each other. I remember the dancing getting a bit dirty & I cooled it off when I noticed Mr.Dull glowering at us.
A little later most of the party goers moved up to the club (Crapsville's No.2 Nightclub & site of my recent New year's eve disaster), not long afterwards Buddy With Boobs started feeling a bit ropey, so I said I'd walk her home. Before I left though I collared Minx. I had to move in really close to her because of the noise in there. I put my hand on the small of her back & whispered in her ear "Would it ruin our professional relationship if I told you how much I really want to fuck you tonight?". She laughed and hugged me. As she did she also kissed me on the neck, which sent me near delerious. Not being one to forget my responsibilities to my friends, I then then escorted Buddy With Boobs home. She only lived 10 minutes from town & I lived only 2 minutes from her. So after I said my goodbyes to her I headed home. I must have got about 10 paces when I turned on my heels & went straight back to the club. I got in there to see Minx's face light up as she spied me. Some more dancing ensued, more touching & lots more of that "Oh my god, I want you so much" eye contact. Eventually it was time to go home. Mr.Dull & Minx were heading in my direction so we all walked together. It was on this walk where the stunt was pulled. After a while Minx complained about her shoes killing her & somehow convinced a puffer-jacket clad Mr.Dull to give her a piggy back. This coincided with us walking through a narrow alleyway where I found myself behind them. I started stroking her bum, then I lifted her little skirt up & for the following 2 minutes or so I managed to caress her rudest bits as we walked. A short while later we stopped at the point where our paths split. Minx claimed she really wanted a kebab & told Mr.Dull to go back up town to get one for her. It was never spoken but I know that this was a plan to get rid of him just long enough for us to have a shag in the bushes. He wouldn't & we didn't. Instead we said our goodbyes & that was that. Despite being very frustrated I was extremely happy & actually felt attractive & sexy. Not a common feeling. I floated the last 2 minutes home on a little cloud of self-satisfied ego stroking.
I am utterly proud & equally shameful of the fact that I actually managed to play with another man's girl's "hoo ha" without his knowledge while he had her on his back.
Minx left Mr.Dull just after that Christmas & was soon shagging the company's general manager! She left the company soon afterwards too. Shame, I liked Minx.

I hope I hadn't hyped it up too much.

"I think my spaceship knows which way to go"

With aching fingers & tired reflexes but with great pride may I just tell you all that I've just completed Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy.
May the force be with you.

"It was something for the weekend"

Friday night I went & spent the evening with Reckless & Dream Girl. A great time was had. We got very stoned & quite drunk, we also laughed so much that it hurt.
I can't pinpoint any real source of the hilarity now, I guess we were just on top form.
We had a bit of a sing-song. At the request of the kids we did "Frog" & "Big lover" which were both fun. Reckless then started playing "Hate farm" & it was blistering. However, as it is my only song with any sort of political aganda, we all found it quite strange to see The Eavesdropper & Noisy But Sweet dancing around the kitchen gleefully singing "..just get off my land". A fireside favourite? No, not "Hate farm".

Whenever I get to a point where I think I'm in 100% control of the Dream Girl situation, she must be able to bloody sense it! On friday she was charming, funny & radiantly beautiful. Sigh.

On saturday The Boy & I accompanied Funny Dance, Leeds Boy & LuLu to Sixfields. Sixfields for the unknowing is Northampton Town's football ground. The home of "The Cobblers". They were playing Southampton in the FA cup. Saints won by 3 goals to 1. Some observations...

• Taking a 5 year old isn't really wise, although The Boy initially enjoyed it he spent all of the 2nd half saying "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, can we go home now?"
• Peter Crouch is a very odd looking human being, much more than is apparent on the telly.
• Kevin Phillips may just keep Southampton up on his own.
• As it has been some time since I last went to a game, I thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere & the feeling of community that goes with it. I am very much looking forward to my visit to Elland Road in February.

Saturday night was also dominated by the footy; on the telly, on the x-box & on the telly again.

Today has been a quiet Boycentric day. I've really enjoyed being with him this weekend. He's now back with his mum & all that's ahead of me for the rest of the night is some blog-reading, some telly (or x-box if there's nowt on), a lovely long soak in the bath & beddybyes!

Hopefully I will be more interesting next time.

"She took me by surprise, She took me from behind"

I was listening to my pod earlier whilst out in the yard dealing with the troublesome waste water system when a song came on by a long defunct band called Carrie.
Carrie were, it's fair to say, an odd lot. I saw them live 4 or 5 times as a support band & though I wasn't keen at first, I did warm to them in the end.
They were led by an American fella by the name of Steve Ludwin ( if memory serves me correctly) & their bassist was Zak Foley (who some may remember as the bass player of early 90's popsters EMF). Zak died some 3 or 4 years ago under questionable circumstances & legend has it he could perform a selection of mind-boggling tricks with his old chap.
Carrie's only flirtation with the great unwashed was their single "Molly". Though it never really troubled the charts it was played on the radio loads for a couple of months.
The song is about a girl called Molly (strangely enough) who "made love like a boy".
In the summer of 1998 myself, Temper Tantrum, Reckless & Dream Girl went to a free "festival" in Leeds. It was called Breeze 98 & it had no big names whatsoever on the bill. We went to see The supernaturals (must tell you all about them one day). Most likely because it was free, the place was overrun with kids. The vast majority of them were probably in the 12-15 age rage. They all looked resplendent in their black clothes, sculpted hair & with a smattering of mum's eyeliner. Fair play to them.
Anyway about 3 in the afternoon Carrie come on. The kids don't really know who they are but they rock & that'll do for them. A few songs in our Mr. Ludwin announces the next song...
"This song is about a girl I knew... She took me from behind... Hey I tell you all, you haven't lived until your girlfriend has fucked you up the ass with a strap on.... This is Molly"
...(shocked gasp, followed by silence)...
As my worldly companions & I smirked, we witnessed one of the funniest things I ever did see; quite literally thousands of kids looking at each other, open mouthed, silent & not a little scared.
I know things have changed a bit since I was 14 but I'd never heard of a strap on or anything like that at that age & I reckon it came as quite a shock to most the youngsters there.
And that wasn't it...
Our intrepid frontman had obviously got the taste for it now. As the band reached the climax of the song (& indeed their set) he took of his jeans & it became clear that his white vest was actually a leotard, which left little to the imagination. Not wanting to spoil it for those with no imagination, he quickly removed that as well. So there he stands completely starkers in front of a now completely mortified crowd of teenagers. His band mates drag him off backstage (I nearly put "pulled" instead of drag then!) with his todger still waggling about. I think I remember there being tears, there certainly was from our posse!
I can only imagine the potential chaos in homes across West Yorkshire that night, picture the scene...
"did you have a nice time at the concert dear?"
"yeah, it was cool"
....
"mum?"
"yes dear?"
"What's a strap on?"

Steve Ludwin & Carrie: I salute you.

"Sometimes you sulk..."

Right! I'm officially sulking with you lot (except for Stompp)!
I ask for considered opinions & what do I get? Nish, nada, zilch, chuff all.
Hmmph!

Anyway I nicked another questionnaire type thingy that I liked & here it is...

10 People You Enjoy The Company of In No Particular Order:
1. Dream Girl
2. The Boy
3. Funny Dance
4. Reckless
5. Buddy With Boobs
6. Far Flung Friend*
7. Crisp Fiend
8. Namesake
9. In The same Boat
10. And last but not least The Duke Of Jokes*

*Doesn't mean I'm not sulking at you

Nine Words / Phrases / Sentences You Like To Say:
1. "Absolutely"
2. "I'm Flash, pleased to meet you"-in response to someone saying "I'm cold/ hungry/ etc..."
3. "let's have one of your special cigarettes then Reckless"
4. "Yes I'm out tonight, I'll meet you in spoons about 8"
5. "Yes, it is an I-pod, DONT TOUCH IT"
6. "Giddy"
7. "To know me is to love me" - many a true word said in jest
8. "Hey, it's me!"- usually in response to silly question such as "Do you want a drink/ spliff?", "have you got Blah by The Blahs?" or "Really? You did that???"
9. "..and this Miss Minogue is my bedroom"

Eight Things You're Wearing Right Now
1. Reebok hoody
2. Old jeans with small holes appearing & multiplying by the day
3. Light blue Next T-shirt that washed funny & sprouted a bleach mark
4. Plain black boxer shorts
5. Plain blacks socks
6. Steel toed trainers/boots
7. A black leather belt
8. A glazed expression

Seven things on your mind:
1. Confessions of an idiot.
2. The lack of response to Confessions of an idiot.
3. Paying the phone bill.
4. That I have to face the horror of constructing The Boy's hot wheels cyborg attack set before friday.
5. Dream Girl's suffering from illness.
6. Worry that I won't finish this list thing before I have to turn my plant off.
7. Why do the aluminium test panels always come out with only 12 microns of chuffing paint on them, when the steel ones are fine.

Six Items You Touch Everyday:
1. My I-pod.
2. My computer.
3. My kettle.
4. Cigarettes.
5. My nob.
6. The hearts of my readers

Five things you do everyday:
1. Sing
2. Smile
3. Smoke
4. Check my blog (I'm a bloody slave to my comments!)
5. Listen to music

Four songs on your mind:
1. Confessions of an idiot - Gnu cnu
2. The fragile - Nine inch nails
3. Blinded by the sun - The seahorses
4. Everest- The Supernaturals

Three things you think of when you wake up:
1. "Shit! Am I late?"
2. "Fag"
3. "Morning Kylie" To my calender

Two of your favorite foods:
1. Proper Yorkshire fish & Chips
2. Sausage & egg sandwich.

One person love more than any other:
1. The Boy.

"I may be an idiot but indeed I am no fool"

Ahem! Seeing as you're all chomping at the bit to find out...
Before I do though there a couple of things you should know.
1- From now until the release I may have an unhealthy pre-occupation with my "album". I apologise in advance for how much I'm gonna bang on about it & I'm also sorry if it becomes boring. I do understand that it's difficult to get excited about something you have never heard.
2- I don't think I've ever told you the name that I operate under.
The "band" name is GNU CNU. Gnu cnu consists of myself & Reckless. Although Reckless hasn't had any active part in this recording, he is still my musical sidekick & many of the songs that I've written have taken on shape & indeed life when they've been accompanied by his guitar.
So without further ado I can reveal that the debut album by Gnu cnu is titled.....

"Confessions of an idiot"

I like it. I think it's simply a good title & it really suits the songs which are, by & large, very confessional in nature. When you hear the title track I think you will see where I'm coming from.
Like I said I like it & I can't see me changing my mind but I'd appreciate feedback from all of you fine people.

"Why a title for your sound?"

It came to me in a flash of inspiration.
What did? I hear you collectively gasp...
The title of the "album". I've been toying with several ideas of which none really stood out.
Now I have it though & it's also going to be the title of a new song. If this song works out as it is threatening to then it will almost certainly be the closing track of my great masterwork (!).
So it's gonna be called.....

Actually, I'll tell you later!

"I can't get to sleep, I think about the implications"

The implications of which are simple. I shall have to abandon my double shift plans. Rest assured readers, I never actually told anyone at work that I would be doing a double so they are not expecting me till 2pm.
So I laid in bed for about 90 mins & my mind was very active. I thought alot about my "album" & ideas for the cover design. I thought about which songs I'm gonna do next. I thought about how pleased I was to receive an unexpected phone call from afar earlier in the evening. I thought about how quiet it's been lately since the girl upstairs ditched her boyfriend. And I had the obligatory thoughts about sex.

At bedtime I like to listen to music. It usually soothes me away to the land of nod. Tonight however it kept me awake. I had Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head" on; A fine album, to be sure.
One particular track (that I hadn't heard for some time) affects me in a big way, it is synonymous with a particularly significant event in my life & the aftershocks of that event. When it came on several things struck me.
A) What a spine-tinglingly beautiful piece of music it is in it's own right.
B) How the passing of time has slowly & ever-so-slightly eroded the strength of feeling I have for the person it reminds me of.
C) How, despite B, I still get that indescribable sensation in my stomach when I think back to those times, I still feel tears welling up & I still wear a wistful smile.
D) How sometimes, paradoxically, those feelings of sadness can be strangely enjoyable. Maybe I'm demented but occasionally it's nice to wallow a little bit in that misery.
E) How I would not change a single thing about what happened. That probably makes me, at best a very selfish person & at worst: A morally reprehensible maggot.

Hey, nobody said it was easy, eh?

"Maybe I can do it if I put my back into it"

The decorations came down this morning bringing with them the realisation that the festive season is well & truly over. One thing looms ahead like a giant looming thing set on maximum loom. Work.
As you know I have vowed to myself to be a better employee this year. This is a two pronged defense strategy. Firstly, I do not want to get the sack. Financially it would be a major setback & professionally it would look so bad on my CV that sending some sheep excrement with my application would possibly get me a better chance of an interview. Secondly, I don't forever want to be known as... Ah, Flash, he's a great bloke but... So it's time I put some effort in & showed them just how bloody good I can be. Then a little further down the line, if they haven't took notice & offered me some form of recognition and/or advancement I'll be off & they'll mourn my loss. Maybe.
And how am I starting my new year at work? With an 18 hour double shift, no less. After that though I'll only have Wednesday & Thursday to do as I'm on lates this week.

I have listened to the classically titled "Egg wielding freak" approximately 23 times today & has it got any less funky? Has it bollocks!!

Other good news today: Coventry City 1-2 Leeds United. Yay! 9 points out of 12 over the hols can't be bad, can it?

Resolution news: Fags smoked since Jan 1 : 40
Lunch today: Steak 'n' Eggs (I've only just got a cooker & I have to use it, right?)
Still, I haven't put a foot wrong at work yet this year!
Marvel at my iron will!

"We got the funk, we got the funk, YEAH!"

I have been sat in front of this screen for about 8 hours, my arse is numb & my eyes hurt but it has been worthwhile. I know I will not be able to articulate just how giddy I am, but readers believe me, I have just been dancing like a crazy fool around the flat! The cause for all this delight? Egg wielding freak.

Yes, today I re-commenced work on my "album". I really wasn't in the mood for it but I've got a release date to meet so I thought I'd better try. I toyed with "Backlash" for about 10 minutes & gave up. Then I started on "Egg wielding freak". It is now complete & it is a funky motherfucker! Yes, Funky! FUNKY, FUNKY, FUNKY, FUNKY, FUNKY!
I know it means nothing to anyone else yet but I'm very happy & proud of myself. Hurrah!

Did I mention that it's funky?

"All is quiet on new year's day"

Today has been a day of solitude & after the last week or so it has been very welcome.
Other than the hour or so when Our Kid was here I've been all on me todd. I spent the morning tidying up the flat so that my sister would be impressed on her first visit. The place looks much better today, my kitchen is all full of new stuff. I have my new washing machine & I have a load of stuff that Our Kid gave me as she's recently revamped her kitchen. I have a new microwave, a new toaster, kettle, breadbin & some of those tea-coffee-sugar pots. It's all a bit girly to be honest but it's very nice & I'm very happy with it.

So, about last night. I was supposed to meet up with Namesake but our paths never crossed so I hung out with Sound But Spitty & 50%. They are hardly riveting company at the best of times but I didn't want to be Billy-no-mates on new year's eve now did I?
I drank a lot of vodka as we went to a couple of pubs then we went to Crapsville's secondary nightspot (Premier nightclub charging a tenner to get in) & it was here where I bumped into Bitch. Bitch is a friend of Funny Dance's ex wife. I went over & said hello. It was soon established that we were both single & looking to avoid bringing the new year in alone. I should've realised that things were not right straight away. Verbally it was a done deal, after midnight we would hook up & basically get it on at her place or mine, yet she showed no real zest for said plan. This sought me to seek re-assurance several times which she gave each time. You know the rest.
Suffice to say that last night when I vented my spleen I was a very drunk & angry little bunny. However this morning I honestly couldn't have cared less & I actually feel quite sorry for her as she must have some issues if that's how she treats people. I thank my girls for their support & I offer my sincere apologies to all the good women out there who may have been offended by my vodka-fuelled venom.

I lasted till 7pm before it all got too much for me & I caved in by nipping to the shop for 10 fags.
I will try again tomorrow. I haven't eaten anything lardy & I've been a model employee so 2 out of 3 ain't bad, eh?

Over crimbo I watched "Shaun of the dead" which I thought was great & I fully recommend it. For anyone who has seen it may I just say that I pissed my pants at the bit with the record box.

That's it for today. I'm going to have a sandwich & some coffee, wait for Match of the day & then turn in. Night peeps.

Just testing out this groovy photo thingy, this is my desktop wallpaper. Isn't she wonderful? 

"They say start as you mean to go on"

Fucking bitches,.
HEY i know at least 2 women read this so please explain:
At around 11:30 i run into who i sahll now simply call Bitch.
After brief conversation it is made clear by Bitch that she has always found me attractive & that new years shag is firmly on the agenda.
By midnight your correspondant is clearly aware that thid looks dodgy.
On several occasions the Flashman says to Bitch: "Look if you've changed your mind that's cool, just tell me so I can get on with my new years eve" Bitch consistenly tells me to be patient & soon she will be coming home with me.
Bitch continues said line of conversation till about 01:30 when she tells me to go & get a drink.
On returning from bar Bitch is nowhere to be seen.
People, especially those amongst you who do not have a penis, please fucking tell me why a woman would continue to make it clear that she wants nothing morwe than to make sweet love with the flashman, only to keeep fobbing me off until she makes her escape.
It's not like i did'nt say to her " Look if you've had a change of haert, tell me & I'll leave you alone" only to be re-assured (on numerous occasions) that she did want to go home with me.
Fucking Bitch then promptly disappeared!
Honestly folks I must have given her a get out on at the very least 6 occasions. Only to be told with a little kiss or stroke that she really wanted me as soon as her "Nephew" had disappeared.
Fucking Bitch.
Womenkind I demand that you defend yourselves because right now I cant help thinkling that you're all full of shit & that I don't fucking deserve this!