"Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep, I'm tired & I want to go to bed"

Cutieboy phoned me up the other day & asked with all the sweetness of triple choc ice cream if he could come for a sleepover next time The Boy was staying with me. Well tonight is that night. Bless 'em they've both been a joy & they are now firmly in the land of nod. In my bed. See I haven't got a single bed for The Boy's room yet so I thought I sleep on the sofa for one night. Now I don't begrudge my pair of 5-year-old angels as they slumber peacefully but can I get comfy, anywhere? Good guess.
I gave up on the sofa as a pygmy couldn't stretch out on it. I gave up on the rocking chair as that obviously only works when pissed. Now I've just given up on the sofa cushions on the floor because quite honestly I don't feel tired & something has just freaked me out. There I am lying on the floor with some tunes on (I like going to sleep to music) & this odd song comes on that I'm not at all familiar with. I soon realise it's Crowded House. Now I like Crowded House, I like them a lot but this particular track ("All I ask") sounded like freakin' Sexual Chocolate! Y'know SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!! Yes you bloody do! From "Coming to America"! I'm still in shock now, some Finn went wrong in the studio that day! (sorry)
Friday night out feels very different when you're in. I live right in the centre of this "town" & literally just across the street from the club. I can still see & hear everyone go about their Friday business & I'm neither happy, drunk nor talking utter tripe to women in a vain attempt to impress them. All I am witness to is fights (2 so far tonight) & very drunk teenage girls wailing about something or other, usually into a mobile phone. God I would hate to be on the other end of that call.
Anyway here I sit in the early hours, talking utter tripe to complete strangers in a vain attempt to impress them when all I really want to do is sleep.

"Was I dizzy from the wine or maybe I just missed the signs 'cos now you wont return my calls"

Today I have tidied my bedroom. Now being a proper grown up means that this is a very simple task as I only ever use my bedroom for sleeping, dressing & those far too infrequent occasions where I may be "entertaining" a lady. So the tidying took approximately 1.3 minutes. As part of this task I had to throw out a copy of "The Guardian" dated Friday 6th august. It wasn't mine. It belonged to Sexy Shy Smile from the morning she came round here. I'm still pretty gutted about her. I'd dearly love to phone her & ask "Hey, what gives? The last time we spoke was perfectly fine & there was no indication at all that you were gonna pretend I never existed". However I do have some pride & I'm not gonna allow myself to come across so desperate & needy. Still, putting that newspaper in the bin made me sad. I really liked her, she was not married or a mentalist or from the bottom of the gene pool. She was nice & I'm pissed off with the whole state of affairs.

"Can you tell me why?"

Why oh why oh why.
First of all let me tell you where I stand on the issue of illegally downloading music from t’internet. I only download tunes that are pre-release (I always buy them when they come out!) or stuff that I cant buy because I simply cant find it. One source of irritation in my life is the amount of old tunes that I can’t hear again for I only have them on vinyl. I have no record deck & have no intention of getting one - I have an I-pod for goodness sake!
Again I say why oh why oh why?
Why do people have music in their shared folders that is not what it claims to be? I have spent much time this evening gleefully downloading songs from Adam Ant’s 1983 album “Strip” (Stop laughing). I haven’t heard these songs since Thatcher was in power. Anyhow when they finally come in, I transfer them to I-tunes & play them. Ah how the memories come flooding back, now hang on a minute, I don’t recall it looping back to the beginning after 30 seconds & doing this for 4 minutes or so. So I try the next one, same story. Why oh why would someone do this? It is the work of Beelzebub surely. Actually I don't think even El Diablo himself could be that mean. More likely some spotty Norbert sitting in a room somewhere thinking “For my next trick I shall prey on sad thirty-somethings with a penchant for nostalgia, I shall piss them off without mercy or concern for their fragile mental state”. Well done spotty Norbert, your work here is done.
Why oh why oh why-part 2
Why am I still up? Why did I get into this ludicrous pattern of not going to work, sleeping till after lunch & then not being the slightest bit tired come bedtime? I now will be staying up & trotting off to work at 6am, where I no doubt will fall prey to the need for sleep after a couple of hours & feel like shit all day.
Why oh why oh why – part 3
Why has it taken me 3 years to realise that The Divine Comedy’s “Regeneration” album is a work of mesmerising genius. Its not like I never listened to it, I did. Over recent weeks though I find myself playing it again & again. I’m actually listening to it now as I type. Its understated beauty sure worked slowly on me. I hope the same applies to “Absent friends” because that hasn’t happened for me yet.

"All he sees is endless rain, endless rain"

It is august.
Therefore it is the height of the summer.
However in my crappy little bit of the glorious United Kingdom it is raining.
It seems to have been raining for weeks.
It's not just a drizzle or the odd shower, no it is absolutely pissing it down.
Not being a man of any discernable faith I am concerned that there is something I should know because I swear I just saw an ark go past my window.

"Can someone please explain the reason for this strange behaviour?"

I have been odd today.
I can neither rationalise it or justify it.
I didn't get up for work this morning due to an alarm setting error (don't you just hate it when that happens), after phoning in "sick" I went back to sleep & didn't wake till 1pm. Then I realise I have a whole day of nothing in front of me as I'm not seeing The Boy today.
So I decide to have a "Lord of the rings" day. I can honestly say that the 1st time I watched them all I was left a little underwhelmed. The Matrix films also did this to me but I found them all much better on second viewing. So I watched the first two films (still a tad disappointed) & then decided I didn't have time to watch "Return of the king" & I'd watch it tomorrow.
That was 6 hours ago.
Since then I have aimlessly sat here in front of this screen. I checked out some blogs (sad to say that 90% were uninspiring), spent far too long looking at free porn (t'internet still sometimes whispers to me seductively "why don't you just have a quick look at hot naked ladies perform various acts of depravity, no one will know" - It's a much less noble take on the one ring's power over Frodo!). Then around midnight I stupidly phoned work & told them I was still ill & that I wont be in tomorrow. I will regret this so much a week on Friday when my wages are 2 days short. Then I have been blog-browsing again. This time with a little more success.
Now it's 3 am & I'm finally starting to feel tired.
So I appeal to you all; if anyone finds my missing plot could you let me know. I can't afford anymore of this oddness.

"I haven't got it all figured out just yet"

Tonight I have been pondering...
A very important issue: if I was an album, which album would I be?
I think I have it narrowed down to 5.
1> Ok Computer by Radiohead
Genius, deep, emotional, unforgettable, clever & with an undercurrent of darkness.
2>Kill the last romantic by Easyworld
Beautiful, eloquent, makes you cry, makes you smile, makes you want to hold it in your arms & give it the biggest cuddle ever, only known to a small but lucky few & it's unlikely that will change.
3>Urban hymns by The Verve
At times utterly inspired & breathtaking (Bittersweet symphony & The drugs don't work), other occasional glimpses of greatness but on the whole nowhere near as good as it likes to think it is
4>Coming up by Suede
Upbeat, drug addled, alcohol soaked fun, big tunes for big times, always leaves you feeling fulfilled while not demanding too much work from you, an old favourite that refuses to grow old
5>K by Kula shaker
Complete codswallop, appeal fades within minutes, should really tell it how crap it is but don't want to make it feel bad, left to rot on shelf forever hoping to maybe get put on by accident, it lives in hope but knows nothing will ever come of it (Christ! it lives between the KLF & the even worse 2nd Kula shaker album!), should probably be put out of it's misery.

There you go, I know which one I am & I know which one I'd like to be.
Feel free to let me your thoughts.

"I know it's gonna happen..."

Ok people I am a bad man.
Still smarting from being spurned by Sexy Shy Smile whom should I run into whilst out having a few beers last night but Vodka For Breakfast & Czechmate. Time to make myself feel wanted again, truth be told I didn’t have to try too hard. There is a tangible air of sexual tension that crackles & fizzes around us whenever we see each other. We spent quite some time talking & some time dirty dancing (oh that beautiful arse!) & we finally exchanged phone numbers. I have been spurred on in this whole sordid thing when Vodka For Breakfast told Namesake & I that he has another woman! It’s just a great big green light isn’t it?
On Friday night I went over to Northampton with The Boy to look after the kids while Reckless & Dream Girl took The Eavesdropper to Chester to stay with Dream Girl’s sister. The other 3 kids were absolutely lovely & I thoroughly enjoyed being with them. It made me realise how much I’ve missed them since I moved out of their home.
Before they left there was a little incident where Noisy But Sweet was saying something about Dream Girl being in love with somebody, I recoiled in mock horror & gave Dream Girl a knowing look. Noisy But Sweet straight away said that she meant Reckless to which Dream Girl said, “Don’t tell him that, he’s got to have his dream!” The look on my face was no longer mock horror. Dream Girl quickly backtracked but it was too late. So now I have to wonder about every time she’s looked at me that way, every special smile, every piece of doublespeak. Was it all simply engineered to keep my dream alive? If so, is that the cruellest thing she could do or an act of beauty knowing that those things make me happy? Or have I got the whole thing out of proportion? I don’t know but then, I never do.

"Your gonna reap just what you sow"

I believe in karma, it’s a powerful force & it’s not without it’s own wicked sense of irony. This week I have received texts & phone calls from both Rainbow Girl & Do You Kiss Your Mum With That Mouth, which I have callously ignored because I don’t want to have to tell them that I don’t want to know them anymore. Anyone out there who thinks I’m a shit for that, remember – karma. Sexy Shy Smile is not returning my calls, nothing, nish, nada. I am pretty gutted because as I’ve already said, I thought that potentially something special could’ve come from that. How wrong I was. So here I am being bothered by women whom I couldn’t have any sort of relationship with & the one girl who I actually really liked doesn’t want to know me. Karma – wonderful thing.

"I'm driving north, I'm heading home..."

So Yorkshire was cool, it always nice to see the family & of course they dote on The Boy. The Boy, my dad & I went to the cinema to see Shrek 2. There was something quite special about having the 3 generations of our families’ males all out together. My sister is getting married in October to a really sound bloke & The Boy is going to be a pageboy. He went to try his suit on & he looked as sweet as sweet can be, bless him. My dad, sister, brother-in-law to be & I went to our local on Thursday night to take part in the pop quiz & with me in the side we won! Hurrah! It went to a tiebreak but we came away with the prize of ten English pounds, whoo! We got back on Saturday & The Boy went back home to his mum. We enjoyed our week together but whenever we spent any great length of time together he always really misses his mum after a few days, so it was nice for him to get home. Saturday night I went down to Reckless’ mum's here in Crapsville where they were having a barbeque for Reckless’ dad’s birthday. It was cool for an hour or two & I got a bit drunk with Reckless, Dream Girl & Plonky, Reckless’ 14-year-old daughter. She’s dead funny, bless her. I left early though just in case Sexy Shy Smile’s plans changed & she rang me. She didn’t & I drunkenly fell asleep watching Match of the day.

"Is that too much to ask for?"

So I called Sexy Shy Smile again last night, only for 2 hours this time. I really like her but I wont be able to see her for ages. Today The Boy & I are going up to Yorkshire till Saturday I then have Saturday night free but sadly Sexy Shy Smile hasn’t. Then I’m on nights for a week. Bugger.

"All I wanna do is see you again"

Well now this week The Boy is with me all week. It’s great but it’s timing means I can’t see Sexy Shy Smile. We had a 3-hour chat on the phone the other night though. Which was great & I can’t remember the last time that happened. I WANT TO SEE HER!

"Then there was you, then there was you"

So this week I have spent most of my time sat at this computer furiously typing up all my diary entries since January just for your delectation. The Boy is on holiday with his mum this week so I have had a lot of time on my hands. By Thursday I was ready for some company so I went down the pub where they had karaoke on. Now as you know I like to sing so cheesy as it is I’m always a sucker for a bit of karaoke. I met up with Fountain Dweller, Sound But Spitty & also Big J from work was there. I sank a couple of pints & then sang “In my place” by Coldplay. I did it justice but that’s about all. Sound But Spitty did a rather unique interpretation of “Tiger Feet” that really had to be seen to be believed. Then Fountain Dweller’s girlfriend & her friend arrived just as I got up to sing “Everybody hurts”. I’m sorry for this blatant self-gratification but I was awesome. Everybody stopped to listen & I got some big applause afterwards. I really sang it perfectly. By now I was buzzing, a teeny bit tipsy & quite cocksure. I got talking to the new arrivals & almost instantly started liking Sexy Shy Smile a lot. As the night went on we were inseparable. There was a big difference here from usual in that I really liked this girl & I wanted to get to know her better, I certainly wasn’t thinking of sex very much, though she was undeniably sexy. When the nightclub kicked out there ended up being a scuffle outside which I unwittingly got involved in as a peacekeeper. It all went tits up & Fountain Dweller & his girlfriend who I can now call Crazy Girl started rowing. This was all very bad, I abhor violence in any form & I certainly didn’t want Sexy Shy Smile to think I was some sort of Neanderthal like these people. Anyway it all died down & I walked Sexy Shy Smile & Crazy Girl home. Crazy Girl got in her car & drove home (see, crazy!) which left just the two of us. I had won a bottle of cheap wine for my karaoke efforts so we cracked that open. We talked for hours, we kissed (soundtracked by Muse’s Origin of symmetry album – nice!) & I could hear my thoughts telling me not to mess this up as this one is a bit special. At about 6am I should’ve been at work but I was not leaving this woman’s side. We decided to come up to my place. When we got here we got into bed & continued to talk & find out about each other. Nothing sexual went on which was fine by me; I wanted this woman’s mind. Having said that she did look great in just her underwear. Eventually she went home & I went to sleep. I really like this woman & as a bonus she’s 32, has her own place, hasn’t had any children & hasn’t married. She’s also a musician & is quite posh.
The next night her & Crazy Girl had a girlie night in & I popped out for a couple of beers with Buddy With Boobs who I must have sent mad with my constant gushing about Sexy Shy Smile. We did send a couple of texts over the night & when I went to bed I sent one saying “Night posh bird X” her reply sent me off into sleep with a big grin.
“Night bit of rough X”

"It's in your eyes, I can tell that you want me"

So I went out last night as I seem to most Fridays nowadays. It was a cool night & for a bit of a change I had some wiz before I went out. This had an unfortunate side effect which manifested itself in the nightclub. I didn’t have my usual problems in approaching girls, oh no instead I must have spent to whole time talking utter gibberish to a selection of poor women. I saw In The Same Boat’s estranged wife & couldn’t stop myself from practically drooling on her. My word now there’s a girl who’s changed, the last time I saw her she was very plain but now she’s a vamp! Go girl! She introduced me to her sister who had the patience to listen to what must have been half an hour of 24-carat bollocks coming from my turbocharged mouth. The finest conversation came much earlier in the evening when I saw Czechmate. It went something like this:
Her mouth: I’ve done a lot of thinking while I was away & I don’t think me & you is a good idea
Her eyes: I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.
My mouth: Me too
My eyes: Me too
Her mouth: it’s not really right is it
Her eyes: I don’t know what it is about you, you funny little man but I want you so much.
My mouth: I know, I feel bad about Vodka For Breakfast
My eyes: it is all I can do not to put some Prince on the jukebox & have you on the pool table right here, right now
Her mouth: so we should forget about it yeah?
Her eyes: I can’t wait till I see you again
My mouth: yeah, probably
My eyes: yeah, right!