"It's all so frustratingly temporary"

END OF MONTH REPORT

Well, February has been, for the most part, dull.
Frustration has been the key emotion I've been feeling due to the lack of physical contact & the problems with my "album" (which was supposed to have been released today).
Having said that I have no real cause to moan, it hasn't been a bad month, just a little nondescript.
Bearing in mind what some people have had to deal with (Funny Dance & his family, Hyde) I can't knock February.
I just hope March is a bit more upbeat, Mystic Meg says it will be!
Whoo, & indeed, hoo.

"I get so carried away..."

Let's roll back the years & mine the timeline for stories because my life is extremely boring at present.

28 Feb 1997: Red letter day as I pass my driving test at first attempt & then later crowdsurf for first time at Ash's London Astoria gig. Enjoyed it alot.

Eight bloody years ago! EIGHT! It really doesn't seem possible.
Anyway I'm pretty sure that my driving test was about midday. I had my final lesson with my most excellent driving instructor. He really was a top man, we shared a passion for Radiohead & he would let me have a fag in the car now & then. I remember him once pointing out 2 footprints on the inside of the windscreen, of which he was very proud. I never met the owner of those feet but she was a solicitor & DrivingGuy got her to do my statutory declaration free of charge when I officially changed my name.
When the test started a was a bit alarmed to find that I had 2 examiners in the car! The guy actually carrying out the test was on his last day of employment there so the other fella was riding along to make sure that he didn't just pass or fail people willy nilly.
I drove quite well during my test & completed my manoevres with no problems. Then I stalled the car. I recovered well enough & figured that I'd get away with it. I then over the next 5 minutes stalled on a further 2 occasions. Well, that's that bollocksed then, I thought.
I was shocked & thrilled when the guy said "Mr.Flash I'm pleased to tell you that you've passed". Yay! First time too (sorry Charbs!)!
DrivingGuy took me back to Crapsville & I thanked him profusely before we said our goodbyes. As I got out 3 builder type guys were sitting in a van outside the chip shop at the top of our street. They must have seen the shaking of hands & the smiling because as I got closer they all started cheering & clapping. I remember it vividly because it was a great gesture from total strangers & how often does that happen in life?
I did a little theatrical bow, complete with smile & went into my house where I proceeded to ring round everyone to tell them my news.

When Temper Tantrum & Reckless came in from work it was time to go to London.
We went on the train for some reason & arrived at the Astoria in time to see the support band;Kenickie. They were mildly entertaining & their one great song, "In your car" was ace.
The Astoria still remains my favourite live venue out of the hundreds I've been to. The place is just the right size & has a great vibe. Remind me to tell you about Neville some time.
None of us had seen Ash before so we were all quite giddy. The place was chock full & a large percentage of the audience were kids, which felt a bit strange.
Anyway they came on & they rocked! We all launched into the mosh pit & remained there for the duration. Towards the end Reckless & I decided that we should have a go at crowd-surfing. After all, if all these kids could do it why shouldn't we? Reckless went first. I watched his long lanky frame bouncing around above the crowd all the way to the barrier. My turn, I got some of my fellow gig-goers to give me a leg up & I felt my feet come away from the floor as I started my epic journey. I then felt a sharp thud of pain in my back as I was promptly dropped onto the floor. For a split second I was petrified, fearing that I was about to be trampled to death. Almost instantly I was dragged up by my arms & legs back above the bodies & now I was actually surfing. Though it was 8 years ago today (almost to the hour!) I remember it as if it was 8 minutes ago. The euphoria was indescribable. And though I was only up for a few seconds, it felt like hours. All the time I was singing my heart out, bobbing along on the sea of arms & heads towards the stage & the barrier. Then abruptly I was manhandled over the barrier & that was it. I barged my way through the crowd back to where Reckless was & we screamed at other in complete & utter joy. I surfed countless times after that night. Sometimes Reckless & I still talk about our great surfs. His at the Manics, mine at the Super Furries.
As I've been typing away, I've had a wistful smile adorning my lips. I really miss those days. Sometimes we'd go to 4 gigs in 4 nights, sometimes we'd all get in from work & after scouring the NME's gig listings just get in the car & go off to some distant town so we could have yet another night jumping around like loonies, getting sweaty, getting stoned & most importantly; being very, very happy.
Like I said, I miss those days & that day, 8 years ago today, was one of the finest of all.

"Is there something to do?"

Before I go on may I just say: What a bloody great game of football! Cup finals so often disappoint these days but today's was a belter!

Oh & last time I was quiet for a few days I returned to find 9 comments, this time I have 2.
Bloody fickle as fudgecakes, you lot are!

As you no doubt know, I live alone. I like the arrangement, it's great. This week has been odd to say the least. My usual time consuming activities are not there for me & I've felt bored. Couple that with Reckless & Dream Girl being away all weekend & you've got one seriously fed up Flashman.
I miss my Blogging activities big time. Though I may not post everyday, I usually check through my reading list everyday. Not doing so is very frustrating (& that's what I need in my life right now ; more frustration) & I miss you all. Also on a more practical note some of you write so much that It can be a big job catching up.
Also leaving a great big gaping hole is my "album". It's only now that I realise how much time I've spent on the project. It's very strange not to be doing it, I miss it.

Reckless & Dream Girl have been up in Chester for Dream Girl's sister's wedding. Last night at about 11.45 my phone rang. The display told me it was Reckless so I answered with my customary "Hello mate". It was Dream Girl, she asked where I was & I told her I was at home. Then she went quiet. She was upset about something but I didn't find out why as after a few seconds of silence she hung up. I tried to ring back but got no answer. This isn't unusual behaviour, I often receive calls from her when she's upset. I figure that I'm a better listener than Reckless & also if it is Reckless who has pissed her off she genuinely has no one else to offload onto. I still haven't heard why she called & when I ring her tomorrow I'll no doubt get told that it was nothing & she shouldn't have bothered me. For now though; more frustration.

You'd think with all this crushing boredom going on that I'd have lots to write about.
Sadly I don't.

"Fickle as a fudgecake"

"We both know" has now, in a staggering turnaround, been deemed complete. Whoo!
1 down 11 to go.

The snowman was spotted by someone else, an old boy at work spied him & would you believe photographed him. Said photo & some others of the snow laden landscape were e-mailed to his daughter in Australia. Who, I only found out today, is the wife of the fella who came to London with us last year prior to him emigrating.

I have watched lots of football this week.

I really haven't got much to tell you tonight but I felt that I shouldn't pass up the opportunity as I'm babysitting again.

Buddy With Boobs is ill, bless.

Delusions Of Grandeur & Sweetie, who have been an item since November, are having a baby. They both seem very happy, which is nice.

I may go out on the lash tomorrow night. I have a rare free night & I'm not going over to Northampton. I will see what my finances are like & if I can find anyone to go out with. If not then I shall smoke myself into oblivion in my flat whilst feeling very sorry myself about the lack of physical contact in my life & trying to steer Doncaster rovers into Division one.

The tumble drier to my immediate left is getting right on my tits.

New blonde girl at work is almost definitely flirting, albeit mildly, with me.

Today I was most excited to discover that Nine Inch Nails are playing some UK dates in July. I shall (fingers crossed) be going to see them in Birmingham at the academy on the 8th. They are one of the few acts that I've always wanted to see live but never managed to. New album in the spring too, yay!

I am astounded that in 14 months of this I have never mentioned She Of The Lovely Jubblies & Even Lovelier Smile (I'm so gonna regret that name If I ever have the need to mention her a lot!). She is our HR manager at work & she's a smasher. I fancy her something rotten & I think she likes me, though not enough. We get on very well & she once agreed to a date with me but backed out a couple of days later. Work gossip states that she's seeing BackStabbingArselicker (or was it ArselickingBackstabber? I can't be arsed to go back & check) though she tells me that they are only friends. I don't quite believe her even though I should considering the whole workforce think Buddy With Boobs & I have been "at it" for years when we clearly haven't. Anyway yesterday I had a little meeting with She Of The Lovely Jubblies & Even Lovelier Smile to arrange the next quarter's training schedule & the last words she said to me were "You're fabulous".
What with the Mel Gibson thing, yesterday was clearly a good day for receiving an ego boost.

Anyway, considering I had not much to say I think I've waffled on enough.

If I don't get online over the weekend, I hope you all have a good one & normal service will be resumed on Monday as I'm on lates next week.

Toodle pip!

Greetings from Flash's snowman! 

"I don't know who you are but you're a real deadringer for..."

I made an ickle snowman at work today.
He was great. No else saw him, he lived out the back near the waste water plant.
His tenure was alas very short, he lived a few hours at most but I loved that snowman.
The first time I went past him after making him I gave out a involuntrary "Hee hee" like a giddy little boy.
I took a photo of him. If I can do the Hello thing from Funny Dance's computer I'll post him after this. It's a poor photo (due to all the bloody whiteness everywhere) but it captures his spirit which you can see from the glint in his cheeky blue eyes.

Other madness today: DodgyNutGrabber (a friend from work) had me help him with an errand after work. His car was in for a service & he asked me if I'd go out to one of the villages to pick his kids up. Now given that DodgyNutGrabber is sorting me out a new computer with a much better processor & loads of ram (By the way, Chapstick, that was a very kind offer & if this doesn't work out I may take you up on it) I thought it only fair that I lent a hand. His kids are 3 boys aged 6, 9 & 11. We stopped for DodgyNutGrabber to get something from a shop. Whilst he was in there the 9 year old opens conversation thus:
"You look like the man in a film we saw the other night"
"Yeah?" (fearing Hellboy or some other beastly character)
"Yeah, the man who can read women's minds"
(Gleefully) "Do you mean "What women want?""
"yeah, that's it!"
"And do I look like that man, the one who reads women's minds"
"Yep, you do"
Ladies & Gentlemen, I, your world-weary correspondent am a deadringer for Mel Gibson!!!!
Hurrah!
Out of the mouths of babes, eh?

Work on "confessions..." has been abandoned until technology can meet my needs. I had a session on Monday which I thought went well. I got the lead vocals done for 8 of the 12 songs. Again, when I later listened back I wasn't happy. The opening track;"We both know" sounds pretty good still, but I know I can do better. And it's not like the guy from the record company is giving me a hard time, is it?

That's it for now I'm afraid. Funny Dance & They Used To Be Even Bigger aren't going to the hospital now so I feel a bit rude sitting in the office. I better go & socialise.
Look out for the snowman!

"I had a brain that felt like pancake batter"

Hello!

It's very nice to be missed!
So here I am blogging from Funny Dance's computer in his office/ cupboard. I am here on official babysitting business but I relished the opportunity to spend some time online. Jesus, I've only just realised how long it's gonna take me to catch up on all your blogs.

So, what's been going on in world of Flash since last time?
I was off work on Thursday & Friday.
Thursday: Buddy With Boobs & her 6 year old daughter (Who incidentally looks really like Madonna's girl, Lourdes (sp?)) joined The Boy & I on our trip to Leicester to the National Space Centre. Sadly, it was pretty crap. It would be really cool with, say, a ten year old but for little ones it wasn't very interesting at all. Actually my inner nerd is telling me that it might be very cool to go with no kids at all. That said it was nice to go out & do something. I think Buddy With Boobs enjoyed getting out as FuckwitHusband never takes her anywhere.
Friday was spent playing on the X-box with The Boy prior to going over to Reckless & Dream Girl's place where we ended up staying until this afternoon.
Since then we hung out at the flat for a bit, I took him back to his mum, I did my laundry, had a very long soak in the bath & came here to sit on the children.
That's the logistics of the last few days.

In terms of emotions I have been up & down like a whore's drawers.
I don't really know where to begin.
Actually I do...
ggggggrrrrrrrr klnndqwnohdfhdffnbnf\f\osin\fnionfuwsbhslglelsiwur92q3

That, my friends, is my best effort at describing my sexual frustration using these keys at my fingertips. In all honesty it's not just sex. I desire a cuddle, a passionate kiss, a playfight, a bottom to give a little smack to as I walk past & maybe the sight of a face lighting up when I enter their field of vision. On the other hand though, I do not want anybody to encroach on my lovely little self-involved world. This kingdom that I preside over may be a crock of absolute shit but it's my crock of absolute shit & even now after being (effectively) single for the best part of 3 years I'm not ready to give it up yet.
I know that I have been scarred by my past relationships but as a non-confrontational, people pleasing type I always seem to end up not much more than someone's performing seal.
I've spent a lot of time around couples lately & I wouldn't swap places with any of them.
Which leads me neatly into Dream Girl.
You all know my feelings about her. I love her like no other. She makes my heart pump & she makes it bleed, she makes me laugh so hard & so often. She also, crucially, really gets me. She truly understands me & has always been extremely supportive of my creative efforts. More than anyone else ever has throughout my whole life (& I shall always love her for that). I still flirt within acceptable limits & I still worship her arse as though it were the 8th wonder. I still dream, yearn, ache, hope & wait.
Except really I don't.
If she became available I do not think I would want to be her man.
There seems to be an extremely high price attached to her. Reckless is devoid of independence, he does nothing at all without Dream Girl. Nothing.
I'm far too selfish to cut myself off from all the things I want or like in my world.
Been there, done that.

Blimey, didn't know that was all coming out!

Another source of great consternation over the past few days has been my goddamn "album".
I honestly don't think any of you will be surprised to hear that it's release has been put back.
I have no current release date in mind. I may even choose not to bother at all.
The process of putting the vocals on has not gone well as yet.
There are technology issues; The wormlike speed of my processor means that I cannot monitor what I'm recording. Well I can but I end up hearing what I sang 3 seconds previously & that usually buggers up any pretence of continuing. So I have to record my vocals without being able to hear what the mic is hearing. Obviously I have to listen to the track through headphones whilst singing. This is mega-crap because I have to have it on really quiet so that I can hear my voice & so that no sound from the phones is picked up on the microphone, therefore I find difficult to "become one with the track" & get the right vibe of the song.
There are human issues: I fear that I'm simply not the singer I used be.
So far I had "completed" "Egg wielding freak" & "The truth about you". I mixed them down, put them on the pod, listened to them in the car & decided they were shite.
I will be commencing battle again tomorrow after work, please pray to whichever higher being you pray to that I have have more success.
I fear that "Confessions of an idiot" may have been a great way to waste 6 months of my life.

I also have to have a right proper moan about Reckless.
I am seriously considering removing his name from the sleeve. At present it says: Gnu Cnu are: Flash & Reckless. This has always been my intent even though I knew he would not contribute a single note to the finished article. My theory is that Gnu Cnu (or rather the dream of Gnu Cnu) as always been the 2 of us. All MY songs have come to life when given his guitar as a counterpart to my voice.
Recently, it has transpired that Reckless doesn't like what he's heard from the "album". Words like utter crap & shite have been used.
In his defence I know that he feels really left out over the whole project & he may well be rather bitter about it all.
Still, I feel that I will probably take his name of the sleeve (if it ever comes out) and if & when he asks why I will simply tell him "I figured you wouldn't want to be associated with something that you deem to be shite". Fair enough, don't you think?

Anyway, that's me done. If I don't get anything sorted at home, I shall be babysitting again on Wednesday so that's when I'll be back round these parts.
Right, let's see what you lot have been up to...

"Tears on a pillow, eyes on a phone"

Holy mother of God!
You should see the fucking phone bill that was sat behind the door, happily waiting to ruin my life. Somehow I think I must have missed a bill somewhere & I know I have my broadband to pay for aswell but £260! One call alone cost 25 notes! I'm doomed.
Not being slow, BT have already suspended my broadband. So for the next week or two, blogging may be a less regular thing. I also apologize in advance for any absence from your comments. The upshot of this is that the tickets to the states that I was going to buy this weekend will now have to wait a couple of weeks. On the plus side I do have money coming in, I did a double shift last week & here I am today at work at this hour when I'm on days. Delusions Of Grandeur is ill so I went home at 2 & came back in at 6 till midnight. I'm in tomorrow at 8am & if he's sick again I shall work through till midnight again. I'm bloody knackered though.

So I got a valentine's card. I'm pretty sure it's a pisstake from someone but I don't care. At least I didn't have to suffer the shame of not getting anything for the 2nd year running.
It's actually been made to look like it's from someone with the initial D. So I think I'm supposed to think it's from Buddy With Boobs. I suspect it's from one of the 3 fairly new girls who work here, I've thought for a little while that the blonde one as a soft spot for me (a view shared by Crisp Fiend). She has a boyfriend so don't start getting excited, also & I'm sorry for being so basic here; I fancy her enough to shag her but she would struggle to entertain my head for more than 2 minutes. Anyway my theory is that she & her 2 cohorts came up with a plan to send a joke card to me but she didn't tell the other two that she wasn't joking. Or I could be woefully wide of the mark, as I often am when it comes to the fairer sex.

All that remains to be said is that "American Idiot" is quite clearly a new kind of narcotic to which I am hopelessly addicted. I'm currently on my second hit of the evening & it feels good.
NICE!

"...We're gonna see you win"

Well, that was a fine weekend.
Friday night I went over to Reckless & Dream girl’s gaff. Got drunk, had a laugh & gently appreciated Dream Girl doing her unconscious (I think!) gravitate to Flash thing.
She does that a lot & I don’t think she’s aware of it; she always seems to be closer to me than Reckless.

Got up Saturday & drove back to Crapsville in time to meet the boys in the café for a scrummy fried breakfast. Then off we went to Leeds.
We arrived about 2ish, The Silver Fox & I hung out by Billy’s statue while the others went in the club shop. They didn’t get out till 2.55! Cue much moaning from me about the girls enjoying their shopping too much & causing us to nearly miss kick off.
It was ace to actually be at the match & the team played really well. We went into half time 1-0 up thanks to David Healy’s cool finish.
As I headed for a pint & a pee at half time my phone rang. Twas The Duke Of Jokes & he was in the same stand, so we had a brief meet up & a natter which was cool.
In the 2nd half we sorted Reading out good and proper. 2 great strikes for new boy Rob Hulse put us 3-0 up. At which point I got a text from The Duke Of Jokes telling me I’m a good luck charm!
Reading got a consolation goal at the end but it took nothing away from a great Leeds performance.

We got some Fish & chips after the game & came back to Crapsville. When we got back The Silver Fox, Makes Me Laugh & myself went out for a few more beers. We had a good laugh & I eventually stumbled back home at about 1am, reflecting on a fantastically good blokey day.

Sunday, wasn’t so good. I completed the last of the music tracks for “Confessions…” & proceeded to work on the vocals. For some reason I didn’t seem to be singing very well so I upped the computer & everything else & headed over to Reckless & Dream Girl’s.
This had the desired effect & I sang much better. I think it’s having an audience that made it better for me, performing as opposed to just singing.
Sadly, though we had some serious equipment failings & it all went to shit.
Gotta go back over tonight as I’ve left the computer & all my equipment over there, hopefully all the gremlins will have been kicked square in the nuts.

Watched the first 2 episodes of Joey last night & I really enjoyed them. I laughed a lot & that’ll do for me. I know it’s not gonna be as good as Friends but laughter is all I really seek.

"Marching on together..."

Well, I've been wanting to blog all day but haven't had much to say, still haven't but anyway...

My fears and paranoia over "Confessions..." have been washed away by a big wave of cocky euphoria. I think it's because it's nearly finished.
"Resistance is futile" has today taken on new life (No Duke it's not complication or circulating), it's become something fantastic. To such an extent that it may take the hallowed position of Track 2.
I think I will be doing the vocals over the weekend & if they go well I could be all wrapped up by next week.
The sleeve is pretty much done. I'm really happy with the front cover & the inside cover is just awaiting a photo of Reckless & myself.
Dream Girl will be doing the honours tomorrow night. Don't get too excited though, I shall be keeping some air of mystery about myself. I'm envisaging a black & white half lit piccy where we will only be partly discernible.

In other news The Early Birds are still doing well. Funny Dance has just discovered "Wires" by Athlete. Under the circumstances it's a great song for him to be digging right now.

On Saturday I shall be doing something that I haven't done for ages.
No, not shagging (I'm not that lucky), I'm going to Elland road to watch Leeds United play Reading. It's been 3 years since I last went, a 1-0 home defeat to PSV Eindhoven.
It's gonna be great to be there, though there is an element of weirdness to it. I always find it very strange to go so close to home & not see my folks or Our Kid. I probably won't see The Duke Of Jokes or my brother in law (must come up with a name for him) either & I'll be sharing a stadium with them.
I'm going with The Silver Fox, Makes Me Laugh (A really funny guy who I haven't seen in ages), Funny Dance & Leeds Boy. Obviously Funny Dance wants to get home as soon as possible so there'll be no time for any visiting.
There better be time for fish & chips or there'll be trouble!

The Boy is going away for the weekend with his mum. I'll see him for a couple of hours tomorrow then he's off. I miss the little bugger when I'm on lates so I'm a bit gutted that he's away. It does however give me time to do other things, like tidying up the pigsty that I've let the flat become & getting those vocals done.

If any of you find my incessant album talk boring I'd better warn you: It's gonna get worse before it gets better!

"Dah la lang, zoom zoom zoom bap bap bap"

I've spent the evening searching the web for a suitable photo for the cover of the "album". I've searched for "Idiot" & "Stupid" & I think I've found a suitable candidate though I may browse some more later.
Whilst looking through hundreds of photos of stupid things or idiots I saw more pictures of one person than I did of anyone else.
Any guesses?
That's right, George W. Bush.
Hmmm.

"Ask me, ask me, ask me"

Before I go on may I thank you all for your participation & for indulging my egocentric tendencies.

Ok,
Ka:
What's your most sublime, awful, wonderful guilty pleasure? What do you adore that makes you at once cringe and revel?

This question is most deserving of a long, detailed answer which would reveal a lot about my inner workings & subsequently give you all a chance to know me a little better. Sadly the most succinct way to answer it is with just two words: Dream Girl.

Hyde:
If you could take back or undo ONE thing that you've said or done in your life, what would it be and why?

Ooh, this is so tricky. I've had lots of time to ponder this one & it's still a big jumbled mess. It's one of those timeline scenarios isn't it? If I left Temper Tantrum when I first realised that she was eroding me then I wouldn't have my beloved son.
There are also things that I should undo given the choice because they were wrong or bad things to do. However, being wrong or bad doesn't mean that they weren't fantastic times, they were, so therefore I could never erase them. In my time I have on occasions betrayed people close to me for my own ends which I am deeply ashamed of but I still wouldn't undo those betrayals because I'm selfish & would not go without those experiences.
There was a time on a stag weekend in Blackpool when I slept with somebody who I found very unattractive, both mentally & physically. I thought of wiping that choice but I learned a valuable lesson that night. My rock bottom self esteem was still as low as could be afterwards & since then I know now that even when carnal instincts operate on their own there must be some attraction or you end up hating yourself even more than you did already.
So, Hyde, all this waffle & still no answer. To be honest as cliched as it is I'm not sure I'd want to change anything as all those shitty times go towards making me who I am today.
Actually, scratch that, I should have tried it on with Fit Arse In Jeans that night!

Stompp:
If you could change the colour of the sky, what would you make it? And I mean from dawn progression to night time slumber - the whole range of possible shades and textures etc...

Again I've given this one much thought & I have to commend you on your choice, it's certainly something I've never even considered before.
So, daybreak would morph from the blackness of night to a dark red, like that of a nice wine, and then into a lovely bright orange (though I'd probably regret that when I'm on lates & trying to have a lie in). The tricky bit comes next, I'd like the bulk of the day's sky to be blue. I know it's boring but I just cant picture a beautiful summer's day in the park, playing footy with Reckless & the kids or having a lie down & a crafty canoodle with a lover or even being at the top of a mountain without that gorgeous blue that nature has already given us. Trouble is how do we get from orange to blue? maybe it should just switch in an instant at around 10 am or perhaps blobs of blue slowly appear in the orange like a lava lamp effect until we have just blue, I dunno. Dusk should see the sky going a a deeper blue followed by an hour or two of a luscious prince-esque purple before descending back to black. That would be sweet.

The Duke Of Jokes:
DM - better when Alan was in them?

undoubtedly & sadly, Yes. I think Alan's contribution was vastly underrated by us all & it's shown. Though Martin's songs are still of a fine quality the way that they're presented has lacked Mr. Wilder's deftness of late. I don't think the abomination that is "The dead of night" would've have gotten out if Al was still on board. That's not to say that they've lost it, since's Alan's departure we've still had "Barrel of a gun","It's no good","Home","Useless", "Love thieves","Surrender", "Dream On" & "Goodnight lovers" which are all as good as anything that came before them. Proof of the pudding is in the eating though & as I'm sure you can remember there was a time when I could recite all the lyrics to all the songs backwards! Now I couldn't even tell you how the chorus goes of, say, "Freestate".

Cheryl:
What is your favorite body part on yourself? And Why?
I would say my ears because they allow me to bathe in music & conversation but they are a little pointy in a Vulcan kind of way.
I would say my smile because it displays my happiness to the world but it also displays my far from perfect teeth. Bugger.
Maybe my hair, I've still got most of it & it's still in it's original colour but it goes stupidly curly if I let it grow.
So, rather unsurprisingly I will have to say my nob. It gives me pleasure, it's been known to bring pleasure to others & it's the only part of me where being fat is a good thing!

Charby:
Before we get to the question, can I just tell you, I love you but if you'd have commented on the right post I'd have my first ever double figure comments section! (wink)

I remember reading once that you was adopted when you were little, so I'm asking have you ever tried or wanted to find your birth parents?

Good one Charbs. I've always known I was adopted, always. It's forever been something that has been a curiosity to me rather than a burning desire to know. When I was 21 I got hold of my original birth certificate which presented me with more questions than it answered. It told me that they were married, that my father was born in Liverpool & was a driver in the Royal Corps of Transport & my mother was Irish. That was the extent of it.
Finally last year I decided to go for it. The law in the UK states that anyone adopted before 1974 has to go to a counseling session before they can have access to their birth records. Northamptonshire county council are currently sorting this out, they rang me just before Christmas to say that they had my records but couldn't schedule a meeting yet because they are understaffed & very busy. Naturally they have to prioritise the adoptions of kids that are needing parents right now. So I'm waiting at the moment.
I really don't know what I hope to gain from it, like I said it's more curiosity than anything. Questions, is there a history of mental illness?, what time was I born?, why didn't you want me?, Do you realise you owe me 35 years worth of Christmas & Birthday presents? Are you millionaires?
I'm also very scared that I've left it too late & I'll only find a tombstone. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that at the end of the 60's my Irish (so possibly catholic & against contraception) mother became pregnant with her 8th or 9th child that they simply couldn't afford to keep. This course of events would make her at least 35 on having me & therefore 70 today.
So I don't know what I'm looking for really, but I do know that I've felt honour bound not to talk with my folks about it. My mum doesn't like it when it comes up, bless her.
Some time last year when visiting Yorkshire an old school friend The Gentle Giant came for a drink with my Dad & I wanting to ask us about adoption as he & his partner have been unable to conceive. My Dad said that he & my Mum would recommend adoption to anyone & that they loved me no more or no less than my sister (who was made normally) & I said that because of the way I'd been brought up to know about it since day one, I'd never given it a thought & as such my Mum & Dad are MY Mum & Dad.
When I hear any more I will let you all know.

Well that would seem to be it, I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have & that nobody feels let down. Any latecomers (Yes, you Gladys!) will still get answers if they wish.
Right I'm off to go comment myself on that post to take it to 10!

"We'll stick to the plan, no room for maneuver"

Hello!
Answers later, shall we say a deadline for questions of 10pm UK time? Cool.

Till then I'm gonna get all musical on your ass (just for a change).
First up; American idiot.
Now I know I've already gone on about this but lordy this album is good. Since the arrival of my pod I've found I don't actually listen to albums as such. However, I listen to American idiot every day & it just keeps getting better. One of those rarest of albums where every single track is welcomed with as much gusto as the last. Sure I have a couple of favourite songs but none that I'm ever tempted to skip, not one. Were it a lady I would romance it with such panache that it would never ever need anybody else.

Stereophonics; The new single sounds bloody ace! Is this the return to form that I've been craving since 99? I do hope so. It starts with one of those early Duran duran sounds on it that go up & down in a way that I can't describe. If I could I would ask Stompp how to achieve it in Reason.

By nature I am a bit of a gambler. Not in the literal sense so much, I mean I've been to the dogs a couple of times & the gee gees twice too, sometimes I'll have a small flutter on the footy aswell but I really am a stranger to the bookies.
I do take many gambles in life though, some have paid out & some have cost me dear. Today I have decided to take another risk, this time on the "album".
Release date is less than 3 weeks away now & I still haven't even started 3 of my best songs. These songs are held in such high esteem (by me!) that I feel it would be unfair on them to rush them & perhaps let them end up less than what they should be.
As such "Confessions of an idiot" will now contain the 10 or 11 songs that are done or almost done.
The gamble is thus: "Confessions..." Is good enough to stand up as it is & it gets enough positive feedback that people will want to hear more from me. If this is the case then I will already have a really strong base of material for the follow up &, let's be honest, the 2nd always has to outstrip the first. Or...
People will generally think that "Confessions..." Is a load of old plop & will threaten me with ostracization (real word?) or extreme violence if I ever come within 20 feet of them bearing a giddy smile, a CD & the words "You've gotta listen to this", thus consigning at least 3 bloody great songs to the dustbin of songs only ever heard by 3 or 4 people.

Anyway the choice has been made & I will stand or fall by this decision. I think it says something about the faith I have in "Confessions..." that I'm willing to take this shot.

"It's just one of those days"

No real single topic today, just random stuff.

Socks.
Unbeknownst to me the pair that I pulled on this morning have had their elastic removed by forces unseen. I have spent the whole day pulling them up, probably spending more time bent over than a 24 hour hop scotch champion. Excellent timing on my part, having to wear the fucking things for 18 hours straight. Grrr.

Actually today is one of those days where, despite being in quite a cheery mood, little things are pissing me off big time. Our "canteen" here at work is basically a 20 foot square room with some tables & chairs. Coffee machine at one end, fridge & microwaves at the other. The bin lives next to the coffee machine. In has bin there all day (tee hee) but come 8 o' clock it's next to the fridge! WHY? Who moves the bin & why & more to the point why do I let it irk me so?

Then there's Total Cock. Who is enough on his own but when I'm trying to have a fag I have to listen to how he spent yesterday shooting. Yes, for fun this retard goes out & shoots down crows out of the sky & rats too (though not out of the sky, obviously). They're vermin apparently, I beg to differ. I would much rather share my company with a rat than a twat.

What does the word pinhole suggest to you?
Well here it means a tiny hole on the surface of the painted part through which you can just see the bare metal. It's a problem for us in the lab & tells us that something on our plant is wrong. Fair enough?
So why do people insist on dragging me over to look "at these pinholes" on work, causing me to look perplexed knowing, as I do, that my plant is in spec & well maintained. Only for me to find that the pinholes are raised bumps under the surface of the paint. It's rust.
Now not only am I pissed off at the suggestion that I have neglected my duties to the point where pinholes could occur, I'm enraged that some braindead losers have painted rusty work when the whole point of our paint (& indeed our whole operation) is that it protects the parts from, you guessed it, RUST!

And it's too bloody cold today!

And did I mention my socks?

Whilst out & about round my plant earlier, listening to my pod, I was aurally injected with 9 minutes of pure adrenalin. The live version of "Take it easy, Chicken" by Mansun came blazing in without warning, it's white hot riff instantaneously taking me back to all the times I saw them live. 9, I think. Now I realise that most of you (if not all) don't have the foggiest idea what I'm talking about but when has that ever stopped me?
They always finished with "Take it easy, chicken" & it was always, always heavenly. It's arrival told us that the end was near & after an hour or so of moshing this would be quite welcome. The end was not here yet though, this was the test. I know I'm waffling on but for that whole 9 minutes I could smell the sweat, feel the elbows digging into my ribs, feel my voice trying to get words out but being overtaken by breath. A powerful memory & a tune that never, ever gets skipped.

Another tune that I never skip has just come on, some may be surprised by this: "No regrets" by Robbie Williams. Now I love that song & it's a fine example of how songs can come to represent something to the listener that the writer did not intend. I only found out recently (even though it was painfully obvious, once I was aware) that it was written about Take That & the Robster's feelings about it all. For I though it's about She Who Changed Everything & always shall be. It's one of my wishes that one day someone will say to me: "Flash, that song on your album so makes me think of the time I did blah with blah, etc"

By 'eck I'm on a waffle fest tonight, eh?

One more thing, in a thinly veiled effort to register more comments than normal, I would like to play a game with you all. It's not really a game actually but it sounds like one...
Ask Flash.
That's right readers, one question each & I promise to answer all as honestly/ cleverly/ wittily as I possibly can*
So come on, indulge me!
I'll post my answers tomorrow night, so don't hang about.

You wont mind if I post in between would you?
Bless.


*This does not apply if The Duke Of Jokes pipes up with some hideously embarrassing query regarding the long forgotten stupidity of my childhood, unless I want it to.

An open letter to Cheryl

Still reeling here!

Dear Cheryl,
I am most disturbed by the prospect of you walking out on me! I simply do not want this to happen, to such an extent that I'll quite happily discuss this in front of the whole world (Well, Charby!) & abandon my simply never abandoned lyrical title policy. I realise that I have not made enough of an effort recently in our recent off-blog communications & I will remedy this as soon as is humanly possible. Nothing as changed since our last conversation & It made me very happy indeed when you rang to wish me a happy birthday.
As far as the blog is concerned: For a long while now you have been my most prolific & regular commenter. I would not have the same urgency or expectation when clicking to say who's saying what. And I'm sure everyone else who reads sees Cheryl as an intregral part of their World of Flash experience!
I do.
If for some unexpected twist of fate you physically cannot read anymore then It won't be the last time you here from me & I share your hopes for my Far Flung Friend. I know I will meet her.
(PSSST. Do you think that anybody HASN'T figured it out yet?)
All my love
N
xxx

"It's just the way I'm feeling"

Firstly, may I just say that The Early Birds seem to be doing well & may I also thank those who left kind words for them.

Right, I'm feeling pretty despondant at present. Not depressed or at my wits end, but a bit cheesed off with things.
I'm having a major crisis of confidence about the "album". Nothing is going quite how it should & I'm starting to fear that people will think it's shit.
I'm not even happy with this blog at the mo. I'm painfully aware that I've written nothing noteworthy since my American tale.
And if I'm honest it pisses me off when I see blogs that are woefully poor in comparison to this one getting comments into double figures. That's not to say I don't appreciate you guys who read here, because I really, really do.
I would imagine normal service will be resumed in the forthcoming week as I'm on lates at work (18 hour double bubble tomorrow!) but for now I'm just a bit down, sorry.

"Fragile like a baby in your arms"

Regulars will know that my good friend Funny Dance & his wife They Used To Be Even Bigger are expecting twins in April. Well, they didn't read the script & they arrived into the world on Tuesday morning. Now because they are very early they are tiny, each was born less than 1.5lbs, & they are needing a great deal of medical attention. At this early stage though, I'm told mother & babies are doing well & there's cause for cautious optimism. They are both girls & for now I shall refer to them collectively as The Early Birds.

Not much else has been going on but I have got a little more done on the album. "Second best" is pretty much done & sounds a teeny bit depeche. It was gonna happen eventually!
"Resistance is futile" is also starting to come together & it promises to give "Egg wielding freak" a run for it's money in the funky stakes.
Reckless & Dream Girl bought me a good microphone for my birthday so I'll be starting the vocals soon.
Oh yeah, I've come up with another song title which I'll note here: What science cannot solve.
And I found myself composing Titov in my head at work today. Tssk.

Temper Tantrum (my "lovely" ex-wife for any newbies) took her crass expectations to new heights today. For half term she expects me to take a couple of days out of my holiday entitlement so I can have The Boy even though she works in a school & thus has the bloody week off anyway! I did however agree because I'd like to have a couple of days out with him. The national space centre is only up the road in Leicester & I think we'd both enjoy that!

Anyway I have little else to offer you this evening but I didn't want you forgetting about me, eh?