Où est la bibliothèque?

Bonsoir mes amis!
It is I L'eclair...oh alright then it's the Duke of Jokes...cue groans from the legions of Flashfiends who are missing their fix ;)

Lord Flashheart hath given me permission to post on his blog, the deluded buffoon. Especially after drinking a few pints of Stella & Kronenburg in his company.

He wanted something posted because, in his words, "If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves and I wouldn't want them on my conscience - not when they ought to be on my face!
Oh hang on, that's Lord Flashheart from Blackadder not the real Lord Flash. The ladies who view his blog don't want to hear what he has to say about them.......!

Anyways, I'm half-cut and so is Flash and I've sent him on his merry way to his folk's home in deepest darkest Outwood. It's left to me to say Happy New Year to everyone and let's hope it's a good one!

Peace out from the Duke & Flash
XXX

"Je suis un rock star"

I’d just got myself comfortable, which wasn’t difficult considering I had 3 seats to myself. The plane had taxied to the start of the runway & I had put my book down. I like to give take off my full attention.

The aircraft starts down the runway & I feel myself being thrown backwards into my chair by the force of the plane’s rapid acceleration. On we go, getting faster & faster as the great metallic bird prepares to leap into the sky.

Then the brakes are slammed on!

For a split second, & it really was just a split second, I was as scared as I had ever been. Real tangible fear. I could feel all my muscles tensing, my eyes widening & my heart rate quickening.

It soon subsided down to mild concern as the plane slowed, my worry now was that we may overshoot the runway & things could get a bit bumpy.
My worry turned out to be unfounded as we headed back to the terminal.
The pilot informed us that there had been a minor problem with the fuel regulation equipment on one of the engines which had led him to abort take off. Then we disembarked & the plane was taken away to be tested.

I got back on the same plane an hour later & finally flew back to Lyon.

I fly again today. I’m going home for the festive season & I’m not coming back till January 3rd. I’m very happy with this state of affairs. It is lovely to come home at the weekends but it’s all very manic & not at all restful. I’m looking forward to chilling out.

I land at Heathrow at 13.50 today & get the train to Northampton. There my first task will be a visit to Toys R us so that I can finally buy my boy some prezzies.

I can’t wait! I love Lyon but I’ve had enough for this year.

"Oh, debarasse-moi de ces chiens"

Greetings!

Once again I’m sorry for the lack of regular updates & I’m sorry for not catching up with you all. It’s the big downside to all the good stuff.

Flying.
Now I’m no stranger to air travel & obviously I’m flying a lot more lately than I usually would. I’m still not blasé to it though. I still spend half my flight peering out of the window in wide-eyed wonder like an excited kid. I had a smashing flight home on Friday. I marveled at the pureness of the sky above the fluffy white bed of clouds. The cloud cleared just in time for me to play my favourite airplane game; What’s that town down below?

My first point of focus was a great winding river which I suspected was the Thames. This was confirmed when I saw the flood barrier. Just to the south of that was The Valley, home of Charlton Athletic FC. I knew that somewhere down there in my field of vision there was an old friend. So I waved & quietly said “Whoo oo! Charbs!”
Within the next 2 minutes I flew over Upton Park, Highbury & White Hart Lane. Then London had gone. The next large place I saw I didn’t recognise, though I suspect it may have been Luton.
After that I gazed down upon what looked to be a fairly large city. I was quite puzzled. I picked out the football stadium but I couldn’t place the colours. Next to that stadium was some sort of large erection (fnar,fnar!). The whole place looked familiar but I just couldn’t figure it out. It must be Northampton, I told myself. It can’t be, I answered myself, that ground isn’t Sixfields.
I was right, it wasn’t Sixfields. It was Franklins Gardens; the home of Northampton Saints Rugby team & the erection was the Express lifts tower. A local landmark that I have driven past a squillion times yet didn’t recognise from the air. Northampton looked huge from my vantage point.

Then as we flew over the M1 (picking out Watford gap services) I started to get genuinely excited. The plane was now directly over my adopted hometown of Crapsville! I could see my work, I could see the country park, I could see Ford’s & I could even see my home! It was ace!

From there on my game was a piece of piss. Southam, Leamington Spa, Kenilworth (the castle looked fantastic), the enormous urban sprawl of Coventry & finally Birmingham International Airport.

It was a wonderful flying experience.

In sharp contrast to last night’s events...

"La musique a Joe c'est la rumba, La vieux rock & rumba"

So far this week it’s all work, work with a little bit more work thrown in for good measure. Today I am working about 16 hours.

I probably ought to tell you a little about what I’m actually doing here. Usually back home I’m a laboratory technician, but I have come out here to Lyon to take on the role of Quality engineer. This is by no means new to me, I worked in quality for some years before taking up my pipettes & sachrometers.

Our operation here is a paint line in another company’s factory. The other company manufacture axles for lorries & we paint them. We have a new purpose built super-duper paint line here. Trouble is, due to all manner of cock ups, it’s not yet ready to run. Thus we are having to run the existing, very old paint line. As it was not anticipated that this line would still be in use my company put very little into it in terms of quality procedures & the like. The customer had gotten to a point where they were seriously pissed off by the lack of quality control they were seeing from us.

That’s where I come in.

I have been furiously writing & implementing work instructions & procedures. I have introduced a daily process audit which I have to carry out. I have a meeting with a rather forboding Frenchman every morning who represents our customer & is in a permanent state of being pissed off. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Thing is, I’m actually winning this battle.
I am doing my job rather well & though there is no place for complacency, I’m receiving praise from all the right places. The customer is gaining more confidence in us with every passing day, which is in no small part down to my efforts here. And one night last week I was given a drunken celebratory hug by none other than Le Grand Gaffer!
Zut alors!

I am firmly taking this opportunity to show myself in a positive light, god knows it’s about time. I am a very popular figure back home with the rest of the workforce but I’ve always felt like those in higher places had little faith in me. To change that perception of me would be wonderful.

The other great thing is that with all these hours I’m doing I’m earning much more money than usual. And though so far I have spent a bit of it (going to see Coldplay, treating myself to some new clothes, the weekend with Nice), mostly I’ll be earning much more than I’ll be spending. Which is great.

So it really is all good. Not just the wonderful time I’ve been having in this enchanting city, but even my work is going really well.

Add to that the fact that I will shortly have acquired a ticket for a gig in nearby Grenoble for January 30th. Who will I be seeing?

Only Oasis.

And the support?

Only Stereophonics!!

That’ll be a cracking birthday present to myself, eh?

I really hope you are all well. I miss keeping up with all your lives but it’s become really difficult to get online. This post has only been possible due to my late hours here.

I must also next time tell you about the book I’ve almost finished reading. A book I’ve enjoyed so much that I pretty much finished it in two days straight.

Finally, I’d just like to note the commenting debut of Delusions Of Grandeur. If you are reading again mate, I want to publically say how much your comment meant to me. It was nice to hear from you & your description of me as "the happy man" made me tickled pink! Thank you my friend & I’m sure you’ll be safe from any bunny violence now!

It’s all good!!

Bon sour, mon amis.

"Comment te dire adieu"

Bon sour!

Those of you that have read my ramblings for some time will know that life hasn't always been a bed of roses for me over the last two years.

You'll know how I suffered at the hands of depression.
You'll know how (though perhaps not why) I felt the swift & forceful retribution that karma dealt me.
You'll know how low & unattractive I felt as my female company drought dragged on for over a year.

I am a little worried.
Porquoi?

Right now I feel like I am living a charmed life.
Everything is just going so very swimmingly.
I can't help but feel that something catastrophic must be round the corner because, right now, I am having far more pleasure than I deserve.

The weekend has been brilliant.
Even if you take out all the sex (of which there was enough to probably earn me porn star status!), just being able to share this wonderful city during this blissfully beautiful festival of lights weekend with somebody Nice has been just plain peachy!

I wish I could tell you more but, alas, time is short.
Thanks for all your wonderful comments, I appreciate & adore every one of you.
I have to go now but know this:
I am as happy as a pig in merde!

Be well & hopefully I'll be able to spend some quality time with you soon.

Au revoir.

"Oh you look so beautiful tonight"

French lyrics abandoned for one night only, not because I don't have any (ye of little faith!) but because I really wanted that particularly apt choice which is taken from U2's "City of blinding lights".
All will be revealed.

Oh people it's all sooooo good!

Make yourselves comfy for I have much to say. I'll fill you in over what's been going on for the last week but first I need to talk about tonight.

Tonight has been the best night I have ever spent in my own company. I know I'm prone to exaggeration & I know I've a tendency to overdo the superlatives but what my eyes have witnessed tonight has been truly spectacular, utterly breathtaking & completely life affirming.

If Lyon hadn't already become my favourite place I've ever visited, it is now.
Tonight I saw this marvelous city in, quite literally, a new light.
The 8th of December sees the start of a four day event in Lyon called...

I really don't know how to even start describing it!
In a nutshell the city becomes a giant light show. The wonderful buildings I've already shown you become canvasses & the lights are the brushes & paints. Massive projections beamed onto the facades of these special pieces of architecture. My evening started in earnest in Bellacour at about 6pm. At Bellacour there is a massive stencil type thing laid out on the ground which is slowly being filled up with little candles in small glasses. These are put into place by the Lyonnais & visitors who are encouraged to take part. There was a very tangible feeling of local pride tonight & ,by golly, they have every right to be proud. The streets were absolutely heaving with people, tens (maybe even hundreds) of thousands of folk all shuffling about & taking in the jaw-dropping sights. I took loads of pictures tonight but, alas, most of them are crap. Here's a couple of decent-ish ones that I took in Bellacour:
I know it's all blurry (shaky bloody hands!) but look at the green & red glow on the trees & see the Fourviere up atop the hill there.


That thing is bloody colossal, I tell thee.

I then set off towards Vieux Lyon across the Saone. Oh, it really did take my breath away. On the front of the Cathedral de Saint Jean were images of people & birds moving around, the hill that the Fourviere sits atop was glowly from red to blue to white to green to purple & the Fourviere was bathed in multicoloured lights aswell to staggering effect, with great beams of light shooting out into the night sky. Again, my photo's don't do it an ounce of justice but I seriously believe that no camera could capture the wonderment of the scene. It was sex for the eyes.

That charming tree was seen as I crossed over the river to the cathedral. There were no lights on the cathedral at that time but there was some sort of service going on. When it ended lots of people came out of the church holding little paper lanterns which had a real flame burning away. I suspect that they had to carry them up to the Fourviere. One little girl of about 6 or 7 looked so delightfully thrilled as she marched past me, lantern in one hand & mum's hand in the other. Cheesy as it may sound, she was a perfect picture of the innocence & purity of childhood. It made me melt.

With weary legs it was time for a little refueling so I made my way through the crowds that were now filling up the narrow, cobbled streets of the old town to The Smoking Dog, an English pub that Le Grand Gaffer introduced me to. I was in there last night laughing at Manchester United actually (Sorry LB), but that's another story.
I had a couple of pints of Stella, a couple of fags & a good old nose through a copy of today's Sun. I miss reading the paper, so that was kinda cool. Watered but not fed, I wandered back up towards the Cathedral, stopping off in the rather ace Indian restaurant that I & some colleagues have become semi-regulars at. The very lovable waiter Geiger (he cracks me up) recognised me & sat me down with a beer. I then proceeded to consume the hottest Chicken Tikka Masala I've ever had. My eyes were proper watering but it was very yummy.

When I got back to the cathedral they had started doing lights on it.

It was great to behold but I wanted to get to the city hall (y'know, where the photo of me in front of the statue/fountain is) as the girl's at the Coldplay gig had told me that was the place to be.
I got the Metro to Bellacour & then walked up to the place. On my way there was another church that I'd not seen before. See...

Sadly I got to the place I wanted to be a few seconds to late & was confronted by a wall of policemen stopping anyone else from joining the packed masses. However I still managed to see some of the show. There were 3 or 4 people suspended on wires hanging from the city hall & they were dressed all in black but covered in lots of lightbulbs, in addition to those guys the building was made to look like it was on fire via some dazzling pyrotechnics.




Again I must apologise for the quality of the photo but as you can see I was some distance from the building.

By now the crowds were enormous & it became quite similar to being a massive gig with all the pushing & shoving.
Anyway time had beaten me & it was time to go back to work.

Yup, you read it right, work!

See the trouble with the Fete des Lumieres is that for the opening night every single hotel room in the city of Lyon has been booked up for months. No room at the inn for Monsieur Le Flash. Let me talk you through my day & the day ahead of me. It's now 1.45am, by the way.
I awoke this morning at 6am feeling a little groggy from a second consecutive night of drunken football watching, checked out of the hotel & came to work. I worked till 5.30pm when I went into the city. Since I've been here there has been a need for me to work at least one night with the nightshift. I figured has I had nowhere to stay that tonight would be ideal. And so it has. It's given me the chance to blog for a start. I'll have to work through till lunchtime as I can't check back into the hotel till Noon. Sleep? It's for girls & southerners, right?

Before moving on to other matters I'd just like to reiterate that I have had a superb, awe-inspiring night. The fact that it has been pissing it down most of the night, nor the fact that my colleagues phone wouldn't receive my call & I had to walk 2 miles in the torrential rain from the station to the plant, not even the car that drove through a puddle next to me during that walk & soaked me to the skin could dampen my spirits. I feel very much alive.

And guess what?
It gets better.

Ever since they took over my place of work I've had a love/hate relationship with my company. They've sometimes been real shitbags to work for but on the other hand I have a lot to thank them for, such as a week in the States back in 2000 & my current living it up in Lyon status. They've really gone one better now. Nice's boss, a smashing fella known here as Round The Chops, has organised a real treat. Without my knowledge (until yesterday) he's sorted it for Nice to come to visit me, here in Lyon, this weekend! She'll be here in about 18 hours!!
How goddamn-chuffing-hypercool is that???

And the Fete des Lumieres continues all over the weekend, so Nice can share the wonderment of it all with me.
I really do feel quite charmed at present.

The weekend back home was smashing. It was over far too quickly though. I got home just before 2pm on Friday afternoon, a good hour before The Boy finished school. That gave Nice & I just enough time to reacquaint ourselves (wink,wink). They I went to pick up The Boy. Oh it was lovely to see him, he was so excited when he saw me. He ran up to me & we had a great big cuddle. Within an hour though he was ignoring me in favour of computer games. That worked out quite nice though as it gave me a chance to have a soak in the tub & to russle up the sausage & egg sandwich that I'd been craving. After tucking him up in bed & reading him a story, I settled down to watch the 2 episodes of Lost that I'd missed. Nice came round & joined me. Strangely, as we sat on the sofa snuggled up with a spliff or two, I started to feel very homesick. How bizarre! Getting homesick at home! I, perhaps mistakenly with hindsight, felt that every time I'd go back to Lyon after coming home it would never be as exciting, no more discoveries, no more thrill of the new. Anyway, you can guess the rest of the evening. As The Boy was there I didn't feel right having Nice stay the night so she left about 2 am. And I had some lovely sleep in my own bed.

Saturday The Boy & I hung out at the flat for a bit before going over to Reckless & Dream Girl's. That was pretty much the last I saw of The Boy for the day as he & FussyEater helped Cutieboy, the birthday boy, play on his new playstation2. Sigh. I spent the evening telling tales of Lyon whilst getting very drunk & not a little stoned. So much so that I may have dosed off towards the end of Match of the day.

On Sunday I took The Boy & Cutieboy for a bit of the old laserquest malarkey. They bloody loved it. Before I knew it, it was time to take The Boy back to his mum, have another sneaky hour with Nice & trundle back up the Birmingham airport.

I arrived at the new hotel & was initially very pleased. It's so much nicer than the other one & it has proper pillows! And a couple of English speaking TV channels! And proper hardcore porn! (but only after midnight, so I've only seen it once, as yet.
Alas though, new hotel is a little further from the city centre & in a very quiet street, nowhere near an internet cafe. That, combined with Le Grand Gaffer taking us straight out after work, as made it nigh on impossible to blog.
We're looking at moving hotels again soon though so fingers crossed.

One more thing that I keep meaning to mention, Lyon has an extremely high quota of lookylikeys! It's true! Here at work there's a white Ashley Cole, a fella who looks frighteningly like my OnlyUncle & out about I've seen loads of em, none of whom I can remember now. Except for a guy with a startling resemblance to our very own Swiss Toni. Fancy that!

I hope I'll get the chance to have a nose round the neighbourhood & seen what you've all been up to, but I really ought to go & do some work.

Toodle pip, my petit pois!

"Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, dormez vous? Dormez vous?"

This is Spinsterwitch...

I had an e-mail this a.m. granting me the privilege of this post on M. le Flash's blog, but only if I could come up with a suitable French lyric. It was really rather easy, once I let myself off the hook of coming up with something hip or popular. And this seems to fit for the purposes of this post.

The purpose...Flash has been moved to a new hotel which is not so convenient to an internet cafe. That, combined with long hours on the job, may result in another day or two without a posting from him.

He is safely ensconced back in Lyon and sends his love.

Gah - now I wish I had some juicy tidbit to share with his adoring public, but alas that is it.

Spins out!

"Quand tu vois ton bateau partir"

Bon sour mon petit pois!

Why is anonymous sad?
So asks the lovely Spins.

Well I can answer that for you.
Anonymous is a "real life" person in World of Flash, a real life person who was, quite rightly, upset that I had sent them but one lowly e-mail since arriving in Lyon. One e-mail that was reasonably scant on detail. When anonymous read this blog and saw all the vast amount of postings & the stories & the pictures, they felt that I had neglected them in favour of my reading public. They were right.
I have offered my apologies & I'm sure everything will be fine.
They really did have every right to be saddened.

Last night myself & two colleagues went out for a delicious Indian meal & I did consume several units of alcohol. By the time I popped in here I was quite tiddly! I'm sorry for any inappropriate or badly spelled comments I may have posted.

Tomorrow lunchtime sees me return home to my beloved England. I can't wait!

As you all know, I have been totally loving my time here in this gorgeous city but I am ready for a dose of home comforts.

Here are just a few things I am giddily anticipating;

• Seeing The Boy
• Seeing Nice (I received a text this morning telling me that I'd better be up to administering "a bloody good seeing to", think I'm up to the job?)
• Going over to see Reckless, Dream Girl & family, especially as it is Cutieboy's 7th birthday on Saturday
• Watching the 2 episodes of Lost that Nice has taped for me
• My own bed
• Match of the Day
• A sausage & egg sandwich (perhaps with a cheese slice)
• Driving on the correct side of the road in my own car
• Being able to hold a proper conversation with everyone I meet
• My computer
• A nice long soak in the bath with the new issue of Q
• Seeing exactly how much money I earned last week

And that list is not exhaustive!!

I shall, however, miss you guys as I have been cut off at home & won't be able to rectify it yet. Still saves me having to come up with those pesky English lyrics, eh? Where's the challenge in that!?

Have a smashing weekend, mon amis!