"It's a pointless enterprise"

One thing I don't think I've ever revealed in Blogland is my love for one of the most misunderstood & maligned TV shows that has ever been broadcast. A clever character drama that has, over many years, explored countless aspects of the human condition.

Yup, I love Star Trek.
There I've said it.

I have always failed to understand why the show in it's various forms has come in for limitless mocking. I do not consider myself a Trekkie nor have I ever had the slightest interest in attending a convention or dressing in star fleet uniform or speaking Klingon.

I really can't recall when I first ever saw Star Trek but I do vividly remember that as a boy of 8 or 9 I had a glorious die cast USS Enterprise that fired little orange discs out of the front of it. Oh it was ace! Having said that I vaguely remember swapping it for a millennium Falcon. Come on, the Falcon is the coolest spaceship ever.

I also recall that in the wake of Star Wars, my Dad took me to see Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which to my young eyes was a load of old plop. I have it on video now, but I still haven't watched it since that cinema visit 20-odd years ago. It might be good watching it as an adult but I've never got round to it.

Like most folk of my generation I'd often watch the original series on telly when I was a kid. I thought Captain Kirk was a top geezer & I was enthralled by Spock. I also enjoyed the movies despite being non-plussed by the first one (& the 3rd & the 5th!), particularly the 4th installment The Voyage Home which mined a fairly rich seem of humour throughout.

My real love for all things Trek started in 1990 when the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation was broadcast on BBC2. I didn't actually see it at the time as Funny Dance & I went to Leicester to watch them play Leeds in the league cup (We didn't actually get in to see the match & Leeds lost 1-0). Monochrome Baby, whom I was living with at the time, had taped it for me & raved about it. So I watched it the next night.
I thought it was great & continued to watch it week in, week out.
The characters were strong, especially Captain Picard & Data, & the new Enterprise was one hell of a ship.
I'm pretty sure that I've seen every single episode from all 7 seasons.
It grew & developed into an outstanding show, in my opinion totally eclipsing the original series.
It had fascinating story arcs that continued season after season. It introduced some truly memorable characters & villains.
Q was always a big favourite of mine, and Q's appearance usually allowed for something different. Such as making the crew act out a very elaborate Robin Hood fantasy in Sherwood forest. Anyone who knows what I'm banging on about will surely recall Worf's comical protestation that he was "not a merry man"!
And what of the Borg? Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic!
Surely the finest of all the Star Trek movies, First Contact is a wonderful action packed romp as our heroes have to overcome the relentless, merciless Borg. It's my favourite anyway.

Fast forward a few years & you would find many an argument kicking off chez Flash on a Wednesday teatime. Trek on BBC2 at 6pm & Home & Away on ITV at the same time. Temper Tantrum loved bloody Home & Away. It would only really be a problem if we were going to be out. Who would get to video their show? Usually after much aggravation, I would triumph. Often with the old "... but it's only on once a week your bloody crap is on every chuffing day" piece of logic.
Spock would be proud.

In all the various forms of the show, perhaps the most wonderful thing about Star Trek is the blissful, utopian future that it offers. No racism, no corporate greed wreaking havoc on the world, no poverty, no war, no Shania Twain. It's a beautiful vision that the optimist in me just cannot resist.
Then there's the technology; Warp drive, transporters, Holodecks (God, I would kill for one of those bad boys!), etc.
Remember Kirk & Spock et al with their little flip open communicators? That would be your mobile phone, eh? It just fills me hope that we've only scratched the surface of what technology may yet bring us.

So what's brought Star Trek to the forefront of my mind right now?
Tesco.

See I've joined up for their postal DVD rental service. When I was browsing the site to see what I'd like to watch I noticed there was lot's of Trek on offer. Now, I loved Deep Space Nine & Voyager just as much as TNG but somewhere along the way I got lost. I missed the final season of both of them, which has irked me for years now.
So imagine my glee when I discovered that I could rent the complete series on DVD!
Yay!
So far I'm 8 episodes into DS9's final season & quite frankly I'm loving it.
After that I shall do the last series of Voyager & then I shall embark on Enterprise from the very beginning as I've only seen a few of those (enough to know I'd like to see more & also enough to know that the dreadful cheesy theme song is extremely dreadful & , erm, cheesy).

On top of everything I really love about Star Trek there is another added bonus, it is a bonus in the truest sense of the word as I would still watch it anyway without the bevy of beautiful women that inhabit the various ships & planets that are brought to my TV screen.
Allow me to share my (hastily compiled) top 5 with you...


At No.5 we have Kes (Jennifer Lien) who was a real sweetie in the first 3 series of Voyager. Bless her, she grew her hair long, which looked lovely, but then transformed into some sort of non-corporeal being never to be seen again.
At cute as she was, she was not missed (see No.1)













At No.4 we have Ezri Dax (Nicole DeBoer) from Deep Space 9. I've only just become enamoured with Ezri here as she only appears in the last series.
She is as cute as cute can be.












No.3 sees Jadzia Dax (Terry Farrell) also from DS9 join us.
Sadly she never appeared on the show looking like this.

















From most recent series, Enterprise, comes our No.2.
Meet T'pol (Jolene Blalock), surely the most beautiful Vulcan the universe has ever seen. To disagree would be highly illogical.

Just in case the ears don't do it for you, here she is in her "civvies"... ahem..



















And at No.1...

This is Seven of Nine (Jeri Ryan).
She used to be a Borg & I for one would agree that resistance would indeed be futile if faced by the prospect of being assimilated by this statuesque beauty.














Anyway I've banged on for far longer than I intended to but just to remind you; I love Star Trek.

Mock if you wish (C'mon Charbs, do your worst!) but I won't be swayed.

Oh yeah, one more thing...

Live long & prosper.

"Devil's companion, you won't stay satisfied for long"

Big thanks to everyone who's chipped in to reassure me of my place in blogworld, it means a lot.

So the weekend is upon us once more. Doing anything nice?
I'm going to Reckless & Dream Girl's place tonight with The Boy. Then tomorrow I think we'll go to the flicks to see Sky High.
Tomorrow night I shall be sharing the night with Nice & we shall be having sex & drugs & rock n' roll!
We may venture to DodgyNutGrabber's hallowe'en party, if we can be arsed.

It really doesn't seem like a year since last year's party at Reckless & Dream Girl's house when I looked like this...
























Blimey.

Not much time to say anything else but I didn't want you all to think your nice words had gone unnoticed.

Adios amigos.

"All I've got to learn is the law of diminishing return"

I love my blog.
I love blogging.
I love reading other blogs & catching up on the in & outs of my friend's lives.

Despite all this I seem to have become utterly crap at the whole damn thing.

I've been spending whole days thinking about what I should blog about next & I'm getting nothing.
Nish.
When I do get some half arsed idea it invariably gets dismissed as lame & abandoned.

I've also been struggling to keep up with everybody else.
I know I've been missing out on events (in New York, say) & I'm quite ashamed to say I've been little or no support to a dear friend who has been going through the ringer. I'm truly sorry.

On top of this there seem to be some new faces in the neighbourhood who I've yet to introduce myself to.

I feel quite disconnected from blogworld.
I don't like it.

If I'm totally honest, I really don't like how my absence from blogland has led to an absence of folks visiting these very pages.
I don't know what to do.

"I can't believe once you & me did sex"

With Swiss Toni's advice ringing in my ears, Buddy With Boobs & I made it to Birmingham in time to see Maximo Park. Sadly I spent the first 20 minutes of their set at the bar. From that position they sounded not dissimilar to Franz Ferdinand. With pints acquired we headed down the front to check them out properly.
I thought they were blinding!
To such an extent that I've just downloaded their album which I'm listening to right now.

So to the main event; The Kaiser chiefs.
I'm aware that some folk don't like the Kaisers, I'm puzzled as to why, after all, what's not to like?

It was like an old school gig, a proper gig & I had a whale of a time.
It was all rather like having sex actually. Now I just know that some of you are rolling your eyes reading that, no doubt thinking along the lines of "Bloody hell Flash, can you not do a post these days without mentioning sex?!"
Well , it would seem not!
Anyway, hear me out...



The show opened with "Saturday night" & "I was born to be a dancer" which was like the snogging that kicks it all off, then came "Every day I love you less & less" which upped the ante a fair bit. The clothes were being ripped off now!
Some serious foreplay then ensued in the shape of "Sink that ship" & the wonderfully bouncy "Na na na na naa".
A couple of songs later it was time to pick up the pace, time for the vinegar strokes, time for "I predict a riot". Me & 2000 other folks joined in one big sweaty, writhing mass of bodies jumping up and down, pointing skywards & screaming out the words as much as breath would allow.
In short, it was an orgasm.
The post-coital fag came in the form of "Caroline, Yes" & this is where the sex analogy really holds water for me here, for after that nothing ever came close to replicating the euphoria of "I predict a riot", not even the spirited encore of "I heard it through the grapevine" & "Oh my god".

It was a really good gig though & it was really cool to get in amongst the moshpit.
My top was soaked through by the time we hit the chilly night air & for me at least, that's always been a good indication of how much fun I've had.

"I see a river, it's oceans that I want"

I really don't know what I'm going to post today but I felt the need to post something as it's been a few days. Added to that I'm not sure when my next opportunity will be.

Musically, I've been mostly listening to the new Franz Ferdinand album, which I'm liking. Opening track "The fallen" is my current fave. You cant knock a lyric like: "Well who gives a damn about the profits of Tesco?".
I am also blissfully pleased with Depeche Mode's "Playing the angel". It's great to see the album & the band finally getting some good reviews & favourable press. 25 years on & they're still hitting the top 5 of the singles chart too, "Precious" making No.4.
4 seems to be the unpassable figure for the mighty Mode as that's the highest UK chart position they've ever reached. They've done it on 3 separate occasions now. (Anyone know the other two? Handicaps for DoJ & Mark, you guys have to tell me the b-sides too!)
The album itself is, at this early stage, sounding great to me. Opener "A pain that I'm used to" is vintage Mode, "John the revelator" sounds fresh & new, which is some achievement for a band who've been around for so long & "Suffer well", which is one of Dave Gahan's songs is lovely & warm. I also have quite a liking for "Lillian".
In short, it would appear that as a body of work "Playing the angel" is Depeche Mode's best album since 1993's career highpoint; "Songs of Faith & Devotion". And I'm sure you know what a happy chappy that makes your friendly neighbourhood Flashman.


"A pylon in the rain" is musically finished & waiting for vocals. As was the case with lot's of "Confessions..." (particularly "Egg wielding freak") I have fallen in love with it as an instrumental piece. When the esteemed Lordy B came to visit, I gave him a sneak preview of the embryonic version of "Skin hunger" & he said I should consider releasing it as an instrumental, Stompp has also advocated this course of action before. I am quite tempted in the case of "A pylon in the rain" but here's the thing; "Pylon" has existed as a song for a couple of years without ever getting out of my head properly. Now it's so close I don't want to kill it off, do I? That said, once the vocals are on then they & the lyrics become the focal point of the track & I fear that the music will not have the same impact as it does now. Still, small worries, eh?

Still on a tunes tip, Buddy With Boobs & I shall be venturing up the M6 to the second city on Sunday evening to (shock, horror!) a gig! Who are we seeing? If I said that I foresee a period of civil unrest, would that tell thee?
Yup, we're off to see the Kaiser chiefs! Yay! Though they have many a fine tune, I would be more than happy if they came on, did "I predict a riot" & then said thank you & goodnight.

The Boy & I are off over to Reckless & Dream Girl's place this evening. Part of the night shall involve watching my beloved Leeds United on the telly. It's gonna be our stiffest challenge yet as high flying Sheffield United are the visitors to Elland Road. Top of the table Yorkshire Derby? You don't get that in the premiership, eh?

I'd tell you what I've been up to this week but there's not much to tell, unless you want me to go into detail about all the sex. I sorry to disappoint those of you that may be thinking "Go on Flash, I'd like to know" but I think I'll keep the events of the bedroom in the bedroom.
Don't want all you girls banging down my door now, do I?
Hmmm, come to think of it....

Finally may I just wish you all weekends of joy & happiness.

Cheerio!

"Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too"

So there I am, fiddling around on a project on i-Tunes (affixing artwork to all the songs that haven't already got any, fact fans) when something struck me. I have, as I'm sure we all do, lots of songs where the title is simply a person's name. I found it rather odd that none of those sort of songs that I have correspond with any of my former lovers (& hey, I am a man of the world, y'know). Below are the girl's names songs that are in my library:

Candy
Nicole
Molly
Katie
Lillian
Rio
Luka
Kim
Jacqueline (ooh, so close!)
Aveda
Louise
Rose Marie
Emily (twice)
Tracie
Lyla
Sylvia
Mary (twice)
Laura
Angie*
Grace
Elle
Mary Jane
Suzy Lee

*Shit, I forgot about that one! The song that is, I could never forget Angie!

Of course there are several others where a name is mentioned ("Sheila, take a bow","Eleanor put your boots on", "Too late Marlene", etc) but I haven't included them, even though I have a smashing little song called "I love you Dawn" & I have loved two Dawns in my time.
There is also a song for Nice, or there would be if she was a sibling of mine.

I'm also aware of songs that I do not have that would fit the bill. There is a Dream Girl song out there (quite a famous tune, I believe) but...
a) I don't like it &
b) The singer is clearly not singing about my Dream Girl.
Also there was a Mandy in my dim & distant past (not that one DOJ) but why on earth would I put the horror of Barry Manilow or Westlife on my pod to revisit that relatively insignificant young lady in my head?
I wouldn't even do that for Dream Girl!

Anyway I just thought I'd share.

"Does his make up in his room, doused himself in cheap perfume"

There are many characters involved in & around World of Flash. Some are well known due to their frequent mentions (Reckless, Dream Girl, Temper Tantrum, etc) & some only make a fleeting appearance now & again. One of these peripheral figures is known as Not Right.

Not Right joined my company's payroll about 3 or 4 years ago after he & his folks moved up here from Crawley. He's a nice enough fella & he's often described as "harmless".
He's 27 years old & lives alone in a flat on one of the estates that surround the town.
To say he's something of a character would be like saying Darth Vader was a tad mean. His voice is frighteningly similar to that of annoying 80's puppet, Roland Rat. He comes across as a bit dim though I suspect that behind the fog that he inhabits, he is quite the intellectual. He's perhaps best described as a bloody good advert for not having that second or third joint.

At work he is the perennial figure of fun. I do have some degree of sympathy for him & have been often known to intervene when people go too far with the piss-taking. That said, one has to have a certain amount of common sense when working in the sort of environment that we do. It's a factory, primarily staffed by working class men who have grown up in this small town & hence have a very near sighted view of the world we live in. In a nutshell if you're lifestyle choices are different from the accepted norm then you're gonna come in for some flack. I'm not saying it's right but sadly it is the way of things.

Not Right has, over the years, given (usually willingly) the snipers a considerable amount of ammunition. Like how he spent New Year's eve at a party in a Norfolk nudist camp with his Mum & Dad. Like bringing in a Star Trek English-Klingon dictionary in to work & trying to teach people key phrases. Like how he has a distinctly unhealthy relationship with his mobile phone. I know none of it's really noteworthy but it was more than enough to set him apart from the others.

About a year or so ago, rumours started flittering around work about Not Right. He had been seen walking about his estate wearing women's clothes. Not long after that he would start coming into work looking his usual disheveled self but with the addition of eye make up that had obviously been slept in. Next up was his rather questionable decision to bring his "special" boots in to work "to show the lads". Thigh length, patent boots with 9 inch heels & 4 inch platforms.

Now it doesn't take Einstein to figure out that he's clearly trying express himself. His sexuality has never really been determined though he openly states that he is a virgin.

I feel the need here to point out that I am neither judging or condemning Not Right & the way he lives his life. It's one of the cornerstones of who I am that I fundamentally believe that everyone should be free to live their lives the way they choose to, free from prejudice & hatred. Obviously on the proviso that they or their actions do not harm others.

The most angry I ever got at Not Right was about3 years ago. Several of us had gone to the pub after finishing our last shift before Christmas. Whilst we were all making merry the jukebox had been kicking out some top notch tuneage*. Then it happened: The pull your ears off horror of Cliff Richard's "The millennium prayer" (for those of you lucky enough to have avoided hearing it, it's basically the Lord's prayer sung to the tune of "Auld lang syne") came creeping out of the pub's speaker system. This was followed by a chorus of assorted groans.
"Who the fuck put that on?" said I, in an out of character public display of aggression, "Come on. Who did THAT??".
Not Right was smirking.
"Not Right! Was it you?"
Not Right was now giggling like a small child being tickled
"You Fucker!" exclaimed I, I then proceeded to go into a lengthy diatribe about having consideration for people trying to enjoy themselves on a Christmas drink up free from crimes against music. Assorted colleagues oohed & aahed behind me "Wow, I've never seen Flash get angry before", "yeah, we know how to get him now", etc.
I later apologised to Not Right for the ferocity of my attack, explaining that I was drunk & perhaps subconsciously trying to publicly cement my position of the groups Alpha male.
Which he graciously accepted with phrase No.1 from the Not Right book of stock phrases; "Shit happens"
* I'm prone to accompanying friends to the jukebox, to dish out a friendly "nah, don't put that shit on mate, look how about that" or a "really?? you actually like that?". I know, you want to smack me about now dont'cha?

What's that? The point?
Oh yeah...

Not Right had a day off work (Wednesday, I think) because he'd had an E the night before, Daft twat. Not on a school night! Also this week his make up has been much more prevalent & with more of it.
All this time, I'd never seen him out in his finery.
Until Friday night.
There I am, sitting on this very chair, having a cruise down blog street when I hear a familiar voice: "Flash!"
I get up & go to the window expecting to see Not Right & sure enough, there he is.
Towering above his small female companion who is desperately imploring Not Right to hurry up (a skill that he has never acquired, I'm afraid). His special boots have propelled him skywards to shocking effect & I feel like he's far too close to me has I lean out of my first floor apartment's window. Close enough to see the full extent of the curiously applied mascara & the frankly odd lip stick, close enough to witness the "reshaped" hair & certainly close enough to see that my colleague Not Right really did look like a girl, albeit a 6 foot 6 leatherclad Bambi type girl. Think Gwyneth Paltrow meets Brian Molko.
"Cheer up Flash!" he calls up to me, well I no doubt look like I been petrified.
"I'm alright mate" I said & that was it, off he went.
Bless him, I thought as I sat back down, he seems happy. I still don't know what he bloody wanted though.

Then Yesterday, Nice & I had to call in on him at his flat as part of Operation Sex Drugs And Rock n' Roll Saturday Alldayer.
He came to the door looking ghastly, hair everywhere, panda eyes accentuated by the paleness of his shirtless skinny white torso & guess what? he's still tottering around on them bloody boots! His living room is an utter, utter disgrace. I really didn't take in the details of it but Freinds watchers may recall the apartment of the hot paleontologist that Ross dated. Yeah? Worse.
To (try) and put my serious head on here for a minute, I was genuinely scared in his presence. Fearful for what's going to become of this man. The most shocking part of his appearance was that he was shaking quite badly & his eyes darted around as if unable to achieve any kind of focus. His speech was muffled & slurred too.
Nice & I left, both shocked at what we'd seen.

So here's the thing; I'm worried. I've noticed that Not Right's drug intake has escalated recently & I know he recently re-mortaged his flat. I also know that the man I saw on Saturday morning looked ill. I fear that he's out of control. I may be wrong, he may well be having the time of his life & I've not seen the good stuff.
So should I intervene?
I feel like somebody needs to sit down with him & ask him if he is alright. To listen to what he has to say. To, if required, point out to him how the road he's currently traveling may not be the road for him & that it could lead to a very bleak place.
Should I be the one to do it? I worry that nobody else will.
Or should I just keep my nose out of his business? After all, it's not like I've ever had my house totally in order, is it?

I don't know what to do people, advice would be gratefully received.

"I didn't know your name or what you looked like yet"

"Please, it's a really big deal to me, c'mon mate?"
I could tell he was gonna crack...
"Please mate, I'm begging you"
"Ok,Ok!"
The air just in front of my right arm received a little punch.
"..but this isn't normal, we don't normally show the football on a Friday".
I could've been pissy & pointed out that football is hardly ever played on Fridays but in my victorious state I simply thanked him profusely & left Butlin's very nice but quite odd Staff Entertainment manager where I'd found him.

To give a little background here, the once mighty Leeds United had found themselves in a rather unusual situation. As the League Champions of England they had been playing in the European cup (as we used to call it before it became The Champion's League). After a 3-0 drubbing away at Stuttgart things at looked bleak. However at Elland Road the boys made a real fist of it, bludgeoning their way to a fantastic 4-1 victory. So the tie finished 4-4, now those of you who know European football will know that despite the most valiant of efforts, that meant my beloved Leeds were knocked out of the cup on the away goals rule.

Except they weren't.

See back then there were limits on how many "foreigners" were allowed to play for the same team. In the second leg, Stuttgart made a substitution & the player's (Swiss fella, if memory serves) introduction meant that they had broken the rules. Ha, ha, daft German buggers!
Again the rules state that in these sort of cases a 3-0 win is given to the team that had been cheated against. So that made the score 3-3 with no away goals.
EUFA ruled that the two sides would meet again in a neutral venue in a one-off match.
That match took place on Friday, October the 9th, 1992.

The days of the week had little significance in the closeted world of Butlin's. In the whole time I was there only one night passed without me going out. It was a bizarre environment, it didn't take long to forget that there was still a great big world outside the site's perimeter. Or that said world was still turning & events were happening. Basically if if wasn't happening in Bognor Regis then I didn't know about it. Football had been the only exception to this rule. So on that Friday night, I was mad for it.

The staff bar was dead.
I didn't care, I took my seat in front of the specially sanctioned telly & waited. A few more footy types had joined me by the time the match kicked off. I was the only Leeds supporter though.
UEFA had deemed that the game be played in one of the largest & greatest football stadiums in the whole world, never mind Europe. The Nou Camp in Barcelona has a capacity of about 100,000. There were about 5,000 fans in the ground. The majority of them cheering on the pride of Yorkshire.

My memory of the game itself is hazy to say the least. I remember what a eerie atmosphere there was with so few people in such a huge stadium. I clearly recall Gordon Strachan opening the scoring for the whites after about half an hour, this was accompanied by yours truly running around the bar like a loony, cheering & singing. Within a few minutes I was back to biting my nails as Stuttgart equalised. Bastards.

More drinks were acquired & quaffed during the half time break, as was a scan of the place to see who was about. Nobody of note.

I only remember one thing about the second half. Journeyman striker Carl Shutt had just come on as a sub, replacing Eric Cantona. All of sudden there he was with the ball in front of him in acres of space...
"Go on Shutty!"
There's a german defender trying to catch him...
"Go on Shutty!"
He's in the box now...
"GO ON SHUTTY LAD!!!!!!"
He scores!
As our Carl wheels away in delight to his teammates, I exploded.
Not literally, you understand.
There I stood, resplendent in my Champions 91-92 T-shirt (Which BingleyBird had allowed me to buy for just 2 quid & not the advertised price of £22 from the on site sports shop!), arms aloft, grinning from ear to ear & striking up a familiar tune...
"Marching on together,
we're gonna see you win (la la la la la la)
We are so proud
We sing it aloud
We love you Leeds, Leeds, LEEDS!"
I managed to keep the good vibes going (& the beer a-flowing) through the remaining 15 minutes of the game until the ref blew the final whistle! Yay!

So now I was buzzing!
The bar had started to fill up, which had made my celebratory dances round the place much more difficult. The telly was wheeled away never to grace the staff bar on a friday again.
The jukebox kicked in & though I cannot guarantee it, I'd put good money on "Nightswimming" & "Four seasons in one day" both being on at some point, alongside a load of annoying dance nonsense. I know that U2's "Mysterious ways" was on for I put at on at the request of someone else.

"Oi!"
It that someone Oi-ing me?
"Oi! What you so happy about?"
Along the back wall of the bar were a series of booths, in one of these were a gaggle of girls whom I'd never seen before. I approached...
"Well, I'm very pleased about the outcome of the football actually", gesturing to my shirt.
"Oh is that all" said a clearly disappointed girl who would go on to be known as Used To Be Wild.
"Sit down, join us" invited one of the other girls.

And so it came to pass that the Flashman would gregariously entertain this posse of ladies for the next hour or so. I discovered they all worked in the nursery (There's a nursery?) & often spent their evenings babysitting as opposed to partying. Odd. This did explain how I'd not seen a single one of them in the previous six weeks. I wish I'd realised that before making a tit of myself by offering to show them around a bit, "if you're new here". The girl with the very long, straight hair contragulated my team's success so I put her a tune on the jukebox (the aforementioned U2 song). I really, really was on top form & soon my biggest worry was on whom should I set my target. One of the girls was a bit sullen & thought I was pretentious (Pretentious? Moi?) & another was from a division lower than the rest in terms of fanciability.
This left three. RedSquirrel seemed to be slightly more resistant to my charm & wit than the two other "candidates", so sadly I wrote her out of the equation.

The time had come to venture upstairs.
It was pretty much accepted practice that by about 11 one would vacate the staff bar & climb the stairs to Broadways, the show bar. This is where the holidaymakers unwittingly partied alongside the staff. It had also become accepted practice that when the DJ played "Ebeneezer Goode", Flash danced. (Mmm, maybe there's a movie in that somewhere!)
By now I was quite merry, as were my new female companions. I spent time dancing with both of them. And I flirted like mad with them, particularly when the other one had nipped off to the bar or the loo.
Time to weigh things up...
So the really gobby one is fun, a bit in your face but a lot of fun. She's got a tidy little body & a glint in her eye.
The not so gobby but still quite gobby one is a tad quieter, has an almost innocent quality about her & a very sweet face framed by her long mane of straight, brown hair. She was also the only one that had taken any interest in Leeds' earlier triumph.
As if aware of my indecision, Used To Be Wild suddenly bound up to me, "You fancy my friend Temper Tantrum, don't you?"
Oh my god! How am I supposed to answer that! What if it's all a ploy? What if Temper Tantrum is a big old dud & you are the girl of my dreams? What if...
"Erm, yeah" I blurted.
"Fine"she snapped "I'm sure she'll be delighted"
"Oh good" I said trying not to appear as scared as I was.

Sure enough Temper Tantrum appeared &, buoyed by the news, led me to the dancefloor. And then we kissed.
Though over the years the feelings have changed greatly, I could still point out the exact spot of that dancefloor, next to which pillar, etc, where that first kiss took place).

And then that was it, off she went with her friends back to the "posh end" of the camp.
She smiled; "See you around Leeds boy"
Which of course I did, the very next night.

And that's how, just over 13 years ago, I met my ex-wife.

I still blame Carl Shutt.

"I hang on every word you say"

Saw this over at ST's & was simply unable to resist.

Simply stick your iPod player on "shuffle" and let it become your own personal oracle by answering the following questions:

1. What do you think of me?
"You're unbelievable!" (Unbelievable by EMF)

Well thank you! I think the world of you too!

2. Will I have a happy life?
"...The stars reach down & tell us that there's always one escape" (Through the barricades by Spandau Ballet)

So it'll remain as one scrape to another then, will it?

3. What do my friends *really* think of me?
"You never refuse when she lies back, put a stripe on the union & a star on the jack" (Meet el Presidente by Duran Duran)

What I believe Humbert is suggesting here is that my friends think I'm a whore & I don't care from which side of the Atlantic I take my prey from. Bastards.

4. What does my Significant Other think of me?
"Is it my imagination or have I finally found something worth living for?" (Cigarettes & alcohol by Oasis)

By gosh, I bet that's exactly what she thinks!

5. Do people secretly lust after me?
"I thought I heard a lover's sigh, It wasn't very loud
It came when I was passing by somebody else's cloud" (Nobody knows by Nik Kershaw)

As if there was ever any doubt!

7. What should I do with my life?
"Like a pawn on the eternal board, who's never quite sure what he's moved towards
I walk blindly on
And heaven is in front of me, your heaven beckons me enticingly
When I arrive it's gone
The river flows, The wise man knows
I follow you" (The Bottom Line by Depeche Mode)

It would appear that I shall spend the rest of my days aching for that special someone I already know. Hmmm, sound familiar?

8. Why must life be so full of pain?
"Forever, ever delayed
Forever, ever delayed
Forever, ever betrayed
Forever, ever delayed" (Forever delayed by Manic Street Preachers)

After some deep analysis, I can only conclude that whilst happiness & joy may well be always late, some form of betrayal or injustice will always be on the menu. How very bleak.
9. What advice can you give me?
"If you believe your dreams will come true, then sleep is all you'll ever do" (Sleep by Marion)

Oooh Humbert, I'll bear that in mind, you profound little bugger.

10. What do you think true happiness is
"Knowing, possessing, seeing, eating, sleeping (that's just being)
touching, tasting, loving, wanting & taking more love & more pride" (Love & Pride by King)

Blimey, I think I may have to give my I-Pod the title of Guru

11. Will I die happy?
"cos when the shit hits the fan, you know I'll always be an also ran
please, please understand, Yes I'm the day before yesterday's man" (The Day Before Yesterday's Man by The Supernaturals)


Unlikely then, eh?

"All this running around"

Some things I've done over the weekend :

Felt sorry for David Beckham

Marvelled at Glastonbury Tor

Spent a gleeful hour telling The Boy made up Wacky Races stories in the car

Found a new level of sexual pleasure

Sang some Radiohead songs very well

Turned on the bloody word verification because my archives are being polluted

Indulged my self by gorging on the new Depeche Mode album

Indulged in some very good drugs

Sang the title of a Pet Shop Boys song when entering Wiltshire town, Devizes

Sussed out which of The Early Birds is which

Nipped out leaving Nice to listen to "7 minutes of bad cheese"

Found a copy of Razzle under Funny Dance's Mother & Father in-laws' bed

It's all good!

"Oh where I come from, I just don't come from"

Well, hello! I'm feeling much better today, thanks for your warmth, it was nice. I also want to give a very big public thankyou to Mark who is, for today at least, my favourite human being in the whole wide world! And those of you of a similar age to me who were raised here in good old blighty should definitely go over to Adam Ant's place today & marvel in some nostalgia.

So to business...

During that meme flurry a couple of weeks back, the wonder known as Spins asked me what was my favourite part of Crapsville. As per usual, I'm gonna go much further than required & blather on for yonks about this town that has become my home but will never be my hometown.

Firstly, let's throw away another fragile bit of anonymity...

Yes, folks Crapsville is indeed Daventry. Now in all honesty, it's not a bad little place. I grew up in a metropolitan area & as such Daventry will always be a bit backwards to me. One thing that does always strike me about the place is that it can be very pretty. It's a very green place & in the summer months it occasionally looks lovely, if viewed from the right place.

Here's a shot from the highly congested skies above Crapsville (Daventry's airspace is one of the busiest in Europe outside the major airports, fact fans). You can see I've handily pointed out my place (Hello stalkers!) & roughly where The Boy dwells. The point marked A is Ford's distribution centre, notable because it is (or certainly used to be) the largest single storey building in Europe! Some of the people who work there actually use bicycles to get around the place. I shit you not!

The B denotes the edge of the Country Park.

The country park is quite a gem. There was certainly a time when it would've been my favourite part of Daventry. When I first came here at the age of 15, the country park is where we would all hang out. We'd play hide & seek, we'd threaten each other with being thrown into the "resy" & young hearts would take their first blundering steps into the world of romance & relationships. Nowadays, I only go up there with The Boy, we've many a time stood on that very "pier" & fed the no-doubt-utterly-sick-to-the-back-teeth-of-soggy-bread ducks. I did have a smashing walk around the park when I first got my I-pod, which was nice.

The next piccy shows the town's "bustling" high street on Market day. How very quaint, eh? To this day I don't think I've ever bought anything from Daventry Market, though it's always such a pleasure to hear the oiks on the grocer's stall shout "Look at these melons darlin', they are nearly as nice as yours!" & the like. Makes me proud to be a man.*

*I wish I didn't have to clarify this but with my reputation I'd better, I'm not proud at all & I find it repugnant.

Another of my favourite places is Borough Hill. There is quite a bit of history about this hill, but I'm not here to talk history (these guys can do it). Borough hill has always been a place to escape to, for me. Buddy With Boobs & I forged our friendship up there, going up in the car for a smoke or two after late shift before going back to our respective spouses. I also have a very vivid memory of my very conservative former girlfriend, Monochrome Baby, being anything but conservative up there! I've been up there on Acid which was fine until TemperMental (Reckless' ex-wife) started having a "bad trip" & got majorly freaked out by a swarm of flies that were bothering us somewhat. When I first came to Dav, there were lots & lots of masts atop Borough Hill (not just the solitary one,pictured, that remains). This was because the BBC world service used to broadcast from there. I remember being utterly freaked out that everyone's record players always had a backdrop of voices & noise coming from their speakers. "What's that all about?" I would ask. "Oh, it's the masts" they'd say "interferes with everything". Luckily for me they started dismantling them within a year of my arrival here. The good thing about the masts was that Daventry was visible from miles away, which was always something of a comfort when getting to the end of a long, arduous hitch-hike.

One of the other things in Borough Hill's favour is that on a nice day the view of the town & the surrounding area is spectacular, or it would be were there anything of note to see.

I have pondered long & hard over recent days about where my favourite part of Daventry is. The answer will no doubt come across as sad, demented & just plain bizarre. See, my favourite place is just a minute away from where I'm typing this. It's the area at the rear of my work, between the chemical yard & the boiler house. Why?

There are many reasons. At night time it becomes my little secret place, nobody else at work ever has cause to be there. It's just mine. Though it backs on to this big dirty, noisy factory it faces onto open countryside. If I face west then I can turn through 180 degrees & not actually see work. I love to sing out there too. There are a couple of slightly raised areas that double as stages for when I feel like performing a bit. Which I do from time to time. When I was in the worst/best of my Dream Girl times, I would stand, facing west as always, and I would sing out to her across the fields (I still do from time to time, but not very often). I used to sometimes think she'd hear me somehow, that she'd feel me singing to her. Daft twat!

It also has been a place for me to retreat to when I have song ideas going on in my head. "Haunted", "Second best" & several others were all written down there. The rabbits haven't complained yet, bless 'em. It's also over the years been a neat little bolthole for me when things have been tough. There have been many times when I've been at work & some dodgy development in my personal life has to the fore. Down to my little place I'd run, to contemplate, to sing, to phone a friend or to sit and cry. The real overwhelming beauty of the place is that it feels like it's my place, my special personal place. I will at some point over the next 3 and a half hours pop down there and have a crafty fag & probably a little sing.

Well, the rabbits are a very demanding audience...

"I don't feel so well"

Do you know what the single worst thing about living alone is?

There's nobody around when you are ill.

I started feeling a bit iffy at work last night, by the time I got home I felt shit.
I've spent the whole 14 hours since then going between the toilet & my bed.
And the occasionally short lived venture into the living room.
This is only the 2nd time in 10 years that I've missed a late shift at work, luckily Delusions Of Grandeur wants the money so he's doing a double shift so that I can recuperate.

Interview with Funny Dance postponed till I feel better (even though it will only take about 3 minutes to carry out, just shows eh? I thought that was a bonza idea!)

Feel free to leave messages of sympathy, I need some sympathy (sob).

"Always asking questions"

So I had a groovy little idea that might be quite a wheeze!

The lovely Sunshine asked me how Funny Dance is.
Now, I haven't spoke to him in a week or two so I'd better find out, eh?
Then I thought why don't we interview Funny Dance?
If it works then in the future we could "interview" some of the other characters in World Of Flash, eh?
Reckless, Dream girl, Buddy With Boobs, Nice, etc...
Up for it? Good, then leave your questions below & I shall quiz the walking baby factory very soon!


***************Update******************
I really did intend on doing another post today but the buggers at work have dropped a very heavy workload on me.
Do they not know I have a salivating public to keep happy??

Also I've just spoke to Funny Dance & told him I'll be interviewing him tomorrow, so get your tokens in, kiddies!

"With friends like these, well who needs politicians?"

So much to say...

The modern world is sometimes a truly wonderful thing, is it not?
Last Friday I was reading my newspaper of choice (The Sun, I'm sorry!) when in their review section I saw a familiar name. "State of the union" by David Ford got a very good review (5 out of 5, fact fans). David Ford? I thought excitedly; It must be him, it must be!
Long time readers may remember a certain Mr.Ford from an acceptance speech on this very blog after winning a Flashy. He used to be the lead singer/main man in the dear departed Easyworld. That acceptance speech was the last I'd heard from him.
Anyway after seeing the review, I looked on t'internet & found his website. I gleefully discovered that the single was released in just 3 days time, with a whole album coming out a week later! HURRAH!
Seconds later I discovered that he was playing live in Northampton the following Sunday (yesterday). Yay, Yay, thrice yay!
On the Monday after work, I went over to I-tunes to download the single when I discovered that the album was there! A week before it's due date! Ace!
A click later I became the proud owner of "I sincerely apologise for all the trouble I've caused".
Last night I went to the gig. I went with Nice, Reckless & of course Dream Girl. It was fab!
It was a very small, intimate show. The tiny stage boasted a tree, a park bench & an old fashioned street lamp. It worked really well & gave out exactly the right kind of ambiance for his chilled out, emotional fayre. I hoped he'd play an Easyworld song or two, but he didn't. He did play his "award winning" cover version of "Young hearts run free" though.
The guy is a god in my eyes but the man & his music will always evoke my strongest feelings for Dream Girl. Towards the end of last night's show he was talking about how it's a strange life, "playing songs to people you don't know or sometimes, like tonight, to people you do know" as he said that he peered out from the stage in the direction of Dream Girl & I. That was a nice moment.
So in just 9 days, I'd gone from knowing jack shit about David's whereabouts or plans to owning the new album & seeing him play it live.
To quote a certain galactic smuggler; "Good, I hate long waits".


Despite having missed everybody dearly, I have quite enjoyed my little blog break. Sometimes (only sometimes) blogging can be a little bit of a chore. I'm now utterly revitalised & plan on sticking around.
In terms of work on Album2, I feel it's been a success. Probable opening track; "A pylon in the rain" is 90% complete musically & I'm very happy with it. I had hoped to get a couple of songs done but I'm not disappointed because I'm so happy with the results of "Pylon". So now with that & "Skin hunger" being close to completion, that's 2 down at least 8 to go!

Do you know what I miss the most about being with Temper Tantrum (other than being with The Boy all the time)?
No?
Well, believe it or not & I know I'm in the minority here but I miss my in-laws.
I always got on really well with her family & last Wednesday I was given yet another reason to like them. As you'll no doubt remember, my last Flashmobile blew up on the way home from seeing Coldplay in July. I have been without wheels since then.
TopBruv & his lovely wife have now (as of Saturday) embarked on a year-long round the world trip. I'm very envious.
They had a little old banger that they wouldn't be needing & offered it to me for a ton. Result.
I had to journey down to Watford to get it & it was nice to share a quick coffee with OhGawd (ex-mother-in-law).
Anyway I got to see them before they went on their trip & I've got a new Flashmobile.
It's a reddish/orange Fiat Uno & it'll do the job short term.
My legs are extremely happy.

My legs aren't the only part of my body that is extremely happy!
Things with Nice are going along very nicely.
Bless her, she should be in the running for girlfriend of the year. She takes me how I am & doesn't get bothered about whether I've washed up or not, She loves to sit & watch football, she digs the tunes, she is great in the bedroom, she shows a genuinely interest & liking for MY music, she does all the skinning up, she likes something a little stronger when the time is right & yesterday she returned from some "event" in Milton Keynes with a photo of Erika Eleniak (Shawni in Baywatch, fact fans) signed to Flash. What more could a guy ask? Nothing, I reckon.
Bloody shame then that I'm not falling in love with her. I honestly don't see that changing either.
It's kind of strange but cool aswell. I seem to have found pretty much what I've been wanting for a while, someone I can enjoy being with but without all that destined-to-end-in-tears-love-bollocks.
Cynical?
Moi?
I've been a little perplexed as to why I'm not falling head over heels for Nice but I think that it's simply a case of my heart lying elsewhere.

Buddy With Boobs has just told me something funny. Things are grim at hers as the wheels of divorce slowly set into motion. FuckwitHusband is currently sleeping on an air bed. An air bed that Buddy With Boobs poked a small hole into after being told that "all my friends said I should have hit you for leaving me for another man".
He he he..

So, how are you?